Roxie

I didn't sleep well last night. I dreamt I was Lily's age and knew my father was about to get murdered. He wouldn’t listen when I tried to warn him. In reality, I had no idea my father and his MC was in any kind of danger before the Hell’s Spawn MC descended on us. And even if I did know, I'd be just as powerless to stop it, as I was in my dream, as Lily is in trying to protect her father. Men like Cross, men like my father, they don't listen to the women in their lives. My dad never treated me badly, never beat me or otherwise hurt me, always protected me and kept me safe, but I knew where my place was. And it wasn't anywhere near having any kind of influence on what he did in his day-to-day life. I guess Lily will have to get used to that too. Probably better sooner than later.

The dream and having to face my inability to do anything other than ignore all the bad memories, caused a very bitter taste in my mouth, and it's not even fading yet. It's just past noon and my report on Lily's home life and welfare is almost finished. It's favorable, and I'm recommending she stay right where she is.

Yanking her out of her father's home would not solve her problems, and it's not what she wants. I went over and over that question in my mind all morning. If she's taken away, she won't have to worry about her father dying. But then she'd have other things to worry about, and living with her father, she's loved, safe and protected, at least for as long as he lives.

I should be professional about all this, but her plight and my already realized fate are so entwined in my mind, I can't tell the two apart anymore. The fact that I very much want to see Cross again isn't helping one bit.

I need to be done with this. That's what I need. And then I can go right back to forgetting everything and Lily will just be another student I need to take extra care with, as her guidance counselor and nothing more.

So I print off the report, chewing on my nail as I wait. Then I grab the papers and march right to the principal's office to conclude this matter. The secretary sends me right in.

"I brought the report on Lily Eagle Feather," I say, laying it on the principal’s desk. "I visited her home and interviewed her, and I—"

"You visited her home?" the principal interrupts, staring at me like I told her I did some very dangerous thing.

I sit in the chair by her desk and cross my legs. "It's a very nicely kept old mansion up on a hill not far from here."

"I know where it is," the principal says, taking off her glasses. “But no one’s allowed near that house.”

"Her father let me in for a visit, and I think Lily is being taken care of perfectly fine there," I say. "She’s still adjusting to living with her father, but they both want to make it work. Lily just needs some patience and maybe a little extra attention, and I'm sure she'll settle right in."

Lily's facing bigger problems, but that's not something I can mention to the principal without having her call the cops or some other such nonsense. I turned out OK, and so will Lily. I'm sure her father will see to that.

The principal just keeps on rubbing the bridge of her nose and not meeting my eye. I’m getting very nervous that she’ll expel Lily anyway, then my visit and all the painful memories it stirred up will be for nothing.

"I'm glad everything is fine with Lily's home life," she finally says. "And I agree with you that we need to do what we can to ensure she gets an education. But some of the parents are complaining and one of them has some sort of influence over the school board. They're putting pressure on me to expel her and let her become someone else’s problem. Many suspect her father is involved in criminal activities, and they think she'll end up just like him."

I barely manage to stop myself from demanding to know who it is. I have enough of my father in me to march right up to that person and tell them, in no uncertain terms, why it's wrong to make assumptions about a twelve year old girl that could seal her future before it even gets started.

"He put her in school because he wants her to get an education," I say instead. "And getting into a few fights with classmates doesn't exactly mean she has a criminal mind. Maybe someone should explain that to these concerned individuals."

The principal looks at me sharply. My words might have been complacent and proper, but my tone wasn't.

"You're taking a very personal interest in this child," the principal says.

"It's my job to do so," I say. I am taking a very keen interest, and the principal has a point being suspicious of my zeal. Lily reminds me of myself when I was younger, for one thing. I also think I’m looking for the home I lost through her, and that's not very professional at all. It would be very easy to just tell the principal to do what she thinks is best, and not protest anymore. Then I’d never have to see Cross again, and I could go right back to forgetting all about my past. But what happened to me isn’t Lily’s fault, and she shouldn’t have to pay for it. I will do all I can to make sure she stays in school.

"I'm more than willing to go the extra step and convince all concerned parties that I mean to perform my duties to the best of my ability," I continue more complacently. "I'll make sure Lily adjusts and thrives at this school."

The principal picks up my report and glances at it. "I can hold them off for now, based on this. But I'm afraid that if Lily so much as almost gets into another fight, the whole thing will be out of my hands."

I stand up and nod. "Good enough. I'll make sure she doesn't."

But once I'm out in the hallway, the bell echoing and hundreds of students passing me on their way to their next class, I have trouble drawing in a full breath. Because I might have just made a promise I can't keep, and a little girl's happiness depends on me keeping it.

