“I hate Valentine’s Day,” echoed Zoe’s voice around the shop, which was temporarily silent. Her colleagues all turned to look at her.
Clover stopped decorating the window with cloth hearts to glance at her in amusement. “Yeah, right – you’re saying that only because you don’t have a boyfriend to celebrate it with.”
“Hey, dating a super-cool actor doesn’t entitle you to make fun of your friends,” protested Zoe, pulling a threatening face.
“It’s what you say every year, Zoe. And every year, I reply in exactly the same way,” smiled Clover. “Valentine’s Day is just an excuse for people to show their feelings.”
“It’s stupid. People should show their feelings every day, not just once a year. Every Valentine’s Day, the average American man spends hundreds of dollars on dinners, boxes of chocolates, flowers and cards. Are you telling me that women wouldn’t appreciate that type of stuff in January or July too?” demanded Zoe, crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head in disapproval. “Women should be courted every day, all the time. You shouldn’t just be romantic when circumstances force you to.”
“Oh, I agree with all of that. All that I meant was that it’s nice to let yourself get carried away by the romantic atmosphere of Valentine’s Day. Same goes for Christmas: the right atmosphere can make all the difference.”
“Yeah, well I hate Christmas too,” Zoe reminded her friend.
Clover rolled her eyes and went back to decorating the shop window.
Zoe leaned on the counter and gave a long sigh. “And anyway, not having a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day is really depressing.”
“That’s your problem, Zoe: you don’t know what you want,” burst out Eric, without lifting his eyes from the pack of pictures he was checking. Zoe spun round towards him, her grey eyes half closed.
“So even our little nerd here has a theory, apparently.”
“You’d have one too, if you just stopped moaning for five seconds.”
Zoe frowned. “I’m not moaning, I’m just saying things the way they are.”
“What is the problem, anyway?” asked Liberty, sorting the piles of photos in front of her into four separate groups. “You could have all the men you want, if you wanted them, and you don’t like Valentine’s Day anyway. So what the hell are you griping about?”
“Because in two weeks everybody will be off having their little romantic dates and I’ll be all on my lonesome again!”
“So you’re saying that I’m right,” said Clover. “Even though you think Valentine’s Day is a completely manufactured way to sell cards and teddy bears, you still think that it would be nice to celebrate it with a romantic dinner.”
“You’re better off on your own than in bad company,” muttered Eric, glancing over at Zoe. “And given your terrible taste in men, I’m pretty sure that spending Valentine’s Day alone can only be a good thing for you.”
“Oh don’t be so melodramatic. The men I date aren’t that bad.”
“Let me just remind you of the last two: Jordan Edwards and Tommy Parks.”
Clover pretended to throw up and even Liberty coughed lightly at the sound of those names. Zoe waved away their reactions with a hand, as though they were making a fuss about nothing.
“Ok, Jordan might not have been exactly what you’d call classy and Tommy was maybe a little obsessed with my butt, but…”
“Not exactly classy and only a little obsessed with your butt?” asked Eric with a smirk. “The first one was always burping in public.”
“He couldn’t help it, it was an accident…”
“And the second one kept his hand on your ass as though he thought he might fall over if he didn’t. As well as not being able to lift his eyes above the level of your cleavage. I bet he wouldn’t even have been able to tell you what color your eyes are!”
“Come on, you’re talking about the two most extreme cases, they were certainly not the rule,” snorted Zoe.
Eric raised his eyebrows over the tops of his spectacles. “Those were just the ones you went out with last month. I could go on for hours.”
“Do you really remember all the men that I’ve dated?” she asked, looking perplexed.
“Yes, because I like to train my mind, not my biceps,” mumbled Eric, turning his attention back to the photographs.
“Of course, our pet scientist! But remember that girls like muscles, so maybe you should think about improving them too and not just your brain.”
“I think that I can aim for something more in life than a girl who faints over a set of sculpted deltoids.”
“Like who? What kind of girl would you like in your life?” asked Zoe. She smirked. “Let me guess: an intellectual like you is bound to be looking for another bookworm. She’ll have to have a Master’s degree, of course, and not be too bothered about her looks, and she must know absolutely nothing about makeup and clothes. And she’d better always be ready to launch into conversations about science, computers, philosophy and even politics! Just to sum it up: she must be deadly boring. You don’t want her to be a virgin too, do you?”
“You know what, Zoe, you don’t have to be unattractive to be intelligent or to be able to talk about politics. Stop putting yourself down,” said Eric with fake kindness.
