Chapter Twenty-Two
If a person could die of humiliation, Jessie’s corpse would have been carried off the stage during the fashion show.
What had Chase been thinking to say the things he had? It was bad enough he’d spun her around and pointed to her backside in front of everyone, but the way he talked about not letting her model made him sound like a knuckle-dragging cavedweller. Not that she ever wanted to set foot on another runway, but that was for her to decide, not him.
Then, in stunned mortification, she’d listened to him refer to her granny jammies not once, but twice. Seriously? The only thing worse would have been if he told everyone she wore granny undies, which she most certainly did not. Her pajamas weren’t the type a grandma would wear, either. Stacey and Ashley had made sure of that.
Horrified by Chase’s words, he’d made it even worse when he implied he thought she had a big rear. And his comment about her not talking much made them both sound stupid. Was he trying to be funny? If so, it fell far short of the mark.
In fact, she’d been gratified to hear the collective gasp from the majority of the women in the audience. Whether Chase realized it or not, he had broken several cardinal rules of things you never say about your wife in public.
Ever.
Regardless of their marriage status, since the people who knew it was in name only could be counted on one hand, he should never have embarrassed her like that in front of hundreds of people.
Jessie wasn’t sure what emotion on the anger scale came after livid, but whatever it was, she’d surpassed the mark.
She’d never been so upset in her entire life, and there had been plenty of bad moments during all the years she’d lived with her parents and brother. In fact, there had been several moments since she’d married Chase that had required all her willpower to control her temper.
After today, after him making fun of her in public, she was finished. Through. Completely and totally done with the man.
The moment the fashion show ended, Jessie changed her clothes, grabbed her bag, and hustled back to the hotel room. It didn’t take her long to pack her suitcase and carry-on bag. She’d even started out the door to go to the airport to see if she could catch an earlier flight, when she decided she wouldn’t give Chase the satisfaction of making her leave. Not yet.
She’d promised to attend every night of the rodeo, and she would. She might have a butt bigger than those scrawny, catty women who apparently caught his eye, but by golly, she was a girl who kept her word.
With a determined step, she returned to her bedroom, tossed the suitcase and bag on the bed, and pulled out her laptop. Originally, she and Chase planned to fly out Monday morning. She managed to get a flight that would leave that night, changed into the clothes she planned to wear to the rodeo, and left the hotel room.
Between her workload that kept her in the room, and their obligations to participate in the fashion shows, Jessie hadn’t even set foot in one of the vendor shows. She had nothing but time to kill until the rodeo started and absolutely no desire to run into her husband between now and then.
Hours later, after wandering through two of the vendor shows, purchasing a few gifts she paid extra to have shipped direct, and catching a shuttle to the rodeo venue, she took a deep breath and went inside.
Amy and Ashley both gave her long hugs and Jack tried to make a joke about Chase crumbling under pressure, but she smiled and assured them she was fine.
Ashley, sensing her need to ignore what had happened, mentioned how well the Lasso Eight promotion had gone and how everyone loved the graphics she’d developed.
Jessie pretended to listen with interest while she seethed inside. Chase hadn’t even tried to understand how hard she’d been working for the last few months. Autumn was always an incredibly busy time for her and with the additional opportunities provided through Lasso Eight, she had to scramble to keep up. She hadn’t had more than four hours of sleep in weeks and her mind and body were exhausted. It was her spirit, though, that felt the most downtrodden and weary.
Through it all, she’d clung to a tiny flicker of hope that Chase would someday love her.
Between his fit the other morning about finding her working then trying to seduce her just because he could, and the horrible scene at the fashion show today, she couldn’t do it anymore. She could not spend one more day pretending to be his wife. Not when he’d made it so abundantly clear what he really thought of her — in front of hundreds of people.
Come Monday morning, she’d leave the ranch, file for an annulment, and spend the rest of her life trying to forget the year she spent married to a rodeo star.
In spite of how mad she was at Chase, when it was his turn to ride, she sat forward in her seat, muscles tensed as she watched each movement he made. He was almost to the buzzer when it looked like he lost his grip, but before the bull unseated him he regained it and not only made the ride, but won the title.
