Chapter Ten
The following week, Decklan worked long shifts, hoping to lose himself in other people’s arrests and issues instead of his own. Now, on his Thursday off, he met his brother at Gabe’s favorite gym. Normally a game of hoops would knock the tension off his shoulders. Not today.
Not since Amanda had left for D.C. and silence had followed. Though he’d made sure to get her phone number, he wasn’t sure of the reception he’d get should he call. And he didn’t know what to do in order to change her mind and convince her to give a real relationship a try.
He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a towel and tossed it onto the bench by his locker, then fought with his key card and the combination lock. It took three freaking tries to get into his locker.
His thoughts were consumed with a woman, something he wasn’t used to. He missed her. Another foreign feeling. Her scent lingered in his sheets, and he looked forward to bed more than was normal. He just didn’t know whether to push hard or give her the space she’d said she needed. He’d even considered a surprise visit, but he didn’t have her address. Again, he could find it, no problem, but she might consider the invasion of privacy a deal breaker. He didn’t want to give her another reason to run. Not that he knew what really had her scared in the first place.
“You planning on PMSing for the rest of the night?” Gabe flicked him with the end of his towel like he used to do when they were kids.
“Shut up.” Decklan wasn’t in the mood for Gabe’s shit. Which meant maybe he was acting like a girl. Fuck.
“Does your mood have something to do with Amanda?” Gabe asked, leaning one foot on the bench between the lockers. “Iz liked her. I’m reserving judgment because I don’t know her well enough yet. But considering my wife asked Amanda to go shopping next time she’s in town, I’m assuming that will change.”
“Isabelle did what?” How had she been in touch with Amanda when Decklan hadn’t?
Gabe laughed at that. Decklan hadn’t even realized he’d said that last part out loud.
“Apparently, the women exchanged phone numbers while we weren’t paying attention. And since Isabelle seems to think she’s the one, she wants to get to know her better.” Gabe shrugged. “Regardless, it’s not like you to let some chick mess with your head.”
Decklan’s head was spinning, but he held on to the thread of conversation enough to answer his brother’s stupid comment. “Amanda’s not just some chick,” he snapped back.
Which had been the problem from the minute he’d laid eyes on her.
Gabe chuckled. “Yeah, well, I already figured that out.”
“You always were the quick one,” Decklan muttered.
Decklan took more time, thought things through before acting. Yet Amanda, who he’d known a short time, already had him rethinking what he believed in and thought he wanted out of life. Everything that had been enough for him suddenly wasn’t. He no longer wanted to be a man trapped by the fear of loss. And he desired more than the solitary existence he’d carved out for himself so far.
Hell, he wanted what Gabe and Isabelle had, something Decklan had discovered during the short breakfast he’d spent with his family and with Amanda.
“What’s changed?” Gabe asked.
A man of few words, Gabe always left Decklan to sort out the meaning of the question for himself and come up with his own answer to whatever spin or interpretation he chose.
Decklan lowered himself onto the wooden bench, and Gabe joined him. He thought of his chosen life, his lack of dating, the first time he’d gone to a BDSM club and discovered a lifestyle that suited him. Not one he’d shared with his older sibling.
“After Mom and Dad died, I never wanted to give up control—of my emotions.” And more.
Gabe nodded. “I get that. I lived life the same way.”
As Decklan knew, Gabe had tried marriage once and suffered a tragic loss. Afterwards, Gabe had chosen women he couldn’t possibly love and kept his relationships cold. Until Isabelle.
“And control works for a while. Until you realize it doesn’t keep you warm at night. Neither do women you tie up and never let get close,” Gabe added in a knowing voice, forcing Decklan to meet his gaze.
“I never thought we had that in common,” Decklan said, still surprised.
“We never talked about it.” Gabe shrugged. “You think I didn’t know you have the same control issues I do?”
“I didn’t realize we dealt with them the same way.”
Gabe inclined his head. “Whatever works works. Until it doesn’t anymore. Are you still dreaming?” he asked.
Decklan groaned at the reminder of this weekend. “Just started up again.”
“Because of her. Because she’s gotten in. She makes you emotionally vulnerable, like you were after Mom and Dad died.”
Decklan shivered at the reminder. “How do you figure this shit out so easily?”
“I’m older. Wiser. Lived through more before I came out the other end.”
He admired his brother, he really did. “And how did you manage that? Coming out the other end, I mean?”
“Once Iz got through my walls, she was in. My problem was keeping her there. I sense you have the same problem?”
Decklan nodded. “How’d you get Isabelle to come around?”
“Different situation. Isabelle needed to know she could trust me to let her live and breathe, to be independent. Then she needed for me to really let her in. That’s not your problem. You’ve got a woman living in another city.”
“And she keeps everything wrapped tight inside her.” Which meant she was keeping herself emotionally apart from him.
