John’s lips pressed to mine, and I instantly hated it. I hated what I was doing, and why. Come to think of it, I didn’t even like John very much.

But then, this is what I was supposed to be doing, right?

I mean, a young, rich, un-engaged princess like myself? Kissing boys and making rash decisions was basically the handbook for me right? There were so many other girls with my exact title and background on Instagram or in tabloids, hooking up with famous rock gods or movie stars, and there I was at nineteen still moping around his manor.

…But then, that was the other part of my problem.

He was the other part of my problem — Xavier, the Duke of Bandiff. Also known as the man who’d basically been raising me for the last five years.

I shook my head. No, I couldn’t go there anymore. I’d promised myself not to have those thoughts anymore and made my body pinky-swear to stop reacting the way it had been whenever I thought of him.

But it wasn’t working. Not even a little bit. After months — years even — it wasn’t working, and I was starting to lose it. I couldn’t think the thoughts that I’d been thinking about him. I just couldn’t.

It was wrong

And so inappropriate.

Xavier wasn’t my father, but he’d been the closest thing to one I’d pretty much ever had, what with my real dad always being gone, and then in prison — along with Xavier’s ex-wife, actually. She was still there, but my dad had skipped out and disappeared years before, which is when Xavier had stepped in to take me under his wing.

And life had never been the same for me.

But then, that’s why I was there that night, I guess. Xavier was out, and I’d invited John over because, well, maybe I thought it would help. John — Prince John, actually, the kind of douchey, but kind of good looking guy I’d known from school. Maybe I thought if I just put the inappropriate thoughts out of my head for a while and just got lost in some other guy, it would all go away. And then I could stop thinking these wicked, filthy thoughts about the man who’s roof I lived under.

The man more than twice my age.

The man who made my pulse skip a beat, who made my breath catch.

…The man who made my panties slick and messy.

“Ouch.”

I winced as John’s clumsy hand groped my breast awkwardly.

“Yeah you like that huh?” He hissed.

No, not at all.

“Just— go slower, okay?”

He moved in to kiss me again, and I braced myself. Fuck, why was I even doing this? Right, Xavier.

Just get him out of your head.

This was going to be terrible, but I knew I’d be cured of my poisonous filthy, totally wrong thoughts afterward. I certainly hoped so at least.

John’s lips brushed mine for half a second and then went to my neck, licking my skin like that was some sort of sexy move. His hands moved to my shirt, pushing it up my body.

I swallowed. Okay, this was it. If I could just get it over with, I’d be free of my obsession with thinking about the one man I never should have been obsessing over.

“It’s like ripping a bandaid off,” my friend Riley had said when I’d asked her once about the whole losing your v-card thing.

Right, just like a bandaid.

Wonderful analogy.

I pulled away from John, swallowed, and reached down to hook my hands into my shirt. I pulled it up, not slowly, just a quick yank off my head, my long dark hair tumbling down to the middle of my back.

Just like a bandaid.

John grinned wolfishly, his eyes darting down to my bare tits. Riley had also suggested not wearing a bra. I should really have stopped listening to my friend.

“Fuck yeah babe,” he growled as he moved in. His hand dropped to his belt, yanking it open as my stomach sank.

Oh fuck, what the hell am I—

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

The voice boomed through the room, making my heart lurch into my throat and John shriek, jumping from the couch like he’d been electrified. I whirled, gasping as I covered myself with my hands and looked up into his eyes.

Xavier.

Xavier home early and standing in the doorway to the living room. His jaw was clenched so tight I thought he might break it, and the fire in those eyes of his — holy shit. That look was fierce, and savage, and furious.

“You,” he roared, jabbing a finger like a murder weapon at John as he stormed into the room.

“Hey, listen man, I was—”

John cried out as Xavier grabbed him by the neck, picked him up and sent him crashing right through the coffee table.

Whoa.

“Get up!” Xavier roared.

“Hey!” John shrieked again, his voice cracking. “I am prince of—”

“I said GET. UP!”

