Chapter Five
Amanda glanced around Brad’s office Monday morning, wondering how he’d managed to make such a mess in the span of one weekend. Although she ought to be used to his method of madness, she was always amazed that he worked in such chaos. She picked up the empty Starbucks cups littering his desk along with the rest of the barely visible surfaces and tossed them in the trash.
“You know the cleaning help will do that.” Brad walked into the room, looking every inch the adorable geek and not the billionaire software mogul he actually was.
His dark hair fell over his forehead, the need for a haircut long past bothering. Ripped jeans and a Star Wars tee shirt completed his daily look.
She glanced up and smiled. “Yes, but this way you can have clean space to start over and re-clutter sooner.”
“What would I do without my favorite personal assistant and best friend?” he asked.
“Star in the next episode of Hoarders, probably.”
“You do keep me sane.”
She laughed. “I aim to please.”
“Speaking of pleasing…” He walked over and pulled the papers she’d begun to straighten out of her hands. “It’s been over a month. When are you going to go back to the club?”
She stiffened. Until now, Brad had respected her moratorium on the subject of New York. Because she didn’t want to talk about him.
“I can’t go back,” she said, pushing memories of Decklan out of her mind the way she did any time she had a free moment of thought.
“And you haven’t told me why.”
She typically told him everything that went on in her life. That’s what best friends were for. Gay best friends were even better, since there were no messy hormones or potential hurt feelings ever involved. But ever since she’d snuck out on Decklan over a month ago, she’d been eaten up by guilt, flooded by memories of that night, and yes, consumed with desire for the man she’d left behind.
But worse than all those things combined was the vision that wouldn’t leave her, of the haunted look in Decklan’s eyes when she’d asked him to release her hands. As a result of the pain she sensed lived inside him, she’d been all too eager to let him have his way. She, of all people, understood limits and emotional hurt.
Obviously he bound women for a reason. Something was eating away at him, and she desperately wanted to be the one to help him overcome it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She had her own issues that plagued her and another man’s life in her hands. Brad had been the best friend she’d ever had, the family she’d created, and without him, she might not be the woman she was today.
She couldn’t leave him vulnerable to his father’s inner circle of vultures and the special interest groups that funded him. If Brad were outed, dangerous people would be very angry. She wouldn’t abandon him just because she couldn’t forget a sexy man who’d touched her body and her soul one fateful night.
“Earth to Amanda.” Brad’s hand came down on her shoulder.
She jumped at the unexpected contact, her heart racing in her chest.
“Sorry. Where were you?” he asked her, concern in his tone.
“Nowhere important.” She turned to him with her sunniest smile. “Now can we get down to business?”
He eyed her with frustration in his dark eyes. “Amanda—”
“No. I don’t want to talk about it.” To make her point, she picked up another stack of haphazardly piled papers.
“I did some further digging…” Brad said.
Her eyes opened wide and anger immediately surfaced. “How could you? It was one thing to look into Decklan to make sure I was safe. Another to do it for kicks.” She clenched the papers in her hands so hard they crinkled irreparably.
“Do you really think I get my kicks seeing you miserable?” He both looked and sounded hurt at the thought. “I know how much you want to see this guy again. I figure eventually you will. That being the case, I needed to know more than he’s a decent guy with no serial killers in his family history.” He grinned in an attempt to soften her up. “Come on. You’d do the same for me. If you had my hacking skills, that is.”
She rolled her eyes. He was sweet and meant well, but she was still upset with him. “Don’t tell me what you found out.” If she learned anything about Decklan, it would be from him and no other way.
He raised both hands in a gesture of defeat. “Suit yourself.”
That was the problem. If she suited herself, she’d be back in New York, looking to find Decklan at the club.
* * *
Decklan sat at the club, nursing a drink and, yes, dammit, brooding. He had access to an entire police department database, giving him the ability to look into one Ms. Amanda Collins if he wanted to. But why bother with a woman only too happy to slip out of his bed and disappear on him for over a month?
Some would say the fact that he couldn’t get her soft moans and cries of ecstasy out of his head was reason enough. In Decklan’s mind, that only meant she threatened the stability he’d created in his life and the control that kept him sane. Which didn’t mean he wasn’t a staple at the club on weekends, hoping she’d return.