I took a job in this sleepy, tiny little town to start a peaceful, easy, uneventful life. Now I've met a biker I like way more than I should, and I promised to keep close watch over his daughter. I don't want to get sucked back into MC life. I wouldn’t survive losing it all again. But if I try to solve Lily’s problems without involving Cross, then I will almost certainly fail to help her. Lily’s problems stem from her relationship with her father, so I have no choice but work with the both of them.

* * *

Cross

I lost the battle over not calling Roxanne while sitting in my car in front of Lily's school, waiting for her to come out. All day, while I was supposed to be getting the MC set up in our new weapons trafficking venture, every other thought was about Roxanne. It's been awhile since I met a woman who intrigued me enough that I couldn't forget about her the moment she was out of my sight, let alone one who stays in my thoughts constantly.

But I've also never met a woman I couldn't have, so that might have something to do with me obsessing over her. I'm not the type of guy who just accepts that he can't have things. I was never that guy, and I'm too old to learn new tricks. Besides, my fixation with Roxanne is getting in the way of my everyday business, and I can't have that either.

I call the school and ask them to connect me to the guidance counselor’s office. Roxanne’s, "Hello," sounds tired and fed up once they do.

"This is Cross, Lily's father," I say. "Is there any news on her case?"

She inhales sharply, reminding me of all the times I've given bad news to someone over the phone.

"I'm glad you called, Mr. Whittaker," she says, her voice very flat and therefore belying her words.

"Cross," I correct her.

"I'd prefer to keep it professional," she snaps, but in that same dejected tone. "I've made my report to the principal, recommending that Lily stay in school, but her behavior will need to be modified, and your involvement will be required to ensure she conforms to the rules, and does not continue to behave problematically."

Conform to the rules? How can I teach my child something I've actively avoided doing for practically my entire life?

"I'll do my best," I say and grin, realizing she just gave me the perfect opening. "But I'll need some guidance on that myself. How about you let me take you out to dinner and give me some pointers."

Then after dinner, I can teach you a thing or two.

After another shocked breath she stays silent.

"Tonight at eight?" I ask into the silence.

"That would be highly unprofessional," she says. "Come to my office tomorrow at eleven, and I’ll give you some suggestions on how to reach out to Lily."

"One visit at school was enough for me for the next twenty years," I say. "Where should I pick you up?"

"Mr. Whittaker—" she starts sternly.

"Cross," I interrupt. "Just give me a time and a place, and I'll be there. But it can't be at the school."

All I can hear for almost a full minute is her breathing, which is rather fast and sharp.

"Fine," she finally says, and nothing in her firm voice betrays that she just took a minute to decide. "I'll meet you at Max's by the highway tonight at seven thirty."

"That dive?" I ask, but quickly retract after another sharp intake of breath from her. "Sounds great. I'll be there. But we better make it eight thirty."

She agrees, and I say goodbye then hang up, because Lily is already climbing into the cab, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Wanna go to the mall and do some shopping?" I ask her.

"No," she says.

"Really? I thought you loved shopping," I say, actually a little surprised, since she normally likes trips to the mall.

"I'm not shallow like that, Cross," she assures me.

"Alright, how about we just get some ice-cream," I say and grin at her, since I'm in a very good mood thinking about later tonight, and she's not spoiling it.

"I'm not five years old either," she retorts.

"No, you're not," I concur, kinda wishing she was since I'm sure all this would be easier in that case. "So, where do you wanna go? I'm free all afternoon, and I want to spend it with you."

"Just home," she says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You sure you don't want to go to the library, or some other non-shallow place like that?"

She casts me that special killing look that we were both born with, but it doesn’t work on me any better than mine works on her.

"Come on, Lily, give me a fucking break already," I say, grinning at her. "You've been complaining about me working all week, and now that I have time, you're being sulky."

She keeps glaring at me like she has more to say, and I keep grinning at her, since I'm not interested in arguing, and eventually her eyes start to soften. After awhile she even smiles. Lily’s smiles always make me feel very happy and kinda mushy inside, but that’s something I’ll never admit to anyone other than myself. I wish I hadn’t already missed so much of her life, and I hope we still have time to make up for it. Smiles like the one she’s giving me now give me hope that we do.

"We could go to the movies," she says and buckles up.

"That’d be great," I say and start the car.

I'm not worried about Lily or her future. The thing I know very well about her, and that none of her teachers and counselors seem to have figured out yet, is that Lily knows how to behave properly, but she’s choosing not to. I was exactly the same way. She's smart and she's resilient, and she wants to keep living with me, despite all the lip she keeps giving me, just as much as I want her to stay. So the trick is convincing her to behave properly. And maybe the guidance counselor is right. Maybe I am the only one who can do that, because I know how she thinks.