CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jessa looked at herself in the mirror above the bathroom sink and applied the lipstick aptly named “Caught up”. Since Jace had asked her out on a ‘date’, she’d been caught up in a whirlwind of raw feelings. She was grateful she’d thought ahead enough and brought the new dress. She loved how the blue fabric brought out the color of her eyes and showed off her figure. Here lately, she’d felt more beautiful than she had in all her life. Although she didn’t have big breasts, the deep cut of the top made her feel sexy and a thin belt made her waist look tiny. The black flats finished the outfit.
When she stepped out of her cabin to meet him, he skimmed his blue eyes down her in admiration and she tried not to visibly shake. He always rattled her in a good way.
“Because we’re out in the middle of nowhere, I hope you won’t mind that we’re not having dinner somewhere fancy.”
She didn’t care where they had dinner as long as he was beside her, and she wanted to tell him, but her words were lost when he pressed his hand against the small of her back to help her inside of the Gator. He climbed in behind the wheel and she was finally able to find her voice. “Where are we going?”
“A special place,” he said as he steered away from the cabins and into the wide-open space.
“I like the sound of that.” Although she hoped she wasn’t overdressed.
They drove through a wooden area and finally came upon a clearing. The spot overlooked the mountains. It was amazing. Jace had set out a blanket on the grass with candles and a scattering of rose petals. He’d thought of everything for a romantic evening.
She watched him as he lit the candles, admiring how he’d gone to so much trouble to make this evening special. “You were listening when I said I’d never been on a romantic date.”
“Of course, I was.” He sat down beside her on the blanket. “I had the cook make us some of the best food around.” He took out several containers, bowls, and two bottles of beer. “I wondered if I should have brought wine, but nothing goes better with this meal than beer.”
“What are we having?”
He popped the lid off a bowl of piping hot chili. “I know it’s not gourmet, but I promise, after you have a taste, you’ll understand why I chose this.”
Her stomach growled as if in excitement. She dipped her spoon in and sampled the delicious smelling chili. “Oh my, that’s so good.”
“The best around,” he said around a mouthful.
The cook had also included cornbread and cheese quesadillas. Everything tasted wonderful and Jace was right, the beer made the meal better, but the best thing was sharing the dinner with him. He looked so good. He wasn’t wearing his hat and his thick, dark hair appeared damp from a recent shower. His eyes lured her and the intense crystal blue were made more striking by the dark stubble on his jaw, and the pale blue color of his shirt accommodated his broad shoulders. He was such a brawny man.
Watching him made the butterflies flutter inside her stomach. Remembering how they’d made love, how he’d held her, made her tremble. Her body ached to have him hold her again, but tonight was something different, intimate and close. Yet, she hoped later he would kiss her breathlessly, rip her clothes off and bring her pleasure. She would surrender herself, knowing he held the strings to her heart. He inflamed more than just her body. He intrigued her mind too. His self-confidence wasn’t egotistical, but commanding and it compelled her.
As they talked, she found she wanted to hear more about his childhood, what provoked him into joining the rodeo and then Nirvana. At times, she gathered that he was alone in a crowded place. She knew that feeling all too well, as if something was missing. He had a huge heart and it showed in everything he did.
“This is amazing, Jace. The food. The scenery. You.”
“You deserve someone who will treat you how you deserve.”
She could be silly to believe something might come of this. They were two different people from two different worlds. What did a cowboy who loved his peace and quiet want with a woman who was in the spotlight? Every step she took. Everything she did seemed to be monitored by fans and the media. Problem was, there came a point when she’d have to make a priority list. What mattered most to her? Her career or love…not that she loved Jace.
Not possible.
No way.
She just admired him. That’s all.
Sure.
There were moments in life when a person was faced with something they wanted and something they needed. Right now, she couldn’t tell which belonged in which category. “I see why you love it here.” She looked out at the last few rays of the sun painting the pale sky. “It’s beautiful. Addictive.”
“Not everyone could manage living here. Some folks need a gourmet coffee shop on every corner and flawless cell service.”
“I don’t even know what it’s like to walk down to the corner coffee shop and grab a latte. I’ve been on the road for so long.”
