Chapter 20

PRESENT DAY

“Oh, shit,” I hiss through my teeth, sprinting at record speed. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“What the hell?” I hear behind me as I throw my legs onto the ladder. “Get your ass out here!”

Alec’s and Rian’s voices get louder and louder as I parade down the fire escape with the grace of an elephant. Rian shouts once more as I clang onto the second set of wobbly stairs.

“Probably some punk-ass kid!”

God, I wish that were true. No, it was just a grown woman who should probably take the next flight out to Arkham Asylum.

A light shines over the edge of the roof and I duck into the shadows, flattening myself against the brick wall, praying to the high heavens that the dilapidated metal beneath my feet doesn’t suddenly give way.

“Hey!” Alec calls, and even amid the tsunami of panic and adrenaline pumping through my veins, there comes that immediate roller-coaster sensation just at the sound of his voice. “All right, if you’re gonna run, I’ll let you,” he says when I don’t answer. “But don’t rush on those stairs. Be careful. And call your mom!”

He’s too sweet. Too good. What the hell would he ever want with the likes of me?

The fear of being seen overrules my need to run, so I wait with bated breath until Alec and Rian emerge from the door below me. He’s holding a bloody cloth to his nose, tilting his head up and I tuck every bit of loose clothing on me into the shadows. Oh my…I hope I didn’t break his nose. The evil side of me sneaks out, though, because there was definitely no kissing with all that going on, and I press my lips together hard to keep from snickering.

Something clangs near where Jackson is parked. I hope he has the sense not to leave without me. I wait until I don’t hear any voices (it takes longer than I’d like) before lowering myself down to the ground. Once I’m there I creep toward the fence, snagging my sexy purple dress. I am clearly not cut out for detective work.

Alec and Rian aren’t anywhere in sight, and Jackson seems preoccupied with the front tire of the limo. I clear my throat, getting him to look over his shoulder.

“They took off on foot,” he says, then shakes his head at me as I come out of my hiding spot. “What the hell did you do to your guy up there?”

I give the street a good look up and down. “I created a diversion.”

“I thought you liked his face.” There’s a small lift at the corner of his mouth as he cranks the tire iron. The wind picks up, and I figure it’s time to pull out my scarf and strap it on tight. It’s getting pretty late. Too late. And we’ve lost eyes on them.

“Did you see where they went?”

He nods down the street. “To the left. You can catch ’em.”

“Good.” I nibble on my trembling bottom lip, eyeing the flat tire resting against the building. There’s an obvious puncture in it. “Did you…do you want me to wait with you? Figure out something?”

He finishes tightening the spare, his back rigid and his breathing hard and raspy. He coughs into his gloved hand and then straightens from his crouched stance.

“Hate to break it to you, but they seem pretty damn comfortable with each other. I’m cutting my losses.”

I jerk back. “I thought you said you loved her.”

“I did.” He pulls out his e-cig. “I do.”

“It doesn’t bug you that she’s out with someone else?”

“I didn’t say that.” He takes a puff, then exhales into the wind. I get the distinct smell of burnt strawberries wafting around me, so I stuff my face into the red scarf around my neck.

“Hey,” he says, “by all means, chase after them.” He waves his hand at the corner he indicated before. “But just because I’m throwing in the towel doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Just the opposite, actually. See, there’s this thing called history. I’ve got it with her, and it’s living rent-free in her head. I can see it in her eyes when I’m with her, and I don’t care who she’s with or what she plans on doing or why she’s so determined to run from it. I know fate will find a way to turn things around.”

My nose wrinkles at the word. I despise fate right now. If it was on my side, tonight wouldn’t be…this. If I hadn’t pulled the tablecloth or thrown a basketball, fate would’ve given me a concentrated shot of painful jealousy straight to the heart. No, fate is my enemy.

I tuck my coat around me, tie my scarf, and give Jackson a final nod. “I hope you get her,” I tell him.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Then I spin on my heel and will my feet to catch up with Alec before my brain talks me out of it.

Alec’s laughing again. I think that’s worse than the almost kissing. Laughing is joy and fun and all things good in this world and I want to hate Rian for making him laugh, but I also am happy that he’s laughing. It’s a weird jumble of emotions running through me as I watch from across the busy street next to a pile of snow that’s been shoveled from the walks.

They’re in Times Square, Alec’s favorite place in the entire world. She’s leaning against him, and his arms are around her small fame, rocking her to a song he’s most likely humming in her ear. I thought I’d felt pain before. I’ve broken two bones, I’ve had my appendix burst, I’ve tripped and slipped and bled and bruised, and I’d willingly experience all of that again just to take my mind off the piercing stabs of heartache I’m experiencing now.

It could be anything that’s making him laugh and smile like this, though. It could be Times Square itself. It could be the spirit of Valentine’s Day. Or maybe he’s realized that holding Rian feels so so wrong and he wants to hold me again, and this time he’s going to say he means it. He’s still in love and he’ll spot me here across the street and we’ll run toward each other in slow motion.

Yes, he’s in love with me. That’s what’s going on, I’m sure of it! I take a determined step forward only to get sideswiped by a passerby, toppling me right into the pile of snow.

Oh sweet merciful heavens, I’m a class-A lunatic. The man I love is having a good time, and what have I done? I threw a basketball at his face! I’ve lost control over my mind and body and I need to think straight for a second. I need a sobering, sensible thought.

I take a look at the snow pile and suddenly jam my hands into it, letting the cold shock my skin into reacting the way it should. I shove a fistful into my face, make a snowball and stuff it down my dress. I cover myself in the cold, cold snow until my skin is red and burning and my mind is free of all types of debauchery.

“Uh…are you all right?” a stranger with bright white teeth asks as he walks by. I nod and say something that doesn’t make sense, but it convinces him to leave the strange woman alone with her snow. I glance over my shoulder to get one last look at Alec, half hoping that the sight of him will bring back just enough insanity for me to make this night what it was meant to be, but he’s gone. I have no idea what direction they went, and I make my way across the street to see if I can spot them.

All I see are lovers, holding hands and exchanging sweet kisses and putting roses in their hair and sharing chocolates. I remind myself to grab a box of assorted chocolates to keep me company when I get home.

Blond hair catches my eye, and I know his gait. I see him through the crowd, though Rian is hidden because of her height. It’s easier to see him this way, seemingly alone. I could run, push my way through, grab his arm, and spit out everything I’ve been holding in for this night.

I could…but at the same time, I can’t. What if Jackson’s right? What if fate had a way of turning things around because we aren’t meant to be? He’s no longer in love, and our night together was just that. He didn’t even say anything about the tattoo—whether he saw it, whether he knew what it truly meant.

I put a hand on my hip, over the satin of my dress. Three weeks ago his hand was gripping me here, running all over my body. He had to have seen it—the ink I’d permanently etched into my skin for him…for me. I’d been thinking that maybe he didn’t see it because the room was dark, because his eyes never left mine while we shared ourselves with each other. But maybe he did see it. Maybe he left me alone the next morning because he got over me a long time ago. Maybe he thought that night together didn’t mean anything to me, so he made sure it didn’t mean anything to him.

My mouth goes dry and I try to swallow, but can’t. I pull my hand away from my hip and twist it up in my scarf. The fabric drags down my neck, exposing my skin to the chilled air. I tuck it in my pocket as I watch his blond head get farther and farther away until I can no longer see it.

Fate has won tonight.