Chapter Ten
Cole had us checked out and on the road before 9 am the next day. I’d never ridden in his truck before. I noticed somewhat absently that it was nice and well cared for. He was anxious to get back to “see to some shit” as he put it. I didn’t ask what that meant. His attitude toward me was the same as always and I assumed this meant that I was forgiven. Kat and I had talked briefly. She merely laughed when I’d told her somewhat meekly that I was on the way home. Clearly she hadn’t doubted Cole’s tracking abilities for a moment, or his ability to haul my ass back home.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked after we’d been on the road about an hour, coffees in hand. I had just scoffed down a giant muffin. I was starved from missing dinner the night before.
From his tone I felt immediately on guard. “Okay,” I answered somewhat wearily.
“When we were headed to the hospital, you seemed to know a lot about making up shit to tell the nurses. I was curious why that was,” he asked, his tone carefully neutral.
I sighed and looked out the window. The last thing Cole needed was more information to get him riled. Though I supposed he couldn’t really be any more pissed off.
“Babe,” he commanded when I took too long to answer.
“I’d rather just put that all behind me, Cole,” I answered him softly.
He glanced at me briefly before he reached over and flapped my visor down so I could see myself in its mirror. “That look like the past to you sweetheart?” he asked, his tone laced with restrained anger.
I sighed, resigned. “Victor and Jake didn’t like my attitude very much after my dad died,” I began, looking out the window as the dessert landscape shot past. “They needed me to get on board with their plan to take leadership, it would be smoother if I was behind them. The club wasn’t warming to the idea the way they’d hoped. But obviously I wasn’t on board, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be bullied into it either,” I explained.
“So?” he prompted me to continue when I paused.
“So, they knocked me around a couple of times,” I said as I shrugged and sensed him stiffen in his seat. I ignored it and forged ahead. “Tried to scare me. Knocked around a few of the other girls, too but I took the brunt of it. I had a double target on my head since I wouldn’t support them and I didn’t want to be with Jake anymore. A bruised ego for a man like that is a dangerous thing.”
“Knocked you around how?” Cole asked his voice deceptively soft.
I turned to look at him, his jaw was set in a firm line but I couldn’t see his eyes since he was wearing sunglasses. “Why do you want to know about this?” I asked quietly. “You can’t change it. It’s done. And you’ve already got enough anger in you about this to last a couple of decades,” I tried to reason.
“Knocked you around how, Scarlet,” he repeated.
Nope, there would be no reasoning with him.
“Mostly it was just a lot of manhandling, pulling my hair, threatening me, shoving me around. But there were a few times when Jake or Victor were drunk and I got a split lip, broken finger, or bruised ribs out of those different instances. The last time, the worst time, was right before I split,” I told him.
“What happened the worst time?” he demanded.
“I don’t want to talk about this, Cole,” I whispered firmly, my voice growing hoarse.
He surprised me by directing the truck off the highway and turning the engine off. After a few minutes of silence he tilted his body to look at me. I looked at him with wide eyes, tears threatening to fall. It had taken me five years to finally tell Kat this story. Now Cole was demanding it after only weeks. It was a difficult prospect to consider.
He reached out his hand, cupping the back of my neck and took his sunglasses off. “Nothing you tell me would change the way I feel about you. You know that right?” he asked quietly.
Did I know that? I thought about that for a moment. We’d known each other such a short time and already so many of my past skeletons had risen up to haunt us. Cole had met each and every one with such fierce determination and not a hint of judgment. There was still part of me that believed that he was too good to be true. Perhaps it was time to finally dispel that notion.
I nodded.
“I need you to let me in, baby. And I know some of that will take more time. But I need to know what happened. You can’t keep that shit bottled up.”
I took in a shaky breath. I felt so raw and vulnerable with him staring so intently at me – waiting for me to divulge what only Kat knew. But I trusted him with those emotions, trusted him with everything.