“Then why do you do it, Jessa? You are in control of your destiny.”
She shrugged and the strap of the dress fell down her shoulder. She didn’t bother fixing it. “It’s like a whirlwind. Once you’re in the eye, you can’t find a way out. I’m not saying that there isn’t some pleasure in what I do. I love my fans. The money isn’t bad.”
“But money doesn’t buy happiness.”
“True. I often believe it’s fear that keeps me frozen. What happens if the whirlwind dies? Where will I go? What will I do?”
“What do you want to do?”
Looking at the mountains, she sighed. “My oldest brother’s wife just announced that she’s pregnant. I’m happy for them, but I’m also envious,” she admitted that bit of information openly for the first time. “Am I terrible for feeling this way?”
“Terrible for wanting more in your life? To share each day with someone who understands you? Supports you? Loves you? Yes, you’re terrible.” He laughed. “Give yourself a break, sweetheart. You’re human.”
“What makes you jealous, Jace?”
“Hell, maybe that I’ll never cook up a pot of chili as well as Cook can.”
“Can you ever be serious?”
“It’s not in my nature. So, what are you going to do about it? You know, the fact that you’re in a tug of war?”
“I haven’t decided yet.” She placed the lid back on her empty bowl and sipped her beer, rolling his question around inside her head. The golden glow of the candlelight entwined with the shadows washing over the land mixing with the beer and making her relax.
“Do you regret anything?” she asked.
His expression went from open to guarded. “A few things.”
“Share?” she coaxed.
“Okay.” He rubbed his palms together. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I wish I would have realized somewhere in middle school that all boys go through an awkward stage. It’s funny how we think we’re alone when actually all kids feel awkward, well, maybe most.” He gave her a side glance.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Single me out as if I’ve never felt physically inferior. Believe it or not, I felt like I didn’t belong all through school. Even now, I can feel mediocre. New, younger, better singers come into the spotlight every day. I realize I’m in a career that has an expiration date.”
“Does it bother you that much?”
“Would it bother you if someone told you that you can only be a cowboy for so long, and then your hat and boots are taken from you?” she challenged.
“I hear you. But what I’m asking, music is who you are, but not all you are. If you’re just putting all your eggs into one basket, that’s a problem, whether your career has an expiration date or not. I think you’ve placed an expiration date on yourself.”
He was a brilliant man wo could see into her soul. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m missing the details of life.”
His gaze held hers. Her womb clenched. Her core throbbed. Her heart did a triple flip.
“We all have ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes,’ but neither of us will ever know where we’d be right now if we’d taken another path. We can’t beat ourselves up for our decisions.” He reached across the blanket and grabbed her hand. “What we can do is live for the moment.”
She swallowed hard. “Not the future?”
“Hell, who knows what the future brings. You’ll go home soon and forget all about your time here at Nirvana.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. This time here has been remarkable. Wonderful. I don’t want to leave, not really.”
He let go of her hand and smoothed his palm down his face. “I’d consider buying Freckles’s place if…”
“What, Jace?”
“Well, a place like that needs a family. A couple holding down the fort. The light pattering of little feet running through the rooms. A heart of a home is made up of the people inside. You want to know why I drag my feet on buying the place?” His eyes turned lighter. “What if I buy it and I’m there all alone? Here, at least I don’t concentrate on not having all the things I want, but just as Freckles said, being there alone transmutes the feeling.” He blinked as if he couldn’t believe he’d revealed so much. “Enough of that.” He jumped up, holding out his hand for her. “I have another surprise.”
She laid her hand into his and he helped her up. “Another surprise?”
“Well, not really a surprise, but I thought you might be interested.” He blew out the candles, then guided her toward the Gator.
“What about the basket and the blanket?”
“I’ll grab them later. For now, there’s something I want you to see.”
She could barely contain her excitement as they made their way to the sheep barn. She looked at his profile. “Are you surprising me with more work?”
He chuckled. “No.” He parked and helped her out.
Once inside, he led her to one of the pens. Inside she saw the ewe and its baby. “When was it born?”
“This morning.”
The baby wobbled on its feet as it drank hungrily from its mother’s milk. “It’s precious.”
