We were standing outside Barneys in silence. We hadn’t said a word to each other since the dressing room. Amy was waiting at the valet station with us, seven large bags in her hands. The course of this day took an unexpected turn, but I was surprised to realize I felt happy, my mind felt at rest.

My car pulled up and I suddenly realized I couldn’t just hop in and drive away. I had to say something, but what? Thanks for the handjob; don’t tell your dad, please.

As the valet handed me my keys, Tatiana broke the silence. “You can put the bags in the trunk, Amy. Thank you,” she said as she climbed into my car. What was she doing? I hesitated, then handed the valet his tip and slid behind the wheel.

I started driving without a destination in mind. My mind was racing through every scenario, every possible outcome of this situation, and what action could mitigate the potential damage from fooling around with my boss’s daughter and spending an extra 3k at Barneys. But I was also inundated with memories; the feeling of Tatiana’s hand on me, of my hands on her. There was an intense instinct to have more of that.

I gripped the steering wheel, trying to focus on the undeniable facts. Tatiana and me just didn’t add up. Multiple people saw us leave together. Amy probably heard us in the dressing room. Was I already doomed, the sword dangling over my head by a thin string?

“Hey Mario Andretti, would you mind slowing down?” Tatiana said, breaking my train of thought. She reached over and rested a gentle hand on my leg. I’d been going eighty in a forty-five mile per hour zone. “Would you say something to me? You’re making me feel...self-conscious. I thought you wanted that. Did I misread your feelings?”

My feelings. There it was again. It was easy to make decisions based on incontrovertible facts. Numbers made sense to me. But I had never been comfortable in the territory of emotions. They were complicated and uncertain.

“You didn’t misread, Tatiana,” I began, carefully considering every word. “You have no reason to feel self-conscious or awkward or anything. Let’s just not rush into anything without thinking this through. This isn’t simple.”

She stroked her hand up my thigh and my breath hitched. She leaned over toward my seat and in a steady and sure voice said, “I’m going to make this simple for you. I want you. I know you want me. We’re going to drive to your place now and finish what you started. Those are the facts, Rolland. Do you accept those facts?”

It took me a split second to deliberate.

“Let’s go,” I said.

****

The midday sun filtered through the white curtains of my bedroom, casting a soft glow over Tatiana’s face. I couldn’t remember the last woman that I’d had up here. My social life had taken a backseat to my career in the past few years.

My bedroom looked the way it did every say; king-sized bed neatly made against the wall, two nightstands with matching lamps, sleek mid-century dresser uncluttered except for my vide-poche, and a leather armchair. It was the typical scene except for Tatiana standing at the floor-to-ceiling window, staring out at the view of the city, playing with a strand of her hair. She didn’t seem nervous, but the bravado and confidence from earlier had disappeared. I watched her for a while, enjoying the sight.

I walked up to her and handed her a glass of water I’d brought from the kitchen. She smiled and took it, sipping. We stood there at the window, Tatiana looking into the distance and me staring at Tatiana. Her eyes were narrowed in concentration, and her lips were slightly parted, as if she were about to say something. Everything about her electrified and interested me.

I reached out and took the glass from her hands, placing it on the windowsill. She kept her eyes forward, continuing to gaze out over the view. I stood behind her and pulled her hair aside, dipping down to smell her skin, to run my lips over that sweet spot on her neck that made her purr. My other hand found the knot of her flannel shirt, and after a couple of tries, it came loose, giving me access to her soft stomach.

Just an hour before I’d been coming in her hand in the dressing room at Barneys, so why did this moment now, touching her stomach and nuzzling her feel more intimate? We may not have known each other very well, but in a physical sense we weren't strangers.

It occurred to me I’d never taken anybody’s virginity before. I was in awe as I came to grips with how I'd be her first. My cock spreading her open would be the only one she'd ever known. There should have been more pressure, but this... was what I lived for. Moments where I could puzzle out the results I wanted.

To take apart the magician's toys until I found the dove.

She's my dove. My prize.

I slid her shirt off her shoulder. My lips made a pattern across her skin, each tender press of my mouth a precise inch from the last. A deep, crimson bruise marked her glossy skin—I'd been right, I had left a mark when I came before. That memory sent a rush of blood to my dick, but I was determined to take this slow. Every move, every decision I made was going to be for Tatiana’s pleasure.

