CHAPTER 20
The Montreal command center vibrated with energy in the couple of hours following the birth of Nikolai and Renata’s son. As if the baby wasn’t enough to send a ripple of excitement through the place, preparations were also being made for the arrival of the Order’s founder, Lucan Thorne, and several other warrior elders and their mates currently on the way to celebrate the birth in person.
Kaya was thrilled for Niko and Renata. She was thrilled for her friend Mira, too. The tenacious team captain had immersed herself completely in her new role tonight--that of the elated older sister. Mira had been practically walking on air since she emerged from her adoptive parents’ sides in the infirmary to announce the baby had made his long-awaited entrance.
As for Kaya, she couldn’t help but think of her own sister and the child she carried.
In truth, she’d been thinking about Leah constantly all day. Even more so, now that Angus Mackie and his entire gang had apparently gone to ground ahead of the Order’s raid.
Standing alone in the mansion’s kitchen, Kaya put a kettle of water on the burner, guilt raking her when she relived tonight’s mission. Not only because it was likely her visit to Leah at the tavern that had spurred Big Mack to run, but because of her silence about that visit when she and the other warriors prepared for the raid.
For one of the first times in her life, she had behaved like a coward.
Yet there was a part of her that was profoundly relieved that her sister had escaped the Order’s discovery. And their wrath.
Kaya knew her day of reckoning was coming. She had been preparing herself for that moment earlier tonight, before Nikolai had come down to the war room and informed her and Aric that they had both finally made the grade as warriors. Kaya should have been celebrating the achievement she’d worked so hard to earn. Instead she’d ridden to Angus Mackie’s bar feeling as though she were on her way to the gallows.
Then, when she’d finally shored up her courage to try again, her blurted request to meet privately with the commander was thwarted by the urgent arrival of his son.
She exhaled a humorless laugh, miserable with the irony of it all.
And if she were headed for her grave as far as the Order was concerned, it was a hole she alone had dug for herself. Fear of being rejected by the only people who’d ever showed her any kindness had kept her silent about her past and the people in it. Now it was that fear and silence that would ensure she’d lose this new family she cared for so deeply.
Including Aric.
Although to be fair, he wasn’t hers. Imagining a world where he might be only made the regret and futile longing inside her worsen.
How had the arrogant Order prince she was certain she’d despise turn out to be the only man who had ever gotten close enough to see past the steep walls she’d built around her heart? How could she be in danger of losing her heart to a man who couldn’t wait to leave her in his rearview mirror?
How could she crave Aric Chase regardless of all those things?
Kaya slowly shook her head. “Because I’m a fool, that’s why.”
The kettle began to whistle, pulling her thoughts away from dreams she’d never so much as pretended she would ever have until she met Aric. Kaya poured the boiling water, staring into the twisting plume of tea-infused steam that rose up over the rim of her mug.
She had no more time to waste on soft feelings and foolish fantasies. As soon as the fervor over the baby’s arrival and the visiting warriors were gone, she and Nikolai would have their talk. And then, she was certain, her short career with the Order would be over. Before that happened, she wanted to do something useful with the time she had left.
She couldn’t be more disappointed in herself, but she’d be damned if she failed the Order any further by letting up on her mission to identify the Opus member she’d linked to Stephan Mercier.
Mug of hot tea in hand, she walked over to the large kitchen table where she’d laid out printed photos and a tablet containing image and video files from the wedding. Aric had helped her narrow the search considerably since they started, but there was still hours of work ahead. Possibly days.
Her heavy sigh was met by a subtle shift in the air behind her. Although Aric was silent, a born predator, the power of his presence registered within her senses like a physical caress.
“Quite a night,” he said, his deep voice a vibration she felt in her veins.
“Yes, it has been.” Kaya pivoted to look at him as he approached.
They had both changed out of their patrol gear. Gone were his black fatigues, in their place he wore low-slung workout pants and a dark tank that showcased his strong arms and shoulders while clinging to every ridge and muscle of his magnificent torso.
