The alarm was going off but I couldn’t get out of bed. Everything ached. I was dying, I was sure.

Whatever the flu was that I was suffering was going to be the death of me and not only because I was sick—I was on a tight deadline at work and I couldn’t afford to screw it up.

I sat up, my head throbbing and a wave of dizziness overcame me. I was going to puke—again.

I barely made it to the bathroom and after I’d expelled my guts, I considered calling in but I immediately dismissed the idea. How was that going to look, two months into my job at Hendel? I was still on my probationary period and I couldn’t risk it, even though I knew they were really happy with my work.

No, I had to bite the bullet and go in—even if it killed me.

I also knew I needed to make an appointment to see a doctor. I’d been sick for weeks and it was getting worse. I was exhausted, achy and puking. I’d managed to keep it hidden but I was working in a lab. I couldn’t afford cross contamination.

I’ll make an appointment today, I vowed. Get on some antibiotics and be done with this wretched illness.

It took every fiber of my being to get up and showered but I was feeling more human by the time I forced some toast and coffee into my system and caught the street car to the Hendel offices.

Meredith did a double take when she saw me walk in.

“You look like shit,” my co-worker announced. “Like death honestly.”

“Thank you.”

I took my spot across from her, adjusting my glasses to peer at the specimens.

“Where’s your lab coat?”

I looked up in surprise. I never forgot to put on my coat.

This virus is eating my brain.

“Blake, if you’re sick, you shouldn’t be here. These samples are very sensitive…”

I looked at her desperately and she sighed, reading my expression.

“You’re not going to be fired if you’re sick. They can’t fire you for that.”

“They can fire me for anything! I’m on my probationary period.”

Meredith smirked.

“Let me ask you a question,” she said. “Do you think you’re more apt to get fired because you’re sick or because you contaminated our specimens?”

She had a point and I backed away from the sterile counter helplessly.

“Come with me,” Meredith sighed, shaking her greying head. “They hire you brilliant young graduates who can discover the cure for Alzheimer’s but you can’t wipe your own asses, can you?”

I was embarrassed but I followed her out of the labs and into the offices where she reached for her cell phone.

“Hello, this is Meredith Carver at Hendel. When can my assistant come in to see Dr. Stiles today?”

I cringed at the categorization. I wasn’t her assistant. I was a researcher in my own right but I dared not voice my protest into words.

“No, not tomorrow, today. I have a sick researcher, handling live organisms. I don’t think I need to spell out what that could mean—oh perfect. She’ll see you at noon. Her name is…”

She looked at me blankly like she’d forgotten my name and I stifled a grunt.

“Blake Mavis.”

“Blake Mavis. Thank you.”

Meredith disconnected the call and smiled at me.

“See how easy that is? Now get out of my lab before you get me sick too and if that happens, Blake, I promise you’ll be fired for sure.”

I believed her and I looked at her, a combination of gratitude and spite in my face.

“Thanks,” I offered by the way of compromise.

“Just get out. I’ll text you the address.”

I turned to leave, reaching for my purse.

“And Blake?”

I looked back at her.

“Don’t you ever step foot in my labs again while you’re sick, do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am,” I muttered. I had a bad feeling I was going to be out of a job before I’d even started.

My benefits hadn’t even kicked in and while the pay was decent, living in San Francisco was expensive. I didn’t have a lot of extra cash kicking around to pay for doctor’s visits. I prayed it was nothing serious—I couldn’t afford it.

* * *

I could see that Dr. Stiles was annoyed at having her lunch break overridden with the likes of me but to her credit, she didn’t outright spit in my face.

“So? What’s the problem?” she demanded shortly. “You’ve got the flu?”

I wanted to tell her that she was the doctor and she was supposed to give me a prognosis but I refrained from matching her tone.

“I-I’m not sure,” I replied. “I’ve been sick for a few weeks.”

“Sick how?” The exasperation was palpable.

“Uh…body aches, vomiting…”

She peered at me, leaning closer.

“How old are you?” She didn’t wait for my response as she eyed my chart. “Twenty-one.”

“I’ll be twenty-two next month,” I volunteered irrelevantly.

“Sexually active?”

I snorted, my face tinging pink.

“No.”

“No, you’re a virgin or no, not currently?”

“No, I-I’m…I’m not currently active,” I stuttered, having a hard time even saying the word ‘sexually’ aloud. I hadn’t really thought about it but I guess I wasn’t a virgin anymore.

“How long has it been since your last partner?”

I was dying and not because I felt sick. I was mortified by the questions even though I knew she was a professional and just doing her job.

“Uh…” I cleared my throat. “About three months.”

“Were you using contraceptives?”

I was getting dizzy.