I tossed her shirt onto the chair in the corner of my room. She wore a simple white bra underneath; not the type of bra you’d choose if you were planning on seducing someone. Before I unhooked her bra, I leaned into her ear and whispered, “Are you okay?”

She nodded in reply. All of her coy smugness had evaporated, like she was weighed down by the reality of what we were finally doing. The flush across her upper-chest betrayed her excitement. As still as she was being, she wasn't calm.

With her bra gone, I took her breasts in my hands, softly massaging them, warming her up for more. Her nipples reacted under my hands, the areolas pebbling and the peaks beginning to stand at attention.

She’d stepped back into me and now her body was flush against mine. I reached over to the windowsill and plucked an ice cube from the glass. I trailed it down her neck, licking the droplets of water as I went. I slid the ice under her breast, tracing its swell, watching the tiny bumps rise on her wet skin. Her nipples turned a darker shade of pink by the time the ice had all melted.

“You're so beautiful,” I murmured.

Tatiana bit her bottom lip, blushing furiously. “So you've said.”

“I mean it.” I turned her face to mine, laying the softest kiss on her mouth, lightly pushing my tongue between her lips. Searching her eyes intensely, I tried to read her the way she'd read the tarot cards so many nights ago. “You're amazing. Every part of you more gorgeous than the last.”

Her breath sucked in before she kissed me—pure sensuality oozed from her every pore. She reached for the buttons on my shirt and opened them, one by one, sliding it off my body. “Fuck,” I groaned, eager for her to strip me completely.

She traced the lines of my pecs, drug her fingernails up over my sternum, then caressed the swath of skin just above my pants, somewhat dipping below the waistband. This drew both of our attentions to my erection. I loved that she wanted to touch my body the way I wanted to touch hers.

Gripping her skirt, I tugged the stiff denim down her hips until it crumpled around her feet. Now she was naked except for a pair of scant panties. Her heavy scent drowned my senses, made my eyes flutter, my cock flex. Growling, I spun her around and walked her backwards until her knees hit my bed.

I was determined to take this slow, but I needed to see more of her, explore her. A gentle push was all it took to lay her flat on my mattress. If she was beautiful before, she was a piece of art, now. Tatiana sprawled out with her hair in waves around her head. The smoldering energy in her eyes drew me to her, made me aware of her parted lips, her heaving breasts, her shifting hips and long legs. Her navel was a perfect indent that I knew I had to kiss.

Propping my hands onto the bed, I hovered over her. I stole a single kiss before sliding down, our skin hovering an inch apart, our bodies never grazing. I stopped at the flat plane of her stomach, just above her mound covered in white lace. Heat emanated from her panties.

The sweet and sexy scent of her pussy tickled my nose and urged me on. I crooked a finger under her panties and she lifted her hips to allow me to peel them down over her thighs. When I got down to her ankles and took them off completely, I started the return trip, kissing over her smooth calves until I reached her hips. My hand led the way, applying light pressure between her thighs, hoping she would open her legs and show me her beautiful pussy. She drew up her leg, bending it at the knee, revealing her shaved mound and her cleft already glistening with arousal. I inhaled deeply, savoring the moment, though I was dying to stick my tongue inside her.

For the first time I had the freedom to explore her. We were really alone, without party guests stirring in the background or busy shop attendants interrupting us. And though I was still certain this was a terrible idea, I’d realized it was inevitable. I had to have Tatiana, no matter the cost.

My patience was greater than hers. I felt her fingers tangling in my hair, giving me a firm nudge towards her cunt. I rubbed my lips up and down her labia, softly announcing my presence. I dusted her pussy with feather light kisses. Tatiana whimpered while I licked her crease, never touching her clit. I made this pass several times until her clitoris was so swollen it looked painful. She had the perfect pussy, and it eagerly responded to my every touch.

The flavor of her juices was intoxicating. I was dizzy from what we were doing; drunk on her. “Rolland, please,” she sobbed. “More. I need more, I'm going crazy.”  Her hips lifted off the bed. Patiently, I inserted a single finger inside her. Tatiana was slippery and burning hot; I went in to the knuckle quickly. “Ah! Oh my god, oh my god.”