His cell rang and he glanced down. His lips turned up in a grin despite the hell he knew was sure to come. “Hi, Lucy. How are you?” he asked his sister.
“You haven’t called me back!” she chided him. Lucy lived in L.A. part time, and though she used to stay at Gabe’s when she visited New York, with him married, she’d taken to staying at Decklan’s. But she hadn’t been here in a while.
Last time, she and Max had gotten into some sort of argument, and neither was willing to discuss the reasons behind it. He shrugged. Not his business.
“Hey, Lucy. Sorry, I’ve been busy.”
“Arresting people? Because I’m not sure Gabe’s forgiven you for cuffing Isabelle.” She snickered into the phone.
He rolled his eyes. Yes, he’d arrested Isabelle before she was Gabe’s woman, but in Decklan’s defense, there’d been a warrant initiated by her asshole ex accusing her of stealing his car. Not that Decklan had known the details at the time.
“Quit causing trouble, Luce. That’s been over for a while.”
And he’d bribed himself back into Isabelle’s good graces with a bottle of Tums and aggravated his brother at the same time. A win-win, as far as he was concerned.
“Are you okay? Because Gabe says he hasn’t heard from you either.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. The one drawback to being close with his siblings was the way Lucy tended to push into his life under the guise of concern. Of course, both he and Gabe would do the same to her if they thought anything was amiss. Nobody would hurt Lucy if they could help it.
“I’m fine.” Just avoiding most of humanity and trying to decide what to do about the woman who’d breached his walls. He couldn’t get her out of his head.
Lucy huffed, and Decklan could envision the scowl on her face.
“Well, if you don’t get back to your usual grouchy self—as opposed to your silent and seriously grouchy self—soon, I’m coming out there to see for myself.”
“I hear you. And there’s nothing to worry about.”
He listened to her catch him up on her life, and finally they said good-bye, him promising to get his head out of his ass soon. God, he loved the little brat, he thought with a grin.
He put his phone back in his pocket just as Max arrived, settling into his usual seat. “I have to say, for a man who insists he’s not going to renew his membership, you’re here all the time lately.”
Max knew exactly why Decklan was here, so there was no point in answering.
“If she does show, at least tell me you’ve got a plan?” Max said, pushing as usual.
“I have no fucking clue.”
“Well, I hope you get one.” Max slapped him on the back. “I see Emmy giving me the eye. I’m going to go remind her who’s the dom,” he said. “You ought to find a sub and do the same.”
“Have fun,” Decklan said, ignoring the suggestion. He wasn’t in the mood. Hadn’t been for a long time, but especially since that night. Since Amanda.
He glanced around the room, familiar with all the spaces and places in the club. The St. Andrews cross on the wall was occupied, a dark-haired female getting pleasure from absorbing pain. His gaze slid onward. A group of men sitting and talking, their subs at their feet. A quick look confirmed she wasn’t one of them. His emotions were already frayed tonight, and if he found her with someone else, he couldn’t promise himself he’d keep a handle on his temper.
He ordered a Glen Livet on the rocks and tried to put his night with her in perspective. Chemistry. They’d had that in spades. But there was something more to her. A strength combined with a vulnerability he didn’t see often. They’d clicked in bed and out. He’d had fun with her, a word he never associated with sex. And most important, the thing that unnerved him the most, she tempted him to want her touch. To free her from the restraints so he could feel her soft hands on his cock, her nails at his back, and her arms wrapped securely around him.
Shit. He shouldn’t be here. Didn’t need that kind of intensity and seriousness in his life.
She wasn’t here again, something he took as a sign. Definitely time to go.
He stood, pushed back his chair, turned, and saw Amanda paused at the threshold to the main room. His breath left on a whoosh of air, the unexpected sight of her, when he’d all but given up, a shock to his system.
Over the last few weeks, he wondered if he’d exaggerated the memory of her affect on him. No such luck.
Her head bowed, hands clasped together, she was clearly working up the nerve to enter. And every muscle in his body tightened at the sight.
She finally lifted her gaze and glanced around the room, her stare lingering on various places and people, just as he’d done earlier. And then she looked toward the bar. The sounds around him, the people, the lights, everything dimmed. There was only her.
Whatever it was, it was still there.
He’d waited for this moment, and now that it was here? Decklan had never backed away from a challenge. He wasn’t about to do so now.