Allyssa stood in the training room and faced Nathenek. “Faster,” he commanded.
She was going as bloody fast as she could. She knew how to shoot a bow and arrow, wield a sword, and throw daggers. However, she didn’t have the muscle that came with hard, physical, routine training. Nathenek had decided to rectify that situation. He made her do these katas daily, and she was getting better at them.
Block, block, strike, strike. Over and over. Her shoulders ached and her arms felt like soft grass blowing in the wind. Yet, Nathenek wouldn’t relent. He pushed her harder and faster every day.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
She did as he instructed. At first, not being able to see made her feel off balance. Then, after a few minutes of floundering, she found her groove.
Suddenly, Nathenek’s arms felt... different. They were slightly higher and larger. When she opened her eyes, she saw Kerdan had switched places with him.
“You’re stronger,” he commented, speeding up the exercise. He swung low, breaking the monotonous movements. She barely had time to block his sword. “Are you ready?”
“Am I ready to let your men capture me?” she asked.
“I hand-picked them for this assignment,” he assured her. “Nothing will happen to you. I guarantee it.” He swung to the side, and she blocked him.
He started slowing and then speeding up his movements, forcing her to mimic him. It took far more concentration, especially while trying to carry on a conversation. She had to keep repeating the sequence—block, block, strike, strike—over and over to keep the rhythm going.
“Look me in the eyes,” Kerdan said. “Can you do what your father is asking?”
“If this is our best chance to kill Jana, then yes, I can do it.”
“I have two concerns.”
She glanced at Nathenek standing off to the side, watching them.
“My first issue is you working with Odar,” Kerdan said. He swung high, and she almost missed the block. “I’ve noticed that when your emotions come into play, you hesitate. I need to know if you can view this as a mission and put your feelings aside.”
Being with Odar was going to be hard. There was no way around that. “Are you worried he’ll want me back?” she teased.
He knocked her legs out from under her, and she flew to her back, landing with an umph. “Son of a harlot!” she screamed, surprised to find herself on the ground with Kerdan straddling her.
“This is what I’m talking about,” he said. “You need to work on your focus.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Odar was a fool to let you go.” His warm breath sent a shiver through her. He jumped to his feet, reaching down for her. She clasped his hand, and he pulled her up.
“If Odar wants you back, that’s his prerogative.” He shrugged. “My concern—and focus—is on the mission.”
“And what of our engagement?” she asked.
“Your father told me that nothing is official until Jana is killed and we agree on the terms.”
“You do know I’m still here?” Nathenek said idly, leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest.
Her face warmed; she’d completely forgotten he was there and listening to this conversation.
“I’m curious to hear what your second concern is, Kerdan,” Nathenek said.
Kerdan rubbed his sleeve over his face, wiping off his sweat. “I’m worried how she will do emotionally.”
“Meaning?” Nathenek asked.
“I’m afraid Allyssa will have some issues given what she went through with Soma and being locked in the dungeon.”
“You don’t think she is strong enough to handle it?” he asked.
“I’m worried about the psychological toll it will take on her.”
Allyssa had no issue being fake-kidnapped since the soldiers wouldn’t harm her. If someone kidnapped her for real, now that was another matter entirely. She would never be taken to another dungeon ever again.
“And you’re basing your assessment of her from the time you spent together in Clovek?” Nathenek asked.
“Partially,” Kerdan answered. “I’m also basing it off her reaction right now—pure defiance and determination. However, I am also relying on my intel from Clovek.” Kerdan glanced at her, as if nervous. “My men told me Soma was found with his fingers chopped off and a brutal knife wound to his stomach.” He kept his focus solely on Nathenek as he spoke.
“How do you know that wasn’t from Odar?” she asked.
“Because those are purposeful wounds,” Nathenek answered. He, too, kept his attention on Kerdan and not on her. The two men stared at one another, and she wondered if they were somehow communicating without words. Nathenek finally pushed off the wall. After closing the door to the training room, he came and stood beside them. Lowering his voice, he said, “I concur.” His eyes sliced over to her. “You’re not sleeping, Soma still haunts you, and I’m not sure you’re ready to be put in the thick of it.”
Tears filled her eyes but she forced them away. If Nathenek didn’t think she was capable, then maybe she wasn’t. His lack of confidence in her practically knocked her over and stung far worse than it should. “Since the both of you think I’m inadequate for this mission, then I shouldn’t be on it.”
“That’s not what I said,” Kerdan replied. “I’m worried about the psychological impact—not you being inadequate.”
Nathenek pulled out a dagger and started flipping it, catching it by the handle as he paced back and forth, lost in thought.
“It seems I’m stuck thinking about either Odar or Soma. Sometimes the assassin is easier to face.” At least his actions made sense. And he was dead.