He’d worked hard for it and deserved to win, but she wouldn’t be by his side tonight when he accepted his gold buckle.
With a quick hug to Ashley and her parents, Jessie left before anyone could stop her. She returned to the hotel suite long enough to grab her luggage then hurried to the airport to catch her flight.
In Pasco, she phoned a taxi and had to wait almost an hour for it to pick her up. By the time she reached the ranch, it was after four in the morning. The roads were terrible with more than a foot of new snow that had fallen the past few days.
The taxi driver insisted on carrying her suitcase to the porch then wished Jessie a Merry Christmas as he accepted the generous tip she gave him before making her way inside the house.
Lacking the strength to carry her things upstairs, she forced her fatigued limbs up the stairs to her room. She changed into her pajamas, not granny jammies she noted dryly, and collapsed in the bed.
The next morning, she awoke and stretched. The clock beside her bed read after eleven. In her entire life, she’d never slept that late, but she’d needed the rest.
She took a shower and dressed in a sweater the same rich shade as her eyes and her favorite pair of faded blue jeans. In no rush to start packing, she walked down the back stairs to the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea. The red and white checked curtains she’d hung on the windows and draped with garland looked festive and cheery, a direct contrast to how she felt that morning.
Although she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday, she still wasn’t hungry, so she took her tea and wandered through the house, imprinting the memories from each room in her mind and on her heart. Because she knew the month of December would be more than half over before they returned from Las Vegas, she and Chase had decorated the house for Christmas before Thanksgiving.
Sweet memories of the happiness she’d experienced flooded through her. She recalled the joy of hanging garlands and wreaths, stringing lights, and setting out the wooden snowmen Kaley McGraw had given them as a gift threatened to make Jessie cry. She’d never had so much fun preparing for a holiday before and didn’t think she would again.
No matter how badly things had ended with Chase, she’d loved living on the ranch. They’d had some wonderful moments together as friends. If only she’d been able to keep from falling in love with him, but that was as impossible as commanding herself not to breathe.
Drawn to Chase’s room, where his scent lingered in the closet and among his things, she stepped inside and admired the headboard she’d had custom built for him. Fashioned to look like old barn wood, the headboard was actually padded fabric that provided a soft place for him to prop against as he read at night. Two light sconces she had installed above it offered ample light on his books, instead of the shadowed illumination from the bedside lamp.
The Pendleton wool blanket he’d won in September draped across the foot of the bed, matching the assortment of wool throw pillows tossed across the solid gray comforter. Chase had acted so excited when he’d come home and discovered the changes she’d made in his room. She’d even added a reclaimed wooden wall above the big tub in the bathroom and had Mike burn the ranch brand into the wood.
Jessie opened Chase’s closet and trailed her fingers over the shirts hanging there. He had all his sponsor shirts with him, but those he left behind were mostly his work shirts that were worn around the edges, a little frayed, but smelled just like Chase — of outdoors, and leather, and him.
She buried her face against the front of the shirt closest to her and breathed deeply, knowing she’d never, ever forget that scent.
With her heart breaking over what she had to do, she stepped out of the closet and stared wide-eyed as Tinsel scampered into the room.
“How in the world did you get in the house, Tinsel?” Jessie set her tea on the dresser and knelt to pick up the cat. She rubbed his back and scratched his ears, making him purr. “What are you up to, boy?”
The cat continued purring, at ease resting in her arms. Jessie stood then turned to carry the cat back to the kitchen. That’s when she noticed her husband. Chase leaned against the doorframe, watching her.
“I didn’t think you’d be home until tomorrow,” she said, holding the cat like a shield in front of her as her heart flipped in her chest at the sight of Chase. The intense light in his eyes and the look on his face left her thoroughly unsettled.
“I switched to an earlier flight. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find an open seat on a plane on a Sunday?” He moved into the room and shut the door behind him.
Unable to stop herself, she glared at him. “I’m sure you just turned that charming smile on someone and they were happy to accommodate your request.” Jessie took a step back. “Why are you here, Chase? If you’d waited until tomorrow to fly home, I’d be gone and you wouldn’t even have to say goodbye.”