I took in a shaky breath and forged ahead. “When knocking me around wasn’t proving to be successful, they tried to force me…” I choked out, hating to relieve the hideous ordeal. I saw Cole’s jaw clench in response as he tried to keep himself under control.
Talking about it made me feel the oppressiveness of the room at the club they’d dragged me into all over again. It had smelled like stale beer and I would never forget that Black Sabbath’s “paranoid” was playing on the stereo. I’d never be able to hear that band again without reliving that horrible day.
Cole’s grip on my shoulder got nearly painful before he forced his hand back to his lap for fear he’d hurt me by accident.
I took a deep fortifying breath and closed my eyes. For some reason that was the only way I could continue. “They kept laughing…” I whispered hoarsely. “Like my screaming and fighting was hilarious. But they were both high and drunk. That’s probably what made it possible for me to escape with only some ripped clothes and bruises,” I finished, opening my eyes but staring straight ahead. I wasn’t able to look at him just yet.
“You must have put up a damn good fight,” he replied quietly.
I nodded and looked down in my lap.
“Be back,” he said tersely and exited the truck with alarming speed. I took in a shaky breath in the overwhelming silence of the cab and allowed him his time to cool off. I could hear my breath whipping in and out through my mouth before it began to slow, and I felt my accelerated heart rate return to a more normal speed.
It didn’t take as long as I would have guessed before he was opening my door, his handsome face staring down into mine. He looked at me with such raw emotion that it nearly took my breath away as his calloused fingers stroked my face. My cheek was black and blue with some swelling, but I could tell in that moment he wasn’t seeing that. He was just seeing me. Having told him my ugliest truth and having him look at me with what could only be described as adoration, I’d never felt more free.
“Thank you for telling me,” his deep voice finally said, and I knew what effort it cost him to hold it together.
“Do I have enough baggage for you yet?” I asked shakily as I laughed, wanting desperately to lighten the heavy atmosphere. Clearly Cole was in no mood for light.
He regarded me seriously and put his forehead to mine. “You have battle scars. There’s a difference,” he said quietly.
I wanted so badly to tell him that I loved him, but I didn’t want the moment tainted by what I’d just told him. So I held it in and kissed his beautiful mouth instead, then I reached my arms around his neck, pulling him close.
“Thank you,” I whispered quietly in his ear.
He simply squeezed me back as a reply. We stayed that way for many long moments before he pulled away to restart our journey home.
“Where are we going?” I asked in confusion when he didn’t take my exit once we’d arrived back in town.
“My place,” he answered as though it were obvious.
“But I need to go home,” I protested. “I need to do laundry and I don’t have anything with me.”
“You’re not going home until this shit is sorted,” he replied tersely.
“What?” I demanded.
“You’re at my place until further notice,” he added.
“Cole,” I said, my tone bordering on hysteria. “I get that our relationship is far from ordinary, intensity-wise especially.”
He chuckled.
“But I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to essentially move in after a few weeks of dating,” I argued.
“Is that what this is? Dating?” he asked, the humor gone from his tone.
“What else would you call it?” I asked defensively.
“You’re just gonna have to suck it up darlin’,” he said without answering my question. “Your options are the clubhouse or my house. Which will it be?” he asked.
I blew out a sigh. “Your place I guess,” I muttered.
“I’ll try not to make it too painful for you,” he said dryly, and I realized with a shock that I might have hurt his feelings.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, honey,” I said quietly. “I’m just used to being alone – I’ve done nothing but build walls up for eight years. It feels really foreign to have them all coming down around me,” I explained.
That seemed to make him feel better.
“Get used to it,” he replied with a wry smile.
Right. That was easier said than done.
“I’ll have one of the boys bring your things later on,” he said as we pulled up to the curb.
“You’re going to let one of your boys pick out my underwear?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Scratch that. I’ll bring your things later on,” he amended, throwing an arm around me as we walked into the house.
I laughed out loud and squeezed his waist.
