“Do you think there’s a hot guy out there who doesn’t have issues?” Matt Walker asked. He glanced over at his best friend, Cady Hollister. “That’s what I want…if he’s out there.”

“Hon, you might be hunting for a while.” Cady tucked the day’s paperwork into the filing cabinet. “After you, I never thought I’d find someone. Took me a long time to do it, too.”

“Hooking up with Rory was a chance thing. You didn’t even know about him before the accident.” He switched tabs on his internet browser to open a fresh window. He drummed his fingers on the counter. “Are we full tonight?”

Truth be told, he wasn’t sure why he’d just asked that question. All he had to do was check the main computer and he’d see how many guests would be there for the evening. But if he looked, he’d see one name missing. He shook his head. Getting involved with Jacen Goodwin hadn’t been his best idea. He should’ve known he’d end up alone.

“You’re getting lost in your head again.” Cady rounded the counter and plunked the cat on her shoulders. “Lemmy and I are worried about you.”

“I’ll be okay.” He closed the laptop and folded his arms. Lost in his head. Yeah, he’d done that…again. Every time he thought about Jacen, his stomach churned and his body warmed. The memory of Jacen’s arms around him and the taste of his kiss lingered in Matt’s mind. He wanted Jacen to be there, not in California. But damn it, he knew they weren’t going to go the distance. Jacen always said they were fun for the moment. He’d agreed to Jacen’s terms during the romance, but now?

He craved the Disaster Transport drummer more than he should. Wanted him there, wanted to feel him beside him when he slept and to taste those kisses once more. When he closed his eyes, a vision of Jacen formed in his mind. He loved the way Jacen’s blue eyes shimmered after a kiss and he needed the scrape of Jacen’s five o’clock shadow on his cheeks. He yearned to brush his lips across the divot in Jacen’s chin.

“Hey?” Cady waved her hand in front of Matt’s face. “Are you in there?”

“I am.” He smiled and focused on her. “I was thinking about someone.”

“Jacen?” She petted the cat, scratching behind his ears as he draped himself across her shoulders like a stole.

“Maybe.”

“I don’t blame you. He’s cute.” She met his gaze.

Cute? Simple terms didn’t describe the man. More like adorable, sexy, hot as hell…dangerous to the touch… He had to switch subjects or he’d give in to the depression again. “You never did tell me if we were full.”

“We’re booked solid through Monday. We’ll have a single room open then, unless we have a cancellation or two. It’ll be good.” She knocked on the counter. “I’m heading to the suite if you need me. Rory’s coming home in half an hour—according to his last text. I can’t wait. I miss him when he leaves for more than a couple of days.”

“You’re attached at the hip.” He wished he had someone who cared about him that much. Hell, he’d prefer someone who gave a damn about him for more than six months.

“It happens.” She shrugged. “You’ve got everything under control, I assume?”

“I do.” He smiled, despite his jealousy. He didn’t mind that she’d found Rory. Hell, he liked the guy and might have made a play for the man if Rory had been gay. He wanted his best friend to be happy, but damn it, he didn’t want to be alone.

Cady lingered at the desk. “Isn’t Jacen coming back to Dallas tonight? I thought he was going to make the flight from Cali.”

“Where’s Rory coming in from? He’s not in San Fran?” He toyed with the lid of the laptop. “I thought they might be together.” He’d hoped they would be and he’d have a chance to see Jacen.

“No, he went to New York for two days. Contracts, I guess. I didn’t ask or get super involved.”

“Oh. Well, then I’m not sure if Jacen’s coming in or not.” It wasn’t like he and Jacen talked often. Jacen barely returned texts and never called back. He refused to answer email and rarely posted on social media.

“Maybe he’ll surprise you.” She smiled, then patted the counter. “See you tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” He waited until she headed up the stairs before he opened his laptop again. During the three weeks he and Jacen were together, Jacen talked about his job and what he wanted from the band situation, but never said a word concerning what he needed from life. They weren’t a couple and it was the only thing that mattered. He knew Jacen. Sex and relationships without strings were his forte.

