Chapter 10

Two Weeks Later

Reese

Our Friday wasn’t as busy as normal because it was that tiny bit of off season before everyone started to leave and go out for vacation for the holidays. I didn’t mind it so much because I had so much on my mind. Leena and I had decided that instead of eating lunch at the shop, we would treat ourselves and go out to the café down the street that we really liked. We raced through the morning preparations, washing the few dogs we had and giving some extra loving time to the cats who were staying with us. When it was around noon, we locked everyone up and headed down the street for lunch, grasping our coats around us as the wind whipped through the streets. It was definitely colder than normal, and I could tell that the winter was going to be nuts this year. It was extra work for us when the winters were bad since the dogs couldn’t be left outside too long, but there was nothing more amazing than a white holiday season.

As we walked, I looked around at the shops which had started to prepare their fall lines for the sales that always blew up around this time of year. It may be a little early for everyone else, but I was more than excited to see the fall colors and winter accents in all the shop windows. Leena and I decorated the shop every year during the holiday seasons, and I couldn’t wait until it was time to start doing so. We ran a holiday special that usually left us completely booked, and our schedule for the next couple of months was already packed. It was a good thing we were treating ourselves now to lunch because two weeks from that point, we would be bogged down with a full house and no time to even think about eating outside the building.

We walked into the café and took a seat in the back corner, both ordering coffee as we perused the menu. They had the best sandwiches, and I decided that it had been too long since I had a Philly Cheesesteak in my hometown. Leena ordered the same, and we gave the menus to the waitress, both taking in a deep breath and relaxing in our chairs. I hadn’t had the time over the last couple of weeks to really sit down and talk to Leena about anything, and it was nice not to have dogs barking in the background.

“So,” Leena said with a smile. “How are things going with you and Prince Charming?”

“So amazing,” I said, shaking my head. “We’ve seen each other at least eight times in the last two weeks, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. When we aren’t meeting up, we spend the evening talking on the phone and laughing the whole time. He isn’t the stuffed shirt, business guy that I thought he was at the beginning.”

“What do you guys do on your dates?” she asked.

“Gosh, everything.” I laughed. “We go to the zoo, we go to different eating places, trying out new things, we walk through the parks. I mean, we pretty much do whatever we want in the moment. Sometimes, we plan to do something, and we end up sitting on a park bench somewhere, just talking forever. He is this shining example of class and manliness on the outside, but on the inside, he is this nerdy tech guy that is just as awkward as I am on the outside. It’s really amazing.”

“What about the sex stuff?”

“Well, we’ve kissed and fooled around a little, but he knew I wanted to wait from the second date,” I said. “And he has been so amazingly patient with me, it blows my mind. It’s like he is okay with it.”

“So, are you going to continue to abstain?”

“Actually, I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” I said, taking a deep breath. “We actually have plans for tomorrow night, and I decided that I want him to be my first. I’m really nervous about it though, especially since I haven’t told him that I am a virgin.”

“Are you kidding me?” she asked. “Guys dream of having a virgin. I’m not trying to make Blaine seem like just another guy, but it’s like a thing among men.”

“I just don’t know what to expect, you know?” I said, feeling embarrassed. “My parents never had the talk with me, and they were never open enough for me to ask questions to. I went online last night and looked up some things, but everything on there is like a horror story about these girls’ first times.”

“God, don’t do that to yourself,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t research shit like that. It’s really not that crazy, scary, or painful at all. Besides, you are not sixteen anymore. I distinctly remember that you and I bought those dildos at that sexy party thing we went to a few years back. Have you ever used it?”

“I have,” I said, blushing. “A couple of times.”

“Good,” she said. “Then unless he is like Mr. Horse Dong, it shouldn’t be painful at all. You might feel a bit awkward in the positioning of things. That is to be expected, but if you tell him ahead of time, then he should be able to take the lead. Don’t be afraid to go with your gut feeling when you are with him. If you want to touch him, touch him. If you want to let go and just feel everything, then do that. Sure, sex is about both of you and the connection and passion, but this is your first time, so it’s all about you.”

