Chapter Eighteen
Danica
I sat at my desk, drumming my fingers on the laminate surface. The office buzzed around me. A big case had been solved. Detectives were patting each other on the back, planning drinks in the bar later. Catching the perp didn’t change the fact some poor soul had lost their daughter. She’d be chalked up as another statistic, the latest victim in a long line of women killed by their exes that the Police failed to protect. The celebration felt obscene. The guy was claiming diminished responsibility due to his mental health. His lawyer was having him diagnosed with a personality disorder. In the meantime, my boyfriend was holed up in a cabin alone, thought of as a monster and unable to prove his innocence. It wasn’t fair.
Things normalised quickly after the Chief's arrest. Schilling made Chief, I got a new partner, a young up and coming from Vice. He was decent enough, thought he was God’s gift to womankind, but was good at what he did. He had no problems getting female witnesses to relax.
“You joining us tonight, Dani?”
“Got plans.”
“Yeah, right.”
That’s my life now. It’s stuck. I can’t socialise with colleagues, plan a vacation with Leo or any of the things a woman my age should look forward to. My life is on hold.
Leo refused to run. I was grateful, secretly. Where would we run to? What would do for work? How long until we got caught? We would get caught eventually, they always do. We live in an age of constant state surveillance. People snap pictures of everything, everywhere, in second those pictures are online, accessed globally by the thousands of social media friends they’ve never met. One day Leo would show in the background of one those snaps and it would all be over.
Schilling strolled in, fixing his eyes straight on me, his mouth a hard line. My heart sank into my gut. He didn’t need to speak a word, it was all over his face.
“Kid…”
“Don’t,” I breathed, my throat tight, “please don’t say it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“How did they find him?”
“They didn’t. He handed himself in.”
It didn’t take a genius to spot this coming. Leo hated what he was doing to me and his family. He’d never put his own happiness above theirs. I tried to be angry with him. He’d thrown everything away.
“I’ll have him transferred to an interview room once he’s booked into custody. He wants to see you.”
“Thanks, Schilling.”
The next hour passed in a blur. My mind refused to focus. Leo would be booked in, fingerprinted, strip searched, photographed and no-one could be with him to support him. Was he scared? Had he been to his mother? Why didn’t he tell me this morning? We could have said goodbye properly.
My brain rehashed the events of this morning, searching for signs of his plan. Should I have noticed? Would I have been able to stop him? The answers were obvious. There was nothing different this morning to any other morning. He wouldn’t have let me talk him out of it. He might relent for a day, a week, postpone his plans but in the end, he’d have done what he thought best for those he loved.
I tried to imagine him peaceful, happy with his decision, making the most of his last hours of freedom, strolling down to the lake, watching the children play. Theo would be the one he’d contact first. He would’ve gone home, hugged his mother, eaten dinner with his family like he used to all those years ago. They were tight-knit family, unlike my own.
Maria kept in touch, every morning I’d get a message from her reminding me to eat, stay healthy and happy, every night she’d text me goodnight.
I called my dad once a week, more out of duty at first, but later I found myself looking forward to speaking to him. I didn’t believe a word of his whole gone straight spiel but he helped Leo, he came through for me, eventually. For that, he deserved some credit. He was my father, maybe not the best father in the world, he’d dedicated my childhood to expanding his criminal empire, missed birthdays and school performances, but my father all the same.
He’d always eaten breakfast with me every morning. He’d never paid for or arranged my murder. The more I saw of society, the more I’d realised he’d tried. He might have done a shitty job most days but he tried. It’s more than a lot of women had from their fathers.
“Dani, he’s ready.”
My feet weighed heavy, the few steps to the elevator down to the interview room Leo was in were the hardest I’ve ever taken. He could apply for leave to appeal his convictions based on the vast swathes of circumstantial evidence Schilling and myself had raked up. His chances of winning the chance to appeal, much less the appeal itself were stark at best. Clemency was his option now, and it was one I knew he’d never take.
Schilling walked down with me, his hand on my arm, guiding me forward.
“Who arrested him?”
“I did.”
“Was he okay?”
“I tried to make it as easy as I could for him. Theo was with him. He’d been home, spent time with his mother. He’s doing the right thing, Dani.”
“For who?”
“You.”
My heart sat in my mouth. We stopped outside interview room three. Through the thick glass window in the blue, reinforced door, I saw Leo. He sat hunched over a table, his hands chained to a bar bolted to the table top, dressed in orange overalls. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and pushed the door open.
“Kid,” Schilling handed me the key to his cuffs, “camera’s not working properly. You have an hour.”
“Thanks.”
He lifted his head, meeting my gaze as the door swung closed behind me. I flipped down the latch, locking us in together.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
Whether I agreed with his actions or not, he was doing this for me, to save me, give me the life I’d dreamed of, just without him in it.
I uncuffed his hands and curled into his lap. He held me for the entire hour. We talked, we cried, we laughed. He promised to fight. I was forced to promise to move on if he lost. It was a promise I’d never keep. I would save him. No matter the cost. That’s the only promise I’ve ever made to myself that I intended on keeping.
The hour passed too quickly, Schilling tapped on the door before unlocking it. He stood in the doorway, head bowed, his hands clasped at his front.
“Kid, it’s time. Leo’s transport back to Polunsky has been arranged. They need to question him.”
I nodded, the tears welling in my eyes. Leo swallowed hard, fighting his own sorrow.
“I’ll be fine, Dani. Promise.”
How? How could he be fine in that Hell hole? Locked away in a concrete box for twenty-two hours a day, all alone, how can that ever be okay?
His hands wrapped around my head, his fingers tangled in my hair. The kiss was one full of pain and longing and shattered dreams. My tears landed on his collarbone, dampening the front of the gaudy orange jumpsuit.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you too. Always. Remember your promise to me.”
“You want me to?” Schilling asked, walking into the room, picking the small, silver handcuff key off the heavy wooden table. Leo nodded, closing his eyes. The cuffs snapped around his wrists with a sickening snap. A chain locked through the bar over the table, locking him in place, keeping his interviewers safe from him. Interviewers who’d soon send an innocent man back to death row.
“Emma’s waiting outside for you. You’re staying with us.”
I didn’t have the energy to fight him. He grabbed my hand, pulling me from the stuffy offices. Emma ran to me, wrapping me in a tight hug. I broke, shattering into a million pieces in her arms, crumpling to my knees. She fell to the floor with me, never letting go.
Schilling helped me up, almost carrying me to Emma’s Corvette.
The next week passed in a haze of vodka and tears. Schilling and Emma refused to leave my side. They held my hair while I vomited into their toilet, Emma plied me with bubble baths and ice cream. I began to wonder if I’d ever feel human again. Leo’s lawyer lodged his appeal request within twelve hours of him being back inside.
We weren’t allowed to visit him. All his privileges had been removed. He spoke to us over the phone, prison officials listening to every word. His strength never failed to floor me. No matter how low he must have been, he still laughed with us, he still congratulated Theo on his engagement, and jokingly wished his finance the luck and strength he’d need to cope with Theo.
It was his mother who eventually pulled me out of my pit of despair. She’d lost her youngest son, her green-eyed baby boy. Day after day she dragged herself from her bed, bathed, tidied her hair and headed out into the world, a brave defiant smile pasted on her face. If she could survive for Leo, then so could I.