He refreshed the screen and closed two of the browser tabs. Why in the hell had he opened so many of them? Because he’d been distracted. Thinking about Cady and Rory, then back to Jacen screwed up his concentration.

 Checking his email took a few moments, then he moved on to social media. He should’ve known he wouldn’t find any posts or updates from Jacen, but he looked anyway. He liked looking at the concert images and the handful of photos Jacen occasionally posted. This time he found nothing new on Jacen’s page, but when he glanced over at the sidebar, he noticed Jacen’s name trending. Wow. Trending. He’d never known anyone who could stake that claim. He debated clicking. Did he really want to see whatever had Jacen’s name on it? If he didn’t look, he’d wonder about it. Interest, nausea and wonder hit him hard. Could be something good, but it could be something bad. He flexed his hand and hesitated. If Jacen had been injured or worse, that would be part of the trending…wouldn’t it? Fuck. He needed to know.

He tapped his fingers on the counter, then clicked on Jacen’s name. The moment the screen changed, he wished he hadn’t given into his curiosity. Images of Jacen with another man littered the screen. Jacen with the guy in his arms. Jacen walking with him towards a jet. The man waving as Jacen must’ve flown off. Was this the new guy in Jacen’s life? His stomach soured and bile rose in his throat. A few of the photos looked staged, but a couple didn’t. In one, the man had Jacen in a tight embrace and Jacen appeared to be smiling. Another looked like Jacen waving…to fans? He scrolled through the article to the final photo. The guy touched his fingertips to his lips. A video had been embedded at the bottom.

Although his better judgment begged him to leave the video alone, he clicked.

Jacen and his bandmate, Todd, walked into frame. Their lips moved, but the audio didn’t quite line up.

“I’ll be back soon. Promise,” Jacen appeared to say. The audio either hadn’t been linked up properly or wasn’t correct. Jacen allowed the man to hug him, then shrugged away. He glanced back at something—the guy?—then headed into the plane.

The man turned around and touched his fingers to his mouth. “He’s the only man I’ve ever loved.”

Matt’s stomach churned. Whoever had created the video knew what they were doing. The portion with Jacen looked good initially, but had issues. The second half appeared to either be staged or Jacen had left yet another person with a broken heart.

He scrolled back through the article. The guy had to have a name. If Jacen had hooked up with someone, then the person’s identity would be in the article. Sure enough, he found the information he needed. Bryce Morgan. Well, shit. Bryce was an actor and had money…not to mention he was hot. No way Matt could compete with someone like that. Rory might have found love with a non-famous person, but Jacen was different. He thrived on the attention and the lack of strings in his relationships.

Matt closed the laptop and rested his head on his arms. He refused to get sick. Refused to allow Jacen to depress him. The agreement he’s shared with Jacen came to mind. Things were just supposed to be fun between them. Nothing permanent. No hurt feelings when he went away. Light and breezy. No hearts involved.

Except he’d gotten his heart very much involved. He’d fallen for Jacen. He should’ve known better, but the charisma of the drummer and the romance of being with a rock and roller had been too much for him.

Now Jacen didn’t want him.

He was a catch, wasn’t he? Someone would want him. Someone out there was interested in a somewhat outgoing, fairly intelligent guy with a steady job and his own apartment. They’d be able to look beyond his fears of being alone and his tendency to push people away before they hurt him. They’d see he just wanted to be loved. If that someone really existed…

“Are you okay?”

He hadn’t heard any footsteps or the doors, but he knew that voice. Jacen. He had to answer. If he didn’t, Jacen would come around the desk and check on him. Not because he wanted to heat up the sheets with Matt, but because he was a good man. Checking on Matt was the right thing to do.

