Chapter 15
The pub was open as she arrived back. There were a few small groups, mostly older couples, dotted around the bar and Sadie was behind the bars drying pint glasses.
“You OK, darling?” Sadie asked with a worried expression as Annie walked through the doors.
“I must look miserable,” Annie thought to herself.
“Yea, fine thanks Sadie,” she replied, trying to put keep a smile on her face without looking fake, “are you feeling any better now?”
“Just about,” Sadie said with a slight grimace, “but I couldn’t stay home any longer.”
Annie nodded and smiled sympathetically. All she wanted to do was to get away from conversation and hide somewhere where no one could find her.
“Tadhg’s running about up there like a headless chicken trying to cook for you,” Sadie continued, apparently unaware of Annie’s disinterest, “you’ve had some effect on him. Will you be staying around?”
“Maybe,” said Annie, awkwardly, “I’d better get up there. See you later.”
“See ya,” replied Sadie, turning her attention to a lady in a large coat and hat who had appeared at the bar.
Annie nipped behind the bar and towards the stairs to the flat.
“I can’t even make small talk with Sadie, how am I meant to spend the evening talking with Tadhg,” she thought to herself as she plodded slowly up the stairs, one step at a time.
“How can I look him in the eye?” she asked herself, “and after he asked me to stay here?”
She could hear Tadhg singing along to the radio as she came to the top of the stairs. It was Van Morrison blaring from the kitchen door that sat slightly a-jar. Annie recognised the song as Brown Eyed Girl.
“I have brown eyes,” Annie thought as her heart leapt into her throat again.
“Sha la la la la la la la la la la - just like that!” Tadhg was bellowing.
It wasn’t quite tuneless, Annie thought with a giggle, it was just the one in-tune note over and over again.
She braced herself and pushed the door open fully.
Tadhg was at the oven with his back to her. He had changed into clean smart clothes and was wearing an apron that was tied at the back of his neck. He was now signing the guitar part of the song.
“Ba da da da da, ba da da da da, ba da da da da, ba da ba da ba...”
Annie laughed out loud. Tadhg spun around mid ‘ba da’, dropping his spatula with a crash.
Annie laughed louder as he grabbed the spatula from the floor.
“You scared the shite out of me!” Tadhg exclaimed, laughing too.
“Sorry about that,” she smiled back at him.
He turned back to turn the oven down and dropped the dirty spatula in the sink.
“What have you been up to?” he asked as he searched for another in the drawer of cutlery.
Annie’s heart sank. For beautiful moment she had forgotten all about Greg as she had watched Tadhg cooking and singing.
“Ah…” she started but she didn’t know what to say.
Tadhg had retrieved a wooden spoon in place of the spatula and was looking at her now.
“Are you OK?” he asked, concerned at how her face had completely changed.
She looks as if she’s about to cry, Tadhg thought to himself. Annie thought she was about to cry.
“Annie are you alright?” he said, stepping towards her and dropping the wooden spoon onto the table.
The tears came to slowly at first. One tear forming in the corner of her right eye before trickling down the length of her nose and hanging on the end. Until the next tear joining it, tricking from her left eye, and the next tear quicker again until it was just two solid stream of tears from both eyes and she stood there silent.
Tadhg took her in his arms and she buried her head in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably, clutching his torso tightly with her arms.
They were silent for a while, with only Annie’s sobs breaking the silence. Thoughts ran through Tadhg’s head as to what could have happened but he said nothing, letting her speak when she was ready.
Eventually the sobbing subsided.
“I have to go,” Annie said finally, loosening herself from his embrace.
“Go where?” Tadhg asked, his hands clutching her arms.
“Home. To Greg,” she replied.
“I thought he was gone,” Tadhg said, confused.
He let go of her; left standing in front of her, his arms dangling awkwardly at his sides.
“He is. He was. I don’t know anymore.”
“What happened today?” Tadhg asked, wondering how she had went from the person he had left this morning, the person he had spent the last two days with, to the person that stood in front of him now.
“She’s like a shadow of herself,” he thought to himself, “this is what he does to her.”
“He rang me earlier. He wanted to talk, and he’s sorry, he...” Annie trailed off.
“Is he worth it?” Tadhg responded.
“Ten years is a long time to give up on everything. I can’t…” she let the words hang in the air.
“Can you stay with me?” Tadhg said, not pleading with her, he asked openly and with honesty; he wasn’t begging her or imploring her to change her mind, he just needed to know.
“Not right now.”
Annie turned and walked off, leaving him standing there in the kitchen with the meal he had cooked still sitting on top of the oven, ready to serve. She tried not to look behind her as she went to the spare room and stuffed her few belongings she had left there back into her bag.
She remembered the clothes in the washing machine but decided to leave them. She needed to go now, she couldn’t wait around, it would only break her heart more the longer she stayed. A his too. She couldn’t bare that.
As she walked past the kitchen she saw Tadhg sitting at the table with his head in his hands. She stopped and hovered in the doorway.
She noticed now that he had laid the table. A bottle of red wine was sitting airing on the table between two glasses. He had placed a few wild flowers in a small vase between the two places he had set.
Had he picked them himself, she wondered. Tears came to her eyes again as she imagined him picking the flowers and thinking of her.
A candle in a decorative candle holder stood ready to be lit.
“I’m sorry,” she said to him with a croak through tears, running towards the stairs before he could look up.