Marlo watched Adam’s car turn out onto the main road. He was doing exactly as she asked, so why did his no-fuss exit make her feel rejected? She pressed Justice’s collar to her nose one last time before placing it in the safe, alongside the DVDs. Damn those DVDs. They were the catalyst for the whole mess.

Barrett probably didn’t realize that he’d won. He’d managed to trash her life and snuff that little flicker of happiness she’d allowed to spark within her. How fragile that joy had been, and how easily it was extinguished.

Fala followed her into the office, and when she sat the dog’s grey muzzle soon warmed her knee. She reached down and scratched the dog’s ears. “Just the girls again. Those boys come along and occupy little pieces of our hearts then leave, taking those pieces with them. They’re heart-thieves, Fala.”

The dog flopped to the floor. “I wouldn’t mind joining you down there, girl.”

She looked up as Lulah appeared at the door. “Hey, you, how’s it going?”

“Shit. Lulah, it’s all turning bad.”

“I picked up your mail.” She dropped a variety of envelopes on her desk. “And I have muffins that probably don’t contain a single ingredient that would qualify for a heart-check mark, so they’re officially comforting. I made them this morning. I’ll get some coffee on the go, and you can talk ‘shit’ to me.”

Marlo leaned back in her chair, her focus intent on her forefinger marking spirals on her desk. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“The dogs?”

“The dogs, men, life. I’m wrung out. I’ve tried so hard, and it keeps coming along and kicking me in the butt. And today my ass feels so bruised I can barely sit.”

Lulah passed her a mug of coffee and put a plate with a warmed muffin on her desk. “Eat. Food heals. I bet you haven’t had breakfast.”

Marlo nodded.

“It must be terrible for you without Justice. Is there any news about him?”

“Not yet.” Now she was lying to Lulah, but if she told her about Justice, that would make it real. And she wouldn’t be able to hold it together for her.

“Well, it’s no wonder you’re feeling so let down. There’s nothing worse than not knowing.”

Apart from knowing, when the news is bad…and it sucks, big time. It sucks away your hope.

She took a long pull of air as if despair was a wet sack in her chest.

“I’m pleased you’ve got Adam to help you through this.”

Nope. She’d managed to lose him, too. The wet sack became heavy with regret.

The phone rang, and she let it switch through to voicemail. She stared at the muffin. “I’m sorry, Lulah, I can’t face food at the moment.”

“That bad, huh?”

She nodded. “Can you keep a handle on things for me today? I’ve got stuff to sort out. Text if you need me. I’ll keep my phone on voicemail.” She stood. “I’m going to take a run. I need to think. Will you shut up the office when you’re done?”

Lulah nodded, concern registering in her tightened brow. “Sure, go and get sorted. I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”

Marlo nodded and forced a smile, because they both knew that talking was unlikely. “I’ll take Fala back to the house and get changed, then probably head out toward the lakes. I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

Lulah sighed. “I’ve got it. Take your time.”

It took forty minutes to reach the lake. This was her first time back since she’d brought Adam out here. Didn’t that feel like another lifetime? She lay on the flat rock and let its heat warm the backs of her legs and seep through her running shorts and tank top. With closed eyes, she finally allowed herself to think about Justice.

She’d never had the opportunity to bring him out here. Could he swim? Would he have been brave enough to take those steps into the lake, walking until he ran out of ground and trusting that his body’s natural buoyancy would keep him afloat?

I haven’t been that brave, Justice. Maybe they could have done that together. The two of them, walking into the water.

Trusting.

She’d asked Justice to trust her, and he had. He’d stepped right up and believed in her, sticking with it when it became difficult. Those times when his every instinct told him to lash out and bite, he looked to her and trusted her enough to suppress that instinct and do as she’d asked. Eventually his thinking changed enough that his first instinct wasn’t attack, and his reactions became acceptable to society.

She spread her hands over the gritty surface of the rock. The breeze had completely died away leaving her to the heated mercy of the sun. She turned a palm up, flexed her fingers and recalled the way her hand would glide over the satin finish of Justice’s coat.

She’d convinced him there would be enough resources around that he wouldn’t go hungry, or cold, or thirsty. He trusted that each person he met wouldn’t mean that a swift kick in the head was the likely outcome of that meeting. That every time he faced another dog it didn’t mean a grueling fight to the death was imminent.

All that work and careful counter-conditioning created a cautious belief that grew to total trust.

But she’d let him down in the worst possible way. She took every new thing she’d asked him to believe in and effectively threw it in the trash. She’d walked into that room with a stranger, and his conditioning told him that the scene was cool, he was not to react. One small movement of her hand signaled his new belief system was flawed, that the person she’d brought with her was dangerous.

It was time to attack.

That signal was his death warrant.

She’d shown Justice his instincts were flawed. She had taught him a new and better way to react, only to ask him to drop all that and go back to the wrong way of doing things.

If he wouldn’t mind.

Just once more.

Adam was right. She couldn’t return to her old way of thinking or reacting. He’d shown her some happiness. He’d made her feel normal. Her own belief system was faulty. How could she help the dogs if she couldn’t help herself?

As the sun beat down, she allowed her tears to tumble, unchecked. In their short time together, Justice taught her more than any other dog. Her tears were for Justice, and for the thirty-one other dogs that had been rescued from Richmond only to be let down in the worst possible way.

In a rare moment of indulgence, she was unable to prevent a small slip of tears for herself. And for Adam. Because like Justice, they’d shared similar moments that were complete with contentment and pleasure.

The chill of a shadow briefly blocked the sun. All she could manage was to scrub at her wet cheeks and shield her eyes before opening them. Adam stood over her, his face pinched with the strain of the past couple of days. Most of her wanted to reach out to him, but after what she’d said this morning, she knew she had to earn that right.