“And stop putting us down too,” added Liberty. “Clover and I are pretty and we’re intelligent, and I guess I could even say the same about you.”
“You guess?” asked Zoe pretending to be outraged. “You’re going to pay for this when you least expect it. Anyway, yeah, I feel intelligent enough, even if I don’t have a Master’s degree.”
“In that case, the problem must lie elsewhere,” cut in Eric. “Maybe you think that a guy with underdeveloped muscles like me can’t attract intelligent girls who are pretty too, hmm?”
Zoe turned to look at him in surprise. “I never said anything like that,” she said in shock. “And anyhow, you’re not that bad, dear Brainbox, even if your glasses do make you look like some stuffy high school teacher!” she added, giving him a wink.
She wasn’t lying – Eric actually was really cute. He was tall and had a slim, athletic figure, brown curly hair and blue-green eyes. He had plenty of potential but just didn’t seem to be interested in showing it off. The glasses that made him look like a laboratory researcher were constantly perched on his straight nose while his body was always hidden under casual clothes. As a result, he looked like the stereotypical serious and intelligent good guy, and that made him appeal to many girls. Unfortunately, he was too shy to take advantage of the fact.
While Eric was mumbling something incomprehensible in reply to Zoe’s comment, Clover finished off fixing up the shop window and looked at her sweetly. “Why don’t you prove your intelligence and stop dating men just because they happen to be good looking? If you aim a little bit higher, sooner or later you’ll be bound to find a man to spend Valentine’s Day with.”
“Coming from the woman who’s currently dating one of the most lusted after men in the U.S., that advice rings a teensy bit hollow,” muttered Zoe.
“There’s more to Cade than just being handsome.”
“It’s pointless trying to convince her, Clo,” sighed Eric. “She has to go out with guys who pump themselves full of steroids and have absolutely nothing in their heads, otherwise she can’t control them.”
“What do you mean?” hissed Zoe.
“I mean that the self–confident mask you wear when you meet people hides a very insecure person who prefers dealing with vacuous guys so that she can feel better about herself. And since the only man you’ve ever actually fallen in love with wasn’t dressed like an asshole and didn’t have pumped-up muscles but a Master’s degree in Medicine, you decided that cavemen are more suitable for your needs because they don’t have enough brains to hurt you.” Eric looked her straight in the eyes with a serious expression on his face.
“If it’s a man’s intelligence that scares you then you should know that Harris had a lot less of it than you credit him with – otherwise he wouldn’t have done what he did to you. Maybe it’s time you let go of your past and started looking to the future.”
Touched by those words, Zoe didn’t reply.
Eric was right. Who knew her better than him, anyway? He had been listening to all her complaints and putting up with her outbursts since university. Lately, though, he’d been a lot less patient with her and they seemed to be arguing for no reason at all.
Sometimes she thought it was strange that their relationship had lasted so long. They couldn’t have been more different from one another! But they had bonded immediately, no matter how strange it seemed: she was a pretty waitress, always surrounded by suitors, while he was a lonesome physics and informatics student, taciturn and shy. He had quickly become her best friend and the only one who had supported her on every occasion. He had consoled her when Stuart Harris, the only guy she had ever fallen in love with in her whole life, had broken her heart by cheating on her repeatedly with her best friend and since then had been putting up with her, and especially with her hysterical hunt for a man – an obsession that had led her into ruinous relationships with the wrong men.
Maybe he had finally had enough and didn’t want to babysit her any more. Was that the reason why he had been so touchy lately?
The idea was terrifying to her: Eric was the only person she trusted unconditionally. She didn’t get on particularly well with other women and apart from Clover and Liberty she didn’t have many friends, so losing Eric’s affection and support would have left her feeling desperately alone.
His unusual coldness and distance were hurting her. It wasn’t normal for him to be like that, and he would never usually have spoken about such delicate matters in public.
He seemed to have read her mind and gave her a rather contrite look. “Hey, sorry – I went too far.”
That made Zoe feel a lot better – how could she feel hurt by someone who would apologize for just telling the truth? Her good mood restored, she smiled at him brightly the way she always did – and the way that allowed her to conquer the heart of any man of any age. “I’ll accept your apologies when you do something for me,” she joked.
Eric suddenly raised his brown eyebrows. “Something like what?”
“Well, if I can’t find anyone to go out with in the next few days, you could take me to dinner on Valentine’s Day.”
Eric looked up to the sky. “Right, like I’ve never done that before.”
“Hey, don’t act so smart, it would be a mutual favor. It’d be a fun evening between friends and people would think that we were a couple, and that way we’d both save face.”
