Brady calls time and motions for me to come to the mound. “You might as well have been suspended, because you’re not even in this damn game. Get it together, Kess.”
I berate myself as I look down at the dirt. He’s right. For days now, I haven’t been able to concentrate. My mind has been anywhere but on this field. It’s been at the police station, wondering how much progress they are making in the case against Tony. It’s been at Ethan’s agency, hoping they’ve tracked down every single video that made it to the internet. It’s been in Okoboji, Iowa, praying the woman I love is finding what she needs so she can come back to me.
“You want me to pull myself out of the game?” I ask.
“No, Caden. I don’t. But I do want you to get over your shit and help me out. You’re making me look bad up here. It’s not all about you. You’re like my brother, man, but when you’re out here, make it about us, not everything else going on in your life. This is your team. Your family. We’re counting on you.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry, I know I’ve been distracted. I’ll do better.”
On my way back behind the plate, I find myself once again glancing up at the stands. I look behind the net over by the dugout to where she usually sits. Then I promise myself I’m not going to look over there for the rest of the game. If I already fucked up one part of my life, I sure as hell better not fuck up the other.
~ ~ ~
“I’m glad we were able to pull that one out,” Brady says, patting me on the back after the game.
“Yeah, no thanks to me.” I throw my batting helmet into my locker.
“You need a drink. Let’s go out. Mills, you up for it?”
“Not tonight. I’ve got this thing with my cousin,” Sawyer says.
“Another setup?” I ask.
He shrugs. “What can I say? He’s good at finding chicks who don’t care to be called the next day.”
“I think they’re called hookers,” I joke.
Sawyer throws his shirt at me as those around us get a good laugh. “You two love-birds go have your drink. I’ll have some girl shouting out my name by midnight.”
“Don’t forget your penicillin,” I say, handing him back his shirt.
“Dude, I double wrap just like you do.”
Then I frown, not able to come back with another joke because I’m thinking about her again. The woman I don’t need to double-wrap for. The one woman who I wouldn’t mind getting pregnant. Hell, I even wish she already was, that way she’d be more likely to come back to me.
Damn—that makes me a hypocritical douchebag, wanting to trap a woman that way.
“Hurry up, Taylor,” I say on my way to the shower. “I really need that drink.”
~ ~ ~
“Does it hurt?” Brady asks, slurring his words after five shots.
Even half-wasted, I know what he’s asking. “Like hell,” I tell him.
“That’s nothing,” he says, downing another shot. “The pain you feel right now? It’s nothing compared to how you’d feel if you went after her, found her, married her, maybe had a couple of kids and then it all gets ripped to shreds. Because one minute you’re happy and you’re planning things like Easter egg hunts and costumes for the spring play and then in the blink of an eye it’s all gone. All the planning, all your hopes and dreams for the future. Gone. Gone because of something you did. Something so fucking trivial …”
He takes another shot, his eyes glazing over, and I’m not even sure he’s aware of what he’s telling me.
He points at me. “So, get out, bro. Get out now before you’re in so deep you can’t come up for air.”
“I can’t get out, Brady. She is my fucking air.”
I make a split-second decision and pick up my phone to make a call. “Melanie, I know it’s late, but I need a huge favor. I need to get to Okoboji, Iowa in the morning. Get me the first flight out, I don’t care how early. In and out the same day. Back by game time. I don’t care what it costs. Can you do that?”
A half-hour and two shots later, Melanie texts me the details of my flights.
When curiosity gets the best of me and I can’t stand it anymore, I finally ask the question that’s been burning my brain. “Brady, do you have kids, man?”
“Kid,” he clarifies. “As in one. And not do. Did.” He throws back another shot and slams the glass on the table. “I don’t talk about it, Kessler. Not ever.”
Damn. How did I never know this? He has a kid? Had a kid? What does that mean? Is the kid dead or just not in his life? So many more questions churn in my head, but with the way he’s looking at me, I know better than to ask. He’s already said more than he wanted to. More than he’s ever said in the three years I’ve known him.
I get up to leave. “Can you find your way home? I have an early flight to catch.”
~ ~ ~
I make my way to the gate and see Brady standing there with a smirk on his face.
“Why are you here and how did you get past security?”
He holds out his ticket for me to see. “I’m going with you. But I upgraded us to first class, screw that coach shit. You’re paying, by the way. Your girl—your dime.”
I smile, knowing that even if he disagrees with me, he’s still got my back. But I have to know anyway. “Why the change of heart?”
He gives me a sad nod. “When I sobered up, I realized that you’re already as wrecked as I am, so what could it hurt? Plus, you suck playing ball. And just so you know, we owe Melanie big time for keeping her up all night.”
“I’ll take care of it,” I tell him. “Thanks for coming, Brady. I don’t know what’s waiting for me when I get to Iowa, but I sure do appreciate the support.”
They call our flight and he nods his head towards the gate door. “Come on, let’s go get your girl.”