Chapter Nine
I was awoken from an incessant beeping, and for a brief moment I thought it was my alarm clock. Then it all came rushing back that I was in the hospital.
“Cole,” I murmured, my voice sounding hoarse.
“Right here, baby,” his soft voice sounded in my ear.
“Do you realize this is only like our third date?” I mumbled.
“Wouldn’t classify this as a date darlin’,” his deep voice replied, and I felt his hand stroke my hair back from my forehead.
“Bet you miss the days of, what’s her name again?” I searched my muddled mind for her name. “Daisy, that’s it. Daisy,” I continued to mumble. “So much easier with a girl like her,” I said as I began to drift off.
“Didn’t cross my mind for a second, sweetheart. Nowhere else I’d rather be,” he assured me.
I made a scoffing sound and drifted back to sleep.
When I woke up a second time, I was more lucid. It was very dark in the room and I assumed it was the middle of the night. I took a moment to take in my surroundings. Cole was asleep, his large form slumped over in the chair by the window. My heart immediately lurched that this man who’d known me for such a short period of time was so clearly devoted to me. I had so few people to depend on, so few people that I could trust in the last eight years. Before my father died, he was always at my back, ready to protect me. And before things went south, I had the club. I’d known those men and their families since I was a little girl. After losing everything I had to keep myself closely guarded, the only person I truly let in was Kat. But now this man was knocking away at all my armor after just a few weeks. I was already hopelessly in love with him, something I’d never experienced in my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of him getting hurt, of him losing anyone close to him because of me. He already suffered because of my history. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes as I realized that the very best thing I could do for him was let him go.
When I woke up again, sunlight was streaming in through the windows. The chair that Cole had occupied the night before was empty. I sat up assessing my pain level. My joints were sore, especially my wrists-- I had been lucky to avoid a break. My left side was incredibly tender, but I could manage with the help of some pain medication.
A new morning shift nurse came in to take my blood pressure. “Do you know where my boyfriend went?” I asked her, the term sounding silly when spoken aloud. Cole was far more than a boy and the term seemed so…casual.
“He wanted me to tell you that he went to meet with his father for a short while. He was reluctant to leave you,” she said as she smiled. “Quite a looker that one,” she added.
“I know,” I sighed, my throat feeling tight with what I planned to do.
She finished taking my vitals and left me to the quiet of my hospital room. I realized that if I didn’t go now, I’d never have the gumption to do it at all. The thought of not being with Cole felt like being thrown from the SUV all over again – except this time there would be scars.
I swung myself out of the bed and quickly dressed in the clean clothes someone had brought me. Whoever it had been, they thoughtfully brought me a dress so there would be minimal rubbing against my sore and bandaged side. I didn’t know how much time I had before he got back, and I knew if I had one look at him I’d lose my nerve. I didn’t know where I was going or what I’d do but the fierce desire to protect him and to protect Kat was all I could think about. I knew I was making myself vulnerable by heading out on my own, but I’d done it successfully before and I could do it again.
I asked a nurse for Kat’s room number, and after peering inside to make sure the coast was clear, I quietly opened her door. She was propped up watching TV, looking small and pale in her bed. My eyes welled up at the sight.
“Hi,” I said softly when she looked over at me in surprise.
“Hi, are they discharging you already?” she asked with raised brows seeing me fully clothed. She muted the television and turned her knowing blue eyes to me.
I simply looked at her with tears in my eyes and shook my head.
“Scarlet, what the hell?” she demanded, immediately understanding my expression. “We’ve been over this. Don’t you dare do something stupid!”
“I’m sorry, Kat. I love you so much, you’ve been my family. You’ve been everything to me, and I can’t stand what my past has done to you, or could do to you,” I tried to explain, my voice hoarse.
She huffed with impatience, “Scar, you need to forget all of that. None of it is your fault. The only thing you could do to hurt me is to leave,” she said fiercely.
“I don’t know what else to do,” I said quietly. “And now Cole’s involved. And…I love him, Kat,” I choked out. “If something happens to him because of me I couldn’t live with that. I know you can’t understand right now, but this is the only way I can see Jake backing off,” I pleaded.
“Scarlet Malone, that is bullshit! He’s going to come at them regardless. This is about more than just you – you have to understand that. You leave, and it will make everything worse!” she argued.
