Jacen shook his head and sighed. He’d done so much damage. Leaving hadn’t been the smartest thing to do, but he’d thought he was doing the right thing. He’d been so wrong. Instead of trying to talk over what he’d done, he kept his thoughts to himself and waited the hour for Matt’s shift to be over. Sitting at the counter wasn’t his idea of fun, but he got to be with Matt.

Still, they should be having private time.

“Hey.” Trevor rounded the desk and waved. “Jace. I didn’t expect to see you here.” He paused. “Matt? Why are you…where’s Cady?”

“Not feeling well. I had her take a break.” Matt turned the computer screen around and briefed Trevor on the guest situation.

Jacen listened to Matt and Trevor speak, but the words were a jumble. The only person who mattered was Matt. He needed time alone with him. Not a hotel to run, not a recording to do or an ex-lover to run from…just Matt.

Matt swatted Jacen’s arm. “Ready?”

“I am.” Jacen leaned forward to speak to Trevor. “Have fun.”

“We both will, I’m sure—me with my date and you with Matt,” Trevor said, grinning. “Good night, you two.”

Matt grasped Jacen’s hand and strode away from the counter. Jacen allowed Matt to pull him into the corridor leading to the apartment. He couldn’t get to the privacy of Matt’s place fast enough.

“Was this night not forever? Jesus.” Matt opened the door to his apartment. “I like helping Cady, but I’m done with the desk for a while.”

“Uh-huh.” He didn’t want to talk shop. Jacen waited until they were inside of the apartment, then pushed the door shut. He mashed Matt against the door. He’d waited long enough. He sucked on Matt’s tongue and slid his palms all over Matt’s chest.

All of the passion he’d held back for the last hour poured out of him. He feathered kisses along Matt’s jaw, then up to his lips again. He shoved Matt’s shirt up, exposing Matt’s chest. God, he loved the taut muscle under his palms and the way Matt moaned. He tweaked Matt’s nipples.

“Oh fuck.” Matt tipped his head back. “Love this.”

“Me, too.” Power swept over him, but he wasn’t in control. Matt held the reins.

“Fuck me,” Matt whispered. He panted and his breath warmed Jacen’s skin.

“Love you.” He refused to fuck Matt. This was love…just sped up to triple time. He shoved Matt’s shirt up over Matt’s head, then pressed kisses over his lover’s chest.

“Yeah. Like that.” Matt leaned into the door and widened his stance. He fumbled with the waistband of his running shorts.

“Let me.” Jacen took over and shoved the garment down around Matt’s thighs. “I need a rubber and lube.” He wound both hands around Matt’s dick and stroked.

Matt groaned. “On the…” He closed his eyes. “You’ll make me come from that.”

“No.” He nibbled on Matt’s jawline. “Tell me.” He needed to slow down, but that wasn’t going to happen.

“In the box on the bookshelf.” Matt whimpered. “Damn.”

“Huh?” He had an idea of what Matt was talking about, but he wanted to draw this moment out. Had to. He turned Matt around and kissed along the back of Matt’s neck. “What?”

“I’ve got supplies.” Matt gasped and flattened his palms on the door. “Over there.”

He cast a sideways glance at the set of shelves and noticed the wooden box. Smart man. “Always prepared, eh?” He chuckled and left Matt at the door long enough to retrieve the needed items. He opened the condom wrapper before he returned to his lover. The other condoms plopped out of the main box and landed all over the floor.

“You made condom-fetti.” Matt laughed. “I like it.”

“So do I.” He gripped the bottle of lube in one hand and the condom in the other, then eased up behind Matt. He groaned as he kissed his lover’s shoulder. “How long has it been?”

“Since I bottomed? A month? I don’t know.” He pressed his cheek to the door. “But I’m clean.”

“So you’ve mentioned.” He wasn’t worried about Matt’s status. He trusted him. “I need to be inside you.” Jacen sheathed himself and dumped lube onto his hand. He stroked his dick. Shivers wracked his body. Oh hell, yes, he needed to be in Matt.

Matt nodded and closed his eyes. “Jesus Christ, do it already.”

“Want that?” He slid his middle finger between Matt’s ass cheeks. “Want me here?”

“Yes. Like yesterday.” Matt kicked out of his running shoes and the shorts, then widened his stance. “I need you.”

“And I love eager men.” He eased his finger into Matt’s hole, one knuckle at a time. Holy shit, Matt was tight and hot. Just perfect. He slid his finger in and out of Matt’s ass. “Damn.”

