CHAPTER TEN
LETTIE
By 6:00 p.m. I hit full-on meltdown. What did one wear to a girls’ night? The only knowledge I had to draw from was from movies and TV. Growing up and living in what amounted to a cult put a real damper on any kind of social life, including friends and dating. Thirty minutes later, I had binged the bar Notes and discovered it was a karaoke bar. I’d never been to a bar, let alone a karaoke one. Is it like club wear in the movies? Is there a dress etiquette for karaoke?
“Holy Krispy Kreme jelly bean. What happened to this room?” The petite woman who appeared in my doorway was right. Looking around, both of the enormous bags of clothing that had been so neatly put away in the drawers looked to have exploded out of the dresser, hitting and covering every surface along the way.
“Yeah, I am having a bit of a wardrobe dilemma. I haven’t been out much. I don’t know what to wear. I’m so sorry, where are my manners? I’m Nicolette, but you can call me Lettie.” I crossed the room to properly introduce myself with my hand held out. Bypassing my hand, her little body slammed into mine, nearly knocking me off my feet. Shoving her face virtually into my breasts, her arms wrapped around my waist. She gave me a squeeze any python would have been proud of.
As she pulled back, I straightened my glasses that had bumped askew. She then introduced herself. “I’m not normally a hugger, promise. I’m just so freaking excited to finally have another woman around here. Oh, I’m Julie, by the way. Now, let’s get you ready so we can get on the road.”
Two shots of whiskey, my first ever—they were gross—helped me relax. While I’d drunk before, wine and champagne, I’d never done any shots of liquor. We were only twenty minutes late after Julie managed to find me an outfit—a pair of distressed dark-denim jeans, a gray ribbed tank with delicate lace trim, a fitted navy cardigan, and a sexy pair of navy high-heeled ankle boots I’d bought on a whim and had never been brave enough to wear.
By the time Dean drove us over to meet up with the rest of our group, I was feeling pretty damn good. So walking in and seeing the grumpy group waiting was a bit of a downer.
“Is it me or is it a bit gloomy over there? And who’s the cutie in the glasses?” I softly asked Julie, as the three of us, led by Dean, made our way to their table.
It was Dean who answered. “Let’s see… that’s Warren’s natural state, so no surprise there. Connor and Falcone had it out earlier, but honestly, Connor had it coming, and Fal only beat me to the punch. Connor needs to get his head out of his ass. The guy in the glasses is a family friend, Zander. And he’s most likely the reason Fallon is pissed.” My embarrassment at being overheard must have been clearly written on my face because after a quick chuckle, he explained, “Horseman hearing. Being discreet is impossible in this family.”
“Thank fuck” was announced by Fallon when she saw us. We were still a few feet from the table when she jumped up and stepped in front of us, “Nope. The boys can have that table. We’ll get our own.” Then she turned to Julie. “Not a damn word, wench. I didn’t know he would be here and we are not talking about it. This is Lettie’s night. Drinking, singing, dancing, and getting to know her. Now, momma needs two redheaded sluts and a mind eraser if I am going to survive this night.”
We found a table far from the boys, but still in eyesight.
“Hi, I’m Lilly. I’ll be your waitress this evening. What can I get you ladies?”
“We need two redheaded sluts, one mind eraser, and three screaming orgasms, please.” Fallon practically moaned out her drink order in mock desperation.
Lilly winked. “I like a lady who knows what she wants. I’m on it, honey. Need anything else, just holler.”
“Make them strong and fast, Lilly, I’mma thirsty girl,” Fallon called out after her.
While we waited, Julie and Fallon told me a little more about themselves and talked about work. They owned a small online editing business that had recently become successful enough for both of them to edit full-time. Julie was doing just that, but Fallon still worked at a bar part-time to get out of the house. As crass as she was, Fallon seemed like a people person. She liked the interactions at her bar because she didn’t have to censor herself and still got the social element missing from working at home.
Lilly was back in a blink, “Here you are, ladies. The handsome group of gentlemen in the booth over in the corner offered to hold your tab. Do you know them?”
“Yep, they’re with us, but it’s ladies’ night. Though we’re more than happy to let the boys foot the bill,” Julie answered distractedly as we watched Fallon pound back her shots.
“Lilly, beautiful shots, babe. Just what the doctor ordered.” Fallon smiled, looking a bit more relaxed.
“I’m glad. Enjoy ladies’ night, and I’ll be back to check on you in a few.” With a tap on the table, she was off to other customers.
“You look hot, Lettie, so I forgive you two for making me wait. It was worth it to see Connor’s face when you walked in. Has he only seen you in the fancy office attire?” Fallon pressed. Ugh. She was so wonderful and fun, but I didn’t want to talk about Connor to his girlfriend.
