Chapter 20
Fiona, earlier that day
Icame home from work, if I could count walking around like a zombie while doing the bare minimum “working.” Lack of sleep from the night before made an eight-hour shift seem like it would never end. When five o’clock finally arrived, there were two things I needed to do. Everything else would have to wait, including obsessing about where Cam could be. First, I owed Amber an apology for calling her a mother hen. Second, I needed a long nap.
I’d hug Amber and tell her that it would never happen again. I’d never raise my voice and snap at her. She was a dear friend who had supported me in every imaginable way. The regret I felt from barking at her earlier would fade only when she forgave me.
I assumed Amber would be home when I got there. When I saw the note from her, my heart sank.
The only way to reach Amber would be to call her cell phone. However, calling her on the phone wouldn’t cut it. She deserved a face-to-face apology. To let her know how sorry I was, I needed to do something special. What, I did not know.
I called Henry and declined the offer of dinner without going into detail about Cam being missing. Amber was going to be there. The next time I saw her, I planned to apologize. My regret for my previous rudeness shouldn’t be stated in someone else’s house. We needed privacy when I asked for forgiveness. I would wait to see her when she returned home.
I lay down and slept. When I awoke, it was dark. The noises of traffic and horns sounded louder than the fan in my bedroom. My stomach growled, protesting the light lunch from earlier.
After I ate dinner, I thought of the perfect thing to do for Amber. I had some savings, and I hoped it would be enough to buy her a plane ticket to visit her sister in California. It was perfect. Since the pub was going to need remodeling before it reopened, it was an ideal time for her to take a trip. Amber had enough money to pay for a trip home. Still, the gesture was grand enough to let her know how sorry I was for my harsh words.
The next day, TGIF seemed like an understatement. Only one more day of work, then the weekend would be here. I talked to my boss about leaving an hour early if I made up the time on Monday. He agreed.
I took the subway to New Jersey to see Leo. I figured he must be going crazy not knowing where his brother was. We could go out to eat dinner and console each other. Not telling him ahead of time that I would be there was risky. Hell, I didn’t even know if he worked that day.
I walked into the used car dealership. Since salesmen work long hours, I expected he’d be there after five, but he wasn’t at his desk. He must be out on the lot. I sat by his desk and waited for him to come back inside.
There were two salesmen in the showroom. One was on the phone. The other was with customers. A mechanic with a clipboard was at the customer service desk. I recognized him as one of Cam’s coworkers, who I had seen in the garage. We made eye contact.
He gave some paperwork to the receptionist then headed my way. His eyes were fixed on mine. His frown grew deeper until he reached Leo’s desk.
He stood in front of me. “Fiona… It’s such a tragedy. Man, Cam really loved you.”
My core felt as though a bone-chilling wind had swept through it. “Loved,” past tense!
I twitched my head in a “no” motion. I couldn’t feel the seat. All I could focus on was the word “loved.” Everything slowed down. All I could see was the man’s mouth moving. The tunnel vision was so powerful that I strained to hear the words he was trying to speak.
“It’s just…” He shook his head, stared at the floor, and closed his eyes. He slumped down into Leo’s chair. “I lost my brother years ago. I can sympathize with Leo.”
The word “lost” I heard the clearest, because it meant Cam was gone forever. I would never see him again. I drew in a quick breath. My lower lip quivered. Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. “H-h-he’s dead?”
The man leaned over the desk and handed me a tissue. “Oh God, you didn’t know!”
I was in shock, so my movements seemed disconnected from my mind as I took it from him.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I just assumed you were here to pick up something for Leo. It was in the papers. The guys have been talking about it.”
I sat staring at him but not seeing him. I saw sweet Cam’s face and the way he looked the last time I saw him. He looked strong, handsome, and determined to help find a way to pay my father’s debt.
The man used Leo’s phone to call someone. I couldn’t hear the words, because memories of Cam still flashed in my mind. It was like watching old family films where there was no sound, just images of the man I adored, with him loving me like no one else could. His smile. His scent. His touch. The way he used to hold me.
The mechanic said something, interrupting my thoughts. Then he was gone.
All of my pent-up anxiety and trauma needed to be released. I walked to the nearest office. It was enclosed in glass, so I knew I’d be alone. I turned the knob. As soon as the door shut, I tried to scream to release all of the anguish of losing my soulmate. The sound wouldn’t leave my body. Instead, I heaved, squeaking out half sobs. The noise didn’t let the deep pain in my soul come out. It was the kind of ache only wailing with full force would help soothe. I hyperventilated on the small couch. My head sank into my hands. I drew in as much air as my lungs could handle, then screeched, exhaling until I had no more to give. My mouth hung open. I drew in another breath. I wanted to do it again, but my body wouldn’t allow it. I collapsed, my head on my knees.
The mechanic flung the door open, causing me to look up. “Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded.
“I heard you scream. We all did.” He looked white as a ghost. My wailing must have scared the shit out of him.
“It’s all too much!” My heart was still beating fast from screeching so loudly. “Learning that h-h-he’s—”
“I’m so sorry that I was the one to tell you,” he said, handing me a tissue. “I’ve called Leo. He’s coming to get you. Would you like me to wait with you?”
“I appreciate the offer, but no. I’d rather be alone,” I muttered.
“I understand.” He left.
Leo was coming. I’d have to look at Cam’s twin. Fuck! The man’s good intention of calling me a ride was backfiring. How can I stand to be around Leo right after learning of Cam’s death? I was about to find out, because there was no way I was going to be able to think straight enough to take public transportation back to the apartment.
The music’s volume in the store went up. I was sure it was a precaution against blocking any more of my hysterical sounds.
A salesman came into the room and put a cup of water on the end table. “I thought you’d like something to drink.”
“Thanks.”
I was tempted to ask him how Cam died, and the question almost escaped my lips. But I wasn’t ready for the answer. I knew why it happened. It was because he was getting the money to pay my father’s debt to the mob. Because of my father’s actions, he was gone. I wiped the tears away and took a sip of water. The yelling had wrecked my throat, making it dry and raw. Even water was hard to swallow. I didn’t know how I was going to survive.