Kaya nearly groaned at the way she ached just looking at him. Her skin felt tight and hot beneath her loose clothing. She had opted for comfort as well, dressed in yoga pants and an oversized T-shirt that Balthazar had loaned her a week ago after one of their paint-gun training sessions ruined hers. Her comrade hadn’t asked for it back, and while she’d thought nothing of wearing it when she put it on tonight, seeing Aric’s gaze narrow disapprovingly on the warrior-sized garment made her cheeks flush with unwanted heat.
And her face wasn’t the only thing suddenly growing too warm as he came to stand beside her.
She cleared her throat. “How are the new parents doing?”
“I just left the infirmary a few minutes ago,” he said, his sensual mouth curving in a smile. “Renata’s already up and on her feet. Which is good, because Nikolai’s legs still look a little shaky.”
Kaya laughed, trying to picture the fearsome Siberian-born warrior as anything less than in full command of any situation. Much like the handsome Breed male currently at her side.
“Mira told me she thought Niko was going to pass out after he delivered the baby. I didn’t realize he and Renata would be handling the birth on their own.”
Aric nodded. “Rafe was on standby in case anything went wrong and they needed a healer, but complications are rare among the Breed. It’s up to the parents to decide who they want in the room with them. For a lot of couples, births are as sacred and intimate as their blood bond.”
“Is that how it was with your parents?”
His grin deepened. “Once you meet them, you won’t need to ask. They should be here anytime now.”
Kaya swallowed, her stomach lurching at the idea that she would soon be standing in the same room with his mother and father and several other Order elders and their mates when the time came to present the baby and announce his name. Mira had filled her in on the basic details of the ritual the Breed practiced following the birth of a child, and Kaya couldn’t deny that she was excited to be part of it.
The arriving Order leaders would be meeting her as a member of the Montreal team, a distinction that she felt honored to hold no matter how temporary it might end up being. But most of her anxiety stemmed from the simple fact that she wanted Aric’s parents to like her.
A ridiculous thing to hope for, and selfish too.
Yet that didn’t make her want it any less.
Knowing Aric would be on the plane with the rest of the Order when they returned home to D.C. didn’t make her want him any less, either.
Particularly when he was looking at her with steady eyes that smoldered with dark promise.
Kaya mentally shook herself out of her pointless yearning and pivoted back to the photographs. “Who do you suppose will be named the baby’s godparents?”
“Rio and Dylan,” he answered without hesitation. “There was never a doubt about that. Niko and Rio’s friendship goes back twenty years, back when the Order had only a handful of warriors and was based in Boston.”
She glanced at him as he moved in closer, joining her at the table. “Boston,” she remarked. “That’s where your father’s family is from.”
He nodded. “The Chases have been in that city for countless generations.”
“But you’re heading to Seattle now that you’ve been promoted up to warrior?”
“Eventually,” he said. “Ideally, I want to be wherever the action is. Wherever I can best serve the Order.”
Kaya looked back at the images of all those wealthy, happy people. People who could make their own futures, choose their own destinies. People who weren’t tied down by poverty or neglect or choices that would saddle them for all their lives. People like Aric, who held the world by the tail simply by virtue of his birth.
“What do you want, Kaya?”
She didn’t dare look at him. She, the girl who taught herself to fear nothing, now stood there terrified that she might let him see how afraid she was of wanting him.
She shook her head, hoping he’d let the question go.
But this was Aric Chase she was dealing with. He was as tenacious and determined as she was. He reached out and gently caught her chin on the tips of his fingers. “Tell me.”
“I used to think I wanted to see the world,” she murmured, recalling how desperately she prayed for wings to fly her out of the hell of her childhood. “I wanted to be anywhere but this city. As far as I could go. One adventure after another.”
His smile was tender, his nod mild with understanding. “And now?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do.” His palm glided along the line of her jaw, his long fingers splaying into her hair. “Tell me.”
A strangled moan escaped her before she could call it back. “Aric . . . I can’t.”
“Then tell me why you can’t.”
She closed her eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because I think something’s got you terrified, and it’s not me.” His caress gave her no choice but to open her eyes and meet his smoldering gaze. “I don’t know what’s going on in that beautiful, stubborn head of yours but I want you to know that you can tell me, Kaya. You can trust me.”