“That’s exactly why I came home. Just so you know, I spent the night at the airport, begging anyone who would listen to get me on a plane. I ended up flying to Salt Lake, then San Diego, and Seattle before I got to Pasco.” He shoved his thumbs through his belt loops and studied her. “How I got home isn’t important. Why is.”
“You didn’t humiliate me enough yesterday? You wanted to get in a few more mortifying comments before I left. Is that it? If you thought I was so disgusting, ugly, and fat, why did you ask me to go with you in July? I erroneously thought we were at least friends, Chase. Obviously I was mistaken.”
“No, Jessie. You weren’t mistaken. We were friends, are friends. I’d like to go on being your friend. Whether you want to hear it or not, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” He took a deep breath. “For the record, I have never, for one moment, thought you were homely, ugly, or fat. Gorgeous and breath stealing, most definitely. But those other things? Not ever. Not for a single second. You are a beautiful person, Jessica Rose, inside and out.”
Not yet ready to forgive him or listen with reason, she turned her back to him and walked over to the glass door that opened onto the porch, looking outside as she continued to pet Tinsel. “If flattering me is a ploy to get me to stay so you can have more reporters come or nail another endorsement, it won’t work. Not this time.”
“No ploy, Jessie. No more reporters. No more endorsements. No more anything. Just you and me…” he smirked, “and Tinsel.”
His use of the cat’s proper name thawed her frosty attitude by a few degrees. “I thought you’re allergic to cats, or was that something you faked, too?” Jessie asked, trying to muster up more anger against Chase, but finding it hard with him looking at her with such intense warmth in his eyes.
“Nope, I’m allergic to cats, particularly this one, but I took a double dose of my allergy pills this morning,” Chase said. He lifted the cat from her arms and set him outside then closed the patio door and pulled the curtains shut. He turned toward her as though he had something in mind, something she wasn’t altogether sure she could deny him.
Jessie started backing away from him, unwilling to let go of the hurt, the bitter wounds he’d carved across her tender heart. “I’m leaving. Right now.”
“Fine, go. Run off to your lonely life in your lonely apartment with not even your cat to keep you company because Lucas will fight you for custody.” Chase offered her a taunting grin. Finally getting a glimpse of her anger, he knew she needed to release it if things between them were ever going to get better. He didn’t care if she hauled off and popped him in the nose, because he deserved it. She could scream at him, smack him, call him names and he’d take it. He realized pushing her to let it all out might be the only way to get what he truly wanted.
And what he wanted, more than anything, was Jessie. The real Jessie, not the one who quietly swallowed her temper and disappointment. Not the one who bit her tongue, kept her thoughts to herself, and minded her manners.
He wanted the fiery, passionate girl he knew lurked beneath the surface.
The angrier Jessie became, the more passion sparked in her eyes, like embers about to kindle a roaring flame. That flame drew Chase like nothing he’d ever experienced. Jessie’s gaze pierced his then she turned and started toward the bedroom door.
Desperate, he summoned up a sarcastic, snarky tone and plastered a sneer on his face. “A girl like you wouldn’t know what to do with a boy like me anyway.”
“A girl like me?” Jessie stopped her retreat across the room and glowered at him as she spun to face him. “What’s that supposed to mean? What’s wrong with a girl like me?”
He shrugged indifferently. “From what I’ve seen, girls like you are too timid to do more than faint if a guy looks twice at you. Why, I bet you wouldn’t have the first idea how to go about catching a guy’s interest. You might as well admit I’m more man than you can handle.” He sidled toward the bedroom door, studying his rough, scabbed knuckles as he feigned disinterest. “It’s probably for the best if you just go ahead and leave before you prove me right. That’s what you really want to do, isn’t it? Run off like a scared coward?”
Jessie’s anger bubbled up all over again. She marched over to her husband and poked her index finger into his chest. “What I really want to do is smack that cocky smirk right off your handsome face, Chase Jarrett! How dare you come in here, acting like you are a gift to women, an authority on us all. If you were, that whole fiasco yesterday would never have happened. You are an imbecile! And don’t even get me started on how you belittled my work and what I do. Yes, I design book covers for some admittedly silly stories, but I also do covers for fabulous, incredible books that change people’s lives. I create art that makes people laugh or touches their hearts. My graphics were plastered all over Vegas the last two weeks, and you didn’t even notice! Paige loves what I’ve done for Lasso Eight. I’m good at what I do. Whether you acknowledge it or not, I don’t need your approval to know it.”