Well at least I put some color back in her cheeks.
“Don’t you dare walk out that door, Scar,” she warned as I shot her a small smile and backed my way toward the door.
“Love you, Kat,” I told her.
She gave me a wry smile. “I’m not saying good-bye to you dumbass, I’m sending Cole after you. You’re not getting rid of us that easily,” she hollered as I shut the door behind me. “I’ll bet my ass you’re back by dinner!” I heard her shout.
I had to smile at her, throwing me attitude even as I was leaving. I wiped my face and strode out of the hospital with the clothes on my back, the medicine the doctor had prescribed and the cash in my wallet.
By nightfall, the bus dropped me off within the outskirts of Idaho. It had been an incredibly long and unpleasant day sitting on a cramped bus in unbearable pain, trying to deflect sleaze bag after sleaze bag.
I had enough money to stay in a motel off the freeway and I used a few bucks to get my dinner from the vending machine. I didn’t want to risk going back to my place to get anything, including my car. My phone had rung about one hundred times before I finally turned it off.
I felt incredibly ill when I lay down on the scratchy comforter. I couldn’t bring myself to eat. My whole body hurt and I felt utterly lost and heartbroken without Cole. I allowed myself to dissolve into tears after having held it together all day. I didn’t have the energy to get up and change my bandages, though I knew I should. I simply curled up in a ball and fell asleep.
I woke up when I sensed someone else in the room.
“If you weren’t hurt, I’d take you over my knee and smack your ass,” Cole’s deep voice growled as I jolted awake and then winced as my side rebelled against the sudden movement. “For Christ’s sake do you have any self-preservation?” he demanded with a huff.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice hoarse with sleep.
“What am I doing here?” he demanded. “You cannot be believed. Jesus Christ,” he bit out. “Stand up.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“Stand up,” he ordered, reaching for my hand.
I knew this mood and knew it best not to argue. I stood up, unable to hide my wince as he came to carefully begin unbuttoning the front of my dress. He smelled so good I had to resist the urge not to lean into him and breathe him in deep.
Despite making the choice to leave I’d never been more relieved to see him. I’d had to at least try. Leaving was the only thing I could think to do but it was also the last thing that I wanted. By showing up here, Cole was effectively taking that choice from me and if I was being honest in this particular instance, I would willingly hand him that.
“You didn’t change these bandages. Baby, what the fuck were you thinking?” he said, more to himself than to me.
“I was exhausted,” I defended myself quietly while meeting his heated gaze.
He looked up at me from his kneeling position on the floor as he reached the last button. I knew exactly what that look said, that I wouldn’t be exhausted if I had stayed put.
He gently undressed me and led me to the bathroom, turning on the water for a bath. He removed my bandages as though I were made of glass, his face a mask against the emotion I saw churning in his eyes. He hadn’t seen my bare skin until now, and I knew he was fighting hard not to lose it as the extent of my ordeal revealed itself.
“Get in,” he continued to order as he held out a hand and helped me into the water.
I groaned in appreciation when I slipped into the warm water. It felt amazing against my tired and sore body.
“How did you find me?” I asked quietly.
“Wasn’t hard, which means it wouldn’t have been hard for anyone else,” he replied tersely. He was seriously pissed at me.
“You’re seriously pissed,” I spoke my thoughts out loud.
“Doesn’t even cover it,” he replied without hesitation.
I nodded, accepting that fact. I deserved it and I was too exhausted to put up much of a fight anyway.
“We’ll talk, and trust me you are going to fucking hear me, but I’m too pissed right now,” he said not meeting my gaze as he blotted at my skin with a soapy washcloth.
I simply nodded again wincing slightly at his ministrations.
He watched my face carefully every time he touched me. I knew my face looked horrible and my body worse. I was surprised I didn’t feel more self-conscious under his gaze but there was no judgment in his eyes, only concern.
When he was satisfied that I was clean, he carefully dried me off and put clean bandages on. We didn’t speak, and despite his obvious anger at me, I appreciated every hair on his head.
“Bed,” he directed.