“Like that?” Matt asked. He arched his back and flexed his ass. “So good.”

“Uh-huh.” He nipped Matt’s earlobe. “Love it and you.” He’d said that word a lot with Matt and he meant it. What was the next step? Admitting how he felt without sex involved. “I love you.” The phrase rolled right off of his tongue. He didn’t regret any of it.

“Thank you, God.” Matt bore down on Jacen’s finger. “I love you, too.”

“You do, eh? Guess we have to make it official.” He slid his digit from Matt’s ass and dumped more lube into his hand. He stroked twice before lining his dick up with Matt’s hole. He pushed inside and moved with care. Once he settled balls deep, he paused. He and Matt loved each other. Matt even sounded relieved to admit his truth. Hells fucking yes. Now why in the name of fuck had he waited so long to say those words? He and Matt could’ve been fucking and holed up together for the last year, instead of wasting time.

Matt whimpered. “Feels like heaven.”

“Yeah.” Jacen pressed his mouth to Matt’s shoulder and panted.

“Jesus,” Matt shouted. He met Jacen thrust for thrust. “I can’t breathe, but I love it.”

He couldn’t breathe either. Heat bubbled within him and his restraint snapped. He slammed into Matt, working at an even pace. His balls ached and the orgasm spiraled through his belly. He needed to come.

“Fucking…fuck.” Matt clawed at the door and tensed. “I’m. Almost. There.” He shuddered, then sagged into Jacen. “Harder.”

“Yeah?” Jacen moved with feral thrusts, claiming his lover throughout. He’d never be the same without Matt. He gave into the orgasm and growled. “Matt.” He pushed hard into Matt and emptied his seed into the condom. He wound his arms around Matt and prayed neither he nor Matt would collapse—just yet.

Jacen rested his head on Matt’s shoulder. He basked in the togetherness and silence. He’d never told anyone other than his immediate family and the guys in the band that he loved them. Not even his previous boyfriends had heard those words from his lips. But Matt was different. Matt was his equal and his balance. He’d never be the same without him.

“Damn,” Matt said, drawing the word out. He sighed and draped his arm over Jacen’s on his belly. He eased his dick from Matt’s hole. “You’re sexy as hell when you come.”

“Sexy?” Matt snorted. “I made a mess and smeared it all over my stomach.”

“So?” He swatted Matt’s butt, then removed the condom. “I like it.”

Matt laughed and pushed away from the door. Sure enough, cum splattered on the door and shimmered on Matt’s abs. Matt might have been embarrassed, but Jacen hadn’t seen anything hotter. He wished he had his phone right there to photograph the moment.

“Did you mean what you said?” Matt asked. He used his shirt to dry off his belly, then to clean the door.

“What? That I love you? Yeah, I did and do. All the way.” He tossed the spent condom into the wastebasket by the door, then shuffled over to the armchair. Walking around with his pants at his ankles wasn’t fun or conducive to moving. He wrestled the denim from around his feet, then glanced up at Matt. “What about you?”

“I just…you said it already.” Confusion shone in Matt’s eyes, but the flush on his cheeks added to his appeal.

Jacen stripped and wadded his clothes into a ball, then held the garments against his hip. “I meant it and no, it’s not fast. I don’t say those words to everyone.”

“You do at concerts.”

“That’s different.” And a big issue he’d forgotten about. He needed to explain a few things to Matt. “When I’m on stage, that’s the character talking. The fans expect a certain…swagger and display from him. When I’m with you, I’m just Jacen. No one else. I love you.” He wasn’t taking those words back.

Matt tossed his running shorts onto the chair, then yanked his socks off. He didn’t say anything and the silence unnerved Jacen.

“What?” Jacen asked.

Matt grinned and stood tall before Jacen. “I’m letting it wash over me. You’re the only person besides Cady and my mom who has ever heard me say I love them. I thought Cady was the only one who meant it in return.”

“No, babe.” He stood and wound his arms around Matt again. “She might love you, but not the way I do.”

“Then you’re not kidding?”

“Nope.”

“And you’re all mine?”

“I am.” He kissed Matt. Sealing the deal? Yeah and he loved it. “I’m yours. No one else’s.” His heart and soul belonged to Matt. He was the bright spot in Jacen’s life and his balance. Only hell or death would split him and Matt up.

“Then take me to bed and we’ll do this all over again.” Matt grinned. “Yeah?”

