34.
ELIZABETH
After getting off the phone with Daniel, I hung my head in my hands and bawled my eyes out, thankful that the studio would be virtually empty by the time I left. I would be mortified if anyone in the office saw me like this.
My heart ached inside my chest with each breath I inhaled. Somewhere in me, I knew it was the right decision for my career to tell Daniel good-bye, but I hadn’t planned on him accepting it so easily. I hated to admit how much that part hurt. I’d never considered that Daniel would walk away without a fight, even though that’s exactly what I’d asked him to do.
I tried to accept the fact that all I needed was time when it came to getting over him. With enough of it, eventually, I would feel whole again. But I didn’t know if I believed myself. Daniel Alexander had reopened emotions in me that had been closed for so long. I wasn’t sure how to go through this experience without him here to guide me.
It had been ten minutes, and I already missed him desperately. That sentiment alone caused me to feel foolish.
****
I woke up the next morning, and I could still smell him on my pillow. Inhaling the scent of him only caused me further pain, so I tore the sheets from my bed and tossed them into the laundry basket. I’d never get over him if he constantly surrounded me.
This was going to be harder than I had ever anticipated. Grown-up emotions were so much more intense than college-aged ones.
How was I supposed to get over someone like Daniel?
While driving to the studio, I tried to convince myself that if I buried myself in enough work, he’d eventually fade away. But I knew that was a lie. A guy like Daniel could never fade into the background after he’d been in the foreground for any length of time.
Wiping at the tears that started to fall, I pulled myself together as I walked down the hallway toward my office. Barbara’s face saddened as soon as she caught sight of me, and she hustled into my private space before closing the door behind her. This had become an all-too-familiar scene lately.
“Oh my gosh, what happened? Why are you crying? Did something happen with Daniel?” Her rapid-fire interrogation refused to quit.
I nodded my head instead of answering, afraid of how saying the words out loud might affect me.
“What happened?”
“I broke up with him,” I admitted before swiping at my eyes to stop the tears.
“Why? Why on earth would you do that? Did he do something?”
I glared at her, willing my sadness to be replaced with anger or annoyance or anything. Anything would be better than feeling less than whole.
“Yes, he did something! He invaded my thoughts and made me have sexual fantasies about him during the meeting with Mr. Kline yesterday! I totally spaced out while he was presenting! I’m surprised it didn’t come to drooling.”
Barbara was doubled over, laughing, her dark hair spilling down around her knees. I wanted to smack the living crap out of her.
She leaned up slightly. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” She continued to laugh. “Oh God, Elizabeth, that’s fucking hilarious.”
“Hilarious, my ass! Mr. Kline called me out in front of the entire meeting. He asked me what I was thinking about that was so much more important than listening to him speak.”
“Oh shit, it’s too much.” She laughed even harder, her eyes narrowing to a squint with the force. “What did you say to him? Did you tell him?”
“I lied through my teeth. Told him I was daydreaming about a book I’d started reading that I couldn’t stop thinking about.”
“Oh Lord, seriously, this is priceless.”
“It’s not. It’s really not,” I chastised her, my tone clearly irritated.
“Okay, okay.” She tried to level her breathing out by taking long inhales and slow exhales. “So, you got pissed at Daniel for this?”
“Yes, among other things.”
“Tell me again how that was his fault?” She flipped her hair off her shoulders and pinned me with her stare.
I tilted my head to the left and leaned the weight of it against my fingers. “It’s his fault for making me feel so much for him. I got stupid when it came to him, and my work suffered. I don’t know how to concentrate on both! Then, my conversation with Kate last night—”
“Wait! You ended up calling her? What did she want?”
“She cried the whole time on the phone with me, Barbara. It was horrible. She’s completely in love with Daniel. She asked me to stop seeing him, so they could have another chance.”
Her lips pressed tight into a straight line before she opened them. “Tell me right now, you did not break up with Daniel Alexander and his gorgeous face because some stupid girl he used to fuck is in love with him.”
“Not because of her, no. To be honest, I didn’t appreciate the bullshit being with him brought to my doorstep. Why do I have to deal with that crap? I don’t have time for that kind of drama in my life.”
“Elizabeth, everyone has baggage. Everyone. But some people are worth unpacking for—or at least helping with their carry-on luggage or something. Don’t you think he’s worth it?”
“I do, but I’m really overwhelmed, and I feel like a failure,” I admitted, feeling weak and pathetic—two qualities I despised.
“I know, sweetie, but you’re not a failure. You didn’t do anything wrong. You and Daniel are in that honeymoon phase where you can’t get enough of each other, but you shouldn’t punish him, or yourself, for that. You should be celebrating the fact that you found that kind of feeling in someone as amazing as he is. Seriously, you’re both so lucky.”
“I hate when you’re logical.”
“You just hate when I’m right, which is always, so you must hate me a lot.” She smiled, and I leaned toward her, needing a hug from my closest friend. “You need to call him and fix this. He’ll understand.”
Reaching for the phone, I dialed his office, but his secretary said he would be in meetings all afternoon. Defeated, I hung up the phone, wondering if I’d blown my chances with Daniel after all.