“I love that light in your eyes. This might knock my masculinity down a notch, but I find that I’m humbled when the babies are born. Guess what I named her?”
“What?”
“Miss Priss.”
“You named her after me?”
“I hope you’re not offended. She came out all sassy, just like someone else I know.” He winked.
“I’m sure I shouldn’t be flattered, but amazingly, I am.”
He stepped forward and pulled her against him. “I might be breaking the rules here at Nirvana by touching a guest, but I have to say, I’ve never been happier to step across the line.”
She moistened her lips and he groaned. She liked having this power to make him want her. To make him crazy.
*****
He bent his face closer and inhaled her scent. She smelled good and he knew it was her natural perfume. The scent of her hair reminded him of fresh coconuts and lime. Parts of him below the waist stirred and hardened. He found it interesting how his body responded to her in such a strong way. Staring down into her dazzling eyes, he was morphed into her magic, consumed by her irresistible charm.
“Be careful, cowboy. We might get caught, or is the risk what gets your adrenaline pumping?” She stood on tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her firm breasts pressed against his chest and he could feel her hard nipples through the material of the dress.
“You’re what gets my adrenaline rushing.” He lightly tapped the tip of her nose with his finger. “And if I haven’t told you already, you look amazing tonight.” He noticed how his voice shook.
A flush crawled up her cheeks. “Yes, you’ve told me, but it never gets tiresome to hear.” One corner of her lush lips lifted. “You’re going to make it difficult for me to go home.”
“Well, that was my wish. To make it difficult.” He winked.
“Do you mean that?”
“Not really. This wasn’t a plan of mine. Just as groping you back at the rodeo wasn’t part of the plan. Is it too late for me to admit how embarrassed I was?”
“You? Embarrassed?” She laughed.
“I didn’t want you to think I was that shy, backward kid again who was using his situation to get to first base.”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking. Maybe coming here I had hoped…well…”
“You hoped you could seduce me into bed? I knew you had an ulterior motive.”
“What? That’s not true.” She smacked him playfully on the shoulder. “But that rodeo kiss. Whew! I didn’t even care that I lost my funnel cake.”
“But did you kinda hope that things would get a little kinky?”
“Kinda.” The flush deepened.
Her expression was demure. Sweet. And he loved it.
“How about we go back to my cabin?”
“I’d love to.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The room was flooded in the morning sunlight as Jessa awoke from a restful sleep and rubbed the blurriness from her eyes. For a second she wasn’t sure where she was, but then she remembered falling asleep in Jace’s arms.
She rolled over to where her sleeping cowboy slept. His lips were slightly parted, his thick hair was an unruly mass of waves. How was it possible a person could look sexy, even in their sleep?
Watching him brought a mixture of emotions into her chest. She had a lot to think about, and didn’t know where to start. Where would they go from here? She couldn’t imagine walking away from Nirvana and leaving him. Yet, she was scheduled to leave tomorrow.
Tears filled her eyes and she ached to reach out and touch him, but she couldn’t interrupt him while he looked so peaceful. She could stay in bed with him all day, making love and cuddling.
Could they be more than temporary lovers? Forget that they lived in two different worlds? How do two people with no common ground have a future?
Future?
That was a complicated word.
She’d tried the relationship route before and failed.
Did her career leave room for a relationship and love? Jace wasn’t a man who would sit back and wait for her tours to end. And she couldn’t imagine wanting to leave him. With him leaving would become a struggle.
She envisioned what their life could be like. They could build a house together, fill that house with little Jace’s and Jessa’s. She chuckled and covered her mouth as he stirred.
So many questions with very few answers. Confusion marred her pleasure from the night before.
Without disturbing him, she slid from bed, slipped on his T-shirt he had laying over the chair and darted into the bathroom. She viewed her reflection and cringed. Her hair was all over the place and her cheeks were rosy. Splashing her face with cool water, she was drying it with a Jace-scented towel when she heard a muffled ring. It was her phone.
Hurrying back into the outer room, she dug into her dress pocket that was crumpled on the floor and finally reached her phone on the fifth ring. As she hit talk, she looked over to find Jace’s eyes fluttering open. She’d have to apologize. “Hello?”
