I could barely contain myself at rehearsal that afternoon; I was grinning so hard, my cheeks started aching almost as much as my chest did when Charlotte was around. But I was also trying not to think of what I’d almost said to her.
I love you.
It was a throwaway, right? I mean, people say that kind of shit to each other all the time. It’s not like it meant anything. Even if I’d recovered from it with my comment about Wendy.
God, I was such a fucking coward.
The guys all noticed my mood when I walked in.
“Damn, Kyle. Looks like Christmas came early.” Tyler flashed me a shit-eating grin. “Did you get laid or something?”
Joey and Dan laughed. Natasha glared at me. Walt didn’t bother looking up from his notebook.
I shook my head and chuckled. “Nah, family shit,” I said. Natasha’s glare softened, and she raised her eyebrows. I shook my head again. “Not important. We ready to play?” Dan crashed one of his cymbals, and Joey played a riff on his Fender. Tyler grinned at me and finished tuning his Strat, then blasted out a power chord. I snickered. “Right. Let’s rock this shit.”
We were on fire. Even Natasha was in a good mood for a change. I wondered if it was because Charlotte wasn’t there to watch us. Not that it mattered; she didn’t have to be in the same room to be with me. Every line I sang made me think about what Wendy had said at breakfast.
We don’t always get to choose when and who we fall in love with.
Walt cornered me after we broke.
“Where’s Reid?”
I shrugged. “Taking care of something for me.” He raised his eyebrows. “She’s my personal assistant, right?” I said. “So, she’s assisting me.” I grinned, and he shook his head and chuckled.
“Well, at least you’re here,” he said, poking me in the chest. “That’s something.”
I nodded. “Yeah, sorry about today.”
He waved a hand. “You’re one lucky little fuck, you know that?” I nodded again. I knew exactly how lucky I was, even if he didn’t. “How’s your sister?”
“Great,” I said. Walt knew a little about Wendy; enough to know that she was my priority. “I’m getting her out of that shitty situation she’s in.”
He pursed his lips and nodded. “Good.” He rolled his eyes. “If only because it won’t take you away from the fucking job at hand.”
I chuckled as Tyler came up to us and punched me in the shoulder.
“You coming to the Madhouse tonight?” he asked.
I hesitated. I’d hoped to talk to Charlotte and see what she’d come up with. “Yeah,” I said. “But I gotta take care of something first.”
Tyler nodded. “We’ll be there whenever you show up.” He grinned wickedly at me. “You gonna bring the chick you’re sleeping with?”
I snorted. “Yeah, that’s not fucking happening.” He laughed. “In any sense of the word,” I lied, and he grinned again.
“Whatever you say, man.” He followed the others out the door. I wandered after them, pulling out my phone and dialling Charlotte’s number.
“Hello, Kyle.”
“Hey, doll.” I slid behind the wheel of my Jag and put her on speaker. “Any news?”
I heard the smile in her voice. “The two-bedroom is still available, and she can move in on Sunday, if that’s all right?”
“That’s fucking awesome,” I said, shifting into gear and peeling out of the lot. “I’m going to the Madhouse. You wanna join us?”
She laughed. And laughed. And laughed.
“I don’t think so,” she finally said, and I grinned at the phone. “Not really my scene. But you have fun with your boys.”
“Thanks, doll. I really owe you one.”
“Not at all,” she said. “It’s my job, remember?”
I hoped it wasn’t just her job that made her help me out like that, but I didn’t say it. “Yeah, that’s why you get paid the big bucks.”
She was grinning; I could tell. “Got that right, rock star.” I heard her shuffling papers. “The manager of my building offered to let us look at the place tomorrow. Would you like me to come by and get you in the morning?”
I nodded, forgetting that she couldn’t see me. “Sounds good,” I said. “See you tomorrow.” I hesitated. “Good night, Charlie.”
“Sweet dreams, Kyle.” She hung up, and I killed the connection.
I knew I’d have sweet dreams, as long as she was in them.
I should have just gone home. Instead, I was the dark cloud at the Madhouse, drinking endless beers while the guys jammed in the oversized entertainment room and their nightly hookups drooled over them. All I could do was think about the shit that had gone down over the last two weeks. Wendy agreeing to leave her bastard husband was great news, but the sight of her bruises had caught up to me. And I was already missing Charlotte.
And the booze wasn’t improving my mood.
I cornered Tyler when he came over to the bar to get a couple of fresh beers.
“I’m gonna take off, maybe do a little writing,” I said, grabbing a bottle of rum from the back wall of the bar.
Tyler gave me a critical look. “Something on your mind?” He cracked open a beer. “You were in a pretty good mood at rehearsal. What changed?”
I shook my head. “Just tired, I guess. Been a long week.” I waved my bottle at the room. “Don’t want to bring you guys down.”
He shrugged and took a swig, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Joey’s got a couple of extra girls, if you’re looking for a pick-me-up.” He grinned, like he knew something I didn’t.
“Fuck, no.” I snorted and unscrewed the bottle of rum. “You think I want his leftovers?” I tapped my bottle against his and took a drink. “You don’t mind if I hit the studio for a while?”