His mouth snap shut, and he nodded, his eyes wide as he stumbled to his feet.

“Sir—”

He winced as Xavier yanked his arm behind his back, twisting it and making him scream as he pushed and kicked him through the doorway to the main hall and foyer of the manor. I heard the huge, heavy oak door open, and a hitting sound followed by John shrieking again, and then the door slammed shut.

Then there was silence.

Oh, I’m in trouble.

The silence sat there for a second before I heard footsteps. Xavier stormed back in, his face furious and his eye locked on me, huddled on the couch holding my breath.

“Xavier—”

“No, Lola,” he growled, shaking his head. “I don’t want to fucking hear it. Him? Seriously?”

“What, picking my boyfriends now are you?” I snapped.

Xavier’s eyes narrowed at me, his face glowering.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, you just think you can run my life!”

He was silent.

“I’m nineteen—”

“I’m aware.”

“So I can do what I want!”

“Can you?” he snapped, moving towards me. I gasped as he stepped closer and closer, his muscled body bristling and his eyes fierce as he stormed over to where I sat, still topless and holding my breasts on the couch. I could feel my pulse racing, my stomach fluttering. My nipples hardened to little points against my palms.

“Can you, Lola?” he growled.

“It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or anything,” I muttered.

“He’s not anything in this house ever again or I’ll cut his fucking head off.”

I swallowed thinly, shivering.

There was that dark streak — that something that lingered under his gorgeous, handsome face, and those rippling muscles that a man half his age would be jealous of. That something that made this more than a crush and lit something fierce inside of me. I’d been pushing my wicked thoughts away, trying to ignore how Xavier made me feel for too long.

And that night was the breaking point.

Getting busted by Xavier that night, I knew all my attempts to not think the way I thought were in vain. Because deep down, the only thing I ever wanted — the only man I ever wanted — was right in front of me, leaning over me with his fierce beautiful eyes blazing into mine. His hands dropped to either side of me, against the back of the couch as he loomed over me, like he was pinning me to it.

And I realized something else, too. I couldn’t just do it with some guy. I couldn’t just rip the bandaid off. Because deep down, hidden away where I’d hid it for years, there was one thought that came rushing to the surface.

….deep down, I wanted Xavier to be my first.

My first and my only.

“Am I in trouble or not?”

Ugh, there it was — my go-to response to him recently. It’s like as my own thoughts about him grew harder and harder to ignore, I’d compensated by being ruder, and sassier. Like throwing attitude at him would make these desires go away. But of course, it only ever made his eyes flash fiercely or his jaw clench tight, and all that ever did was make him even more irresistible.

“Keep testing me, Lola,” he growled.

“Oh, and what?”

“And you’ll see what happens,” he hissed through clenched teeth. Fuck, he was so close, looming over me, his face inches from mine. I shivered, my nipples hard as little pebbles against my palms and the heat blooming between my thighs.

I sneered. “What, you going to punish me, Daddy?”

I froze, my mouth snapping shut. Xavier’s face went dark, his eyes crackling with this fiery blaze as the heat teased through me.

…Why had I just called him that, and why did saying it send something electrifying through my body?

“Xavier, I—”

“Go to your room, Lola,” he said quietly, suddenly moving back from me, standing upright and taking a step away. That fierce, steely gaze on that chiseled handsome face lingered on me for one full second, melting me into the couch and setting every part of me on fire. I dropped my gaze, unable to meet his any longer as my face grew hotter, thinking about what he’d just walked in on me about to do.

I felt mortified, and terrible, and yet also so fucking turned on that I was sitting there with just my hands and my will to keep them where they were stopping him from seeing so much of me.

And I was about to say something — to apologize even for my shitty, rash behavior, when suddenly, I saw it. I saw it and my pulse skipped a beat.

I saw it — the thick, big bulge tenting the front of his pants. My mouth opened a little, my eyes going wide as my pulse roared through my ears.

And then suddenly, he whirled and stormed from the room, leaving me panting for breath, tingling with something hot, and soaking through my panties.