“I thought I was going to have to come there.”
“Good morning, Wade.”
“Have you by chance read the local paper this morning?”
She sighed. “What time is it? I just woke up and no, why would I?” She gave Jace a smile who returned it. He sat up against the headboard and the sheet fell to his waist, showing off coiled muscles and a morning woody. Her mouth salivated.
“You might want to,” Wade sounded irritated.
“Why don’t you save me the trouble and tell me why.” She wanted the conversation to end so she could hurry and join her virile cowboy.
“How is Jace Jackson this morning?”
Her grip tightened on the plastic. “How did you know?” She drew back the curtain on the window and peeked out. “Are you stalking me?’
“Did you forget that your life isn’t private? Just because you’re in backwoods country doesn’t mean people don’t have cameras or cell phones. Looks like someone caught pictures of you and the cowboy going into some seedy motel room and sold them to a trash paper. Now everyone has their hands on the news. You’re splashed across the Internet.”
She held her breath as she darted a glance to Jace, then turned away, not capable of watching him as she wrapped her brain around what Wade was telling her. “Just a picture?”
“Several. The paper did some research and came up with old photos from high school. Hell, I didn’t know you wore braces.”
Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
“This is not good.”
“Your album sales have gone up. Seems like your fans like your choice in men. So, don’t sweat it.”
She could feel Jace’s gaze on her back. “It’s not me I’m worried about,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Wade, I’ll call you back.” She clicked off the call and finally turned to Blue-eyes. How would he take the news? Would he realize it was no biggie?
Her stomach flipped. She knew he liked his privacy.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?” he asked with a lazy grin.
“I-I have something to tell you.” She clasped the cell tightly in her hands.
Knock! Knock!
She almost jumped out of her skin at the pounding on the door.
Her heart was still threatening to shoot out of her chest when Jace slid out from the bed, confident in his beautiful naked body and into his wrinkled jeans. He strolled to her, kissed her forehead, and pushed a tendril of her hair behind her ear. “Hold that thought. I’ll get rid of the intruder and we’ll take care of whatever is bothering you.”
Jessa slipped back so that whomever was at the door couldn’t see her.
“Hey, Chase.”
“Sorry to disturb you on your day off, but we have an issue. A big one.”
Jessa could hear the disapproval in Chase’s tone.
Her heart sunk into her stomach.
“What is it?” Jace asked.
“I think you should see this.” There was a long hesitation and rustling of paper. “We have a horde of photographers lining the road in front of Nirvana. They can’t get on the property because of the gate, but they’re making their appearance known. I went to Jessa’s cabin to warn her, but she’s not there, so I figured you’d know where she is.”
She didn’t hear the rest of the conversation because she was enveloped in her thoughts. The axe had come down on her happiness.
The door closed and Jace looked at her, his brows scrunched and his lips thin. “You heard?”
She nodded.
He tossed the newspaper onto the end of the bed. “It wasn’t a ghost, but your manager warning you, right?”
Hoping her voice worked, she cleared her throat. “I had no clue.” Not wanting to look at the paper, she couldn’t help herself. It drew her like a bloody massacre. The pictures of them at the hotel were grainy, but clear enough that she couldn’t deny it was them. But the two black and white pictures that were side by side were a fast trip back into time. The photos were from their freshmen year snatched out of the yearbook. The large heading read, “Jessa Garvey hooks up with her past.”
She closed her eyes a moment, preparing herself. She was used to being in the spotlight, seeing her story blasted across the papers and magazines, but a man like Jace, a man who had left the spotlight, would cringe at this intrusion He turned his back to her and she could see how his shoulders lifted and fell with each breath. She wanted to go to him, but she felt the sudden disconnect between them.
“I’m sorry, Jace.”
He tore a hand through his hair and swiveled to face her, his tan had gone pale and his mouth was tight. “It’s not your fault, not really.”
Her breathing was ragged and she tried her best to gain control before she passed out. “I’m glad you see it that way—”
“But it is how you live your life.”
“I don’t like the media.”
He chuckled. “Can’t love them when it suits you and hate them when it doesn’t.”
She blinked. “Whose side are you on?”
“Damn, Jessa. This isn’t about sides.”
