CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

AMBER

 

MICHAEL HADN’T LEFT the apartment all day. We spent most of it ordering in food and watching crime dramas. By the evening, I found myself checking the door every few seconds. I know Emmett had said we were going for a meal tonight, but he had left this morning and I hadn't even received a text from him. Needy wasn’t something I normally was, but with Emmett, I felt different. I wanted him here, and also, I worried what the hell he could be doing out there. Would he arrive back with more bruises? Or maybe he wouldn’t arrive back at all? My heart dipped, and I shook my head trying to rid of it such morbid thoughts.

“You okay?” Michael asked with furrowed brows. 

“Just worried about Emmett,” I said, and Michael smiled.

 “He’s fine.” He continued to smile, and I wanted to punch him. Instead, I got up and stalked to the bedroom. I was tired of being kept out of the loop. “Don’t get mad,” Michael said from the couch, the mockery as clear as day in his voice, so I gave him the bird without looking back.

The shower helped calm me as the warm water cascaded over me. After sitting around all day stuffing my face and stressing, this is what I needed. Reluctantly, I got out and went to get dressed. I had selected a sleeveless green dress the same color as my eyes for tonight, the figure-hugging material clung to all my curves. I felt giddy as I slipped it on before placing my feet in the high heels that matched it perfectly. Holding my hair up, I moved my head from side to side. I wasn’t sure whether to wear it up or down.  

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes collided with Emmett’s in the mirror. I dropped my hair and calmed my beating heart. I wanted to run to him and throw my arms around his neck, but I refrained from acting like a psycho. Instead, I stood still as he made his way to me. 

“Stunning.”

One word, and I became putty in his hands. He looked so good, and my heart raced as my eyes met his again in the mirror. It was at that moment that I knew I loved him with every fiber of my being. I could no longer hold his gaze. I turned away from the mirror, intent on gathering a bag and jacket, a way to distract myself, but Emmett had a different idea. I found myself in his arms, my head lying on his chest, and he just held me. I finally relaxed, closing my eyes, and inhaled the uniqueness of Emmett Harrington. The man I loved. Fuck, that wasn’t getting any easier. 

When Emmett shifted, I opened my eyes and glanced up at him. He looked down at me, causing my stomach to erupt with butterflies. “You smell nice,” I blurted out, just to stop the ‘I love you’ loop that continued to go around in my head. Emmett’s smile grew slow and lazy.

“Do I?” Amusement laced his words.

I was flustered now, and he could see I was flustered, and he was enjoying this. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, you do.” He moved slowly, still with the lazy smile before he kissed me, stealing my breath again. Once our lips touched, it was like something was ignited in both of us, and Emmett had the zip of my dress down and was ready to pull it over my head.

“Whoa, whoa steady on,” I said. I was breathless, I wanted him, there was no doubt about that. His eyes shone with hunger as he stood back, slightly confused. “I didn’t get dressed up for nothing,” I admonished him while turning for him to zip my dress back up. I smiled at the tightness of his jaw, and the frustration in his stance. The noise of the zip was like a lock closing and when I turned around to Emmett he had managed to compose himself like nothing had happened. Me, on the other hand, I was a mess.

 ***

I lay in Emmett’s arms feeling…just…so much. I had never felt this way about anyone, and it scared me.

“What happened between you and your father? Why did you stop talking in the first place?” I asked, trying to get an insight into the man who had stolen my heart. Emmett stiffened under me. Family to me was important, and I couldn’t imagine my life without mine. Anytime we fell out, we would fix the problem. I wasn’t naïve when it came to Emmett’s family. Their problems and mine were on a different scale, and I would never forget his father’s expression as he’d watched his son fight, but sometimes an outside perspective helped see things that you can’t when you’re standing too close.

“It was Thomas. You know, mine and Grace’s brother?” I looked up at Emmett now. There was such pain in his eyes, and with the rawness in his voice, my hand went to his chest in a soothing gesture. He looked at me, not hiding his pain, and my throat tightened.