“Trust you? I hardly know you.” The protest sounded weak, despite the force with which she pushed it past her lips.
“You really want me to believe you feel that way? Because I’ve been trying to convince myself that’s how I feel about you, and it’s not working. Not one damned bit.”
Her heart leapt at his confession. She could not allow this hope to bloom, though. Not when the secret of her past was all but certain to crush anything Aric felt for her, along with his trust.
Yet she couldn’t move.
She couldn’t speak, neither to confirm nor deny what he was saying.
She stood there, torn between wanting him to kiss her and knowing she should push him away. But she couldn’t push him away. Inside she was a mess, and Aric was the only thing grounding her.
He stroked his fingers along the side of her neck, his penetrating gaze locked on her. “Tell me again that you hardly know me. That you really feel there’s nothing between us.”
His voice was low and quiet, but filled with a masculine power that spoke to everything female inside her. And, God, she couldn’t think when he was touching her. Those leaf-green eyes captivated her too, made her remember how good it felt to be drowning in his hungry, molten stare while his body moved against hers, inside her.
She wanted to feel that pleasure again. Wanted to tell him that she would never be the same now that she knew the fire of his touch, his kiss, his passion.
With this man, she simply . . . wanted.
“I didn’t say there was nothing between us, Aric.” She shook her head, miserable for all of the longing he stirred within her. “I only wish I had the strength to tell you that.”
“Finally, honesty,” he murmured. “Was that so hard?”
It should have been. Kaya didn’t trust easily. She didn’t let people see past the wall that protected her heart, let alone allow them to breach it. Yet she never felt safer than when she was with this dangerous Breed male. She didn’t resist at all when his hand moved around the back of her neck, warm and possessive. He drew her closer, his gaze flickering with amber light as he lowered his head toward her parted lips.
At that same moment, Rafe’s deep voice sounded just outside the kitchen entry, a low murmur that Kaya couldn’t quite make out. It was followed by the soft titter of Siobhan’s giggle as the pair entered the room.
“Oh, shit,” Rafe blurted. “Are we interrupting?”
Aric’s reply was no better than a growl. “Yes.”
“--No,” Kaya answered at the same time. She slipped out of his reach and turned back to her work spread out over the table. “I was just going over the intel from the wedding and reception.”
“Ah,” Rafe said. “Getting anywhere?”
Aric’s grunt held a sardonic tone. “We were starting to, but then you showed up.”
Kaya didn’t miss the questioning look he gave his comrade as Rafe brought the shy Breedmate to one of the tall stools at the island counter, then headed over to the stove. “Siobhan’s hungry, so I told her I’d make something for her to eat.”
Aric leaned against the long counter and cocked his head, then glanced at the female. “Has he mentioned to you that he’s Breed? My man over here has never cooked a day in his life, nor tasted anything he’s made. His diet is the same as mine: human red cells only.”
“And even that’s losing its appeal lately,” Rafe said, flicking a meaningful look at Siobhan. “Anyway, I think I can manage to scramble a couple of eggs and throw in some chopped vegetables. Kaya, would you like some too?”
“No, thanks.” Unlike the other Breedmate whose flushed face and throat and dusky, heavy-lidded eyes threw off an unmistakable post-sex vibe, Kaya had no appetite for food. Her stomach had been in a knot for days--ever since Aric Chase had sauntered into her life.
She felt his gaze return to her as she busied herself with the stacks of printed photographs and the surveillance videos stored on the tablet. The mention of blood and hunger only made the heat of Aric’s stare feel more intense. Try as she might not to imagine any of the human blood Hosts he was required to feed from--especially the females--the thought of Aric sinking his fangs into the soft flesh of another’s throat sent a dark lick of curiosity through her veins.
And a profound, shocking envy.
She couldn’t have been more relieved when Rafe drew Aric’s attention away from her, even though the conversation centered on the disappointing raid on Angus Mackie and the troubling evidence they collected at his bar.
