Chapter Twenty-Six
Lily
I took the stairs two at a time, screaming Jackson’s name.
“Jackson! You have to see this! Where are you?” I shrieked again when he didn’t respond.
He wasn’t in his office, and he wasn’t in the kitchen either. Or any of the bathrooms. Then I remembered how he’d told me via text that he’d probably have to go into the city to drop some paperwork off soon, and I groaned as I looked out the window and saw that his car was gone. Pulling out his cell phone from my pocket, I saw that he had indeed sent me another text from his work phone. I must’ve been so engrossed with my findings upstairs that I didn’t even feel the vibration.
Had to go to the city like I said earlier. Back in an hour or so. Love you, baby girl. PS – seeing as we’ve had such a rough day already with all the Kaye shit, let’s have a night to ourselves tonight, if you know what I mean ;)
I frantically tapped out a response. Please call me when you’ve stopped driving! I found something!
I sat and waited for him to call, my heart pounding and my hands trembling. Every hair on my body was standing on end, and I felt nauseated as I thought about everything.
Jenna’s diary entry for that day had clearly said ‘Lunch with Craig R’. Craig R was obviously my father, because who else would it be? The whole time everyone thought my mother was crazy for accusing them of having an affair, but she was actually right. That whole damn time. They hid it well, but they were sneaking around all the same, and Christ…Jenna’s secret baby was actually my little half-sibling. It got worse and worse the more I thought about it.
I still didn’t know exactly what went down back then, but I knew my father definitely had to be involved. Why else would he have kept silent all these years about the fact he was sleeping with Jenna? It made him look guilty of something, and he knew it, so he never said a word.
But how did it happen, exactly? Did my dad convince my mom to kill Jenna, then convince her to go on the run? Or did he kill Jenna himself for refusing to abort the unwanted baby and then killed my mom and framed her for the murder, making it look like she went on the run?
The more I thought about it, the more the latter seemed horrifyingly likely. Those indentations on the letter my mother supposedly wrote me…the police said they likely came from jewelry. My dad had always worn that silver ring mom bought him years ago—the marks could’ve been from that. He could’ve somehow forged her handwriting and written the letter to me to assuage my doubts about my mother’s guilt after I went to him and admitted I’d been having those nightmares which seemed to call it all into question. After all, if I was convinced Mom was still alive, then I wouldn’t start to suspect anyone else for the murder—because why stay on the run if she was alive and didn’t do it?
But perhaps she’d been dead all along, and that was why he had to forge the letter. All to shut me up and stop me from asking questions.
The rational part of my brain was screaming for me to call the police, tell them what I knew right away. But the irrational side was screaming for me to go and confront my father, find out the truth right away. Find out once and for all if my mother was dead or alive. Guilty or innocent.
The irrational side won out. It always seemed to.
I ran into Jackson’s office to see if he’d left his briefcase there—the one he took to the gun store yesterday. Breathing a sigh of relief, I saw it sitting on the carpet, and I opened it and gingerly pulled Jenna’s gun out. I had no idea how to use it, but my dad didn’t need to know that. I needed him to think I had something to protect myself with if things got too harrowing, because there was no way I was going to go charging in there accusing him of all this without any protection. That would just be stupid.
I stashed Jackson’s cell in my pocket, and then I practically flew across the field to hammer on Dad’s door. I knew he was home for once, because his car was in the drive.
He answered with a wry smile. “Lily, darling. Finally decided to come home?”
I held up the gun, hoping I looked like I knew what I was doing. “We need to talk, daddy. Go back inside and sit in the living room with your hands where I can see them. Don’t try to do anything stupid.”
His eyebrows shot up as he caught sight of the weapon. “What the….? Lily, have you lost your damn mind? Do you even know how to use that thing?” he said. He took a halting step back when I didn’t move. “Jesus Christ! Is this some sort of sick joke? Put it down!”
“It’s no joke. I decided to get a gun for defense, and I’ve been learning how to use it,” I said, hoping he’d believe the lie. I needed him to think I could really take someone down if I needed to, so he wouldn’t try anything.