“After a breather.” Jacen followed Matt into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed beside the man he loved. He’d been in the sack with more than his share of lovers, but nothing compared to being with Matt. He stretched out beside him and tangled his legs with Matt’s.

“Is this where we discuss our day?” Matt rested his head on Jacen’s shoulder. “Honey, you’re home?”

“Something like that.” He toyed with the bracelet on Matt’s wrist. “Do you want to hear about the pop-up concert?”

“I’m all ears.” Matt sighed. “I’m with you. Whatever we talk about, I’m good.”

“You’re too good for me.” Relief washed over him as he settled on his back. Things weren’t perfect, but he’d done some damage control. Now he could focus on what he loved—Matt and music. “The concert’s going to be quick, dirty and exciting. We’re not trying to impress anyone—just treat the fans.”

“I’m sure you’ll be great.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He tucked one hand behind his head and crossed his ankles. “I’m happy to get back to playing and in front of a crowd. Working in the studio is okay, but it’s not the rush of being live.” He drew circles on Matt’s shoulder. “I want you to be there. Not just in the room, but close. You know?”

Matt chuckled. “I’ll be with Cady in the wings, most likely.”

“Just be there. I want to make you proud and to be able to see you smile while I play.” Matt had no idea how much Jacen needed the approval. Then again, he’d never told anyone he doubted his abilities.

“I already am.” Matt propped himself up on his elbow and turned to face Jacen, but when he opened his mouth to speak, Jacen’s phone buzzed. Matt rolled over long enough to grab the phone from the nightstand. “This is yours.”

“Sorry.” He twiddled with the device. If nothing else, he’d turn the sound off. No one needed him that much that he needed the notifications on. He swiped across the screens to his texts. “It’s Bryce.” His heart clenched. His ex wasn’t giving up. Part of him wanted to look, but the rest of him wanted to ignore whatever Bryce had to say.

“Wonderful.” Matt sat up and faced Jacen. “Well, you’d better read it.”

He shook his head. Yeah, he had to check the message, but he didn’t want to. He brought up the correct screen.

So you moved on. Piece of shit. Don’t try to get me back. I’m dead to you.

He sagged against the pillow and snorted. Holy shit. “I’m free,” he blurted. He turned the phone around to show Matt. “Bryce tapped out. He’s never done that before.”

“I’m glad.”

Glad? Try thrilling and freaking awesome… “This is the best news.” Bryce had given up. A twinge of concern crossed his mind. Bryce didn’t give up so easily. Was there something else going on? He kept that thought on file, but forged ahead with Matt. He had the man he loved and the second chance he’d begged for. He wasn’t screwing up this time.

* * * *

Tuesday afternoon, Jacen sat behind the drums. He’d spent Sunday and Monday nights in bed with Matt and when he wasn’t practicing, he and Matt lounged around the apartment. He’d never been this happy in his life.

“That’s not what I meant.” Rory forked his fingers into his hair. “Come on.”

Jacen kept his mouth shut. He understood what Rory wanted—the sound levels for the concert to be right. Unfortunately, the guys at the control board weren’t getting the message. He pulled out his phone. If he was going to sit and do nothing, he might as well text Matt. He couldn’t get Matt’s comment about moving at warp speed out of his head. If he considered the beginning of their relationship the moment he’d come back to Dallas, then yes. They were moving quickly. But he considered the beginning the first time he’d seen Matt and had come to the Nathalia hotel.

He brought up the text screen and glanced over at Rory, then typed the message.

Can’t wait to see you. Want that dick so far in my ass I forget where I end and you begin.

Jacen hit send, then turned the phone over to hide the screen. If Rory knew he wasn’t paying attention, he’d have a fit. Acting unprofessional wasn’t Jacen’s style, but damn it, the techs really needed to get into the game.

He glanced down at his phone screen. The little green light flashed. His heart skipped a beat and he bit back the smile. Laughter bubbled in his throat. If he chuckled, he’d give himself away. He swiped the screen.

Only if you do me first.

Matt had included a photo of himself with a blue vibrator.

Another message popped up.

Want to use that when you get back?

Hell yes, he wanted to. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Blood rushed below his belt and his cock tingled. He wasn’t going to have any time between the sound checks and the concert to be with Matt for more than dinner. Damn.

He stole another glance at Rory, then typed a reply.

We’re so doing that tonight. After the concert, you’re mine.

“Are you paying attention?” Rory slapped one of the cymbals. “Jace?”