“Um, yeah, except for earlier today in the library.” Not that I think he even noticed with you right there next to him.
I kept glancing at the other table. I felt this pull. Need. I mean, I always feel a craving for Connor. Stupid childhood crush had bloomed into an obsession from the moment I met him. I thought I was getting better at controlling it, ignoring the gnawing hunger to be with him, touch him. But tonight, it seemed magnified, at least ten times worse than usual, before he started ignoring me. Before I screwed our tentative friendship up.
“What in the holy Hogwarts is Warren’s problem? Staring at you like you kicked his puppy or something. He needs to take a chill pill,” Julie huffed out, making the wrong assumption on what held my attention. She crossed her arms over her chest in exasperation. I smiled at her. It was kinda nice to have people looking out for me. Strange, but comforting.
“I guess in his eyes I kind of did,” I admitted.
“Say what?” they barked in unison.
“I just get why what I did would rub him raw. I accept and understand his anger.”
“Yeah, you said something about that earlier too. What do you mean?” Fallon pushed.
“Do you know how Warren got his scars?” I really didn’t think it was my place, but to understand the man and his anger, it was important to know the source.
“No, I always wanted to ask, but whatever happened has traumatized them all I think. I don’t want to bring it up. In the limited time I’ve known them, it’s been made clear it’s the reason they always travel in pairs, and it was apparently a defining moment in their long lives. Not a good one, though,” Julie explained as she played with her drink.
I could see how much she loved them all, not just Dean. She wanted to know the truth simply to find a way to help them heal and move forward.
“Warren was in love once,” I virtually whispered, all too aware of the superhuman hearing across the room.
“What!” both shouted in unison again. Geez, by the shock on their faces, anyone would think I’d announced he liked to dress in drag on the weekends and performed monthly as Wenona Wang.
Sighing, I signaled across the room to Lilly for three more of Fallon’s red shot thingies. Once she nodded that she was on it, I continued. “Her name was Mathilda, and she was a psychotic piece of work. It was the early 1300s, and Lord Decay knew that his control was failing. His brothers were suspicious and were going to have to act soon.” I sighed and frowned. “He started to gather followers. I believe in the beginning it was to look for a cure. But as his mind further deteriorated, so did his purpose and the quality of followers.” I bit my bottom lip for a second before continuing. “Mathilda’s family became devoted supporters and his only clan of earth witches. She was in love with the lord, or at least his authority, and wanted to be his queen. She figured if she could find a way to kill a Horseman, he would have to recognize her power and unite with her.”
I shook my head. “Till that point, the Horsemen had been invincible, even unable to be harmed in battle. They’re born of superior genetics and a form of magic, alchemy. Alchemy is a near dead practice now, but it was still practiced widely in the smaller, more primitive villages back then… and Mathilda was a quick study.
“She developed a formula she thought was potent enough to kill Horsemen, but she needed proof first. She left the Order and began a courtship with Warren immediately.” The ladies gasped. I nodded. “I believe she may have used some forbidden spells to make herself irresistible to him, but that was never proven.”
“Your shots, ladies,” Falcone said, making them all jump as he placed the tray on the table.
“Where’s Lilly?” asked Julie.
“She was about to go on break, so I offered to bring them over for her,” he answered, though the sly grin on his face said there may be a bit more to that story that he wasn’t telling.
“Great. Thanks. Go away,” Fallon announced, before tossing back her shot.
“Actually, can I join you, ladies? My table is snoresville with all the shop talk. I’m interested in how the Order tells the story of our past to their followers.”
A flash of guilt ran through me. Really, Warren’s story wasn’t mine to tell, and I could only pray he never found out it came from me or he’d hate me more than he already did.
“It’s okay.” Falcone patted my hand. “But maybe it’s best to just stick to history retelling, and nothing too personal.” He smiled softly.
“I blame the alcohol,” I blurted. They all chuckled. Clearing my throat, I said, “You may be surprised. In this one, you’re not the villains of the tale,” I explained.
“Please continue,” he encouraged as he pulled up a seat.
“So, with Lord Decay’s lack of control the real cause of most cases of the Black Plague, and the other brothers scattered for either damage control or searching for him to put an end to the madness, Mathilda had the perfect opening.” I looked nervously at Falcone, but he gave me a reassuring nod. “She spent months building a relationship and getting him to drop his guard. The night he proposed, she took him to her bed in celebration of their future. While he slept, she hit him over the head repeatedly so he would stay unconscious long enough for her accomplices to help her move him.”