“Maybe we can use this to Allyssa’s advantage,” Nathenek suggested. He stopped pacing and put the dagger away.
“How so?” Kerdan asked before she had a chance.
“One, spending time with Odar will help her have closure and get over him. Two, fighting soldiers and participating in Jana’s demise will help her realize she is capable of taking care of herself. It will hopefully end her nightmares.”
“My father will never let me be involved.”
“Leave that to me,” Nathenek said. He reached under the back of his shirt and unsheathed a small dagger. How many of them did he have concealed on his body? “I want you to keep this on you at all times.” He handed it to her. “I need to go and speak with your father. You won’t see me again, but know I will be close by and watching over you.”
She took the dagger and hugged him. “Thank you.”
After he left, Kerdan chuckled.
“What?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
She slid the dagger under the belt of her dress. “Worried I’ll slice off a few body parts?” She wanted to say so much more, but she was too hurt by his assessment of her mental state to discuss it.
He took an abrupt step closer, his eyes flashing with intensity. “You wanted an opportunity to be involved in killing Jana. Now you have it.”
A chill spread over her body. Had Kerdan just outwitted Nathenek? She didn’t think it was possible to do such a thing. He grinned and took a step back, putting some distance between them.
“Why?” she asked.
“I was denied the opportunity to kill my father. That was my right. He murdered my mother, brought Jana into our lives, and practically ruined Russek.”
“Don’t you want to be the one to kill Jana?”
“I’d love to be the one to end her. However, not only is it your right, but I also think it would be the perfect end to her miserable existence to have to watch you plunge a knife into her heart.”
Allyssa didn’t know if she was in awe or terror of this man. His ruthless assessment both thrilled and scared her.
“Being here brings back so many memories.” Kerdan walked to the corner of the room where several spears hung on the wall. He ran his hands over them. “My mother used to bring me here when I was a child.”
“Are you close to your uncle?”
“Very.” He turned to face her. “He taught me to hunt. We’d go on trips all the time—until my father forbade it. As an adult, I understand he was jealous. As a child, I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want me to spend time with my uncle. I thought I’d done something wrong.” He came and stood before her. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever gone hunting?”
“And by hunting, I assume you mean animals?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Is that a joke? Or is your opinion of Russeks truly that bad?”
Both, though she didn’t have the nerve to admit it.
Kerdan sighed. “Yes, animals. And when I get a chance, I’ll show you another side to Russek. What you saw in Clovek, that was the very worst of it. I promise there are good people here.”
“What sort of animals do you hunt?” she asked, trying to steer the conversation away from Clovek.
“Big game.”
She raised her eyebrows, not sure what he was referring to.
“How about I take you hunting sometime and show you?”
“Just the two of us?”
“Yes.” Challenge burned in his eyes as he waited for her response.
Was hunting a popular sport in Russek? Did women hunt? Instead of voicing those questions, she asked, “What do you hunt with?” Russek didn’t use bow and arrows like Emperion did.
“Knives, spears.” He shrugged.
“I think I would like to see you in action.” She smiled, trying to envision this enormous man charging after an animal with a spear in hand. “Then I’ll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow. I have wicked aim.”
He grinned. “Did you just declare that you may be a better hunter than me if given your weapon of choice?”
“I think I did.”
“I have years of experience,” he said, taking another step closer to her, now less than a foot apart. “My uncle taught me everything I know.”
Suddenly conscious of how close they were and that no one else was in the room, she asked, “Where is the duke?” She hadn’t seen him or any of his family members since that first day.
“Somewhere safe.”
“Not here?”
He shook his head. “I sent them away after you arrived.”
“You won’t tell me where they are?” Because he didn’t trust her or so she wouldn’t know the location?
Taking one more step, he leaned his forehead against hers, sending a jolt of shock through her. “I’m afraid of getting hurt.”
She knew he didn’t mean physically. “So your solution is to trust no one?” He was so close to her. She could see the various shades of brown in his eyes, his long eyelashes, and a freckle on his left cheek. “I believe trust goes both ways. If I’m to trust you, you must trust me.” She couldn’t make herself move away. Somehow, being this close to him was... comforting.
“Against all common sense and rationale, I do trust you. And that scares me.”
She opened her mouth to argue and he raised his hand, placing it over her mouth. “Let me explain.”
Oh, he had better explain because it was not irrational to trust her.
“I swore never to trust anyone ever again. Then you come blazing into my life like a raging fire and burn down my resolve. And now, here we are.”
Her heart pounded. She thought maybe he was confusing love with trust. But if that were the case... Her breath caught with the intensity in his eyes. They screamed that this was him bare before her. The real Kerdan. No masks. No games. So close. He was so close. His hand still touched her lips. Desire blossomed inside of her—a desire to get to know him better, to understand him, to be near him.