He started to say something but she jabbed him again, backing him toward the bedroom door. “And another thing, you… you… man! I don’t wear granny anything. Stacey and Ashley made me get rid of all my old nightshirts, not that you ever saw them anyway. How could you say that in front of all those people yesterday? Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? It was almost as bad as you saying I have a big rump. Honestly, Chase, you are so clueless when it comes to women. If those bimbos who are constantly after you had any idea what they’d get if they caught you, they’d run the other direction. As for a girl like me not knowing what to do with a boy like you, I know plenty. If I wanted to, I could romance you right out of your pants!”
Appalled by the realization of what she’d just said, Jessie looked as though she wished she could snatch back the words. She appeared panicked as she stepped back from him, ready to flee. Chase blocked the door, cutting off her means of escape.
His eyes smoldered with heat as he took a step toward her and offered her a devilish grin. “Get to it, darlin’. I’m willing to let you try. I’ve been ready and waiting for a year now. In fact, I don’t think I can wait a single day longer.” Chase moved closer and the grin melted as his face and tone softened. “I love you, Jessica Rose, with all that I am and all I ever hope to be. I realized last night on the back of that mean ol’ bull there isn’t a single thing that means more to me than you. If all I had in this world from this moment forward was you — no ranch, no career, no money, no anything — just you, I would die a happy, blessed man.”
He stopped moving toward her only when they stood toe-to-toe. “Jessie, I can’t even begin to apologize for what I said and did yesterday at the fashion show. You might not believe me, but I got so nervous, words just spilled out. Even as I was saying them, I knew they were wrong, and awful, and embarrassing, but I couldn’t stop. I’m so, so sorry I humiliated and hurt you. In my defense, seeing you in that red dress Thursday, then that… that black bewitching number yesterday wreaked all kinds of havoc on my head and heart. I can’t even tell you what those jeans you had on at the last fashion show did to me, baby.”
She didn’t move, just stared at him, uncertain and hesitant, yet he sensed her hopefulness.
He reached up and fingered a lock of hair that fell across her face. His fingers gently eased down the length of it before he tucked it behind her ear, then placed his hand on her shoulder. “Jessie, what I wanted to say, what I should have said yesterday, is that you practically brought me to my knees when you walked out on the stage looking like a model from a glamour magazine. You were sexy and amazing and it just left me awed, so in awe, that I’m lucky enough to be married to you, I couldn’t think straight. To me, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. I didn’t mean to sound like some brainless dictator when I said I wouldn’t let you model. I just meant that you looked so hot, I couldn’t stand for other guys to see you, to see them looking at you like they were yesterday. And I know you don’t wear granny jammies. Even if you did, they’d look cute on you.”
His hand trailed down her arm until he captured her hand with his. He raised it to his lips and kissed the backs of her fingers. “I apologize for acting like such a jerk about your work. I didn’t realize how much you were doing, how hard you were working, and I’m sorry. You could have said something to me, but I probably wouldn’t have let it penetrate my thick skull anyway. The championship title I’ve most likely won is Stupidest Man Alive, but I hope you will someday forgive me and maybe even consider giving me a second chance. I had Paige show me everything you’ve done for Lasso Eight. You’re so talented, Jessie, so incredible and wonderful. I’m so, so proud of you.”
Jessie lifted her chin and straightened her spine. She’d already made up her mind to leave, but he wondered if anything he said would alter her decision. Maybe he’d offered too little too late.
Hurt glimmered in her eyes as she nodded to him. “Perhaps I will forgive you, someday. Let’s part on good terms and leave it at that. Friends?” She held out her right hand to him, waiting for him to shake it.
He registered her surprise when he took a step back and shook his head. “No. I won’t accept your friendship, Jessie. Not unless it comes with your love.”