“I’m good.” He’d need a few minutes to gather himself, but yeah, he’d be fine. “I didn’t know you were coming in tonight.” He dragged a deep breath into his lungs and forced himself to look at Jacen. Holy shit, the man still looked like sex on legs and smelled just as good. He pressed his lips together to stifle the moan. He had a soft spot in his heart for men with a cleft chin and Jacen fit the bill. Jacen seemed thinner than the last time Matt had seen him, but no less attractive. But the longer he gazed at Jacen, he noticed the blossoming bruise on his cheek.

“What happened?” Matt blurted. “Let me…” He darted into his apartment behind the desk and grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer. He hurried back to the counter and offered up the pack. “Put this on your face.”

Jacen slid his sunglasses down around his neck and nodded once. He swept his gaze over Matt, then grinned, but didn’t say a word as he took the peas. He licked his bottom lip.

For a split-second, Matt wanted to rush across the desk to kiss him. Matt wanted to take the pain away. Instead, Matt stayed rooted to his spot on the stool. A flash of memory filled his brain—Jacen on the drums before a packed house. Sweat glistened on his naked chest and shoulders. His tanned skin shimmered and his hair flopped with every drum lick. A shiver ran the length of Matt’s spine. If he didn’t cool his libido, he’d embarrass himself. Besides, the man was hurt. Sex was out of the question.

Todd stepped up beside Jacen and clutched a duffle bag. “Got a room for me and the prize fighter? Better yet, two rooms? Or didn’t Rory bother to say anything. He gets these grand plans then loses himself in whatever he’s writing.”

Matt tapped the keyboard to the other computer and clicked on the guest list for the evening. He highlighted Rory’s name. “Looks like he planned ahead. Rory’s got the entire top floor reserved for you.” He swiveled on his stool and grabbed the key cards from the cabinet. “We’re moving up in the world.” He grinned. “Swipe these in front of the black circle on the door. The chip in them will unlock the door.”

“Fancy,” Todd said. He grinned and flexed his hand on the bag handle. “Look, I’ll leave you two to…do whatever you’re going to do. I’m beat and Rory will want us tomorrow. See you in the morning.” He grabbed one of the key cards, then strode across the lobby to the stairs.

Although Jacen grabbed Matt’s full attention, Todd wasn’t a bad looking guy. He shaved his head bald and two barbells glittered in his left eyebrow, but the rough look worked for him. When he took the stage and blasted out guitar licks, the crowd took notice. Still, he wasn’t Jacen.

“So.” Jacen rested his elbows on the counter and held the bag of frozen food to his face. The muscles in his biceps bulged and his eyes glittered. The T-shirt clung to him like a second skin. He drummed his fingers on the granite surface. “He’s gone. Want to tell me why you’re green? I’ll tell you how I mangled my face.”

“I’m not…green.” Nominally sick and grateful to be sitting, but not jealous. Not much. “Just…I had something for dinner that didn’t agree with me.” Good God, he needed to learn how to lie a whole lot better. “How’d you get that bruise? Did you go to the hospital?”

“I tripped when I got onto the plane. Me and my big feet.” He shrugged. “That and I was trying to get into the aircraft as fast as possible. There was a distraction. I’m fine, but no I didn’t go to the hospital. It’s just a bruise. Now it’s your turn. I don’t believe you’ve got a stomach ache.” The muscle in Jacen’s jaw twitched. He hadn’t shaved and the scruff on his cheeks was darker than normal. He’d allowed the hair on his head to grow out a little and a hank of hair on the front flopped over his brow. His eyes twinkled. “Want to try for a better lie? Or maybe the truth?”

“I’m okay, really. I just had something for lunch that made my stomach hate me.” He really had to shut up. He should be worrying about Jacen and his injury, not lying.

“You said dinner the first time.” Jacen spread his fingers out on the laptop. “You were looking at this when we came in. I don’t suppose whatever you were searching happened to upset you.” With one hand, he tugged the computer from Matt’s grip. “So…what was on here?” He opened the screen and twiddled with the laptop.