I turned and looked up at him, bracing myself against the emotion on his face. “I….” I didn’t know how to tell him everything I felt for him. I didn’t know how to explain why I left. His beautiful face, darkened with emotion regarded me for a few silent moments.
Something in my face must have conveyed some part of what I felt because his expression softened some. “Bed, baby,” he said, softer this time.
I nodded.
I climbed in, careful to avoid my left
side and watched him as he undressed and climbed in beside me. He didn’t reach
out for me, but instead he lay on his back with his arm thrown behind his head.
He studied the ceiling and I tried to find sleep.
When I was just about to drift off, I had the sensation of falling. It had
happened to me at the hospital as well. I cried out and jerked fully awake.
“Babe?” his deep voice asked through sleep beside me.
His quiet voice through the darkness was enough to send the tears spilling over as my body shook with the effort to keep them back. “I’m so sorry,” I choked out. “I just…I don’t want anything to happen to you,” I said hoarsely as I heard him sigh in resignation and pull me carefully to his body. “I’ve lost everything, Cole. I can do it again. What I can’t do is stand by and know I’m the cause for any harm that comes to you or to your family,” I whispered.
“Baby,” he said tenderly, his large hand stroking my back trying to soothe me while turning on the light with the other.
“We’ve known each other for like a minute,” I exclaimed. “And already look what kind of shit I’ve brought down on you and on Kat,” I demanded.
“Best minute of my life,” he said quietly.
“What?” I asked confused.
“Keep up, babe,” he said as he chuckled. Clearly his mood had lightened. “I’m saying it doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other – doesn’t even factor. But however long it’s been, it has been the best of my life so far,” he told me, kissing my head. “But this was a fucking hair brained idea, and if you pull this shit again I’ll chain you to the bed and I won’t make it fun,” he threatened.
I huffed and pulled away slightly to glare at him.
He sighed and pulled me back to him, not allowing space between us. “I get the sense that I can’t talk you out of feeling responsible. Not yet anyway. What I can try to get through your thick skull is that even if all this was your fault I’d still be right here, right now. You don’t get this, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that any shit that may come up from your past pales in comparison to the gift of getting to be with you, baby,” he said softly. “I’d take it all a thousand times over and not bat an eye. Now clearly, it’s a different type of relationship, but I’ve known you a month and you’ve been making Kat’s life better for over eight years, so I’d imagine she feels the exact same way I do.”
I sucked in my breath at his beautiful and surprisingly tender words.
“Another thing to understand,” he said, his tone taking a harder edge, “you leave, I find you. You don’t get to run away Scarlet, not from me.”
We regarded each other in silence for a few beats. “Thick skull?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Out of everything I just said that’s what she picks up on,” he muttered to himself.
“I heard what you said,” I said quietly, meeting his brilliant blue eyes.
“Then that would mean you’ll promise me that you’re not going to pull this shit again. Not even when shit gets real with that mother fucker,” he bit out. “You don’t protect me, I protect you and I can’t do that properly if I’m chasing your ass across state lines,” he muttered.
“Gets real?” I asked with a gulp.
“You’re on a need to know basis with that,” he answered. “But you and I both know that this shit will not fucking stand.”
I nodded, resisting the urge to plead with him not to get hurt in the process. I knew he wouldn’t like that.
“Promise me,” he insisted.
I thought about it for a moment, taking in everything he’d said. “I promise,” I replied firmly.
“Well thank Christ for that favor,” he replied sarcastically, and I jabbed him in the ribs.
We were quiet for a few moments as I lay my head against his chest. “Kat was right,” I muttered begrudgingly.
“About what?”
“Said you’d find me by dinner,” I sighed in resignation.
He threw back his head and laughed out loud. “I like her, I really do.”
Then he turned serious. “Baby, what was the plan here anyway? You only have the clothes on your back.”
I lifted my head and met his gaze. “I have more than I had the last time,” I answered quietly. “And I made out okay then.”
His expression softened dramatically at my admission. “You did what almost nobody could. You made a life from nothing. But I’m in that life now and I’m not letting you slip through my fingers,” he said quietly.
“I don’t want you to,” I admitted.
He reached out for me and pulled me back down to his chest. “Sleep, babe.”
“Okay,” I murmured. “I didn’t want to leave you know,” I whispered.
He gave me a squeeze. “I know.”