CHAPTER NINETEEN

AMBER

 

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY. What you did has put you in danger.”

My chest rose and fell rapidly at the panic his words sent through me. I had craned my neck back to look up at him. “I know...” I said, looking away. He took a step back, and my legs turned to jelly. I sank down onto the bed. “I know...” I repeated as I thought of the two men who had chased me. They had my purse, my ID.

My breath halted as Emmett knelt down on his hunkers in front of me. “You keep saying that, Amber, but yet every time I try to keep you safe, you keep putting yourself in danger.” Butterflies erupted in my stomach at his closeness. My heart pounded at his words. I knew I had a terrible habit of throwing caution to the wind, but nobody except for Grace had ever really cared.

I swallowed a million emotions. “I’m sorry,” I said, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were now focused on the inside of my thigh that was very much on display. He used just one finger to push my leg open slightly, so he could get a better look at the tattoo. That one finger, one touch, had me on fire. The large shirt covered my vitals but stopped at my thigh.

“What does it say?” He asked. There was a slight edge to his voice that wasn’t there before.

He didn’t look at me as he continued staring at my tattoo. “My scars are when life tried to break me but failed,” I recited ,while my eyes burned with tears, and my breaths came out in shallow pants. Emmett looked at me now. He seemed uncomfortably closer, his face too close, his arms brushed my thighs.

“What happened?” he asked, his eyes tracing my face, and then settling on my eyes. I didn’t like talking about what nearly broke me, to anyone, but with him, and at this moment, I wanted to.

“I lost a baby.” Surprise filled Emmett’s eyes, his eyebrows raised slightly. He nodded his head, but didn’t say a word.

 “She would have been three, now,” I told him, my heart hurting at each word that left my mouth. “I often wonder, would she have looked like me? I was going to call her Lily.” The first tear fell.

 “That’s a beautiful name,” Emmett said with a sad smile. He was the first person I had ever told her name to. Not even Grace knew. Telling Emmett made Lily more real, and my throat burned.

“I used to imagine what it would be like when she said Mommy for the first time, or when she took her first step, would she have wobbled and fallen into my arms? Her little body warm and safe in my arms…” I closed my eyes, smiling against the image I had conjured of Lily. Warm hands touched my sides making me open my eyes.

“You are so strong,” Emmett told me, his soft smile and the tilt of his head made him appear vulnerable and young, not something I was used to seeing. It was as though he understood the pain that I had been through, because he had also faced that pain and won.

 “I don’t feel it,” I said while wiping away the tears and the fantasy. “What about you, do you have a moment that tried to break you?” I asked, not wanting to talk about what happened to me.

Emmett stiffened. “I have lots of moments, Amber.” I shivered at the way he spoke my name, and I became even more aware of the very intimate position we were in.

“How do you cope?” I asked, searching his face.

 “I made a list of everyone who wronged me,” he said. I nodded, I got that.

 “Yeah, I did that once too,” I told him, and he smiled at me, my heart flipping, and warmth filling me in places that had my face reddening. I dropped his gaze. “I wrote down the names and burnt it,” I told him looking back up at him. His smile and amusement had fled.

“I don’t burn my list,” he told me, his eyes hooded.

The seriousness had me curious. “So, what do you do with it?”

“I mark off the ones that I kill.”

My heartrate skyrocketed. “We are speaking hypothetically, right?” I knew the answer; it was plain as day on his face.

“Are we?” He asked, and I didn’t want to answer him, so I asked something else.

“Why did you let that man beat you?” My hands once again reached for his face, but this time he didn’t stop me. When I gently touched his bruised cheek, his eyelashes fluttered closed, his head tilted slightly into my touch. My eyes examined his face, while my hands roamed it, his features so perfect, from his cheekbones to his strong jaw. His plump lips, a breath escaped them and when my fingers ran over his bottom one, his eyes flicked open. I stilled, wanting nothing more than for him to kiss me. His eyes lingered on my lips, and I wanted it so much so that I was shocked at the intensity I felt.  I wanted Emmett, and finally I admitted to myself what Grace had recognized earlier. I was falling for him. This thought terrified me, but also made me feel so alive.

He moved in close to me, the only thing separating our lips was my finger. All I had to do was move it, so I did. Our lips brushed together. I flicked out my tongue to wet my lips. The contact was like a spark, igniting the fuse.

