It was Christmas Eve. Everyone was in the dining hall for a holiday meal, but I couldn’t join them.

As I looked down at my baby boy, I felt a deep despair rise up within me. All the pain I’d gone through, the ups and downs from his conception to his birth to the moment he was taken away from me – all those emotions came swelling to the surface in an uncontrollable wave as I held him in my arms, looking down at his eyes, one blue and one green…just like mine.

I’d given up all hope, and when Tyler told me he’d found him, it almost didn’t seem real. Having him back now – it was a miracle.

Tyler…I thought, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks for the third time today. I’d given up on trying to control them. There was no reason to. I was through hiding myself behind a wall, pushing my feelings away to save myself from pain. The best way to deal with the pain was to face it. I’d learned that through all of this.

My baby boy didn’t even have a name. I had no idea what to call him, and it seemed wrong not to name him without Tyler. But that wasn’t possible now.

I couldn’t say just how many times I had closed my eyes that day, inhaled my child’s scent and imprinted it on my mind, but I did it again anyway, remembering the old days under Kade, when this little miracle was brought into the world.

I’d thought it would be impossible to love him – a baby made from such a hateful act, but when I’d held him in my arms I’d been filled with nothing but love, and when he had been taken away from me, I was broken.

But now that he was back to me, I was whole again.

Almost.

I couldn’t share him with the love of my life. Tyler…He was the reason I was holding my little bundle of joy in my arms, and now, he was lying motionless on the bed beside me.

I couldn’t even bring myself to look at his body, laid out like we were in a mortuary, his skin pale, spotted and smeared with blood in places. It was like looking at a beautiful painting, a masterpiece that had been torn and scraped at by countless admirers, its vibrant colors faded under the claws of time.

I heard the door open and without looking, knew it was Osana coming to check on me.

“How are you holding up?” She asked. I could hear the concern in her voice, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I was right on the edge of breaking down. This was all too much for me.

“Eh…” I muttered, rocking my baby in my arms. A tear dripped from my cheek onto his, and I wiped it away with the back of my thumb. Osana had another glass of tea for me, my fifth today. It smelled different from the last.

“Ginger and orange,” she said as she set the mug down gently beside me. I didn’t have to look to know she was looking down at Tyler, lying motionless beside me. “He’s beautiful.”

She was talking about my baby boy. I smiled and stroked his fluffy head of hair with my fingers. He looked so much like me. Having not seen him for so long it was almost a surprise. He was so much bigger than I’d expected, and managed to get out little grunts and gurgles to let me know what he wanted.

He would probably be talking soon, and was already crawling around, trying his best to get to his feet. All he needed was the love of a parent, his real parent, to get him where he needed to be.

“I know,” I said to Osana. “I just – I wish he could see him.”

When Osana put her hand on my shoulder, I almost lost it. Choking back sobs, I pulled my baby closer to me so he wouldn’t see his father crying. I leaned my head against Osana’s chest and felt her arm wrap around my head as she stroked my cheek.

The strong omega that had fought back the alphas in that warehouse was gone, only the emotional shell of the parent remained.

“He’ll make it,” Osana told me. “He’s strong. You’ll see.”

“You really think that!?” I asked her, looking down at my mate, still lying motionless on the bed beside me.

“I know it,” she said. “He lost a lot of blood, but he’s strong. You’ll see. Have you tried lying down with him?”

“No,” I replied, wiping a tear and shaking my head. “I didn’t want to touch him in case I ripped his stitches or something.”

“Try lying down with him,” Osana told me. “It’s been shown that infants in hospitals heal faster if they have contact while they’re sleeping. You aren’t going to hurt him.”

It had been three days since the battle at the warehouse, and Tyler still wasn’t awake. I was losing hope that he’d ever come back to me, but Osana seemed confident, and that gave me hope.

Shifting my weight, I held my baby boy close and lay down on the bed beside my mate. His sweet scent, pine and eggnog, was a bittersweet embrace as I nuzzled into his neck.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Osana said. “Enjoy the tea.”

“Thank you.”

I heard her leave and took a deep breath as I lay with my mate. It just wasn’t fair, to gain my baby and lose my mate on the same day. Maybe it was my pessimism, but I couldn’t help feeling like he was lost.

Don’t think that way! I told myself as I focused on the warmth of his body. His heartbeat was faint, but it was there. His chest was rising and falling, slowly, but he was breathing. He was alive. And that was all I had to focus on.

I lay there for what could have been hours, not moving, resting my head against his body. My baby had fallen asleep and I was starting to drift off. The camp was quiet, out of respect for what I was going through. I felt bad, many of the alphas were injured as well, but they were giving me respect and keeping their voices down while I mourned.

Come back to me, I thought, my cheek pressed against his chest as I started to fall asleep. Come back…

Just as the world started to pull away from me, I felt Tyler stir.

My eyes rocketed open and I looked at him, searching his face for any signs of awareness. His nose twitched, and his cheeks lifted slightly. My heart soared and I leaned forward over him.

“Tyler,” I whispered. “Tyler, baby! Are you with me!?”

Resting my baby on his chest, I caressed his cheek with my hand, hoping with everything I had that his eyes would open and I’d be with my mate again.

His left arm twitched and a look of frustration came over his face. I kissed his cheek and brought my lips to his.

“It’s okay, baby,” I told him. “I’m right here. I’m right here!”

Slowly, Tyler’s eyes opened and focused on mine. My heart almost broke right then and there.

“H-hey,” he stammered, his voice barely audible.

“Hey,” I choked, tears of joy flooding my eyes. “How do you feel!?”

“Weak,” he replied, blinking his eyes and taking a deep breath. “W-where am I?”

“You’re back at camp,” I told him. “Your parents are with Matias.”

Osana had called them as soon as we got back to camp, and they hadn’t left since they’d arrived.

“Your son?” he asked. I lifted my baby so he could see him, and I saw his face light up.

“We got him!” I exclaimed, rubbing my nose against his cheek. “And guess what, Tyler? There’s something else I have to tell you!”

“What is it!?” he asked. I saw his strength starting to return, and felt my future open up in front of me like a wide highway leading into a beautiful landscape.

The snow was falling steadily outside, and the blinking lights from the Christmas tree out back were barely visible through the window. It was Christmas Eve.

“The most amazing thing has happened,” I told him. “And just in time for Christmas. I’m pregnant!”