“Okay, ground rules,” he said seriously once he’d closed his front door and I’d put my purse down on the island.
I raised my brows at this change of topic.
“The house is on radar. One of the boys will be keeping an eye out any time I’m not here,” he explained. “You don’t go anywhere by yourself. You wait for someone to take you.”
“No,” he said and shook his head when I opened my mouth to protest. “This shit is non-negotiable.” He waited for me to clamp my mouth shut before continuing. “Next, work. I’d much prefer you didn’t work, but I know what a pain in my ass you’ll be if I force that so someone will take you and pick you up. Same goes for the gym.”
I rolled my eyes thoroughly annoyed at the prospect of having babysitters.
“I need you to take this shit seriously, baby,” he said sternly, holding my face in both hands and stooping slightly to meet my eyes. “This is no fucking joke, and I will be damned if there is any opportunity for those mother fuckers to ever lay a hand on you again. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I said softly, immediately conceding. “Can Kat come keep me company when I’m on house arrest?” I quipped.
He smiled and nodded.
Well at least there was that.
“Do you feel okay? Maybe you should lie down,” he said worriedly.
“I’m fine,” I assured him.
“I have to head out for a few hours but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Yes, dear.” I smiled sweetly.
“Pain in my ass,” he muttered, smiling. He captured my mouth then in an unexpected passionate kiss. “Be good,” he whispered against my mouth, making my knees weak.
“Okay,” I whispered back, breathlessly. I would have agreed to just about anything at that moment.
Once he took off, I flopped down on the couch and called Kat. “I feel like a child on a timeout,” I complained.
She laughed. “I’ll come entertain you soon. I’m just down the street at Sal’s.”
“Oh?” I asked suggestively.
“It would seem these biker boys are a bit overprotective,” she muttered.
I burst out laughing. She had no idea.
“You feeling okay?” I asked, my tone serious.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” she assured me. “Just some wicked road rash, same as you. I got off easier. I’m not sporting a black eye,” she muttered.
“Thank God,” I sighed.
“Let me just wrap up a couple of things here and I’ll be over,” she told me.
“Wrap up a couple of things?” I replied cheekily, trying hard to suppress my laughter and failing miserably.
“Bite me,” she said as she giggled. “See you in a few.”
After we hung up I wandered around Cole’s place unsure what to do with myself. His house was comfortable but it certainly didn’t feel like home. I grew tired of pacing and flopped on the couch to watch some TV until Kat showed up.
I heard the roar of a bike not too much later and I smiled to myself. I got up to let her in and waved to Sal who gave me a chin lift as he sat idling at the curb.
“Remember what I told you,” he barked to Kat over the engine noise.
“Yeah, yeah,” she hollered back, waving her hand at him as we shut the door.
I raised my brow at her as I locked the door and reset the alarm.
She rolled her eyes. “Same shit I’m sure Cole told you. No going anywhere, be careful blah, blah,” she grumbled.
I laughed at her attitude and without asking I started making us each a cocktail. “What’s going on with you two anyway?” I asked curiously as she sat at the bar.
She sighed. “I’m done for,” she admitted. “I’ve never felt like this about a guy, but part of me is terrified that he’s only being so protective because of the whole alpha male thing. “Girl, mine. You no touch,” she grunted, imitating a caveman.
I laughed a loud belly laugh. It felt great.
“Part of me is worried that once all this blows over he’ll lose interest,” she admitted, her tone serious. “He’s been taking great care of me,” she added quietly.
I smiled warmly, pleased to hear that. “He was chasing after you before this happened. You were at the club when this bullshit started. That’s huge,” I reminded her.
“I guess,” she muttered.
“It is,” I said firmly, taking a much needed sip of my drink.
“So did Cole tan your hide or what?” she wanted to know, and I knew she wanted to change the subject.
“At first he wanted to,” I admitted. “But then I explained why I did it and I think he understood. I’m pretty sure I’m forgiven,” I said as I shrugged. “I told him about how things were with Jake and Victor,” I practically whispered.