 “Yeah, I remember her telling me he was killed by a drunk driver,” I said, and he nodded before looking away. 

“He was one of my father’s crew members, sent to do a job that I wouldn’t.”

I froze, holding my breath. A part of me wanted to stop him, tell him it’s fine, I’m not a therapist I don’t want to know. But the part that loved him wanted to help him heal. “What was the job?” I didn’t know if I really wanted to know, but I had a feeling he needed to say the words out loud.

“To kill Marsha. She had known too much about my father. When they separated, he still loved her, so he let her walk away. But she had started to use drugs again, and that was dangerous for my father. He knew, in her drug induced state, that she could let something slip. I was ordered to kill her, and I couldn’t. I knew what it would do to Grace and Thomas, so he sent one of his men, who was high when he drove to the house.” Emmett moved his arm from around me, sitting up. I didn’t move, I honestly was afraid he would stop talking.

“He killed Thomas. It was so hard to be around Grace after that, knowing the truth and not being able to share it with her. I hadn’t gone because I knew it would hurt her, and instead, my actions caused her more pain than I could have ever imaged. So, I left. I couldn’t face her. In that moment, I walked away from my father, as well. I thought my father would leave Marsha alone, but I had gotten word that he was sending someone else to stage a break-in. I don’t know what went wrong, but her husband, John, was there and he died of a heart attack. I knew I had to get Marsha out of there, so I put her in a clinic to keep her safe.”

When Emmett paused I sat up, pulling the blanket around my naked body. “You saved her,” I said, but he didn’t look at me. “You helped Grace so much too,” Emmett still didn’t look at me, he simply stared at the wall, hiding back inside of himself. “Emmett, look at me,” I touched his jaw gently to coax him to look at me, and he finally did. 

“In order for my father to help me, I agreed to finally kill Marsha.” His words had my hand dropping from his face like it was hot coals, and I automatically shifted away from him. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. My mind was struggling to stay calm with the conversation, but killing Grace’s mother was–unthinkable. I loved him, but I knew I wouldn’t stay if he did that.

“I won’t stay if you do that,” I found myself saying, pathetically. As if my threat would change this outcome. My eyes burned as I looked at him. I felt real fear. Fear of losing him, fear of the damage that his actions would cause my best friend, and fear of what this action would finally do to him. I feared it would be the final action that broke him for good. I didn’t want him to kill her, not just for Grace, but for me and for him. I didn’t want him to make me walk away, and that was selfish.

“I’m not going to harm her, Amber.” The softness in Emmett’s voice was like a gentle hand on my raw heart. Relief raced through my body, my mind so focused on one thought. I wasn’t going to lose him.

“What are you going to do, then?”

“That, you don’t need to know,” he answered, and for the first time throughout this conversation, I nodded in agreement. I didn’t need to know. But he was being so honest with me, so I wanted to be honest back. That fear was growing in my stomach again, a part of me saying I needed to shut up and lie down. But I couldn’t let it go. Emmett was slowly relaxing beside me, he leaned his back against the hardboard.

“I wanted to talk to you about Matthew,” I said, and swallowed nervously. I glanced at Emmett. He was looking at me, and I couldn’t read him. My stomach tightened, my head and heart telling me I needed to leave this good and well alone. But my mouth had other ideas. I swallowed. “He killed Liam. Kirk was telling the truth, and he knows I know.”

It came out, quickly. I glanced at Emmett again; his jaw had tightened, but he hadn’t spoken. “He was also the one that had those men take me. He killed them and the young boy when he heard you coming, but before that, he ordered that boy to kill me.” Another glance, his eyes were harder, and dread pooled in my stomach. “I know all this because when they drugged me, it froze me, but I could hear everything.” My eyes filled with tears, a plea for him to believe me.