Fire filled my veins, rushing through my body as Emmett pressed his lips harder against mine, his own tongue flicking out. He moved deeper between my legs, and I opened them for him until his chest was flush with mine. My hands left his face and moved to his shoulders. The hard muscles shifting under my hands had me wanting more; I wanted to touch his skin. My hands hungrily reached for his top, breaking the kiss, and the spell that I was under. Emmett’s eyes were closed as he leaned in placing his forehead against mine. I was seriously trying to control my breathing. I sounded like a smoker who had run a mile.

Emmett finally opened his eyes, and a lazy, boyish grin grew on his face. My heart couldn’t take much more. I didn’t stop the stupid, goofy smile that broke out across my own face, causing him to go from a grin to a smile, too. My stomach fluttered at the smile. It was what first drew me to him. Yeah, he was gorgeous, but it was more than that. I knew how rare his smiles were, yet he smiled at me.

After smiling at each other for a few moments, Emmett grew serious. “I need you to make me a promise,” he said, leaning away from me. I wasn’t going to say anything, but decided against it.

“It depends,” I told him, electing a small laugh from him that had my stomach in knots. If I told my symptoms to a doctor, they would tell me that Emmett wasn't good for my body.

“I need you to go away for a while.” Not what I had expected. I felt disappointed. Shifting so my legs moved closer together, Emmett sat back further, allowing me to gather my dignity.

“No,” I answered honestly as he stood.

 “Don’t be difficult, Amber.” He folded his arms across his wide chest, and I crossed my legs, his eyes flickering along my bare skin like prodding fingers. I uncrossed them and placed my hands on my thighs. There was no way to sit that I wasn’t showing a lot of skin.

“I’m not being difficult, Emmett. I’m just not going,” I folded my arms, now. That felt slightly better.

“It’s too dangerous for you to stay here. You will end up dead and that…” He paused, swallowing.

“That…“ I prodded.

“That I can’t have on my conscience.”

Talk about a kick in the teeth. I stood, feeling like a fool. “It’s not. I’m not your problem.” The sting of humiliation burned across my cheeks.

“I’m trying to keep you alive.” Anger tainted his words.

“I am alive. For the first time in a long time, I actually feel alive. There are more ways than one to be dead, and I can’t go back to that, Emmett, not when I’m finally–alive.” My hands had balled themselves into fists. “Don’t ask me to do that,” I bit my lip trying to keep my emotions at bay. I wasn’t an emotional kind of girl, but around him, I found it hard to keep a grip on everything.

Emmett took a step towards me. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I repeated stupidly. I was shocked for like the hundredth time around him. I couldn’t predict anything with him.

“I know exactly what you mean, but if you stay, you stay here, with me,” he was pointing at the floor.

I needed to clarify. “You mean the hotel,” I asked, and he gave me a sharp smile.

“No Amber, I mean here in my penthouse, with me.”

  “No, I promise I will stay in my hotel room, Michael will watch me.”

But as I spoke Emmett shook his head, his mind already made up. “Every promise you made, you broke. So, no.” Well, shit on a stick, I had. Never on purpose, though…okay, that was a lie. A knock at the door had our conversation ending. Emmett left the room, but paused at the door. “What was the thing that made you feel alive again?” he asked without looking back at me.

“I’m not sure,” I lied. He glanced at me and gave me a brief nod before leaving. That was the first time in my life I acted like a coward.

It was Matthew at the door, with two suitcases. He didn’t show any surprise at finding me here, in Emmett’s shirt. Instead, he greeted me like we were old friends. I felt more vulnerable with him now than I would when I was dressed.  I tried to give him a smile, one that Emmett could clearly see through, as he watched me with a question in his eyes. I took my suitcases and made my way to the guest room that Emmett had said would be mine while I stayed with him.

Once dressed, I heard the door close and hoped that meant Matthew was gone. I went in search of Emmett, and I found him alone. He stared out one of his huge windows, his hands in his pockets. Watching him watching the world below us made me see him as such a remarkable man. What he had built and the position he found himself in. I wanted his respect, which wasn’t something I normally wanted from people. But I wanted his.

“I lied to you earlier,” I said as my stomach twisted. Emmett turned to me, his face relaxed. It was such a different look on him, one that had my stupid heart pounding.  “When you asked me what it was that made me feel alive again,” I said to clarify as he stood still.