Her eyes grew wide. “Even…?”
“Yep.”
“Holy shit, did he completely lose his mind?”
“Actually, no. I was kind of shocked. He held it together really well,” I told her as we moved over to the couch and faced each other, both trying to get comfortable on the soft leather.
“I’m impressed,” she murmured. “How did it feel to tell him?”
I grimaced. “Obviously it sucked to relive that shit. But I guess in the end it was somewhat freeing to tell someone other than you, and to have him be so great about it.”
“He loves you, you know,” she said softly.
I bit my lip. “I would like to think that’s true.”
“I know it’s true,” she said firmly. “When you left, I thought he was going to literally murder anyone who held him up even a second in taking off to go get your stupid ass,” she told me and laughed when I swatted at her. “He was so worried.”
“Well he got me back quickly enough, and it would seem as though I’m to be a house guest indefinitely.” I wrinkled my nose.
“I’m not surprised. I promise to come visit you all the time,” she said and clinked her glass with mine.
“Sal isn’t chaining you to the bed?” I asked with a raised brow.
She shook her head. “I talked him out of it. I’m not a target like you are. It was just wrong place, wrong time.”
“Yeah, but Kat, you’re my roommate. Someone might think I’m still there,” I interjected worriedly.
She waved me off. “I may not be under house arrest but that doesn’t mean Sal isn’t keeping a close eye. I’ll be fine.”
I let the topic go for the moment but I was hardly pacified.
We drank martinis and gabbed until Sal came by to pick Kat up. I resisted asking him if he’d seen Cole, not wanting to seem like a clichéd housewife. But when he wasn’t home by 10 pm that night, I called him. It went straight to voicemail. My brow wrinkled wondering where he was. He hadn’t made it seem like he’d be gone that long. I still didn’t have anything with me, so I borrowed one of his T-shirts and a toothbrush, and then crawled into a very empty feeling bed.
When I rolled over at 2 am and found that his side of the bed was still cold, I got really worried. I called his cell again and when I still got no answer, I called Kat. Obviously I woke her up, but she put Sal on the phone after I explained about Cole.
“He’s working through some shit. He’s fine,” Sal told me, making my blood run cold.
“Working through some shit?” I asked, my tone arctic. What the hell did that mean?
“He’s safe, he’s at the club,” he told me, his tone softer.
“Okay well that’s where I’m going then,” I huffed, hauling myself out of bed.
“You aren’t,” Sal argued.
“I am,” I retorted. “Hank’s out front. I’m sure he’ll take me,” I added. The poor guy was probably bored to tears anyway.
“Fuck,” he clipped. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I didn’t take it as a great sign that Sal was insisting on taking me if I was going, but I pushed that worry to the back of my mind and got dressed.
“This is a bad idea,” he informed me once he dragged his ass out of bed to come get me in his pickup truck.
“Oh well,” I said as I shrugged, feigning indifference as I looked out the window. The truth was that I was scared out of my ever loving mind at what I would find at the club. But I had to know what kind of shit he was working through. If he couldn’t work things through with me then we had a serious problem. And God help me, and him, if he was working through anything with someone else.
I spotted him immediately when we walked in. His back was to us, body hunched over the bar as he sipped what looked like whiskey. I was pacified to see he was alone. And even more so when I saw him immediately brush off a woman who walked over to him and tried to put a hand flirtatiously on his shoulder. Clearly this wasn’t about anything other than being in his own head, deeply in his own head. There were a few other guys shooting pool but it was really late, or early, and the place was pretty quiet.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked quietly, pulling up the stool beside him.
His eyebrows rose in surprise. “What are you doing here?” his eyes were bloodshot but his speech wasn’t slurred.
“Couldn’t sleep without you,” I said, pulling the bottle over and taking a swig. He turned back and stared into his drink. “Find what you’re looking for in there?” I asked softly.
