Iain

 

Wondering if I’d done the right thing, I paced in my apartment.

I sent her away. Coldness washed through me, over and over again, as I thought about it. As I heard her pleading voice, her tears, in my head. Over and over again. I wanted to punch something, just to put the frustration I felt somewhere.

Had I done the right thing? Was pushing Michele away really my only option?

And where was she going? Dad had called me just a short while ago to tell me that the two officers outside her building had picked her up and taken her to the bus station. The image of her, riding a Greyhound bus all by herself, made my heart ache.

I didn’t know what to do. I’d thought I’d feel relieved. I thought I’d feel happy - I’d avoided a total disaster. Brandon might still be in town, but he wouldn’t be stupid enough to tail two cops.

I figured that Brandon would eventually go home. I hoped that he would forget about her, in time - and that she could live her life in peace.

Even if I never saw her again….

No. I couldn’t think about it that way. I stopped pacing and sat down on the couch, heaving a hefty sigh. I was exhausted; I’d barely slept at all the night before, and all I could think about was her.

Running a hand through my hair, I opened up my phone, hovering over my messages, opening up the conversation between Michele and me. I never erased my reply to her text message from the night before, now saved as a draft: I miss you too. Let’s spend the night tomorrow.

My eyes blurred as I stared at the words, remembering the way Brandon had interrupted me before I had the chance to send it. Not that it would have made any difference, but to know that I’d robbed her of one last good memory between us made me feel somehow shittier.

I love you, Iain.

I tossed my phone aside. She loved me - and I abandoned her. How was what I’d done any different than Brandon?

My phone rang, and I picked it up, dreading to see who was calling. If it was Michele, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to ignore it.

It was Erik.

“Hello?”

“Hey, man. How’s it going?”

“Uh…” I said lamely. I leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I’ve been dealing with some shit.”

“Like what?”

I considered not telling him, if only because it would be too difficult to say. Did Erik deserve for me to drop this in his lap like that?

“Brandon showed up at The Capital last night,” I said carefully. “He threatened me about Michele.”

“Dude, what?” He asked, obviously taken off guard. A siren wailed in the distance.

“Maybe ten minutes after you left last night, he showed up. Talking about how he hired a PI to tail me, how I led him to her.” I swallowed, remembering his cruel eyes. Remembering his face with an expression I’d never seen before.

“What the fuck? For real?”

“Yes.”

I told him the rest, up until I ended it with Michele. I omitted the details about the way she’d told me she loved me. I couldn’t say it.

“My god,” Erik said, when I was done. “Why the fuck did you break up with her, man? Why couldn’t you just hide her in your closet for a while and post at your door with your combat skills?”

He said it as a joke, but I knew he really wasn’t kidding. I sighed and shook my head.

“You don’t get it. Nothing’s gonna stop him. I can’t protect her here. The only way she’s safe is if she’s somewhere he can’t find her.”

“You should have kicked his ass.”

“That wasn’t the answer. Believe me, I wanted to. Big time. If my dad wasn’t a cop, I probably would have. This guy needs to be dealt with the right way.”

“What’s the right way?” he asked, incredulous.

“He needs to be arrested and charged. If I instigate him, it’ll fuck everything up.”

The line went quiet and I bit my lip, once again asking myself if I’d done the right thing. Ending things with Michele was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. It went against all my instincts - it felt like I’d thrown her to the wolves, and now I had no way of knowing if she was even okay. All I wanted to do was find where she was and take her into my arms, to put her somewhere safe, somewhere I could keep an eye on her. But that wasn’t possible. I could only assume the worst, and that was that Brandon had someone watching me.

Someone had been following me for weeks and I’d had no clue. For the first time, I let that thought sink in, and I shivered.

This was how the husbands and wives over the years felt after they found out that their spouses hired me to follow them.

To catch them in the act.

“What are you going to do?” Erik asked me, cutting through my thoughts. “Just let her go? Let it all go?”

“I have to,” I replied. “It’s the best thing for the both of us.”

“That’s bullshit, Iain, and you know it.”

Pent-up frustration and anger boiled, spilling out of me in hot bursts. “What the fuck was I supposed to do, Erik? There’s no line this fucker won’t cross - he threatened us both, he stalked us, he showed up at her work. I can’t protect her. It’s fucking killing me that I can’t. She had to get out before it’s too late.”

“Again… you’re going to let this girl - who I must say has made you happier than I’ve seen you in a long ass time - you’re just going to let her go? Because you’re scared?”

He wasn’t getting it. Nothing I was saying was getting through to him. He obviously didn’t comprehend the danger.

“I made a promise - that I’d protect her from him. And I fucked it all up. I don’t deserve her.”

“And you’re the only one who gets a say in that? Don’t you think Michele should be able to decide that for herself? Fuck, Iain.”

His words felt like razor blades nicking at me, tiny cuts irritating a larger wound. He was right, of course. I’d taken her choice away from her, something I’d never thought I’d do. The thought pained me, and I gripped at my chest, wincing.

“It’s done, Erik. I’m not going to change my mind.”

He didn’t say anything to that, but the tension was palpable on the line. It was obvious that nothing I could say was going to sway him on this. And I wanted to be steadfast, to be completely certain that what I had done was the best thing, the right thing. So what, I broke her heart today? In the end, it meant she was safe. And that was the most important thing.

But my heart ached - I was just now coming to terms with the fact that I’d turned her away for good. To imagine the future spread out before me, with Michele not in it, left me feeling empty and cold.

Erik and I hung up after that. I knew he was disappointed in me - he’d always been a black and white kind of guy. It was either right, or it was wrong. And that he thought this was wrong, there was no doubt.

I was exhausted from barely sleeping the night before. All of the emotions of the last twelve hours played through my mind, incessantly pounding at me until I got up and forced myself to think about anything else. I eyed my coffee pot, but the thought of putting anything in my stomach at all made me feel nauseated.

What was Michele doing right now? Was she on a bus, alone and confused? Was she waiting in the station, eying the door nervously every time someone walked through it?

Would she ever forgive me for what I’d done?

Did it matter? I asked myself. Let her be angry. If she was angry but on her way out of here, then I had succeeded.

But I didn’t feel like I’d won anything. In fact, I only felt like I’d lost something I’d never be able to replace.