I walk into the coffee shop and see Austin sitting at a table in the front by the window.
He stands up and greets me. “Murphy, glad you could make it. Can I get you a coffee?”
“I’m getting coffee and a danish. They are so good here. But you’re not buying.”
“Right. Because you can take care of yourself,” he says, jokingly, reiterating what I told him yesterday.
I laugh. “Something like that.”
When we go back to his table, he takes the seat across from me. “You look great, Murphy. The past five years have been good to you.”
“Thanks,” I say, absently touching my scar. “You look good, too. I can’t believe how much you’ve changed since high school.”
He laughs. “I don’t think I hit my growth spurt until I went away to college.”
“Where did you end up going? I remember you saying you wanted to go out west.”
“I did go out west. UCLA. In fact, I’m still there working on my MBA. I just finished spring semester so I decided to come home for a week for a change of pace.”
I crane my neck to look out the window, and I chuckle. “Yeah, I guess this is about the opposite of both L.A. and New York. And, wow, a master’s in business, that’s great. I never made it past my A.A. But I still have a good job.” I wipe an invisible spot on the table. “Or I did. I kind of left in a hurry.”
He gives me a sad smile. “I’m really sorry about what’s happening to you, Murphy. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
I close my eyes. “Please tell me you haven’t seen it.”
“I haven’t. I heard about it on the news. I wouldn’t sink so low as to try and find it on the internet. What you do behind closed doors is private and nobody’s business. I hope they hang the guy who did it to you.”
“Thanks for not watching it. I hope they hang him, too. I talked to the New York City police again this morning. They keep calling me to ask me the same questions over and over. They said he’s going to be charged with a bunch of stuff. Something like three felonies and over five thousand misdemeanors.”
“Five thousand?” he says, his jaw dropping.
“One for every minor who was in the stadium when he played the video. They said that in reality, those charges will boil down to one charge, but hopefully the other things will send him to jail.”
“So, what are you going to do? Will you go back there? You have a good job and I know you’re dating Caden Kessler.”
I shrug. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I came here to get away, but it seems everyone here knows everything about me anyway. And I’m not sure I’m dating him anymore.”
“Really?” He looks confused. “He wasn’t mad at you for the video, was he? I saw the press conference he held. It didn’t seem like he was mad at you at all.”
I sigh. “Yeah. I saw it too. But it’s complicated. There’s more to it than that.”
He laughs. “There always is, isn’t there?” He looks behind me, out to the street, surprise overtaking his face. “Uh, Murphy, if you’re not dating Caden Kessler anymore, why is he here in Okoboji?”
My heart thunders as I turn to see Caden and Brady standing on the sidewalk outside the coffee shop. Caden’s eyes dart between Austin and me. His jaw twitches and he runs his hands through his hair.
“Austin, I really have no right to ask this of you, but I’m not ready to talk to him. Would you mind telling him I want to be left alone for a while? Tell him I’ll call him when I’m ready.”
He thinks about it for a second, his mind probably racing with thoughts of what could happen if he goes out that door and is confronted by two rather large professional baseball players.
“Please?” I beg.
He nods. “Okay.” He stands slowly and makes his way out the door.
I watch Caden try to keep his cool as Austin presumably tells him to back off and give me some space. I wonder if he thinks we’re on a date. Caden looks at me but I look away. Then Brady gets my attention and points to himself, I suppose asking if I’ll talk to him if not Caden. I nod my head. He has some words with Caden, who looks frustrated if not pissed, and then Brady and Austin come into the coffee shop, leaving a brooding Caden on the sidewalk.
I turn my chair so my back is to the window. I can’t sit here and watch him stare at me.
“Are you okay with this?” Austin asks.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be right over there if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Austin.”
Brady motions to the chair Austin was sitting in. “Mind if I sit?”
“Go ahead.”
“I’m not very good at this kind of thing anymore,” he says. “But that man out there loves you. He wants to protect you. And no matter what you say to him, he’s always going to want to protect you.”
I don’t miss that his voice cracks while he’s talking. It cracks as if he’s speaking of something personal to him.
“Brady, I understand that. But there are ways he could have protected me without lying to me. Without going behind my back. How can we build a relationship if he keeps deceiving me?”
“He didn’t deceive you, Murphy. God, why are females so infuriating sometimes? He didn’t lie to you either. He did what he thought was best to protect you and keep you safe. And now you want to go and ruin what you two have? I’ve only known him for three years, but I’ve never seen him so happy. And now, since you left, I’ve never seen him so goddamn miserable. He can’t even play ball. Did you know that? Have you bothered to watch any games to see what your leaving has done to him?”
“He’s a grown man, Brady. I’m not responsible for his happiness. And I’m certainly not responsible for his job performance.”
“That’s bullshit,” he says, raising his voice so that some patrons turn our way. “You two are the best couple I know. You guys live for each other. Hell, he told me last night that you are his fucking air. That’s some deep shit, Murphy. He loves you. Like forever love. Take it from someone who had everything and then lost it—you want to hold onto what you have for as long as life will allow you to have it.”
Tears well up in my eyes. Because those aren’t the words of someone whose girlfriend left him. Those are the words of someone who’s been destroyed by loss. And those are the eyes of someone who knows profound pain. I put my hand on his. “I’m so sorry you lost someone.”