Gabe rose and paced the empty locker room. “Do you think she’s hiding something? I can find out anything you want to know. Then you can make the problem go away.”
Decklan rolled his eyes. “I’m a cop. I can do the same thing. But no, I don’t think she’s hiding something big. She’s just got issues. Who doesn’t?”
“Then go all out. Balls to the wall. See if you can win her over. If that doesn’t work, back off and wait for her to come to you.” He paused. “And if that doesn’t work, lure her to Fantasy Island.” Gabe grinned and flicked the damned towel again.
Decklan jumped up and out of the way in time. “In other words, try everything?”
Gabe grinned. “You said it, brother.”
Decklan didn’t know which approach to try first. He’d spooked her the other day by changing the rules. Well, hell. He’d spooked himself. But now that he knew what he wanted, he had no problem taking risks.
And Amanda just might be the biggest risk of all.
* * *
Amanda finished scheduling Brad’s speaking engagement at an upcoming conference and updated his calendar both online and by hand. She had a to-do list a mile long, and her mind wasn’t on task. How could it be?
Amanda couldn’t get Decklan out of her mind. The confused man who’d lost his parents and locked himself behind impenetrable walls. And the heartbreaking man who had trusted her and let her in. He played her body well, but the truth was, in a short time, he’d gotten into her head as well. As for her heart…
Her cell phone rang before she could finish that thought, and she grabbed it without checking the screen. “Hello?”
“Morning, sunshine.”
Amanda’s skin warmed at the low, sexy tone of Decklan’s voice. Then her heart skipped a few beats. “How did you get my number?”
“I have my ways. I wasn’t letting you disappear for a month this time.”
She hesitated, then said, “I’m glad.”
“Good to know, considering how we left things.”
She swallowed hard. “Yes, I believe I asked for time.”
“Time will only let you think too hard. So how have you been keeping busy?” he asked, changing the subject. Smart man, she thought.
“Working. Lunch with some girlfriends. The usual.”
“Well, that’s the thing. I don’t know what your usual is. And I’d like to.”
She panicked at the thought but only because she couldn’t imagine her two lives colliding. But it was only days and she missed him already. “What are you thinking?”
“That I have time off coming to me and I’d like to come to visit.”
She ran her tongue over her lips. “Umm…”
“Nothing heavy,” he promised. “We can spend time alone like we do when you’re in New York. I just want to see you. I want to know where you live. I want to see your bed, so I can imagine you lying there at night … thinking of me.” His tone dropped an octave.
Just like that, her body reacted, arousal a sudden companion.
“Would you like that? You, me, this weekend? You can show me the places you like to hang out. Like, where do you get your coffee in the morning? What’s in your fridge?”
She shook her head and laughed. He made it sound so simple and easy. But what stood out was that he wanted to know her. “Okay,” she said before she could think it through.
“You won’t regret it.”
She smiled. “No, I don’t think I will.”
They made plans for him to arrive on Friday and for her to pick him up at the airport. Then he received a call, and since he was at the station, he had to take it.
She disconnected, holding the phone to her heart, which was beating hard inside her chest.
“So what’s put that smile on your face?” Brad asked.
She jumped, startled. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I knocked, but the door was open and you were lost in thought. Your hot cop?” he asked, gesturing to the telephone.
She nodded and placed her cell on her desk. She glanced at Brad, took in his The Big Bang Theory tee shirt with a picture of Sheldon front and center, shook her head, and groaned. “God, we need to dress you better.”
He shrugged, not a care in the world. “It was the last shirt in the drawer. Guess it’s time for laundry.”
“You’re a billionaire! Hire someone to do it for you.”
“Keith likes to do it, but he was out of town on business. So what did Hot Cop want?”
She met Brad’s gaze, turning serious as she told him. “He wants to come visit this weekend. And I said yes.”
“You’re letting someone in! This is cause for a celebration. Lunch at The Ritz. On me.”
She rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to make it sound like a world event.”
“Oh honey, we both know it is.” He settled on the side of her desk. “So … have you returned your mother’s calls?”
“No.” She twisted her hands in her lap. “I don’t want to deal with her.”
“Works for me. I think the less you have to do with the viper the better.”
“Well, we both know it won’t last. She’s relentless when she wants to be. And though she isn’t happy with me, she won’t leave me alone either. She still thinks she can change me.”
“You mean berate you into changing,” Brad muttered.
Amanda shrugged. “As long as I keep my distance, it’s fine. I can handle her.”
“Someone needs to cut her off at the knees.”
“One day she’ll go too far and someone will.” Since her therapy when she was younger, Amanda had focused on accepting herself and not changing for her intractable mother.
Brad rose. “Well, forget about her and enjoy this weekend.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
She smiled. “I will.” She was determined not to overthink things and to enjoy her time with Decklan. He knew she needed time, and as long as he respected that, things between them would be fine.