“This seems like a biggie, but it’s not.”
“For you, it’s not. You’re used to this, but how does it affect me and my job here at Nirvana? How about the guests’ privacy?”
His words cut into her flesh. “Once the photographers don’t get what they came for, they’ll leave. Every story has an ending.”
He stared for a good three seconds. “Do you believe that or are you saying that for my benefit?”
“I didn’t lie about who I was, Jace. We both stepped into this with eyes wide open.”
His gaze turned cold. “We got caught up, forgetting the truth of the matter. You’re a star and I’m a country boy. The two don’t mix.”
She took a step forward, reaching for him, but he took a step away from her. “Jace? Why are you acting so cold? You can’t tell me that you believe that we don’t ‘mix’. We certainly have fit perfectly over the last few days.”
“That’s because reality hadn’t set in. This is your life, sweetheart.” He pointed toward the door. “Those people with their cameras are the reason why you are who you are today. Sure, it’s been nice, but let’s face it. You’re leaving tomorrow and you’ll go on with your life.”
“But…this is too good not to keep.” Her voice sounded strangled.
“It was good while it lasted.”
Tears streamed down her face and his shoulders slumped. He pulled her into his arms. She could hear his heavy heartbeat and it matched her own. “No…let go.” She pushed out of his arms. “Are you saying that you don’t feel the same way that I do? You don’t feel the connection?”
He blinked. “Come on, Jessa. You knew from the beginning how things would end.”
Anger threaded through her. She didn’t like being tossed out like yesterday’s trash. Had she really believed that she was falling in love? Swiping her hand across her face, she wiped away the moisture. “So, this is what you are okay with? Pretending we both just wanted a good time and nothing else?”
His gaze turned wary.
“Well, maybe vindication is in your corner.”
“Jessa,” he pleaded.
“Don’t you dare ‘Jessa’ me! I understand this isn’t pretty.” She jetted a look at the newspaper, wishing she could vanish the truth. “But I don’t have any control over what they print.”
“I’m not angry with you, but I’m only being reasonable, pointing out a fact. Would you be willing to give all this up? Your career? Your fame? Would you be okay with being an average person?”
“I-I…” How could she answer him? That would be a decision which would take time to consider.
His smile was cold. “That’s the answer. And I couldn’t join you on the road, Jessa. I’m a cowboy and I love working the land. I couldn’t live as Mr. Jessa Garvey any more than you could kiss your career goodbye. Maybe if things were different...”
She laughed, but it was cold and miserable. She wanted to scream—boy would it feel good to scream at him, but what could she say? His words, as true as they were, hurt her to the core. She’d known from the start that they lived in two different worlds.
There was nothing more to say.
She pulled off his T-shirt, not caring that she was naked and he was watching. She was beyond caring. Picking up her bra and panties, she quickly dragged them on, followed by a wrinkled dress. Once she was in her shoes, she dropped her cell into the pocket. All the while he was standing in the middle of the room, his hands stuffed in his front pockets and a look of sadness marring his sexy expression.
If she’d hoped he would stop her, or say something to end the argument, she’d be disappointed. She walked out the door and closed it quietly behind her.
She briefly leaned against the door. Her heartbeat was mad and chaotic. Her stomach twisted. Scalding tears poured down her cheek. She brushed them away, but they continued to fall. All she wanted to do was go back inside, work something out with him, give him what he wanted…but was she certain that was best for her? For him? She couldn’t ask him to give up his career any more than he had the right to ask her to do the same.
How could she have been wrapped up so tightly in desire that she couldn’t see the inevitable heartbreak?
Through a fog, she hurried away from Jace’s cabin.
What had I been thinking? She wasn’t thinking, at least not with the right parts.
She woke up to the die-hard facts. The truth stared her in the face.
Once she stepped inside her cabin, her thoughts recoiled in her skull, bouncing around like a ping pong ball. Her tears had dried, but her heart still ached. She felt so alone, like driftwood floating on a river.
For the first time in such a long time she’d allowed herself to feel. She now had a broken spirit to show for it. She couldn’t bear seeing Jace again knowing he wanted to give up so easily without even trying. And the idea of never seeing him again made her feel dizzy, lost.