“Pardon me,” Odar said from the doorway. “But I’d like a moment alone with Princess Allyssa.”
Kerdan tensed, closing his eyes for a moment. “You asked me a question before,” he whispered, “about being afraid he would want you back. I know there will always be a part of him that desires you. What I fear is you wanting him back despite all he has done to you.” He let his hand drop from her lips. “However, if that’s what you want, then I welcome it. You deserve happiness. Don’t do what you think is expected of you. Do what is best for you.” He took a step away from her, and she almost fell forward from the sudden loss of him.
“Well?” Odar asked from the doorway.
She had forgotten he was standing there. “Come in.”
Kerdan’s mask was back in place as he turned away from her. “Prince Odar, your timing is impeccable. I was just leaving.” He gave a curt nod and left.
A heavy silence fell over the room. Odar entered, his footsteps loud. “I’m sorry for my behavior earlier. I did not anticipate seeing you, and it has me rattled.”
“Me too,” she admitted, sitting down on the floor and leaning against the wall.
He sat next to her, leaving a respectable distance between them. He’d made it very clear in Fren that he had no intention of seeing her again. That he would do what was best for his kingdom, and she wasn’t it. Fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve, she didn’t even bother to look at him. After everything they’d been through—he’d just left her.
“I want to start off by saying that I am not engaged.”
Now she did look at him.
“We suspected a spy at court, and my father and I told three lies to specific people to see which lie spread. Now I know who the spy is.”
He wasn’t engaged?
“For the sake of this mission, we need to be civil with one another,” he said. “In the future, we may need to work together again. I’d like to be... friends.”
“You want to be friends?” After the way he treated her in Fren? “I’m not sure that’s possible.” Not after everything they’d been through.
“Because of Kerdan?” he snapped.
“No.” He had nothing to do with this. “Because of you.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “I need you to understand how helpless I felt when Soma kidnapped us. How inadequate I was at defending you. All because my heart was on display for the world to see. I can’t ever have that happen again.” He reached out and took hold of her fidgeting hand.
She pulled away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Allyssa,” he said, his voice ragged. “I still love you.”
His words made her sick. “You have no right to say such things to me.” He severed the marriage contract—not her.
“Why?”
“Kerdan and I . . .” She couldn’t say they were officially engaged because nothing had been signed. “We have an understanding.”
His eyes narrowed as his cheeks turned red. “I always thought there was something going on between the two of you. I never trusted him.”
She clasped her hands together to refrain from punching him. “Nothing is going on between us. And how dare you accuse me of such a thing?” She got up, unable to remain in Odar’s presence any longer.
He jumped to his feet, grabbing her arm. “Wait. Let’s talk about it. You owe me that much.”
“I owe you nothing. Get your hand off me.”
He released her. “You can’t just walk away from me.”
“Like you did to me in Fren?” She turned and exited the room, her entire body shaking with rage. How could he have accused her of such a thing? Didn’t he know her?
Odar ran after her. “These past few weeks have been the worst of my life.”
She spun around to face him. “The worst weeks of my life were spent in Clovek. When I was in the dungeon being interrogated, caned, and having my nails ripped out because I was protecting the ones I love.” She took a step toward him, watching his face turn white from what she’d said. “I would have done the same thing over again to protect you, to save you, because I loved you. And love is worth fighting for.”
He closed his eyes, relieved. “I knew you still loved me.”
“But then you broke my heart because you weren’t strong enough to face an uncertain future with me. You tossed me aside, regardless of what I said or wanted.”
He flinched.
“And now you have the nerve to accuse me of having a relationship with Kerdan when I was being held captive?”
“Allyssa, I—”
“No. I’m done talking to you right now.” She turned and stormed down the corridor, away from him, not even sure where she was headed.
“Allyssa!” he called out after her. She ignored him and continued.
Of all the nerve. She couldn’t believe he’d accused her of such a thing. She turned and kicked the wall, stubbing her toe. Blimey. Needing to calm down before her father saw her, she pushed open the nearest door and entered a small library. Rubbing her head, she took a deep breath, attempting to cool her temper. There was no reason to be upset, hurt, or angry. Her focus needed to be on her kingdom and moving forward. Right now, that entailed getting ready for her journey to Jontis.
In the center of the room, she noticed the quilt placed over the couch, the way the two chairs were situated before the empty fireplace, and the worn book on the side table. Everything about this house felt warm, safe. People who were happy and in love lived here. This was a real home. Her fingers trailed over a painting someone had done. Closing her eyes, she mulled over the word family. Allyssa was ready to fight for not only her family, but also all the families in her kingdom. Everyone deserved to live a life like this.