She bore down on my hand and the rest of my finger slid into her tight, virgin pussy. Was I the first thing ever to touch her here? Any control I had evaporated; as I withdrew my finger, and thrust it in again, I flattened my tongue over her clit. I spread her open with two fingers and dove in, lapping her dripping hole, then her ass, even though that last part made her startle. But I needed to eat every part of her, it was compulsive.

With my mouth suckling her throbbing clit, I pumped my finger inside her. Her nails were digging into my scalp, and her knee dropped to the side. She was so damn tight. I had to take my time before I could fuck her.

I licked her engorged nub in tight circles, bringing her to the edge of orgasm and then backing off again. She was moaning like she was in heat. The power of controlling her orgasm was keeping my cock perpetually solid; it pulsed against my inner thigh.

I introduced a second finger, pumping slowly, stretching her out and getting her ready for me. My tongue massaged her clit in random motions, keeping her guessing. I could tell she was getting frustrated by the way she kept grabbing my hair and shifting her hips, so I hooked my fingers inside her, up toward her belly button, reaching the spot that I knew would drive her wild.

I started stroking the bumpy ridge there, and she bolted up, supporting herself on her elbows. Looking up at her, I saw her face contort, the flush from her chest had crept up to her face and her eyes were shut tightly. I couldn't wait any longer to watch her come, so I started a steady rhythm with my tongue on her clit, stroking in and out of her pussy, my fingers thoroughly drenched with her arousal.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” she whimpered, her hand holding my head firmly between her legs. And I didn’t stop. My eyes cast upward and locked on her face; I was going to sear this moment into my brain.

The orgasm crashed through her, washing over her body from her thrashing head down to her flexing toes. Her tits thrust forward and her nipples were darker than I’d ever seen them. Liquid lust flowed over my tongue as her pussy contracted around my fingers. She shuddered and collapsed back on the bed with a sigh. I gave her a few more small licks across her clit, until she jerked, too sensitive for contact.

I crawled up the bed and lay by her side, tracing a finger across her chest. “That was the hottest thing I've ever seen,” I said seriously, smoothing some damp hair away from her forehead.

She offered a shy smile. “I can tell.” Her eyes flicked to my tented pants. Before I replied she leaned in, kissing me, tasting herself on my tongue. We kissed like that for a while, lazily and slow. I wasn’t sure what would happen next; she looked so sated. I was convincing myself that it had been enough to make her come so hard, to watch her lose herself to me, and that if it didn’t go further, that was okay. But then I felt her hand reaching for my cock and I realized that was all bullshit.

I wanted to be balls deep in this girl.

She shimmied down my body, stopping at my hip. In a mere moment she'd yanked my pants and boxers to my knees. Her nails scraped through my pubic hair, then dragged down to my balls. She rolled them between her fingers a few times before she licked me; a single, teasing stroke across the underside of my dick. She licked me again, like a fucking lollipop, and I was grabbing at the blanket beneath me, trying to stop myself from thrusting into her mouth.

Just then, she took my cock-head in her mouth, swirling her tongue around it languidly and humming. I couldn’t hold myself back anymore. I jutted my hips up, pushing myself a few more inches into her mouth, and she didn’t object. She started sucking me off in a slow rhythm, grasping the base with one hand and squeezing my balls with the other. Her tongue was a fucking miracle, and on every upstroke she hit the sensitive underside of my shaft, sending electricity crackling through my veins. I was getting so close.

“Not yet,” I grunted. “Not like this.” I reached down and grabbed her under her arms, twisting her body upwards until she got the hint. My muscles she so admired corded tight—I'd positioned her  pussy right over my face. What a fucking view.

I dipped my tongue inside her again; the vibration of her moan traveled through my mouth, my throat, and down into my dick, making me even harder. She was bobbing up and down now, and I could feel the tip hitting the back of her throat. I felt a fresh burst of moisture on my face. She was getting close again, and suddenly she sat up, releasing my cock from her lips with a wet pop. Bracing herself with her hands on my thighs, she rode my face like a champ.

Her body started quaking, and she was saying, again and again, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Keeping my tongue plastered against her clit while she ground against me, my taste-buds tingled, sensing the change in her temperature. Tatiana's body was wracked with tension—this orgasm was sharper than the first, over faster. I squeezed the globes of her ass, rocking her a few more times until she collapsed off of me and onto the bed.