“Too bad we weren’t able to grab the son of a bitch and haul him in for interrogation,” Aric snarled. “I’d have liked to see how long Big Mack would last in front of a room full of Breed warriors before he started spilling everything he knows.”
“Not to mention a lot of his bodily fluids,” Rafe added with a smirk.
“Will all of the Order’s commanders be here tonight?” Siobhan asked in between bites of her omelet.
Rafe shook his head. “Not all. Lucan Thorne and his mate Gabrielle are coming, of course. Along with Aric’s parents, and mine.”
“Carys too,” Aric put in. “She called me as soon as she heard about the baby’s birth. She and her mate Rune are on the jet with the others. Darion Thorne’s with them as well.”
“Don’t forget Rio and his Breedmate, Dylan,” Kaya added.
Aric gave her a warm nod. “That’s right. The ceremony doesn’t start without the godparents being present.”
“As for the others,” Rafe said, “Gideon and Savannah will be holding down the fort in D.C. along with Brock and Jenna. Commander Hunter and his mate Corinne have just returned to New Orleans to deal with a Rogue outbreak in that city. Kade and Alexandra are back at the command center in Lake Tahoe for the same reason. Unfortunately, our European commanders have fires of their own to put out as well, so neither Mathias Rowan nor Lazaro Archer will be at the ceremony, either.”
“What about Tegan and Elise?” Aric asked.
Rafe shook his head, his face oddly grim. “They’re on the way to Budapest.”
“Isn’t that where Micah was sent recently? Some kind of black ops mission for the Order?”
“That’s the last we heard,” Rafe confirmed. “Apparently, there’s been a development.”
The way the warrior said that word gave Kaya the sense that it wasn’t anything good. The fact that Micah’s parents had gone after their reputably formidable warrior son only confirmed the unease she felt.
Siobhan, being civilian, seemed to miss the gravity of the conversation. “Well, even without the ones you mentioned, it sounds like quite a full guest list to me.”
“It’s too bad everyone won’t be here.” Rafe gently covered her hand with his. “Sooner or later, I’d like all of the Order to meet you.”
Kaya couldn’t keep her surprised gaze from meeting Aric’s. He lifted his thick shoulder in a shrug as his comrade tipped his lover’s face up for a tender kiss.
Aric cleared his throat, whether in payback for the interruption Rafe and Siobhan’s arrival in the kitchen has caused him or out of the same awkwardness Kaya felt as an audience to the other couple’s passion, she couldn’t be sure.
“Keep that shit up and we’ll be celebrating another howling infant nine months from now,” Aric drawled as his friend drew back from his woman.
Rafe chuckled, his eyes still rooted on Siobhan. “We’re not blood-bonded yet. Not for my lack of interest in pursuing the idea.”
She dropped her gaze and pushed some of the egg around on her plate. “Everything’s just moving a little fast for me, that’s all.”
“I know, angel. Can I help it that I’m absolutely crazy about you?”
Their affection for each other was almost too much for Kaya to take. That Rafe was mad for the female anyone could plainly see. Siobhan seemed equally taken with him, but there were shadows in the Breedmate’s hazel eyes that made Kaya wonder how tall and thick were the walls around Siobhan’s heart?
Rafe didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he had enough hope for both of them to assume that eventually they would be able to knock those walls down together.
Hope that she and Aric would never have unless she was willing to come clean to the Order about her past. Bad enough that she had kept it from them all this time. Now, she had the failed raid on Angus Mackie weighing heavily on her conscience.
Reminded of all the obstacles standing in the way of anything she might have with Aric, Kaya went back to her work. As she reviewed the collections of photos, then shuffled and reviewed them again, Aric and Rafe went back to discussing Order business and speculating on the far-reaching tentacles of Opus Nostrum’s secret brotherhood.
Siobhan finished her meal and slid off the stool to carry her plate to the sink. On her way back, she paused at the table and glanced at the various groupings of images.
“Still haven’t found him, aye?”
“Not yet,” Kaya said. “But he’s in here somewhere. He can’t hide forever.”
“No.” Siobhan gave a sympathetic tilt of her head. “No one can.”