“You think I have an STI?” I choked in shock. Oh my God. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I had been so stupid, so careless. I knew about Mal’s reputation and no matter what he said, he’d been with dozens of girls, hadn’t he?

How could I have been so stupid?

“I’ll take that as a no, no contraceptives. We’ll do an STI test and a pregnancy test.”

I laughed.

“I’m not pregnant.”

“When was your last period?”

I blinked, the smile fading from my lips.

“What?” I asked dumbly, my mind racing. “What?”

“What was the first day of your last period?”

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh. MY. GOD!

“I…I’ll have to check,” I gasped. I was going to pass out.

“I’ll have the nurse bring you a urine cup. It’s a simple test and we’ll do a blood panel but let me have a look at you.”

She pointed at the bed and I uneasily rose to my feet and ambled toward the table.

Three months. I hadn’t had a single period since moving to San Francisco. How could I have not noticed something like that?

“Lay down.”

I obliged and she lifted my blouse out of my shirt.

“Are your breasts sore?”

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Lower back is aching?”

I nodded again, tears filling my eyes.

She gently pressed around my abdomen.

“Your belly is swelling—I can tell. I won’t say for sure, Ms. Mavis but I have good sense that you’re going to have a baby.”

I didn’t hear much of anything she said after that—how could I? The roaring in my ears made it impossible.

Dr. Stiles left and a nurse came and showed me to a bathroom. I managed to pee into the cup and as I had already known, the test declared me with child.

“There are labs on the main floor,” the nurse explained crisply. “You can get a full blood panel done there when you’re done here to ensure you don’t have any infections. According to what you’ve told the doctor, you’re already entering your second trimester so you’ve already missed out on crucial early care. You’ll need prenatal vitamins for starters.”

Why were they all talking so much? I was being bombarded with information, none of which was sinking in.

I was grateful when the nurse left but my elation was short-lived when Dr. Stiles returned with more things to tell me.

“You’re going to need an ObGyn if you choose to have this baby,” she told me, her voice much gentler than it had been at the beginning. “This is something you’ll need to discuss with the father of course and…”

Again, her voice was out of my head and a whole other disaster presented itself in my mind.

I had to tell Mal about the baby.

I had to tell my parents that I was pregnant with Mal’s baby.

The Lauriers were going to be the grandparents of my baby. They were going to find out too.

Grayson was going to find out about the baby…and Ella, of course.

The entire damned world was going to know about the baby.

“Blake, did you hear me?”

I looked up at her, my face pale. I hadn’t heard anything.

“Is this something you think you can do? There are support groups—”

“Yes, I can do this.”

I was on my feet and heading toward the door, my head spinning. Having an abortion was not an option. It wasn’t something I thought I could go through with, even though until that moment, I’d never considered what I’d ever do in such a position. Girls like me, girls who stayed virgins until they were twenty-one, did not get pregnant unexpectedly by the high school prom king.

I had a career ahead of me, a life in the field I wanted to work. And now, I was going to be a mom. A broke, jobless mom.

Mal and I would be like Grayson and Ella, living in some hovel on the wrong side of the tracks, raising a kid on pennies.

I made my way onto the street before I even knew it and sank against the brick of the medical building.

No, I told myself firmly. No. We’re both college graduates. The baby will not starve.

But was that really what my problem was with the situation? The fact that I was going to lose my prestigious job, the one where I had envisioned retiring from, maybe as lead researcher one day? Or was it something else?

Mal and I had agreed not to be together because of our families. We knew that they would ultimately drive us apart if we tried it. Hell, we couldn’t even stop ourselves from getting into it with each other when the subject of our siblings arose.

How could we possibly bring a child into this mess? The kid would be entrenched in endless squabbling, its grandparents and aunt and uncle pitted against one another. It wasn’t healthy for anyone.

But Mal still needed to know about his baby. We just needed to keep it from our families.

I was being naïve. There was no way that I could tell Mal about this. The truth would come out in the long run, even if it took years. It would be worse if it took years. I had to hide the paternity of this kid from everyone, including his father.

I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t thinking clearly and that I couldn’t make any decisions which was probably true.

But even when I walked all the way home, the entire ten miles to my cozy little apartment in Dogpatch, I had not changed my mind.

I wasn’t going to tell Mal about the baby. It wasn’t just for my sanity and the baby’s but I couldn’t expect Mal to drop out of his master’s program to care for us. It wasn’t fair—neither of us asked for this. I was carrying the baby—I didn’t have any choice but he did. Maybe when he was done with school, maybe then I would tell him and explain why I’d done it. He would have to understand then.

No, Mal had to be kept in the dark for everyone’s sake.

But how was I going to hide the truth?