I moved up her body, positioning my hips between her legs. I took my cock in my hand and rubbed it up and down her seam, coating myself in her juices. Resting my forehead against hers I asked, “Are you seriously a virgin?”

She smirked at me. “Use your big fat brain. What do you think?”

I think her daddy kept a tight leash on her. For a good reason. This girl... this woman, was incredible. Anyone would fall head over heels trying to get her in the sack. Swallowing, I slid my swollen cock-head across her hungry cunt again. “And you're sure you want me to be the first to do this with you?”

Tatiana stared for a long minute. Winding her arms around my neck, she nuzzled my cheek. “I feel like if I say yes, you'll still wonder. Instead I'll scream it. With every single stroke.” She arched upwards, pressing her pussy into me until I growled. “Then maybe you'll actually believe me.”

I drew myself up on my knees and reached across the bed to my nightstand drawer. Taking out a condom, I sheathed myself in one smooth motion. But I wasn’t ready to screw her yet.

One after the other, I sucked on her tits, taking her nipples between my teeth and gently tugging. She was making small sounds in her throat that drove me insane. “Fuck me, Rolland. I’m ready,” she promised.

I took in a big breath, nudging my cock at her opening. I eased in, just the tip, and gave her a few short pumps. It was torture not to bury myself to the hilt. Patience, patience, I thought as I strained. I wanted to check in with her but I could barely speak; every ounce of my energy was being used on keeping control.

The pressure of her virgin walls wasn't something I could describe. Being there was an experience... a dream. A one time act neither of us would get to repeat. Tatiana looked right at me, her chest flaring. “Keep going,” she demanded.

“It doesn't hurt?” I asked.

When she shook her head, I grit my teeth and sank in another inch. My cock was being strangled—I was delirious with the need to let the come explode from my balls. They were drawn up tight and heavy against the base of my dick.

I hoisted her leg up a bit to give me a better angle, fascinated by watching my prick slide deeper into her. I almost went blind with the feeling. Every nerve in my body seemed to concentrate in my dick. There was no way I could go further without hurting her, and I was only halfway in.

“Deeper Rolland. I won’t break,” she encouraged me. I pulled out almost entirely to the tip and then eased in again slowly, each stroke giving her more, stretching her further until she was shivering.  Holding myself perfectly still above her, I searched her eyes for some clue she was ready for all of my girth.

When her hips started moving beneath me, I broke. I grabbed her by the rib-cage and sank in to my hilt. Tatiana gasped, her breasts arching for the ceiling. I threw my head back and shouted with bliss. This was it, we were fully joined. One pump, two—I fucked her like she was a real woman, not a fragile porcelain doll. “Yes,” she sobbed. “Yes, yes, yes!”

I rolled her over so she was on top of me. She braced herself with her hands on my chest, looking down to where we were joined. After a beat, she settled herself completely on top of me. It was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen; my dick disappearing into her virgin pussy.

She rocked back and forth, lifting her hips up and bringing them back down in a slow rhythm. I let her lead for as long as I could. The ache in my balls was excruciating. I reached out to pet her clit, anything to distract me from the violent urge I felt to thrust up into her, pound her until I came inside her. I immediately felt that familiar quivering. She was so reactive.

I was at the point of no return, and I knew she was too. With her head thrown back, she milked me through another climax. Heat swam in my lower belly as I tensed, my orgasm on the cusp. Her shoulders buckled forward and only then did I allow myself to come, harder than I ever had before. I brought her down on top of me, crashing into her mouth with a violent kiss, swallowing the moan that was on her lips.

We remained like that for what seemed like forever, neither of us speaking or moving. Eventually I had to get up to throw away the condom, and I gently moved her to the side and scurried to the bathroom. I caught my reflection in the mirror above the sink. Sweat stained my brow, my hair was tangled in damp waves. She'd left tiny half-moon nail marks all over my skin.

I loved it... but then uncertainty bubbled up, like something raw and dangerous dug free from the center of the Earth. This was a mixture of contradictory feelings. I knew I'd made a mistake. But for once?

I didn't fucking care.