Although the comment wasn’t directed at her, Kaya’s nape prickled with warning as she watched the Breedmate walk away and fold herself under Rafe’s protective arm. Was it possible that Siobhan could suspect her of keeping secrets from the Order? Or was it merely Kaya’s guilty conscience that made heart suddenly begin to bang around like a trapped bird inside her rib cage?
God, she was going to lose her mind if she didn’t put an end to this self-torment soon.
Unable to concentrate now, she swept the photographs into the file pouch, then reached for another stack she had yet to pore over. In her haste, she knocked the pile of pictures off the table. They scattered in a disorganized mess on the floor around her chair.
“Shit.” Kaya dropped to her hands and knees to collect them. Aric was at her side in the next moment. “You don’t have to help. I’ve got this.”
“Yes, I know you do,” he said, gathering up a handful of the images and holding them out to her. “But you don’t have to do it alone.”
The image on top of the stack happened to be a candid snapshot taken of the pavilion during the bride and groom’s first dance. Aric and Kaya stood on the periphery of the crowd, holding hands and pretending to be a real couple. Except unlike the rest of the gathered onlookers, they weren’t watching Stephan Mercier and Anastasia Rousseau sway in the center of the open floor.
They were looking at each other.
And Kaya saw in her own face the expression of a woman already falling swiftly, hopelessly, in love. To her utter shock, she saw a similar tender regard in Aric’s handsome face--both in the photograph and in the solemn expression he held her with now.
“Partners, Mrs. Bouchard. Remember?”
She couldn’t hold his intent gaze. It was too easy to believe him. Too easy to think the fake relationship that had marked their initial meeting might actually have become something real.
Not only for her, but for Aric as well.
Kaya glanced down . . . and her gaze rooted on another face in the crowd.
“Oh, my God.” She grabbed the photo and peered more closely. “Aric. There he is.”
“Are you serious?”
She nodded vigorously, her finger trembling as she pointed to a half-obscured face standing among the wedding guests behind her and Aric. The squatty, dark-haired man had an unremarkable face but Kaya would know his build and carriage anywhere.
“It’s him. Mercier’s Opus contact.”
Across the kitchen, Rafe uttered an excited curse. “Let me see.” He and Siobhan both came over to look at the image. “Who am I looking for?”
“Right here,” Aric said, marking the place in the photo as he handed it to his comrade.
Then all of his attention returned to Kaya. “You did it. You found him.”
As excited as she was, she shook her head, loathe to take the credit when their task was far from finished. “I only found his face. We still don’t know his name.”
“We will.” Aric tapped his temple. “You leave that to me . . . partner.”
Before she could say another word, he caught her face in his palms and claimed her mouth in a slow, bone-melting kiss. Kaya didn’t fight it. Not even close. Looping her arms around his neck, she kissed him back with all of the desire and emotion--all of the love--she’d been trying so desperately to deny.
Dimly, distantly, she registered that Rafe and Siobhan no longer stood near them. And then she realized why, when someone pointedly cleared his throat just inside the room.
Someone that wasn’t Rafe and certainly wasn’t Siobhan, either.
Alarmed, Kaya squirmed, but Aric took his sweet time letting go of her.
When he finally did, his beautiful green eyes danced with bright flecks of amber. He swiveled his head to greet the new arrivals, his fanged smile utterly unapologetic.
She glanced toward the entrance of the kitchen too. Standing there were two couples. There was no mistaking the air of authority--and lethal danger--that radiated from the Breed males, both the handsome, golden-haired one in a crisp white shirt and dark jeans and the devilishly good looking brunet who stood beside his well-dressed comrade wearing a lot of sleek black leather and a pair of long, curved daggers sheathed on his belt.
The two Breedmates at their sides were equally stunning for different reasons, each blessed with incredible beauty and a strength that seemed to emanate from deep within.
Aric rose, taking Kaya’s hand to bring her up with him from their embarrassing clinch on the floor. He smiled at the tall female with caramel-brown hair and eyes the same spring leaf green as his own. Then he tipped his head in greeting to the golden male at the beauty’s side.
“Hey, Mom. Hello, Father. There’s someone I want you to meet.”