“Sorry.” He shoved his phone into his pocket. “You were futzing. They’re fucking up. I figured I wasn’t important.”

“Trust me. I doubt any of us are.” Rory nodded. “A minute? Todd? Aaron?” He waved his hands. “Team meeting.”

He clutched his drumsticks and slid off of the stool. He followed Rory to the side of the stage. Todd and Aaron huddled up with him.

Rory sighed. “This is the farthest point from the mics.” He leaned forward. “First, you’re moody, but stable, Jace. I like it. Channel that, please. Same thing for you, Todd and you, Aaron.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, what’s up with the techs? Do you know these guys? I called Jacques, Arnie and Malloy from Classic Studios. These guys showed up instead. Who are these clowns? They’ve never done mixing or set up. I don’t like this. Not only don’t I know them, but our guys know better.”

“We dropped off the face of the earth for a lifetime according to the recording industry,” Todd said. “We lost our importance card.”

Jacen focused on the guys at the table. Rory and Todd both had valid points. As usual, Aaron kept his mouth shut. Then what was the deal? Jacen hadn’t given the techs much mind until Rory spoke up.

“Do you know them?” Rory asked. He folded his arms. “Jace?”

Now that he focused on the techs, he knew exactly who they were. “One of them is Nathan Whitman. He probably bribed someone in order to get here. He’s wanted to work with the band for years.”

“Jesus,” Rory murmured. “I told them not to send him.”

Jacen stared at the other two guys at the sound board. He knew them. But where from? Another band? Studio sessions? No… The breath wrenched from his chest. “Do you know of the band Revulsion?” Bile rose in his throat. He really wanted to be wrong.

“Revulsion?” Todd frowned. “That shitastic band who’s been trying to get into the studio for the last couple of years?”

Rory switched his gaze between Jacen and Todd. “What am I missing? I’ve never heard of them.”

“You’ve been here having a life,” Aaron said finally. “You wouldn’t know about them. Be grateful. Shitastic is mild. They suck ass.”

“Jace?” Rory asked. “What’s your take?”

He swallowed back his nausea. “The one is the lead singer for Revulsion and the other plays bass. I thought they looked familiar, but I hoped I was wrong. I’m not.” He turned his back on the guys at the table. “Right before I left to fly here, Whitman pulled me into a recording session. He said the band was awesome and I had to hear them. He also said you had recommended them. I listened, I wanted to throw up and I told him they were awful. I don’t know why they’re here other than to try to get one of us—you, probably—to listen to their demo. It’s awful.”

Rory pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m calling Jacques. We’ll have the concert, but this will get fixed. I’m not going on with those fools at the board.” He stomped away, leaving Todd, Aaron and Jacen alone.

“I’m out. I need a break.” Aaron ducked through the side door.

“I’m not leaving these jerks with the gear. No way.” Todd planted himself on Jacen’s stool. “Fuck ‘em.”

“I could be wrong.” But he knew he wasn’t. “I hate that they followed us.”

“To get a contract, I’m sure. People are relentless.”

He nodded. The uneasy feeling grew when he glanced over to the edge of the stage. Whitman strolled towards them, but stayed on the main floor. He waved.

“Fuck,” Todd muttered.

“Are we done?” Whitman slapped his hand on the stage. “We’ve barely gotten through the checks.”

“We’re taking a break,” Jacen replied. “Give us a few.”

“Did you tell him?” Whitman nodded once. “That guy. Did you tell him?”

“What?” Jacen gritted his teeth to keep from blurting something he’d regret. He met Todd’s gaze. Todd frowned, then rolled his eyes. Jacen groaned. What in the hell was going on?

“The guy you ran off to Dallas for? Has he been worth it? I hope so,” Whitman said. “We had something great.”

Shit, shit, shit. He should’ve known Whitman would pull this. He darted to the edge of the stage and crouched down to face his ex-boyfriend. “Enough.”

“Yeah, this has been enough. You’re here.” Whitman grinned. “I knew I’d get you over here.” He glanced towards the side of the stage. “Why don’t you tell him about us?”

“What?” He’d repeated his question, but he wasn’t sure what was going on. “We haven’t dated in forever.”

“Tell him that.” Whitman pointed to something over Jacen’s shoulder.

He closed his eyes. He didn’t have to see where Whitman pointed to know what was going on. He could feel Matt behind him. He opened his eyes and blew out a long breath. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but still. Another one of his exes was going to cause trouble. What in the hell had he done to the cosmos to make it hate him so much? Wasn’t he allowed to have a life and move on with said life?