Comfort him…it’s what friends do.

She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, bracing herself for the inevitable questions, those little inquiries that chipped away at her emotions.

He crouched on the rock, facing her and watched. The intent in those dark eyes speared her, making her chest tighten to capture the wound. For one brief moment, she let herself bask in the familiar feeling of his gaze stroking and calming her soul. Then, damn, it appeared the well hadn’t dried, because two more tears escaped.

He reached across with the back of his knuckles and brushed them away. “Don’t cry alone, Marlo. Please, don’t ever do that.”

She lowered her head. “I have no choice.”

He sighed and rubbed a weary hand across his mouth. “You do, but you push away the people who want to help you.”

Nailed it. Again. She grabbed at his hand, needing the security of its grip for an instant before she released it.

He watched her for another long moment before speaking. “I have news, but I’m uncertain whether you’ll consider it good or bad.”

She looked up. His face was impassive. Back to cop mode. Any concern for her was concealed or, worse, no longer existed, and she was stunned by how much that hurt. How her actions had turned him away, and now she didn’t know how to ask him to come back. “Tell me.” Tell me everything. Tell me your news, and tell me how to get you back.

“The good news is that Justice wasn’t euthanized by Animal Control. He was picked up by CRAR, as originally planned.”

Joy surged through her. Justice was alive. She had to see him. Then the rest of his words sank in. “Wait, CRAR planned to pick him up? Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Because I believed the best way to keep you safe from the dogmen was if you thought Justice was impounded at Animal Control. If you knew CRAR had him, you’d be demanding him back.”

Every part of her wanted to shout at him. She balled her fists and dug her nails into her palms. Oh, Christ, here we go again. Always trying to keep her safe but unwilling to consult with her. Did he think she was incapable of making good decisions? She swallowed hard. “Go on.”

“The CRAR driver has gone rogue. He hasn’t been heard from since he picked up Justice. The transport van was found in a parking lot in Placerville, about a hundred miles away. No one has seen the driver or Justice.”

“Oh, hell. So what does this mean, exactly?”

“That’s hard to say, but it’s futile to speculate. Right off, I can think of a number of different scenarios, and they could all be wrong.” He stood, brushed the dirt from his pants. “Although Justice is presumed to be alive but missing, I can’t promise you that’s the case. He could be dead.”

Marlo nodded.

“One more piece of news. Intel tells us the dogmen are aware Justice is no longer at Dog Haven Sanctuary, so you should be safe. I can have some security organized for you if you’re feeling vulnerable.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” Her standard answer sprang out when she didn’t have the courage to allow herself to be helped. From where she sat, she kept her head bowed, her focus on his feet, wishing now that he would turn and walk away. She knew his sturdy gaze assessed every breath she took. It made her so self-conscious that she breathed shallow and stayed still. Why wouldn’t he leave her? If she didn’t wreck this today, she would tomorrow. Or next week. She didn’t want this. She’d taught herself not to expect anything, any affection from people. The dogs…her dogs were enough.

Without him, she could focus on saving Justice. She should never have allowed her heart to feel the intensity of attraction, the reciprocation of another heart.

She took a moment to compose herself, and when she trusted her eyes to stay dry, she opened them in time to see his toe lift. He swiveled on his heel, and her heart lurched as he turned away. She wanted him to wait. She wasn’t finished, because she had no idea where to begin. “Adam, what now?” The question escaped like a bubble under pressure.

He stopped but didn’t turn. “With Justice?”

She wanted to say not Justice, but what would happen with them. The words wouldn’t form, and her head dropped. “Yes, Justice.”

“We’re working on it. I know it’s futile asking you to trust me, so I won’t do that. Unless any vital information comes through today, I’ll update you again in the morning.”

Marlo lay back on the rock, closed her eyes, and listened as his footsteps receded to silence. Her heart was battering her chest like a flurry of startled prey. Why couldn’t she fight for him if she could fight for the dogs?

A number of times, she had watched her mother fight for a man after she’d driven them out the door with the inconsistencies and lies that were the byproduct of her addiction. Marlo learned to stay quiet in her room, squeezing her eyes shut and covering her ears to block out the chaos as the final act played out in another ruined relationship. Now she realized that in the later years, her mother’s relationships came with a primed detonation button. One bad move, and they went off.

Exactly like Mom, I never learned how to hang on to a relationship.

* * *

Adam took no pleasure from the landscape on the way back to the car. Several weeks on, the sun didn’t have the intensity of the last time he’d been out to the lake. Even the scent of sage was difficult to detect. He no longer brimmed with the optimism for his work and the pleasure he got from the anticipation of learning more about Marlo.

He’d allowed himself a brief spark of hope when Marlo had questioned the future before she revealed her concern was for the dog. As admirable as that may be, her life was well out of balance. If only she could recognize that she could do even better work and be so much happier if she let in a few people, allowed them to get a little closer to her. Ironic that she placed such importance on socializing the dogs so they’d be able to live a stable life in the real world when she failed to allow herself that luxury.

Or perhaps she was simply too scared. The dogs couldn’t do it alone. Marlo needed someone to help her.

Not you. Idiot.

From start to near-finish, this episode in the U.S. had been like watching a train wreck. He’d be digging deep to produce a report that would elicit support and funding for a dedicated dog fighting combat unit out of this little mess.

Add to that his foray to try to save Marlo and, what had he achieved? More train wreck casualties. Man, that hurt. When he came out to the lake today, he fully expected to be walking back with Marlo. Instead, all he got was a chance to witness a bit more of her misery.

Nice one, Guildford.

Total knight-in-shining-armor-fail. Again.