He held his hands up at me, eyes wide. “Okay, okay. Sweetie, just calm down. Can you at least flick the safety on?”
Shit. I had no idea how to do that. “No,” I said, hoping it sounded threatening and dangerous that I was refusing.
“All right,” he replied shakily. “All right, all right. Just stay calm, sweetie.”
“If you can tell the safety is off, I guess you know a lot about guns yourself,” I said, my voice sharp.
“Of course I do, Lily. I used to have one in the house for protection. But then your mom used it to….”
His voice trailed off, and I rolled my eyes. “That’s why I’m here, Dad. To talk about what Mom supposedly did. Now get in the living room!”
He did as I told him, slowly stepping down the hall and into the room, and then I made him sit on the sofa.
“Can you please tell me exactly what this is about, Lily?” he asked, looking up at me with fear and confusion in his eyes. “I don’t understand.”
“Drop the act, Dad,” I replied. “I know what you did.”
“In regards to what?”
“I know you were sleeping with Jenna years ago. I know you got her pregnant.”
Dad sighed heavily and leaned forward, rubbing his eyes. “Shit,” he muttered.
“Yeah, shit. Bet you never thought anyone would find out. But I did. And you know what, daddy?”
“What?” he asked, looking up at me. I thought he’d look angry that I discovered his secret, but he didn’t. He just looked…tired.
I outlined everything about what I thought he’d done, and he sat and listened in silence, gazing fearfully at the gun as I spoke. I told him how I knew Jenna was scared of him, and how he told her to abort the baby. How he also told her he’d ‘make her do it one way or another’.
“And that letter I got a few months ago,” I said, nearing the end of my rant. “I took it to the police when I thought it was from Mom, and they told me there were weird marks on the paper. Probably from jewelry. Except Mom never wore any! You know she was allergic to most jewelry metals. So I think you wrote it. Forged it somehow, pretending to be her, because she’s probably dead in a ditch somewhere. Here’s why. You killed Jenna to make your problem baby go away, and Mom found out so you got rid of her too, I bet. Then you framed her so no one would ever suspect you. But then I started to ask questions all these years later. You didn’t want that, so you forged the fake letter to make me think Mom is still alive and out there on the run. But she isn’t, is she?”
Dad didn’t react the way I thought he would. There was no shock, no admission of guilt. No remorse flashing in his eyes. Instead there was only sadness.
“You’ve got it all wrong. So very, very wrong,” he said softly. “And that’s my fault. I admit that.”
“What do you mean?” I demanded.
He sighed again. “Lily, your mother isn’t dead, and I didn’t kill anyone. Your Mom did it, and she really is out there hiding. I didn’t write that letter, either. I did see it, though…and I was the one who sent it. I suppose that’s why my ring mark is on it. I read through it first.”
I furrowed my brows, taken aback by how calm he was being. “What? What do you mean you sent it?”
He looked down, then back up at me with a shamefaced expression. “Your mother and I have been in contact over the years while she’s been in hiding,” he mumbled.
“What?”
“She told me she wanted to send you a letter. I wasn’t keen on the idea, but she wore me down. She sent it to me at work, and I read through it to make sure she didn’t say anything too crazy. Then I addressed it to you and sent it to our home address. That’s why the address was written in such plain block letters. I had to disguise my writing.”
I took a step back, even more shocked now. “You…you’ve been in contact with Mom? Regular contact?”
He put his head in his hands and sighed. “Yes. I’m so sorry, Lily.”
“So this whole time, you knew where she was? And you didn’t tell me, let alone the police? You let everyone think you had no idea!”
He hung his head in shame again. “Yes,” he said quietly.
“Why?” I demanded. “You’ve hidden her like this for what reason?”
“Lily, please calm down. It’s complicated,” he said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I screeched. “Just tell me what really fucking happened! Where Mom is! All of it!”
“I’m trying. Just give me a moment to say it all without interrupting.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Fine.”
“I felt like I had to help her after what she did….because it was my fault.”
I arched a brow. “How?”