I’d never seen him like this. He wasn’t angry or his typical alpha self. He was contemplative and almost…sad.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he said quietly and his words sent a stab of pain through my heart.
“Why?” I spoke past the lump in my throat.
He didn’t answer. He sat quietly and swirled the liquid in his glass.
“You’re always asking me to let you in,” I said quietly. “You need to do the same for me. I want to be here for you,” I added, putting my hand over his.
“I can’t do this right now,” he said, his tone turning firm and almost cold.
I pulled my hand back. “Do what?” I demanded, hurt searing through me like a flame. “Do what, Cole?” I demanded again when he didn’t answer me.
“I can’t fucking look at you right now alright?” he clipped loudly.
I was so shocked by what he said that it took a moment for it to register. But as the words rushed over me, my face flamed in humiliation and hurt. A few of the guys had turned to look in surprise at our exchange and my cheeks flamed brighter still.
I opened myself up to him that morning, allowed him to see parts of me I’d buried deep and held protected. And this is how he repaid me, by making me feel complete and utter shame.
I kept staring at him in complete shock and pain for a few seconds before I stood up on shaking legs and put my purse on my shoulder. He didn’t spare me a glance as I walked away. My throat was close to bursting with the size of the lump lodged there. I walked woodenly past Sal who stood with his arms crossed, eyes narrowed on Cole.
“I’m not going back there!” I cried when Sal had caught up with me.
“Okay, get in the truck,” he said quietly.
“Promise me you won’t make me go back to Cole’s house. I want to go home,” I whimpered.
“I can’t do that, honey. You know your place isn’t safe. You can stay in my guest room. Kat’s already at my place,” he reminded me.
I simply nodded, trying desperately to hold back the onslaught of hysteria. I didn’t want to break down in front of Sal. I’d suffered enough humiliation already. The drive felt unbearably long but we finally pulled up in front of his place. He ushered me inside and led me to his guest bedroom.
“I’m sorry, Scarlet. That was fucked up,” he muttered. I could tell he was out of his depth. We didn’t even know each other that well. But I knew him well enough to know that dealing with emotion wasn’t his strong suit. “Get you anything?” he asked, his tone concerned and hesitant.
“No, thanks,” I managed, barely holding it together.
He simply nodded and closed the door quietly behind him. The moment I heard the door click, my eyes filled with tears and I stifled a sob. I lay down on the bed and tried to be quiet as my body shook with the force of my tears. It was mere moments before I heard the door quietly open and felt Kat’s body slide into bed with me. She put her arms around me as I faced the wall and sobbed into the pillow.
“What happened?” she asked quietly after I’d been sobbing for an indeterminate amount of time.
“I…God, I have no idea!” I cried, my breath coming out in gasps. “He didn’t come home, so I got worried and I called here to see if Sal had seen him. He said Cole was at the club so I went to go talk to him. And he was just so….cold!” I sobbed. “He said he couldn’t look at me, that I shouldn’t be there. It was like he was a completely different person!” I wailed, no longer able to control the volume of my distress.
I heard Kat’s intake of breath as she squeezed me tighter.
“After everything I told him today, how could he hurt me like that? I have never felt so humiliated or ashamed. He can’t look at me?” I cried. “How could he ever say something like that to me?”
“Oh, honey I’m so sorry,” she soothed.
I started crying again and couldn’t speak. She just held me and whispered soothing words that I didn’t understand through my haze.
“It’s over,” I mumbled, my breath hiccupping. “I don’t ever want to see him again,” I said vehemently.
Kat didn’t say anything but just kept rubbing my back.
“What I don’t get is why he went to all the effort of dragging me back here when just hours later he was so capable of such cold indifference?” I asked.
“I don’t know, sweetie,” she said softly.
“I can’t believe it’s over,” I mumbled hoarsely.
She continued to rub my back, murmuring soothing words.
I must have finally drifted off because the next thing I knew I heard yelling from the living room.
