It was two weeks before prom when it happened. He showed up on my doorstep carrying a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. I was in my room when my mother answered the door. She didn’t know anything about what happened between us, so she let him in and allowed him to come up to my room. It had been a month since we’d broken up. It was amazing how my mother never questioned why he wasn’t hanging around anymore.
I was lying in bed when I heard a timid knock sound at my door. I furrowed my brow, wondering who it could be as I went to open the door. The sight of him wearing a tuxedo took my breath away. He looked absolutely perfect. Even though he’d cheated on me, I still found that I wanted him with every fiber of my being. He was my first love, my first everything. And he was here at my door bearing roses and chocolates.
Leaving the door open, I walked back over to my bed. I sat on it Indian style, holding a pillow to my chest. Hoping that this barrier between us would help me shut him out. But I should have known that even a steel wall around my heart wouldn’t be able to stand against him.
“What do you want?” I asked as he shut the door and walked over to my bed.
He sat on the end of my bed, clutching my gifts to himself as if they were his lifeline. He exhaled a shaky breath before looking at me. “I fucked up, Claire. I thought by being an asshole to you at the house that it would make it all better. That you would retaliate in some way… But you never did. If anything, you still loved me. Even after all of the shit I put you through. God, I’m so sorry.”
“Brad,” I pleaded, hiding my face in my pillow.
“Claire, I know this is an asshole move. But do you think you could ever forgive me?”
I shrugged my shoulders, then looked up at him. “I don’t know, Brad. I really don’t.”
He looked so broken at that moment that even though he was the one that hurt me, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him. Going against my better judgment, I did just that. Taking the pillow out of my lap, I slid next to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, his head against my chest. The dreaded tears I thought I had cried out, overwhelmed me.
The roses and chocolates fell from his hands as his arms wrapped around me. We sat there, silently holding onto each other. As I was going to pull away, he lifted me, pulling me into his lap. His arms tightened around me. Just having this close of contact is too much to bear. Each second we’re like this, it feels like the gaping hole in my chest doubles its efforts in making me unfixable for anyone.
“I’m so fucking stupid. I had the most beautiful, loyal, caring woman in front of me, and I fucked it up,” he whispered against my chest.
“Yes, you did, but there’s nothing that can be done about it now.”
“Can I try to make it up to you?” His question surprised me. I laid a hand against his cheek. He turned into my touch and closed his eyes, a sigh falling from his lips.
“You can, but … you really hurt me, Brad.” Raising my hand, I hurriedly wipe the tears away. “I don’t know if I will ever be able to.”
We sat there in silence for a moment, before Brad’s head rises, his eyes meeting mine. “Why did you love me?”
Choking up, I forcibly reply, “Because you make me feel alive. You bring out a person in me I never knew was there before.”
“Claire … I know I fucked things up the last time but let me fix this. You have no obligations to do so because I was nothing more than a jerk to you. But let me try. I want us back.”
I looked deep into his eyes, seeing the desire and the love he still had for me swirling in the depths. It took all my willpower not to lean into him, to give him what we both wanted. But I could feel my control slipping with every second he was here in my room. While he was looking at me with those bedroom eyes, I was fighting an inner battle in my heart. So many things running through my mind.
Am I a fool to want this to work between us? Probably. Am I going to regret my decision? Most definitely. Does my heart understand a world without Brad in it? No.
I threw caution to the wind and went for it. Running my fingers through his hair, I crushed my lips to his. The action startled him for a second, before his tongue began caressing mine. He ran a hand up my back to my hair, holding me to him. This kiss was just like all the others we shared, completely mind blowing. I’d had my fair share of kisses, but his would always and forever trump them all. It felt like he was branding himself on my soul, so that no one else would be able to compare.
“Claire,” he groaned, shifting to where I laid underneath him on the bed.
He broke the kiss and began kissing down my jaw to my neck. I squirmed underneath him, his touch setting me on fire. Each caress of his hands, each kiss, taking me higher. His lips were like live wires against my skin.
I wasn’t sure if I was making a complete fool of myself, but right now I couldn’t care less. He was the one I wanted. Brad would always be the one I wanted. There could be no one else for me. And I hated myself with a passion. I needed to be strong, stand my ground with him. But the more he kissed and touched me, the more I felt my resolve slipping. Damn him.
“Brad …I want …” I gasped out, ruffling his hair. He broke his kiss from my neck and leaned back.
“What do you want, love?” He looked all over my face for his answer.
My eyes connected with his, a blush staining my cheeks. “You.”
The smile I haven’t seen for over a month, bloomed across his face. “Are you sure? We don’t have to do this.”
I nodded my head, leaning forward and briefly kissing his lips again. I unbuttoned his tux jacket and slipped it from his wide shoulders. “I’m sure.”
He leaned down to kiss me just as my mom’s voice came through the door. “Dinner’s ready, honey. Are you staying, Brad?”
He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I shot him a water smile in return. “Yes, he’s staying, Mom.” I took his mouth in another earth-shattering kiss. “Staying right where he belongs,” I whispered against his smiling lips.