Matt scooted away from the counter and folded his arms. He tucked his chin to his chest. He couldn’t meet Jacen’s gaze—not that Jace was even looking at him. His heart sank. This was why he hated relationships, but wanted one.

“Holy fuck balls. Are you kidding me?” Jacen grunted. “Already.”

“Sorry,” Matt murmured. “I never should’ve clicked on it.” He wanted to melt into the floor and hide. “Just…I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

The tone of Jacen’s voice grabbed Matt’s attention. He stared at the drummer. “What? I brought that link up. I checked on you. Didn’t you say you wanted no strings? I was being nosy.”

“Please.” Jacen yanked his cell phone from his pocket. “I’m taking care of this right now. This is bull shit and it’s making my face hurt.” He left the bag of peas on the counter, then stormed away from Matt and stuck his finger in his ear. He stood by the staircase.

Matt couldn’t hear what Jacen said, but his facial expression telegraphed plenty. Jacen slashed his hand through the air and he shook his head. Matt busied himself with straightening the counter space and trying not to watch Jacen. Fuck. How could he not? The man featured in his dreams and had become his favorite spank bank material. He swept his gaze over Jacen. The denim shorts hugged his hips and accentuated the strength in his legs. Jacen rubbed the back of his neck with his fingers and flexed his upper body.

Jesus. Was Jacen trying to turn him on? If so, he’d accomplished his mission. Matt plopped onto the stool and pressed his knees together. Blood rushed to his cock and his mouth watered. Just a few touches. Kisses. He didn’t want much. Really.

“Mother fucker.” Jacen whipped around and held his phone in a white-knuckled grasp as he strode back to the desk. “He’s a piece of shit. Where are those peas?”

Matt offered up the bag. “Whoever it is, I hope you lit into him.” He shut the laptop down, then moved the device to the lower portion of the counter. “Better pick up your key before you forget.” He slid the card across to Jacen. “Have a good night…well, a better one than you’ve had so far.”

“Huh?” Jacen glared at Matt and plunked the bag back onto his bruise. “Are you here all night? I thought Cady hired on people to work the desk so you and her weren’t stuck.”

“She did, but this is my night. I have to earn my keep somehow.” He grinned to hide his displeasure. “I can’t feed my music and running habits without some source of income.”

Jacen tucked his phone into his pocket and lingered at the counter. “Want some company? I came here to work on music, yeah, but that wasn’t the only reason.” He offered up the bag. “I’ve melted this.”

“I’ll stick it back in the freezer. No problem.” He gripped the melting frozen food. “Stick around a moment in case anyone comes in and I’ll put it back.” He left Jacen alone long enough to put the peas in the fridge. He’d probably make them for lunch the next day instead of wasting them. When he returned, Jacen had rounded the counter.

“All good?” Jacen asked.

“I’ve got lunch for tomorrow.” He tensed. “Thanks for holding down the fort.” He expected Jacen to leave, but instead, he crept closer to Matt.

“I didn’t just return for Rory and the music. I came here for you, too.”

“Me?” He frowned. “What?” He had to be hearing Jacen wrong. No way Jacen meant that.

“Uh, yeah. You.” He wound his arms around Matt’s torso. “We had fun the last time I was here. Thought we could have that again. Maybe you could be my personal nurse and help me survive my wound.”

“You want a fuck friend,” he said. His hopes, not too high, sank to the pit of his stomach. “I’m not sure I can do that.” Part of him wanted to play Florence Nightingale for Jacen, but the rest of him needed to put space between them. He knew damn well he’d give into his desire for Jacen and his heart would get broken if he gave Jacen a second chance.  But instead of walking away, he stayed put.

“You’re not sure you can do what? Fuck? Did you forget?” Jacen kissed the side of Matt’s neck. “You know very well how to fuck. I’ve been there. Can’t get it out of my mind.”