I knew there was no point in stopping there, so I told him the all of it. “Not only could I hear everything, I could also feel everything,” I swallowed my useless tears. Emmett’s silence was so frightening. I no longer feared him hurting me–no–it was losing him that I feared the most. “I know you don’t really know me, Emmett, so I don’t expect you to believe me. I mean, you didn’t with Kirk, but I swear on Lily that I am telling the truth.”

“I believe you,” Emmett said, he pulled me towards him, his touch wasn’t gentle. His arms were too tight around me, causing me pain.

“Emmett,” I let out as a small squeak. He loosened his grip, but held me, saying nothing, and that was killing me. “Say something. Please.”

“You don’t have to be afraid. I would kill every one of them if they were still alive. Matthew will never touch you. You have my word,” he leaned me out, so I could see him. “But, you should have told me.”

“Emmett, you didn’t believe Kirk,” I said in my defense.

“I knew you were hiding something. I know when you are lying,” was his answer, and I smiled slightly.

 “How?”

He searched my face as he leaned in and kissed my nose. “Your nose twitches when you lie.” 

I laughed at his words. “No, it doesn’t,” my heart swelled when he smiled.

“Tell me a lie.” His arms still held me, and when I looked at him, I had never felt safer in my life.

“I love you, Emmett Harrington.” My heartbeat was in my mouth, sweat tickled the back of my neck. Where the fuck had that come from? Emmett looked like he wasn’t breathing–he looked afraid, and that terrified me. I needed to abort. “See? you can’t tell,” I tried to smile, but it felt strained.

“Your nose didn’t twitch, Amber.” Emmett’s words were said in a hush, as if he said them too loud, he just might crack the illusion that I said I loved him. His fear now gave me strength.

 “No, it didn’t, because I was telling the truth.” I wanted to throw up as the nerves started to jangle. I could feel a slight tremble take over my body. Which was fucking weird? “So that’s it. You don’t have to say it back. I just obviously needed to get that out,” I gave a quick laugh and tightened the surrounding blankets. I needed to get up and abort this moment. I didn’t regret saying it, I just didn’t want to sit there like I was waiting for him to say it back. I got halfway out of the bed before Emmett pulled me back down. I was lying under him, my heart racing, my veins on fire. He brushed the hair away from my face and studied with such intensity that it took a lot for me to keep still. He leaned in closer, balancing himself on his arms, and kissed me. My body responded to his as skin met skin, and I didn’t hold back, but opened my legs and allowed him entry, which he took.

I was in and out of sleep for a while. All I could smell was Emmett, the warmth of him behind me, keeping me tucked safely in this little cocoon, and I was in no hurry to move. It was official, he had turned me into mush. I smiled in my sleep, but my peace was broken when I rolled over to wrap my arms around Emmett and found that he wasn’t there. Opening my eyes to the emptiness of the room filled me with disappointment, making me roll on my back. I missed him already. “Get a grip,” I told myself out loud.

I didn’t shower but got into leggings and a t-shirt. I plaited my hair as I made my way barefoot to the kitchen. I needed a cup of tea. I moved around the kitchen, feeling like I belonged and that thought had me choking up. After losing Lily, belonging somewhere didn’t exist. I stopped what I was doing and looked at Emmett’s place, a place that I felt was home now. I smiled, thinking of Emmett, specifically how intense his lovemaking was last night after we had declared our love. My stomach erupted in butterflies thinking about his hands on me, how he had made love to me. He was gentle, and I felt it right to my soul. I was so not this type of girl. I had to stop this, or I would turn into–Grace. This was the type of shit that Grace said.

I made my tea and took it to the couch. I had just settled down when the double doors opened. “Hi, Michael,” I said taking a sip. I frowned, wondering what was up, and turned to ask him what was going on. But, when I turned around, I saw that it wasn’t Michael who strode into Emmett’s apartment like she owned the place. Confusion and dread consumed me.