It was almost a tradition: when both of them found themselves single, they spent their time together. Zoe couldn’t remember how many times Eric had stepped in to stop her getting drunk alone. He had put up with accompanying her to family celebrations, stepping in for dates to take over from some partner who had stood her up at the last minute, to Valentine’s dinners all those years when they were both single, and they had even gone on holiday together! In other words, Eric Morgan was the man she had spent the most time with – he was her longest lasting relationship… and they hadn’t even slept together!
She felt the need to demonstrate her affection to him, so leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Eric pushed his glasses up his nose the way he always did when he was embarrassed.
“You don’t need to sweet-talk me – I’ll take you to dinner.”
Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of the bell indicating that someone had come into the shop.
Zoe raised her eyes and smiled at the new client, and when she saw that it was a handsome blond guy of about six feet tall, she immediately smoothed out her wool skirt and primped her dark bob haircut.
“God, look how cute he is! I’ll deal with him.”
Liberty sneaked out from behind the counter and headed to the upper floor. “We had no doubt that you would,” she giggled with a weird smile.
Zoe turned to the client. “Welcome to Giftland! How can I help you?”
The man looked her over from head to toe and smiled. “There are a lot of things you could help me with, but right now your smile will do just fine,” he said playfully.
Zoe chuckled and went into seduction mode.
“So I guess I’m going to be free the evening of Valentine ‘s Day after all,” muttered Eric as he walked past her on the way to his office.
Clover followed him.
“Let’s not make snap judgements – maybe she won’t like him.” But at the sight of the look Eric shot her, she sighed. “OK, I’ll just shut up.”
Zoe ignored her colleagues’ comments and stood in front of the new customer, smiling all the time. It had become a habit for her: she would feign interest in any attractive men who happened to enter the shop, flirting with them and doing her best to appear attractive. It was almost like a sort of hobby and a way of boosting her self-confidence. Lately, she’d really needed it.
The New Year hadn’t started out great, to be honest, and over the last few days she had felt really agitated and restless. New couples seemed to appear out of nowhere and seeing them everywhere made her feel lonely. And what was worse was that her relatives couldn’t stop congratulating her on the ‘fantastic new boyfriend she had found’, and it felt like an unbearable weight in her stomach.
*
It had been a mistake to pretend that Eric was her boyfriend. Doing it had meant actually finally satisfying her family’s expectations, but it was all thanks to Eric and not to her. He was a perfect old-fashioned gentleman and had behaved impeccably, saying all the right things at the right time, and he had managed to do it all so naturally. Zoe was sure that was the way he usually treated his girlfriends, although she had never seen him with any of them. He didn’t have new relationships as often as her, but when he did, she was sure that he put a lot more into them than she did.
Zoe hadn’t informed her relatives that she and Eric had ‘broken up’ yet – she was waiting to find a real boyfriend to take home to them first. But it was absolutely impossible to find someone even more perfect than her best friend.
And most importantly, it seemed as though it was impossible for her to fall in love again.
It had just never happened again after Stuart, although, thinking about it rationally, she wasn’t even sure if she had ever really loved him either. The slimy pig had managed to seduce her with thousands of words and with his charm and his fancy clothes, with candlelight dinners and surprises… But then he had ended up in bed with her best friend right under her nose. Any feelings she’d had for him had disappeared the moment she had found out, together with all her trust in men. From that moment on, she had protected her heart – probably overprotected it, to be honest – and she had never trusted intelligent and charming men again – she knew that they were able to wound her in subtle ways she had no defenses against.
What she needed were less polished, rougher guys. They were the best company for someone looking for some fun, and they wanted what everybody wanted from her: a bit of gratifying sex and a nice trophy to show off to their friends. The difference was that they were honest enough not to pretend they were looking for something more. With them she could always be in charge and always be the one who dumps the other first. Obviously she wasn’t exactly over the moon about her love life. Ok, those brief, meaningless relationships were fun, and sometimes even physically satisfying, but they didn’t really give her anything. Even though she was well aware of all that, though, she seemed to be incapable of finding herself more serious relationships. It was true that she found it hard to really let herself open up nowadays, but it was also true that nice guys seemed to give her a pretty wide berth. They were probably intimidated by the apparent self-confidence, the beauty and the sex appeal that she seemed to emanate almost unconsciously.
Take off her makeup and her sexy dress and you’ll see, she’s not that special.
Women like her aren’t good in long-term relationships; they’re never going to be satisfied with just one man for the rest of their lives!
A woman like that has nothing except her looks to use to get a guy!