He gave me a brief nod before speaking. “You said you weren’t sure,” he said back, and I kept my head high as I spoke.

“You are what has made me feel alive again,” I said.

Removing one hand from his pocket, he rubbed his jaw, looking at me with hooded eyes. “I love your honesty,” he finally said with a smile. The word ‘love’ was doing funny things to me.

“Good.” I responded, while smiling like a fool.

“I want to show you something,” he said, his smile gone. His head tilted slightly with the look I had seen before when he was opening up. It made him look vulnerable. I took his outstretched hand, and he threaded his fingers through mine, sending my pulse into overdrive. He paused, staring at me for a moment before leading me through the penthouse.

“You’re not going to take me to a torture room or something,” I said, half serious. He had admitted to killing people, after all, a fact that should seriously bother me, but didn’t.

  Emmett glanced back at me, with a spark in his eyes and a wicked smile. “Would you like that, Amber?” I tried not to fall over my feet. He was flirting, what could a girl do? Only flirt back.

  “Let me see the room first, and I’ll tell you.” The small, short laugh that burst from his delicious mouth had warmth spreading in hidden areas inside me. We stopped at a set of double doors. I couldn’t see Emmett’s face, but his grip on my hand had tightened, and his shoulders tensed. I hadn’t a clue what to expect when he opened the doors.

   But what I did see when he opened the door not only surprised me, it took my breath away. Canvases sat lined against one wall, while an easel like the size of five normal ones sat in the middle of the room. Workbenches sat to my left, filled with brushes, paints, and bare canvases. I moved into the room, and Emmett let go of my hand as I walked to the painting he was working on. I think this kind of art was called abstract. To me, usually it looked like someone got a few cans of paint, and splashed them across a canvas, but this—this was different. My throat tightened looking at it, the emotion of sadness almost choking me. I couldn’t tell you why, but the browns, reds, and blacks meshed so perfectly on the page. It was Emmett, dark, broken, dangerous. It was like looking into his soul. I could feel him behind me.  “It’s beautiful,” I told him without looking back. 

“Painting is something I used to do when I was young. But I haven’t for a few years now.” I looked back at him. He wasn’t looking at me, but the easel, his eyes so haunted. My hand rose and rested on his chest as he looked down at me, the memories that haunted him leaving. “I started again three weeks ago.” I swallowed and nodded. His hands reached up, touching either side of my head. “You, Amber, you made me feel alive again, as well.” His eyes lowered to my lips, and I wetted them, my heart ready to explode at his words. To think I had an impact on someone like him was hard to comprehend.

This time, when Emmett kissed me, it wasn’t soft or slow. His kiss was demanding, his tongue gaining entry into my mouth, and I moaned. Pulling up his t-shirt, my hands roamed across his toned stomach. Another moan escaped me, the sound making Emmett kiss me wildly, almost frantically. I was in his arms, my legs around his waist, his hands grabbing my arse within a second. The kiss wasn’t broken, and I pushed my aching body against his hardness as he moved us so I was against a wall.

It was distant, the ringing of the phone. I groaned as Emmett continued to kiss me, but he could hear it, too and finally, he pulled away, leaning his forehead reluctantly against mine as we both tried to catch our breaths. “I need to go,” he said this with his eyes closed and his brows furrowed.

“No, just ignore it,” I told him, pleading. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. “What? You like hearing the agony in my voice?” I said before kissing his jawline. This time, he moaned. I didn’t care that I sounded needy, I seriously didn’t want this to end.

“Amber.” My name was said with ecstasy…no, I realized, it was said with regret. When I stopped kissing him, he lowered me to the ground. “I’m sorry, but I really have to go.”

I nodded, trying to sort through my feelings. Disappointment and hurt sat right at the front, waving little flags. “Then go,” I told him. I wasn’t going to say it was okay because it wasn’t, and my body right now was anything but okay. His smile caught me off guard. Before I could ask, he leaned in and kissed me.

“I’ll make it up to you later.”

That lifted my spirits and made me feel all kinds of funny inside. “Okay then,” I told him with a smile. He studied me for another moment, his phone ringing again. A soft kiss was placed on my lips before he left me feeling off-kilter in a room filled with his tortured past.