Whitman climbed onto the stage and strode up to Matt. “That’s right. Your boy here isn’t faithful. He’s been with me. Bryce, too. He’ll screw you over.”

Matt stood tall, but didn’t say anything.

“You’re his guy in Dallas. Nothing more. I’m his studio fuck and Bryce is the one he takes out in public. I bet you anything he’s got fuck friends in every town the band visits.” Whitman folded his arms. “Aren’t you going to get upset? Maybe you like to watch? You like sharing. That’s it. You want to see him with others. You’re fucked up.”

“Jesus, Whit. Stop.” Jacen stepped between his ex and Matt. “First, leave him alone and out of this. You’re pissed with me. Not him. Second, we’re not together. You’re history. He’s my future. Third, I’m done. I have a concert I should be prepping for, but because you and your ridiculous excuses for techs don’t know what you’re all doing, we’re on hold. I should be resting and having something to eat, but no. I’m wasting time.”

“Oh please. We’ve done a fine job. The sound levels are good and the crowd will like it.” Whitman waved to the concert hall. “The acoustics are okay for such a small room. We’ll make it work.”

“Yeah, we will.” Rory strode up to them. He pointed to Whitman. “You need to take the band and head back to California. There’s a studio set up for them for two hours. I’ll listen to whatever’s recorded. Now go. The jet is waiting.”

“You’re…you will?” Whitman clapped his hands, then jumped off of the stage. “I got it. We’re in. Come on.”

Jacen waited until Whitman and his pals left the concert hall before he spoke. “Are you fucking crazy?”

Rory snorted, then waved to Todd. “Let me think…no. I’m not. I’m bluffing.” He nodded once and sighed. “Jacques and Malloy are on the way here as we speak. They were detained at the airport. There was a bomb threat or something that shut down the terminal. How these three got here is beyond me, but once they get off the plane in San Francisco, they’re getting pink slips and warned not to return to the studio. I’m not getting involved with the band or their recordings. Arnie was pissed. He didn’t like that Whitman lied to him and us.” He clapped his hands. “I let Aaron know. Now you’re both in the loop. Get something to eat, hydrated and plan on being back here in forty-five minutes to do an abbreviated sound check. Once Malloy and Jacques get here, we’re in business.”

“Deal.” Todd left the stool. “I don’t know how you sit on that thing. My ass is asleep.”

“You weren’t there that long,” Jacen replied. Imagine perching behind the drums for a two-hour set…then his ass would be numb.

“Enough, you two.” Rory pulled his phone from his pocket. “I’ll hold down the fort. Go.”

Todd saluted. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Jacen met Matt’s glance. “Want to grab food?”

“I’m needed behind the desk.” Matt ducked out of the room.

Fuck. Matt was stronger than this. He knew so. He believed in Matt, damn it. Jacen stuffed his drumsticks into his back pocket and hurried after his boyfriend. “Matt.” Jacen caught up with Matt in the second floor corridor. Thankfully no other bands were there at the moment. “Wait.”

“For what?” Matt kept his back to Jacen. “You have no idea how it feels to hear that shit. You blur the lines between reality and fantasy all of the time. It’s a joke to you.”

“What?” He eased up behind Matt and touched his lover’s biceps. “That’s not true. I’ve been honest and upfront with you. When I left, I did it because I was scared of how I felt. I’m not scared any longer. I don’t want anyone else, either. You’re the one I need.”

“Don’t do this.” Mat shook his head. “I’m not another one of your men.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I need to go. We’re going to have a ton of Transporters here and the ticket takers aren’t used to this kind of crush.” He strode away from Jacen and left him alone in the hallway.

Jacen stared at empty space where Matt had been. This hadn’t happened. Wasn’t possible. Matt couldn’t walk. They were a pair. He belonged to Matt. Fuck. He needed to find his boyfriend and do what? Explain? Force it? He didn’t know what to do. He’d run screaming from Matt and done a lot of damage. The trust issue wasn’t getting better. He bowed his head and stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. He had to survive the sound check and subsequent concert. Once those were over, he’d crawl to Matt, if that’s what his lover wanted, in order to put the relationship back on track. This was a blip. A momentary stumble along their journey. They’d sort everything out. He knew it—but he had to get Matt to see that, too. Impossible? Maybe, but he liked his odds.