She’d heard people whispering things like that so many times over the past few years, especially women. It had hurt her at first, but then she decided to ignore those malicious voices and not to change just to please others.
Anyway, she wasn’t doing anything wrong: she was a grown-up who was perfectly entitled to take whatever life had to offer to her for as long as she wanted to. What the hell was wrong with going out with a handsome guy? It wasn’t like she was married or engaged, she was completely free and she was responsible. She could choose for herself, that’s why she would select her prey and take the best from each of them before moving on to the next. And dating a lot of guys was also a way to try and find someone who she thought deserved her love. How else was she supposed to find the right one? There was no point just standing in a corner and acting like some shy virgin with a head full of silly romantic dreams.
She pushed all those useless thoughts out of her head and focused on the situation at hand. The guy in front of her was tall and muscular with a charming face and very beautiful dark eyes. His voice was mellow, his hands big and his smile captivating. He looked like many of her ex-boyfriends, especially in the way he dressed and behaved like a predator. That predictability, though, was reassuring for her. Flirting with men like that was easy – a few moves from her were enough to snare them and she could pick up all the information she needed with a couple of questions. Sometimes she didn’t even need to sleep with them to work out that they weren’t suitable for her needs. Contrary to her reputation as a huntress, the number of men she had actually slept with was less than half of the number of men she had dated.
The customer told her his name was Evan, and the piercing looks he gave her, the classic lines he came out with and the mannered gestures made it clear right from the off that he was interested. He was obviously one of those men who are only looking for fun. She could have gotten rid of him in two seconds, because it was as plain as the nose on his face that he wasn’t the type of man to fall in love with. But Valentine’s Day was getting close… And she just couldn’t stand the idea of being alone on Valentine’s Day again. She had never had a really good one. Every Valentine’s Day, she always ended up settling for any guy who had dared to ask her out, or she had gone out for dinner with Eric. Spending the evening with her best friend had always turned out to be far more stimulating than a night out with another stallion in heat – at least Eric and she knew how to have fun together.
After observing Evan’s expression she almost thought of giving up immediately and opting for pizza with Eric, but the idea of having to beg for her friend’s attention again was enough to convince her to go through with the farce. She had already asked too much of him on New Year’s Eve, and the fake relationship with Eric had only intensified her desire to have a serious relationship with a smart guy. While she’d been acting she’d almost felt as though it were possible to actually be someone’s special person – and the idea of it had even made her have that outrageous dream about Eric! She couldn’t risk becoming dependent on the poor guy, nor could she take advantage of his kindness every time she felt alone. If she wanted to go out with someone she had to roll up her sleeves and get to work.
She smiled, half sad and half amused, while she focused on her new prey. Her know-it-all colleague was most likely back in his office celebrating, she thought, having realized he didn’t have to take her out to dinner for Valentine’s any more…
*
The pile of photographs landed on his desk with a thud, his chair was dragged back abruptly and a drawer yanked open too violently. He knew he must look gloomy, just like he knew that Clover’s big eyes were looking at him kindly.
“Not a word,” he ordered, without even looking at her.
Clover was leaning against the door of the office, watching the corridor with one eye. She smiled sweetly. “You know it’s not going to last.”
“Of course I know it’s not going to last. She’s going to sleep with him a couple of times then dump him. There’s no need to be upset over something so trivial,” said Eric sarcastically while he switched his computer on.
“Maybe she won’t even sleep with him. You heard her: she just doesn’t want to be alone for Valentine’s Day. I was half expecting her to force herself to fall for the first flashy guy she bumped into. It’s not the first time she’s done something like this.”
Feeling his usual headache coming on, Eric pinched the top of his nose just under his glasses between his thumb and index finger. “I was expecting the same thing.”
Clover took a step towards him. “Eric, you should do something.”
“Like find a new job, move away from New York and forget all about her once and for all, right? Yes, I agree with you: I should.”
“Or… you could tell her how you feel and keep the escaping option as plan B in case she gives you an answer you don’t want to hear.”
“Why would I make a fool of myself for nothing? We already know what she thinks of me.” He remembered Zoe sighing in relief when he told her she had only dreamt that New Year’s Eve kiss and felt an awful acidic burning in his stomach.
“She adores you, and you know it.”
“Sure, as a stand-by.” Eric steepled his fingers in front of his nose and stared straight at his computer screen. “To her I’m just some sort of cute teddy bear to hug when she feels alone or scared. A comfort blanket. The kind of guy she is really attracted to is the one she’s talking to right now!” he said, pointing to the door. “I’m not athletic enough, or blonde enough, and maybe not even manly enough for a woman like her.”