I could tell by the attention that Falcone was paying, these were details the brothers never knew. They may have lived through it, but Warren clearly wouldn’t have remembered much, nor would he have wanted to talk about it after. “They took him to a local cave where she had been slipping away to practice her craft during their courtship. Our records show they held and experimented on him for six whole days and nights before they were finally found.” My gut clenched at the thought of Warren being hurt, and worse, tortured. I couldn’t imagine how he got through it, but it did go a long way to me accepting his anger.
“They had a rudimentary alert system in place and fled before being caught. They came home to the Order mistakenly thinking they would be hailed as heroes for their efforts. They were very wrong. First, they were interrogated individually by Lord Decay himself. According to the historical documents, the first two days were spent trying to kill Warren by poisoning him with ingestion of the solution she had created. When that failed to kill him, she tried various other methods of administering it. The one that seemed to have the most effect was slicing deep into his skin then rubbing the solution into the wounds. This was the most painful, and as you all know, prevented healing.”
“That bitch. I hope she burned in hell,” Julie spat out. There was enough venom to make a cobra jealous.
I looked around the table, confused. Both Fallon and Falcon were staring wide-eyed at Julie.
“You cussed!” Falcone stated the obvious.
“I’m so proud you.” Fallon pretended to wipe a tear, then turned her attention to me. “They grow up so fast.”
Smiling, I turned back to Julie. “I think she got worse, actually. After he’d wrung every detail out of the accomplices, they were all quickly and publicly executed, but not Mathilda. She was personally tortured by Lord Decay himself in front of the entire Order for six days and nights before she was finally granted death. Lord Decay accused her of cruelty of the most heinous nature. Her death was used as a warning to others who chose to torture the Horsemen in such a way in the future.” I turned to Falcone. “This is why there was never another attempt on your lives by the members of the Order. They were terrified of the consequences. I believe it’s also where the original vow of celibacy came from; the followers were traumatized by Mathilda’s punishment. Though public punishment and execution were common, the brutality of a woman’s public torture, on top of the melting and reforming of her flesh and bones over and over again… was not the norm. The Order got lax with the rules over the years, but when they discovered the lord’s return was imminent, they started cleaning house and reverting to a lot of the old laws of purity.”
“He did that? For Warren?” The awe and love in Falcone’s voice were that of a brother’s affection and unending hope of someday, somehow helping his brother find his way back from the monster he’d become. If Liam was to be believed, there might be a chance, but I wasn’t going to give my new friend more false hope tonight.
“Fuck, I need another drink now.” Fallon, with the right idea, flagged down Lilly, back from her break.
*****
As the night wore on, I got to know my new friends. We drank and danced, and as the evening wound down, we even—heaven help us—sang. I’d been able to avoid the stage for most of the night, but Julie caught on and demanded that I close out the evening. I’d had singing lessons as a child, but never sang for anyone other than family. At this point, I had plenty of liquid courage and agreed, with minimal coaxing from my companions.
As Fallon finished yet another amazing solo, I made my way to the stage, even as nerves coiled in my belly, threatening a reappearance from the consumed alcohol, I still walked ahead and tried my best to ignore the people who watched me approach. God, what was I thinking, singing in front of an audience? “Great job, Fallon. You should add singing to your bartending, like in Coyote Ugly.”
“That would be a sure way to lose me tips.” She laughed, but she was dead wrong. “Do you know what song you want?”
“Yeah.” I gulped, my chest heaving with every harsh nerve-racking breath I took.
“Okay. Type the song or artist on the screen, and it should pop up in the first few letters. If you select the wrong song by mistake, there’s a cancel button in the bottom right corner,” she explained as she pointed out the screen to the left of us. The stage also had a baby grand that was set for use, but anyone had yet to play. Fallon gave my shoulder a squeeze of encouragement, then left to return to our table.
I made my way on stage and made my selection. I’d chosen “Someone New” by Hozier. It was a beautiful song. I wanted Julie, Fallon, Dean, and Falcone to know how much their understanding and acceptance meant to me. Smiling, I lifted my head to glance over at our table, only to have everything happy shrivel up and want to die within seconds. My smile froze in place as I watched Connor take my seat at the table next to Fallon. He leaned in and said something in her ear that had her throwing her head back and laughing.
She was gorgeous. Smart. Funny.
And I’d never be her.
In that moment, I knew I needed to sing another song, a song I felt in my soul. I canceled my song search and stepped away from the selection screen. Luckily, those singing lessons came with piano instruction too. I sat down and played a few quick exercises to stretch my fingers, then began playing “I Hate U, I Love U” by Gnash with everything I had, to the one person I hoped finally heard me.