“I want him to enjoy it, though,” I said nervously. “I don’t want to fumble all over him and make him regret it.”

“Trust me, he will enjoy it. He is a man.” She laughed.

Leena continued talking about her first time and giving me pointers on how to relax and not be so nervous, but my anxiety only grew stronger. I wanted this to be natural, not pushed or forced, and I wanted him to enjoy being with me as much as I would being with him. This was not only my first time, but our first time together, and after reading Vogue and how important sexual chemistry is to a relationship, I didn’t want to blow it because I didn’t know what I was doing. Awkward was okay with conversation, but it was not okay when it came to sex.

Blaine was a good guy. I had already figured that out after hours of us talking and laughing. He put his hand on my back when we stepped down off curbs, he led me through doorways, he opened doors for me, and he wrapped his arms around me and blocked the wind when we were out in the park. He did all these little things to make me feel comforted and cared about, and I knew it wouldn’t be any different when it came to having sex. Even though I knew he would be gentle and take care of me, I was still nervous as hell. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I didn’t want to be embarrassed, and although I never thought he would make me feel that way, I knew my own mind very well and knew that if anyone could embarrass me, it would be my own brain.

Having sex for the first time was a big deal, even if I was already almost twenty-four years old. I had kept it intact this long because I wanted it to be with the right guy, and although I didn’t know if Blaine and I were a forever kind of thing, I knew that he was the one I wanted to share this with. No matter how many times I reminded myself that he was a good guy, I was still terrified to tell him I was a virgin. What if he didn’t feel the same way about me that I did him? What if he thought taking my virginity was too much of a responsibility for him to handle?

I had been in non-serious relationships before, and they always turned out in a similar fashion. The guy did not want to wait for me, even though they started out the relationship saying they would. Those that did stick it out found it too much to be the one to take my virginity and ended up splitting before I even had the chance to make up my mind. I was terrified that I was going to reveal my secret to Blaine and he was going to take off, not wanting anything to do with something like that. Part of me was also scared that once he got laid, he wouldn’t be interested anymore, and although I knew that meant he wasn’t worthy from the start, I wasn’t ready to let this relationship go that quickly.

Why did sex have to be so complicated? Everything seems so damn stressful. However, I knew firsthand that not having sex made things just as complicated, just on a different level. Dating was such a mess, and I could see now why I stayed away from it for so long. However, there was no going back at this point. I was already smitten with Blaine and had made up my mind that I wanted to give my virginity to him. I wanted to be with him in more ways than just long talks and crazy laughter. My heart knew that it wanted to take things to the next level. I just wasn’t sure how to get my brain to go along with it all.

“You look nervous,” Leena said, taking a bite of her sandwich.

“I am,” I said, shaking my head. “There are so many unknowns about all of this, but that doesn’t change my decision. He is the guy I want to lose my virginity to, and I guess, in the end, I will just have to see what happens afterward. I mean, if he breaks my heart, I’ll survive. Everyone else does.”

“That is very true,” she said. “And I’ll be there to supply the vodka, ice cream, and chick flicks. But in all seriousness, if he really likes you as much as it sounds, I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“I hope not,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “In reality, I have no idea what to expect out of any of it, but after I get through the first time, hopefully it’s a lot easier after that.”

“Oh, it is,” Leena responded. “You will get comfortable with your body and realize that you are in control of your sexuality. Your confidence over your body will spill out to your partners, and in no time, you will be a pro.”

“I don’t know if I want to be a pro.” I laughed.

“Yeah, that came out wrong.” She giggled. “I didn’t mean a ‘pro’ like a prostitute. I mean just comfortable enough to really enjoy sex with your partner. You got this, I promise. Stop worrying so much.”

I gave Leena a brave face, but in reality, I wasn’t feeling so brave on the inside. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I pretended that her words gave me comfort and changed the subject to work, knowing she would go along with it. We had quite a bit to do when we got back, but we should be ready to get out of there by five at the latest. Then I could go home and drive myself crazy a little bit more, knowing that on Saturday I would be getting ready to make a huge change in both my personal life and my relationship with Blaine. Tomorrow night, I would lose my virginity.