“Don’t say that…”
“It doesn’t matter, really. I’ve been watching the same crappy movie for years now. Sometimes it bores me, sometimes it upsets me, but at the end of the day, I’m the one willingly choosing to watch it, right? I’ll be ok in a minute.”
Clover heard the sound of footsteps coming down the corridor and shrugged.
“Whatever you say.”
Liberty entered the office to assign them their tasks for the following morning. Even if it was still only early afternoon, she liked to organize their work ahead of time, because that way she could have everything under control and avoid disappointing their clients.
When she saw only Eric and Clover, she peered around in search of their other colleague.
“Is Zoe still flirting in the shop?”
“Yes, she is,” answered Eric. “Actually I was meaning to ask you if you could please keep her away from me for the rest of the afternoon: I don’t think I can bear to hear all the gossip about her wonderful encounter with the latest stud.”
“You’re supposed to be going to Mrs Morrison’s house to fetch those photo albums, remember? So go and get them, if you want.”
“Great.” Eric forced himself to smile at Liberty, who didn’t have a clue that he was in a bad mood, and set about quickly finishing off some stuff he had to do before leaving Giftland. He really wanted to go before Zoe had a chance to come into his office and start telling him all the juicy details of her chat with Mr Muscle. A few minutes later he walked across the shop floor and slowed down when he was about to reach the door. She was still there, flirting with that idiot among the shelves and wearing a wool dress that revealed all her curves, totally unaware that she held his heart in her beautifully manicured hands. And why should she suspect, come to that? He had managed to hide his feelings for her pretty well for all those years.
Once outside, he took a deep breath of the bitter February air and let the New York crowd absorb him.
The cold air, the people coming and going and the stroll cleared out his mind and allowed him to think a bit more rationally.
Zoe Mathison was a wonderful girl, and not just physically. She was extremely beautiful, sexy, chic, funny, and she even smelled good… But she’d only turned into a femme fatale in the last few years when she had started to devote more time to her looks, her attitude and even her facial expressions. Eric had known the younger Zoe, though, the waitress at the Boston University coffee shop, the same girl who used to work until late in the hope of saving enough money to be able to move to Manhattan. He had learned to value the insecure Zoe, the one who had trouble relating to other girls of her age and who didn’t know how to react to boys’ attention.
Back then he’d just been a poor nerd and a creature of habit who would visit the coffee shop every afternoon at the same time. He used to go there to study… and to look at her in secret.
He had fallen in love with Zoe about an hour after meeting her for the first time, or maybe even less. It was probably the same thing that happened to all the newbies like him who found socializing difficult, as well as to a lot of less weird guys. But unlike all the others, he had nurtured that love for her and kept it intact for ten long years.
And for all that time he had always felt the same resignation that he felt right then, which was the reason why he had gone out with other girls over the years. But even so, the total adoration he felt for Zoe had never waned in all that time, and even though Clover thought his loyalty was the sweetest thing ever, he thought it was just plain ridiculous and he was starting to be ashamed of it.
He felt stupid. Zoe was destined to end up with some handsome, self-confident guy – the type of guy who could take her any time and anywhere, without hesitation, not some cerebral intellectual who was almost afraid to even touch her.
For all those reasons, there was absolutely no point lusting after her and dreaming about her, just as there was no point having flashbacks all the time to moments they had spent together – and particularly to their kiss in Times Square. And it was useless to get angry or jealous about her love life too. If he couldn’t have her for himself, though, he hoped that she could at least find a man who was worthy of her.
Zoe deserved all the love in the world and a partner who could make her forget about her doubts and uncertainties. A man who could give her all the attention she needed. And instead she surrounded herself with testosterone-headed cavemen who were able only to keep her happy in the sack and then show her off like a trophy to their friends.
“Well, if that’s what she wants then you have to let her have it. It’s probably what she deserves,” his mother would often repeat to him. Apart from Clover, she was the only person who knew of his real feelings. Maybe she was right, or maybe she just couldn’t bear seeing her only son so sad. Sheila Morgan, of course, thought Eric was extremely handsome and the type of guy women should be fighting to get their hands on.
Blind motherly love.
“Zoe adores you,” Clover would repeat to him, though, and that tiny, feeble spark of hope that she was right was probably the reason why he was still so patient.
If there was even the smallest chance that Zoe would eventually fall in love with him, he couldn’t afford to waste it. And he didn’t even care if in the meantime he was wasting all other chances to build his own emotional life.
Zoe was more important than anything else.