“Don’t do this.” He shrugged away from Jacen and retreated around the counter to the foyer side. He needed separation and fast. “Look, I’m not going anywhere. If you come back in the morning after recording—or whatever you’re supposed to do—and you decide you still want to see me, then fine. But I bet you’ll cool off. I’m not…that guy. The one from those pictures. Why didn’t you bring him? Or was he another one of the people you draw in, then push away when things get too heavy?”

“Whoa.” Jacen sank onto the stool Matt had vacated. “You said you didn’t want complications, either.”

“I lied.” He glared at Jacen. “I thought I knew what I wanted, but like everyone else…you drew me in. I forgot the rules.” He shook his head. “I changed my mind and wanted something more. I fucked myself over and I’m dealing with the consequences.”

“Matt.” Jacen reached for him. “You’d better come back here so I can explain.”

“No, those pictures said plenty. I believe you probably did trip, but I saw the video, too. That guy—whoever he is, is still in something with you. For all I know, you’re still involved with him.” He scrubbed both hands over his face. “It’s crazy, but in the last year I’ve learned a lot about myself. I know who I want and how I want to do it, but I’ve accepted I’m not in control of most of it.”

“Good?”

“No—not good.” He met Jacen’s gaze. “I tried to date someone. Actually a couple of someones and everything sucked. It wasn’t…” He almost said you. Fuck. He couldn’t utter that. The moment he showed weakness, Jacen would swoop in and he’d allow it. He’d take Jacen back…as much as he could.

“Matt.” Jacen’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry.”

“Shit happens.” He threaded his fingers into his hair and turned his back on Jacen. “I’m learning to deal with my past and my mistakes.”

“I’m proud you’re moving forward, but the thing with Bryce…that’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to accept the poor decisions I made,” Jacen said. “You also shouldn’t read too much into those pictures. Yeah, it looks bad. Looks like a cluster fuck. But it’s not. That guy wants attention. He thinks he’s hot shit.”

“He looked like he was with you.” He faced Jacen. “If he is, then you shouldn’t be trying to get some from me. I don’t help people cheat.”

“Who is cheating?” Jacen left his chair and captured Matt into his embrace. “I’m not with anyone…not that Bryce would care. He only worries about himself. That episode at the airport was just a show. It got him on the tabloid websites and probably in the magazines for the week. If he’s getting noticed, he’s happy.”

“Jacen.” He forced himself not to touch Jacen back. If he wound his arms around Jacen, he’d lose the fight. He cared about the drummer more than he ever believed.

“I’ve got a past and guys I’ve dated. I’ve also got more than few skeletons in my closet, but so does everyone else.” Jacen tipped his head. “I meant what I said when I told you I came here for you. I might not be ready to settle down, but when I’m with someone—as you put it—I’m only with that one someone at a time. You’re the one I want to be with.”

“Are you sure?” He couldn’t handle being second fiddle or sharing.

“Uh-huh.” The smile spread across Jacen’s face and lit up his eyes. “One of these days I’ll explain the funky reality that is my life. Think you can give me another chance? I know you’re ready to run. You’re scared that I’ll use you or break your heart.”

He stared into Jacen’s eyes. “Yeah. I am.” Jacen’s talent for stringing words together showed at times like this. But was he talking sweet in order to get some or was this the start of something bigger?

“How about a kiss first? A little somethin’-somethin’ to get reacquainted?” Jacen brushed his lips over Matt’s. “Damn, you still taste good.” He mashed his mouth onto Matt’s and slipped his palms into Matt’s back pockets.

Although his first instinct was to resist, Matt melted into Jacen’s arms. He parted his lips and swallowed Jacen’s groan. He draped his arms around Jacen’s shoulders and toyed with the downy soft hairs at the base of his neck. He’d never get enough of touching Jacen. The man was his drug.

The moment Jacen swiped his tongue along Matt’s bottom lip, he opened completely. He needed this—the kiss, the moment, the second chance. Fuck reality. He wanted time with the man in his heart, but now he had to hope Jacen wouldn’t break it…again.