“Lily, as you apparently now know, I did have an affair with Jenna. She did get pregnant, like you said. I was shocked. I’m not proud of this, but I asked her to abort. She said no. We met up and discussed it again, and I admitted that I was actually desperate for another child, but I knew it would destroy the family I already had. Jenna convinced me it would all work out in the end if we were just honest. So I got up the courage to sit your mother down and admit it all to her.”
“What happened?”
Dad looked past me, as if he were looking right into the past. “She didn’t react how I thought she would, given her history of outbursts. She was calm. Said she needed some time to think it through and see if she could ever find it in her heart to forgive me. So I gave her time. I spent all my hours in the office. And then….then I found out that she’d gone and killed Jenna. I knew it was my fault. I drove her to this insanity. And so I helped her. I was the one who cleared out her accounts, Lily. Not her. I sent her the money in cash and helped her find somewhere to hide out. I know it was wrong. So very wrong. Jenna deserved justice. But your mother….she deserved something too. A chance at a new life after all the shit I put her through.”
I was incredulous. “Are you serious? She shot a pregnant woman in cold blood and you think she deserves a chance?”
Tears filled his eyes. “I know it seems fucked up.”
“It is fucked up, Dad!”
“You know your mother was sick, Lily. In the head. Very sick. I just…I just wanted to try and help. It was all my fault, after all. I made her the way she was with all my cheating and lies. And I already lost one woman I cared about. Jenna. I couldn’t lose your mother too. Couldn’t see her in prison over something she only did because of me.”
“You say you couldn’t lose her….even though she’s the reason Jenna is gone! That’s some twisted logic.”
“I know. But that’s the choice I made. I chose to help your mother all these years. I’m sorry I never told you, darling, but I knew how you’d react. I knew you’d turn me in for helping her.”
“I don’t get one thing. If she killed Jenna because she knew she was pregnant with your baby, then why did she say all that stuff in the letter about killing her ‘by accident’ after trying to scare her for some other reasons?”
He sighed. “Well, she couldn’t very well tell you the truth, could she? She couldn’t say Jenna was pregnant with my child, because then you would suspect my involvement, like you’ve done today. But she felt she needed to contact you and give you some reason after all these years, to make you wonder less. Make you feel like you finally knew why it happened. I told her how much you struggled with everything, and how it was getting worse. Like how you’d recently been having those nightmares and starting to think you had something to do with it.”
“So she just gave me a fake reason to try and placate me.”
“Essentially.”
We were silent for a moment, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
“You’re going to turn me in for helping your mother all these years. I know that,” Dad finally said quietly. “And maybe it’s time for that. But…oh, what’s the use? Never mind.”
“What?”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said with a sigh, handing me his cell phone. “Go on, then. Make the call, sweetie. I won’t hold it against you. You have every right. We need to face what we’ve done.”
“Just tell me what you were going to say.”
“I was going to say…perhaps I could take you to her before you turn me in. Turn us in. You could talk to her again, just the two of you, like you did when you were a kid. Before she gets carted off and put in an orange jumpsuit. But it’s a long drive, and after what she did…you probably don’t want to see her anyway. Just make the call, Lily. It’s fine; it’s better this way. I’m so tired. Tired of hiding all these secrets and lies.”
I shook my head slowly. “No. I do want to see her. Just so I can…”
I didn’t finish my sentence. I knew he knew why. I wanted to see her face again, look into her eyes. Talk to her, scream at her, cry at her. But all in all, just see her and be with my Mom again, be a mother and daughter team, even for just five minutes before reality came crashing back down and I had to turn her in for her crimes.
“No, like I said, it’s not a good idea.”
“Just take me to her, Dad,” I insisted.
He sighed heavily. “If you’re absolutely sure,” he finally said reluctantly.
“I am.”
“If it makes you feel safer, you can bring your gun,” he said, waving dejectedly at the pistol in my hand. “To make sure your mom and I don’t try any funny business when we get there, like trying to run away from you together.”
“Okay. I’m bringing it,” I said firmly.
He led me out to his car, and then he turned the keys in the ignition and looked over at me. “Ready to see Mom again, Lily?” he asked softly, face etched with guilt.
I let out a long, shaky breath before answering. “Yes.”
He nodded and set his jaw. “All right, then. Let’s get out of here.”