Tyler laughed. “Knock yourself out, man.” He threw me a wave and wandered back to the girl he’d left on the sofa. She was full-figured and dark-skinned, with bedroom eyes and a smile that promised him a good time. I shook my head again and left the room, thinking about a different smile. One that left me weak and made my heart pound faster than one of Dan’s fucking drum solos.
Three hours later, I was still thinking about that smile.
The studio in the Madhouse was a lot like my music room, only twice the size. It had to be, to accommodate the band’s collection of instruments. Joey had six bass guitars now, and I still had no idea why. It’s four fucking strings. Six, if he was feeling like Anthony Jackson. What’s the big deal?
They did have a piano, even though none of them played it much. Tyler and I used it when I came over to write our material. For some reason, it was easier for me to pluck out a melody on a keyboard, and Tyler was always ready with one of his guitars to throw out the chords. And lately, I’d had kind of a soft spot for the piano, even more than for my old Gibson. I guess Charlotte was getting under my skin in more ways than one.
I’d scribbled down some lyrics, but my bottle was nearly empty, and I was having trouble focusing on much of anything. But I was still able to muddle through the first movement of Moonlight Sonata.
“Traitor.”
I looked over my shoulder and grinned. Tyler was leaning against the door frame, a dark bathrobe hanging on his lanky frame. There was a bottle of beer in his hand.
“You don’t like piano?” I said, sliding my hand up the keyboard and slamming down a chord.
Tyler snickered. “Not as much as I like guitar.” He took a drink from his bottle and came into the room, dropping himself onto the couch. “So, who is she?”
I reached for the rum and swallowed the last of it, not looking at him.
“Holy shit,” he breathed. “Joey was right.”
“Huh?” I frowned at him and set the bottle back on the piano. “Right about what?”
Tyler’s grin couldn’t have been wider if he’d tried. “Spider,” he said, taking another drink. “You have the hots for Charlotte.”
I shook my head and started playing again. “It’s not like that,” I lied.
He snorted. “The hell it isn’t.” He leaned forward and peered at me. “Have you fucked her yet?”
The angry, discordant sound of my fingers on the keys startled him; he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Don’t talk about her like that.” I looked sharply at him. “She’s not one of your bitches.” I grabbed my bottle again. Empty. Fuck. Had I really gone through the whole thing?
He whistled softly. “So,” he said, sitting back and lifting his beer. “Either you haven’t, and you want to –” He took a drink. “– or you have, and it’s serious.”
I put my hands back on the piano and started playing again.
“Huh.” Tyler tilted his head. “Well, you could do a damned sight worse,” he said. I glanced over at him. “She’s funny.” I narrowed my eyes as he took another swig of beer. “Smart.” I could feel my temper starting to rise. “Great voice.” He was grinning broadly, and a growl started low in my chest. “Sexy.” He winked at me.
I snarled at him. “Shut the fuck up, Tyler.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Damn, you do have it bad.”
I stared down at the keys, barely seeing my own fingers as they moved over the ivory. “Did you come in here just to piss me off, or was there a point?”
“Nope.” He finished his beer and put the bottle on the coffee table. “Just wanted to see what’s got you playing Beethoven in the middle of the night.” He snickered. “Sounds like you’ve got it all under control.”
I stopped playing and slammed the cover down over the keys. “Fine,” I snapped. “Yes, it’s Charlotte, and I’m fucking smitten. Happy?”
Tyler grinned and got up. “Ecstatic.” He came over to the piano and leaned against it. “So, have you slept with her?”
I didn’t look at him. “If I said it was none of your fucking business, would you assume that I had?”
“Probably, yeah.” He picked up the sheet of lyrics I’d been working on. “She must be pretty fucking amazing to get you drunk like this.”
“I’m not drunk,” I muttered.
“Keep telling yourself that, man.” He scanned the piece of paper he was holding. “What the fuck is this shit?”
I looked up and frowned. “Lyrics.”
He laughed rudely. “Man, you must be shit-faced. This isn’t lyrics.”
“Of course it is.”
He stared at me. “Kyle, have you read this?”
I growled at him. “I don’t need to read it,” I shot back. “I fucking wrote it.”
Tyler shook his head. “I’m telling you, man; this ain’t lyrics.” He held out the paper. “This is a fucking love note.”
I snatched the sheet from his hand and studied it. I was having trouble focusing on my own jagged scrawl as it meandered over the page. It took a minute, but I slowly realised that he was right. It wasn’t lyrics. It was just a list of things I wanted to say to her.
I never want to be without you.
I'm lost without your touch.
I need you tonight.
It went on, but I couldn’t bring myself to read the rest.
Tyler clapped me on the shoulder. “Come on, you tool,” he said. “I’m taking you home.”
I shook his hand off me and crumpled the piece of paper in to a ball. “I’m fine,” I said shortly, throwing it towards the garbage can that sat next to the couch.
I missed by a country mile.
“The hell you are.” Tyler laughed again. “I’ll drive your Jag and have Dan follow us in my Fiat.” He patted my shoulder. “Be right back. Don’t go anywhere, Romeo.”
I growled at him as he left. At some point, he came back with Dan, and they rolled my drunken ass out of the house. I barely remember the ride home; all I could do was stare out the window and think about the last few words on the page of ‘lyrics’ I’d spent the night working on.
You’re the ache in my heart.
My chest hurt all the way home.