He nods sadly. “I lost two someones,” he chokes out.
I motion out the door, to the cemetery he can’t see. “I’ve lost two someones, too. My dad and my best friend.”
He nervously plays with an invisible ring on his left ring finger. Oh, God. He lost a wife. And maybe even a child. A tear spills over my lashes.
Brady shakes his head like he doesn’t want my sympathy. “Listen, nobody knows that but you and Caden. It’s not something I want people to know.”
“Of course, Brady. I won’t say a thing.”
“When you took off, you left a gaping hole in his heart. He looks for you in the stands, you know. Like somehow, he expects you to show up between innings. Every time he looks up there, he does it with hope in his eyes. And every time you aren’t there, I swear a piece of him dies.” He laughs and straightens his back. “Look at me, I’m carrying on like a damn girl.”
I glance out the window over my shoulder to see Caden’s eyes burning into me. I know he must be sorry. I know he’s hurting. I’m hurting just as badly. My life has been turned upside down. I don’t even know what my reality is anymore. I don’t know what to expect when and if I show my face in New York.
“I need some more time, Brady. Can you please ask him to give me that? I love him. I do. I just need to figure out what’s best for me.”
“So, you won’t talk to him?”
I shake my head. “I can’t. Not right now. I’m sorry you flew all the way out here for nothing.”
He gets up to leave. “It’s not for nothing, Murphy. He’s shown you how far he’ll go to get you back. That man will do anything for you.”
“Will he?” I ask, wondering if anything means keeping more secrets from me.
“If you have to ask me that, then you don’t know him half as much as I thought you did.”
He walks out the door and pulls Caden away by his elbow. I can see Caden resisting, but Brady convinces him to leave. He looks at me one last time and we lock eyes. He mouths ‘I love you’ before turning to walk away.
I slump down in my seat and cry.
Austin comes over to check on me. “Are you okay?”
“No. But I’m not sure there’s anything anyone can do about it.”
He offers me his hand. “Come on, once the coast is clear, I’ll walk you home.”
We walk out the front door and I look down the street the opposite way of my house. “Thanks, Austin, but there are two people I need to go talk to. It was nice seeing you again. Good luck in grad school.”
We say our goodbyes and then I walk down the street, hoping I can find somewhere to stop and get two roses.
~ ~ ~
I don’t have my phone, so I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting here—hours maybe—when someone touches my shoulder. I look up to see Caden’s dad. I had forgotten he was coming to town today. He flies out twice a month to see my mother and she travels to New York on the weekends he doesn’t come here.
“Hey, kiddo,” Shane says. “I heard you might be here. I hope you don’t mind if I sit with you for a minute.”
I motion to the ground next to me. “So, you saw him?”
“I did. We crossed paths at your mom’s house before he went back to the airport.” He pulls a small envelope from his pocket. “He left you this. Your mother thought you’d want to read it while you were here. She wanted to bring it to you, but I asked if I could. I thought maybe your dad and I should be properly introduced.”
I look at Shane, studying him for a minute as he stares at my father’s grave.
“You love her, don’t you?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Would it be okay if I did?”
I look at the headstone and then back at Shane. I think my dad would approve. And I know he’d want her to be happy. I nod my head.
“Well then, I don’t mind telling you that I’m a very lucky man,” he says. “I’ve been fortunate enough to have the love of several incredible women in my life. But Murphy, that kind of love doesn’t happen often. The kind of love you and my son share. I know he hurt you. But it’s a fact of life that lovers will hurt each other eventually. It’s how you deal with that hurt that matters. Life isn’t always fair. People aren’t always perfect.”
He stands up and touches my father’s grave almost as if he’s shaking my dad’s hand. He starts to walk away, but hesitates. “You told me not so long ago that if things come easily, they aren’t worth having. You said it’s the hard wins that are the most important.” He nods back towards my dad’s grave. “That man raised one hell of a daughter.”
Long after he’s gone, I sit and stare at the small envelope in my hands. My legs have gone numb by the time I finally open it.
Murphy,
I’ve only ever loved two things in my life. Baseball and you. I never thought anything would be more important to me than being out on that field. But here’s the thing, and some days I can’t even wrap my mind around it—I love you more. I love you more than baseball. And I would give it up in a second if it’s the only way to have you. If being in New York, being in the spotlight because of my career, is too hard after what happened, we’ll move. We’ll move to Okoboji if you want. Or to some island where we can live away from TV and internet.
Nothing else matters if I can’t be with you, Murph. Just say the word and we’re gone.
I’m done apologizing. And the truth is, if it happened again, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing. Because I will go to the ends of the Earth to protect what’s mine.
Please say you’re mine.
Because I’m sure as hell yours. Every damn piece of me. You own me, Sweet Caroline.
Come back to me.
Caden
Hot tears stream down my cheeks. He’s willing to give up his dream for me?
My father’s words of advice echo through my head as I can barely see his headstone through my blurred vision. Even from the grave, he’s taking care of me. “Thanks, Daddy,” I say, wiping my tears. “I have to go now. I have a baseball game to get to.”