Chapter Fifteen
Caitlin
Four Weeks Ago
“Easy,” he says and I rev up the bike a little. It jolts as I pull out and I ride down to the lot he’d told me to turn into. Turning into the parking area, I make a loop and come back, looking before pulling the bike back onto the main road and riding toward him.
I pull into the drive and kill the engine as Axl opens his arms in what looks like reverence.
“You’re a fucking natural,” Axl says as Dex glares at his back like he’s thinking about smacking him upside the head. I struggle to keep back my grin. The brothers get along like cats and dogs. It’s amusing, but I sense the love between them.
“Language,” Dex hisses.
“Mom isn’t here,” Axl says, “you can quit trying to butter her up.”
“Fuck you.” Dex spits the words like venom.
Axl ignores him and reaches out to mess with my helmet. I jerk back, startled by the motion. He doesn’t pull away, he holds totally still, his eyes locking on mine.
“No touching,” I say firmly.
“Hard to adjust your helmet if I can’t touch you.” He’s just as firm.
And I back down. Leaning toward him, I say, “Just this once, then.”
“Just this once,” he agrees in a low voice that makes me shiver. His hands are surprisingly gentle as they fuss with the fit.
“Is it comfortable?” he asks.
I nod.
“I’m not sure what else I can teach you,” he says, spreading his hands wide.
“How about what a fucking Ducati is?” Dex mumbles. Axl smacks the back of his head so hard Dex jolts forward, then turns, puffing up and silently threatening his brother with physical bodily harm. I hold my breath as they stare each other down. But Dex merely shakes his head and moves right along muttering about women and crazy men.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
Axl shrugs, but I’m not willing to let him blow me off like that.
“You didn’t have to teach me. You did. You chose to. I’m grateful,” I say, my voice so low it’s like I’m worried Carl is right outside listening. If he thought for even a second that I was here, talking to a man… I’d be in trouble. As it is, I’m going to be in trouble. He’s been so aggressive, so angry lately. Like he knows I’m up to something.
I put down the kickstand and step off the bike. Pulling off the helmet, I notice Axl’s eyes skim over me before he looks away.
“It’s no problem,” he growls
It’s not a big deal to him, but it’s a big deal to me. He’s been kind to me and never asked anything in return. Sure, he said I’m a natural, but I struggled at first. The bike is so heavy I had trouble with it. Then I was afraid of it, afraid of the power. But he’d talked me through that. He’d told me I’m in control of this machine, not the other way around.
“You don’t understand,” I tell him. He walks away like he’s blowing me off and I chase him to his office.
“No, you don’t understand,” he growls, spinning to face me suddenly. “I’m not your friend. You bought the damn bike, I had to teach you to ride it. That’s responsibility, not something special about you.”
I blink. Nobody has ever been that brutal to me before. “I was never your responsibility,” I whisper, studying him. “You chose that.”
He seems stunned, as if he’d expected me to crumble in the face of his cruelty. “You’ve been kinder to me than some that claim to love me,” I say honestly, hating the sting of tears in my eyes.
It’s sadder that I’m telling the truth. All the kindness that I’ve been shown for the last year has had strings attached. It’s always been ripped away when I needed it the most.
“So it might mean nothing to you,” I say just above a whisper that he must be straining to hear, “But it means something to me.”
I feel the shift in him. I feel him soften a little even though I don’t see an outward change. “If you need anything else,” he says, the words a clear shut down.
He’s pushing me away. But I’ve made up my mind. I feel oddly safe around this man. I know he’s rough. I know he’s got some issues. Ugly ones by the look of him, but I’ve got my own ugly parts, so who am I to judge?
“Actually, there is,” I say and his eyes tick to mine. I see the curiosity behind his carefully controlled expression and know he’ll at least hear me out, even if he flat out refuses the insane thing I’m about to ask him for. I must be losing my mind. Haven’t I dug a deep enough hole in the last year? A hole so deep I never thought I’d get out?
“Yes?” he wrings the single word out.
“When I go, I’m going to need someone to keep me safe.” There. I said it.
I see his whole body change. See his spine snap straight. See his muscles tense. The shifts are so small, so subtle I almost miss them.
“But I can’t give any details,” I add in a whisper.
He’d be flat out nuts to say yes to this. But somewhere in my head I hope he’ll say yes. Because it would be peace of mind to not be on the road alone when I run. When I run. I must be losing my ever loving mind.
“I’ll do it,” he growls.
I jerk my head up and stare into his eyes in shock.
“I’ll be ready when you are.” With that, he leaves the little office and stalks toward Dex. The two talk for a moment as I watch them, in shock over what just happened. Everything is really falling into place. Maybe this will work. And hope sprouts like a little seed in my belly.
The rough, tough, coarse man is going to protect me from the one that’s been so sticky sweet it’s sickening. Life is freaking weird.