“You have completely gutted her!” I heard Kat shrieking. “There is no way in hell I’m letting you back there. She finally lets someone in and this how you fucking repay her?”
“Get out of my way,” Cole’s deep voice boomed.
“Put a hand on my woman and we’ve got problems man,” I heard Sal interject. “You need to go home and cool off.”
“Why the fuck is she under your roof?” Cole demanded angrily. How on earth had he thought he’d go home to find me there? I wondered how drunk he must be.
“Because after how you treated her there was no way she was willingly going back to your place, and I wasn’t going to let her go back to hers. So here she is,” Sal stated. “You need to get your fucking head together man. I don’t know what that was about tonight but if you care about her, and I know you do, you’ll go home.”
“She doesn’t want to see you, Cole,” Kat added angrily. “You’ll be lucky if she wants to see you again at all.”
“Fuck,” I heard Cole clip. “Fuck!” he bellowed again a moment later, his emotion apparent even through the walls.
“Go sleep it off man,” Sal instructed.
“It doesn’t feel right, leaving without her,” I heard him say flatly.
“Well you’re going to have to, asshole,” I heard Kat hiss.
“Babe, bedroom,” Sal ordered.
She must have done as she was told because I didn’t hear a reply.
Sal’s voice dropped a few notches and I couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore. But whatever he said must have pacified Cole to some extent because I heard the front door open and shut, then all was quiet.
I listened to the sound of my ragged breathing, my heart pounding in my chest as it had been throughout the whole exchange. I hadn’t expected him to come here for me. I felt so confused, I couldn’t process anything aside from the fact that I was deeply hurt.
I managed to get some sleep, though very little. Mostly I just lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling, my eyes burning from tears and exhaustion. Kat slipped in again in the morning and I looked over at her without emotion.
“Did you sleep?” she whispered, crawling back in bed with me.
“Barely,” I murmured hoarsely.
“Did you hear?” she asked, referring to the night before.
I nodded. “Most of it. I don’t get how in the hell he thought I would be in his bed when he got home. He must be out of his mind,” I said.
She shook her head. “I don’t know what was going through his mind either, other than him being so completely wrecked that we wouldn’t let him back here to see you.”
“Thank God you didn’t,” I breathed. We were quiet for a few beats before I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do now,” I whispered, my eyes welling back up.
“What do you mean?” she asked softly.
“All I want is to just go home. But I know he won’t allow that, none of them will. But if I thought I wanted to disappear before, that was nothing compared to now.”
“I’m sure Sal will let you stay here,” she suggested.
I shook my head. “I don’t want him in the middle of this. It wouldn’t be fair. He and Cole go way back.”
“Connie?” she suggested.
I bit my lip. “Yeah, maybe that would work for a little bit,” I sighed.
“I’ll call her,” she said immediately. I knew she was desperate to do something to help. She got up to call Connie and I continued my scrutiny of the ceiling.
I hadn’t moved by the time Kat returned. “Connie said you can stay with her. I filled her in a little, I hope you don’t mind,” she added.
I simply nodded, feeling completely devoid of emotion. I felt utterly numb.
“Come on, Scar, let’s get you up and into the shower. Then we’ll get some of your stuff and take you to Connie’s,” she told me, pulling me up and practically shoving me into the bathroom.
I felt like a robot as I went through the motions of getting dressed. Kat let me borrow some clothes. I stared at the breakfast she put in front of me, unable to take a bite. I saw Sal and Kat exchange glances, but I didn’t have it in me to put on a show. I was wrecked, no sense in hiding it.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity I was all set up in Connie’s guest room. We’d stopped briefly at the apartment and Kat had run in to get some of my stuff. I sat on the bed and stared into space. Kat had offered to stay with me but I waved her off. I needed time alone and she had a life to live. Connie hadn’t asked questions but had simply hugged me and showed me to my room. I was utterly grateful that she didn’t hover. Finally, I curled up in a ball on top of the bedspread fully clothed and fell asleep.