Chapter 71
Dinner with Mike
“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be,” Celia said, as she sank down into the sharp red Audi TT coupe that Mike had borrowed from one of the dealerships for them to drive to Martin’s wedding.
Mike shrugged. “It was nice. I don’t think most grooms are as much for all the picture taking and fan fair as the brides, but we tolerate it because we know it makes you happy.”
“So that’s why you do it?” she queried, turning to face him.
“No. Men secretly love wearing tuxedos or three-piece suits, smiling for an hour and standing on their feet all day. But please, don’t tell anyone that I broke the wall of silence.”
She shook her head. “Your secret is safe with me.” Celia was thinking about telling Mike she had apologized and forgiven Martin, but his question interrupted her thoughts.
“Is that the kind of wedding you want?”
“Wow. Good question. I think I would want a church wedding, though outside weddings are nice but you’re so dependent on the weather being good.”
“Okay. That big or something smaller?” Mike asked.
“That I have thought about. I want something small like they did today. I see no use in inviting everyone you know. What about you? Do men plan their weddings?”
Mike laughed and looked at her as they sat at a red light. “Things pop in and out of your head as you’re going through life. Did I ever sit down and look at a magazine or take notes? No.”
Celia nodded. “Well, what would you do? Elope?
“Oh, no, my mother would kill me if I did something like that. I might not think much about my wedding for myself, but it would have to be a church wedding, with close family and friends or she would never let me live it down.”
Celia laughed. “Same here. My mother would want to attend. Actually, ever since our first date, which really wasn’t a date, she has been starting to dream about grandbabies again.”
“I know. Mom keeps reminding me how old she is, and then she tells me how old I am. The other day, she asked how long until I pop the question?”
Celia tilted her head and looked at Mike. Would she want to have children with Mike? She tried to imagine the moment of the baby’s arrival . . . the nervous new father, and the hospital scene with a nurse handing her a newborn baby.
It happened that Mike turned and caught her studying him. She wasn’t sure what expression was on her face that caused him to smile and ask, “What?”
“I was just thinking.”
“I could tell, but about what? You had this really serious expression.”
Celia laughed. “It’s just a crazy idea.”
“No, tell me. You looked pretty intense.”
Celia sighed, looking out the windshield. “I was just trying to think about babies. Everyone seems to be so crazy about kids and grandchildren. I just don’t know, yet.”
“Well, you don’t have to decide today.”
Celia laughed. “I know, but I need to decide. I can’t keep putting it off. What about you? Do you want kids? Is it a must from the woman you’re dating? I don’t want to hit that wall again like with Martin. And, I’m sorry . . . I need to quit comparing everything to my relationship with him.”
“Yes, you do,” Mike said, but he tossed in a smile and went on with his answer. “Again, it’s not something I sit around thinking about. Would it be nice? Sure, but I’m focused on finding love. The way I see it, no one has it all. Some have kids they love, but no spouse. Some have a spouse, but no kids. Then some have a good family, but no one to share their life with.”
Mike turned to her with a sad smile. “I figure you take it one step at a time and try to count your blessings.”
“That’s a good way to look at life.”
They didn’t say anything while Mike parked the car and they went into the restaurant. Once they were seated and the waitress had brought their menus, Mike kept the conversation going.
“Staying on track, if you said ‘no’ to kids, what would the reason be? Health reasons? You want your freedom? You don’t like kids?”
Celia laughed, but gave it serious consideration. “It’s because they complicate everything. You have to be dedicated. It’s a lot of work, and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I’m up for the stress of taking other people’s lives into my hands. I wouldn’t want to be a bad mother. People have kids and scar them for life when they don’t get it right.”
“Good point. Look at us. Our parents didn’t abuse us, they fed us, took care of us, but we’re both . . .”
“Messed up?” she asked, laughing.
“I wasn’t going to say that, but my life doesn’t mirror their life so I feel I’m off the mark from what they wanted for me.”
Celia nodded. “I think we put way to much stock into looking to the past to see what today is supposed to be like. My parents, as we’ve discussed, didn’t have the kind of love they wanted, but they did the best with what they had.”
“Is that enough for you?”
“No. I might not get it all, but I want to be happy.”
“Are you happy now, with us?” Mike asked.
That was a huge question and she wanted him to understand her reply. “I’m not answering this as quickly as it seems. I asked myself the same question. Yes, I’m happy. It’s one reason I was able to apologize to Martin, and why I was able to wish him well, and mean it.”
Mike moved his hand across the table. “Then we’re on the same page and we can keep turning pages to see what happens next. The more talks like this we have the better we’ll understand each other.”
Celia accepted his hand with a smile. “So you’re okay with kids, or no kids? You don’t have this dream where you have X, Y and Z planned, and if you don’t get this or that, you move on?”
“No. I don’t dream that big or that far in advance. I want someone to spend my days and nights with. I’m tired of being alone.”
“So you have no absolutes?”
“Yes. I want a woman,” he said, and they both laughed. When the waitress started toward the table, Celia shook her head ‘no’ that they weren’t ready to order. She didn’t want to have to dig back into this conversation later. She wanted to get this out in the open - now.
“Seriously,” she said, reaching her other hand to Mike and giving him a soft smile. “Where do you see yourself in five years? What do you want out of life?”
Mike looked at their hands. “I want this. I want someone on the other side of the table. I want someone I can talk to. I’d like someone to go camping with now and then. I want to try new things. I want to share birthdays and anniversaries. I’d like someone to cook for me now and then, someone to tell me when I’ve had a bad day that tomorrow will be better.”
“Camping sounds like the worst thing on that list. And I will warn you, I don’t love cooking.”
“You didn’t mind fixing me breakfast the other day.”
Celia smiled. “That was just a sandwich.”
“It wasn’t what you fixed it was the fact that you thought about me. What about you? What do you want?”
Celia gave this some thought and knew she might as well be as honest as possible. “I want to work or do something with my time that’s valuable. Animals belong on the outside, if they’re taller than this,” she said, measuring about six inches. “I want to travel. My family will be a part of my life, and this is going to sound strange, but I hate cleaning so I’m going to need a maid.”
Mike laughed and brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her hand gently. “I’m so glad that you can laugh at yourself.”
Celia shrugged and nodded this time for the waitress to come to take their order. She looked at Mike and smiled, picking up her menu. “I might as well. Laughing is better than crying any day.”