A soft knock came on the door and she debated if he should answer it or not, but curiosity won over. She opened the door and found Jace, an expression of apology on his face.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“Sure.” Her throat hurt from the crying.
Once inside and the door closed, he dragged her into his arms and she couldn’t find the strength to pull away. Gently, he held her, burying his face in her hair. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he whispered.
Her heart clenched and tears filled her eyes, but she refused to cry again. He was warm and loving, but she couldn’t allow her body to fall, not again.
They stood like that for a good five minutes, neither saying anything for what seemed like forever.
Finally, he broke the silence. “Please, don’t hate me.”
“I don’t.” she mumbled against his shoulder. She stepped out of his hold and looked up at him. His expression was blank now. Was he keeping his feelings guarded too? She realized that in record time, he’d become a part of her. She reached up and caressed his warm, sandpapery cheek, wishing things were easy. He closed his eyes and exhaled, his jaw relaxing some.
“I’m sorry that damned newspaper destroyed the morning,” he said. He opened his eyes and looked at her, his expression more readable now. “I’m sorry for what I said.”
“Your words were the truth. No apology is needed for the truth.”
His eyes softened. “They didn’t need said.”
She dropped her hand and crossed her arms over her waist, feeling sick. “It seems we can’t be what the other needs.”
“Just like that.”
“I didn’t come here thinking we’d end up…” She stopped.
“End up?” He encouraged her to continue.
“That I would have feelings, and yet I heard your words. Loud and clear. You don’t see us being possible.”
He closed his eyes again, a horde of emotions fleeting across his ragged expression. When he reopened his lids, she couldn’t read him any longer. She could practically see him batting down the hatches to his heart against the storm.
“I’m not who you need, Jessa. You don’t need some country boy who doesn’t even have a place of his own, nothing to offer.”
Her body shivered as her world fell away. “That has never been my thought. I’m not here because of the things you don’t have. I am with you because of how you make me feel, how you made me feel when you kissed me at the rodeo. You had no clue it was me, and yet the passion was so strong.”
“Then tell me, Jessa, because I need to know. Are you willing to give up your star success and come be with me? We both know we have no future if you’re on the road and living out of a suitcase.”
Her throat closed. “Do you realize what you’re asking?”
“Yes, I do! I’m asking what sacrifice you’re willing to make to continue forward with me? I’m a simple man, sweetheart. I love working the land and my idea of entertainment is a candlelit picnic on a hill overlooking the scenery. I can’t take you to five-star restaurants, follow you around from stage to stage with no place to hang my hat.”
“So, I would have to just give everything up that I’ve worked for? My career? Life as I know it?”
*****
Jace tore a hand through his hair, absorbing her words and what exactly he was asking. If he wasn’t sure that he loved her, he wouldn’t dare ask her to change her life for him, but because he did care he needed to know if there was a chance, even a sliver of one, for them to be together. “I know exactly what I’m asking. We’re from different worlds, and for us to be together, one of us would have to cross the pond. I can’t, Jessa. For a short period of time I lived in the spotlight myself and I can’t go back. I don’t want to go back.”
“Oh, and you’re willing to walk away from Nirvana? I don’t see you stepping out of your safe bubble and making a place of your own. That’s what this place is, Jace. For whatever reason you ended up here, you need to ask if you’re ready to step back into reality and stop hiding in paradise. You’re asking me to leave all that I know, but what are you willing to give up? I offered to give you the money for Freckles…”
He laughed, cutting her off. “You want to give me money. I’ve never asked anyone for anything.”
“That pride will be your downfall. I know your childhood wasn’t easy…”
“My childhood has nothing to do with this.”
“Understand, I’ve been on a roller coaster for so long, I’m not sure how to get off the ride.”
There was a long hesitation. He took another long step back toward the door. “Just what I thought.”
She stepped forward, reaching out, but he sidestepped her. “Jace?”
“No. There is no chance for a future unless something changes. Think about it.” He turned and walked out, hating himself for allowing his emotions to become involved. He’d known from the start whatever they were doing was a dead-end road. He had no place in her world, and she knew that too. She wasn’t even happy.