She narrowed her gaze. “In light of things, of everything that’s happened, friendship is the best I can offer. If you won’t take that, then I suppose I better go.”
Chase knew it was time to change tactics and admit what his heart had known all along. “No. Don’t go,” he rasped in a voice laced with pain.
He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her hair, breathing deeply of her rosy, vanilla scent. “I can’t let you go, Jess. Please don’t ask me to. I love you. Stay here on the ranch and be my wife in every sense of the word. I want you to sit on the porch talking about denim and peaches and all your dreams. I promise, from now on, to love you without a bit of restraint, with my whole heart. Please, darlin’? I love you so much, and have for such a long time. If you leave, I don’t care where you go, I’ll just come find you. If you don’t want to stay here on the ranch, I’ll sell it in a heartbeat and go wherever you want to live.”
“Why should I believe you?” she asked. In spite of her frosty tone, he could see in her eyes he’d made it over the wall she erected around her heart. Her hands slid up his arms and tangled in the hair at the back of his neck.
“Because you love me, too.” Chase kissed the pulse fluttering wildly in her neck. “Because you’ve loved me since the moment we met.” His lips grazed across a spot just below her ear, making her shiver in response. He lifted his head and smiled down at her with all the love in his heart shining in his eyes. “That’s when I fell in love with you. At our wedding.”
He kept one hand wrapped around her waist while the other traced the line of her jaw. His index finger skimmed across her bottom lip. “Remember the song from our wedding reception here at the ranch?” At her nod, he continued. “I chose that song for a reason, Jessie. Because I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, from the moment you said hello. If you don’t feel the same way I do, if you can honestly tell me you don’t love me, I’ll help you pack.” His lips grazed over hers before he pulled back. “But if you can’t deny it, stay with me, Jess. Be my wife, my friend, my partner, but most especially my lover. Please stay? Let me have a lifetime to make up for my past transgressions. It may take me fifty years to convince you to forgive me for yesterday alone, not to mention all the other dunderheaded things I’ve done in the last year.”
She grinned. “It might not take quite that long.” Unable to hold back her feelings any longer, she nodded her head and let him see into the depths of her heart. “I’ve loved you from the second your hand touched mine.” No longer interested in leaving, she pressed against him, backing him toward the bed. Slow and deliberate, she tugged his shirt from the waistband of his jeans and began unsnapping it. “Maybe now would be a good time to convince me to stay.”
“Anything you say, Mrs. Jarrett,” Chase said, grinning as they fell back on the bed together and into the love that had been waiting for them the past year.
Later, when evening shadows darkened the room and Jessie rested in Chase’s strong arms, she sighed, more content and happy than she’d ever been. “I love you, Chase, more than anything.”
“Even Tinsel?” he teased, brushing aside her hair and pressing a heated, moist kiss to the pulse beating in her neck.
“Even Tinsel,” she whispered, rolling over and wrapping him in her love. The passion burning between them reignited the moment their lips connected.
When he lifted his head, he smiled and nuzzled her ear. “How did a lunkheaded ol’ cowboy like me deserve to have such a sweet, beautiful woman like you love me?”
She smiled and rubbed her hand across his chest. “Maybe it was just meant to be.”
“The truth is I don’t deserve you at all, Jessie. But I plan to show you how grateful I am for you, for your love, each and every day.” He kissed her nose. “Happy Anniversary, my gorgeous, wonderful, beloved wife.”
“Happy Anniversary to you, my handsome husband.” Jessie grinned and kissed the brackets along the left side of his mouth, something she looked forward to doing for the rest of her life. “I think we should get your cousin something special for Christmas this year.”
Chase gave her a curious look. “Why’s that?”
“Because if it wasn’t for her we would never have met, or accidentally married, and I wouldn’t be the happiest woman on the planet.”
“The happiest?” Chase asked, settling his lips over hers for a long kiss.
“The absolute happiest.” Jessie gave him a flirtatious wink when he pulled back and melded his gaze to hers. “The only thing that would make me happier is if you made me fall in love with you all over again.”
He drew her closer against him. “Let’s get started on that right now. I love you, Jessie, forever and always.”