When she couldn’t take the pounding in her head any longer, Kaylee opened her eyes. It was light out and she was…on the couch?

“Morning.”

Her gaze snapped to the figure sitting near her feet. “Wes? What are you doing here?”

And then the pieces of last night slowly came together. The guy she’d considered going home with, just to put the past behind her. To feel desired when all she’d felt was a whole lot of nothing.

Wes had pulled her away from him. And then on the car ride home…

“Oh God.” She sat up and wished she hadn’t. The room spun and her stomach clenched.

“Water’s right behind you,” he said in that patient tone laced with anger.

Kaylee reached for the glass and sipped, cautious of her queasy stomach. She glanced at him over the rim. Wes’s body was tense and he looked like he hadn’t slept. As though he’d been sitting up all night, watching her. “Why did you stay?”

“You were drunk.”

“Not that drunk.”

His mouth crooked to the side. “You passed out, so yes, you were.”

“Fine. I drank too much. It’s been years since college. I’m a little out of practice.”

Despite what she’d said to Wes last night, she wouldn’t have gone home with the other man. Given the guy her number? Sure. She was single, and sitting around moping over her failed engagement wasn’t the way to move on. She wasn’t interested in anything serious, but dating someone nice didn’t sound so bad. Though it would take her a while before she could fully trust again.

Wes sat forward, his large shoulders seemingly crowding her, when he was actually several feet away. “Do you remember what you said to me before you passed out?”

She’d returned to Lake Tahoe for her wedding, but also so she could tell Wes about the baby. To shed the guilt and shame and sadness, and finally explain what had happened all those years ago. And then she saw Wes for the first time—and he was still so angry.

She couldn’t do it. Not while he hated her. Maybe it had been a mistake to come at all. But Wes had taken her home last night when he didn’t need to. He’d shown up at her house, after she’d discovered Eddy’s infidelity, just to make sure she was okay. Tension might still exist between them, but he cared, even if he didn’t admit to it.

She’d almost convinced herself that he was better off not knowing about the past. That she could hold it inside and not release the pain on him. And then, in a single drunken moment, she’d shared all. The past that would never leave her—that ate at her from the inside out and had forever changed her life.

She’d blurted out the truth about the pregnancy, because deep down she’d selfishly needed him to know. Didn’t want to be alone with it.

Kaylee rubbed her eyes and swung her legs over the side of the couch. “Can I brush my teeth and change before we get into this?”

He gestured lazily for her to go ahead, but every muscle in his body appeared taut.

Kaylee made her way up the stairs to her bedroom and brushed her teeth in the master bath, then changed, all the while trying to figure out how to tell Wes something she should have told him years ago. But it had been her body. She’d been the one irrevocably changed. So even if he’d had a right to know, she’d been too messed up and vulnerable to tell him.

She reached for a pill bottle, downed headache medicine, and scrubbed her face with a warm washcloth. She looked at herself in the mirror. From the outside, she appeared much like the girl Wes had fallen in love with in college, minus the long hair—but nothing was the same on the inside.

Kaylee made her way downstairs, and found Wes staring at the pine trees and mountains beyond from the tall dining room windows. It was her favorite place in the house too.

Padding quietly on bare feet, she entered the kitchen and made coffee, slowly ritualizing the process. Putting off the inevitable. Telling him the details about the pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy, even after they’d spent time together.

Kaylee carried over two mugs and held one out to Wes.

He glanced up, blinking as though he’d been deep in thought, and accepted the coffee. “Thank you.”

She sank onto the couch and wrapped her hands around the mug, soaking up as much strength as she could from the warmth. “About last night, and what I said. I’m sorry it came out like that. I’d had this perfect plan to share it with you when I first arrived. And then things unraveled. In the end, I thought it would be better to let the past stay where it was.”

He shook his head forcefully. “That crazy talk was real? You had a…a baby? And you didn’t tell me?”

Even after all these years, tears welled. “No. There’s no baby.”

Wes ran his fingers through his hair, making the beautiful, dark locks flop over his forehead. “I’ve been up all night trying to figure out what the hell you could have meant. You need to explain it from the beginning.”

She closed her eyes. “Before your tour qualifying tournament senior year, I was sick. Do you remember?” He stared at her blankly. “No, of course you don’t. You were too busy at the time.” She set her mug on the coffee table and rubbed the tops of her thighs.

He looked around as though mentally searching. “You were…tired. More than usual.”

“I was. I thought it was midterm stress. School draining me. I slept a lot. I wasn’t interested in food… And then I started bleeding. You know I had an irregular cycle. I assumed it was just more of the same. But this bleeding came with intense pain.”

His jaw tensed and he stared at her, waiting.

“I went to the school health clinic and they told me I was having a miscarriage.” Wes dropped his head, and she took in a shaky breath, willing the quaver in her voice to stop. “I was three months pregnant.”

“Fuck,” he said. After a long moment, he looked up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you? I didn’t know I was pregnant. And when was I supposed to mention the miscarriage? While I was bleeding out—the same day you told me you couldn’t focus on anything until after the tournament? Or when I had to have an emergency procedure to remove our baby that had died inside me?” She blinked back the tears. “No, Wes, I didn’t tell you. I was in shock, barely holding on to my sanity.”

He slumped back and covered his face with the palm of his hand. “I’m sorry.”

A tear leaked over her cheek and she pressed her lips together. “You were unavailable—out of state for intensive training. I went home to recover, but I was still in pain. I saw my local doctor and he said”—she covered her face, the tears falling harder now—“he said there was so much scar tissue from the emergency procedure that was done, that I’d never get pregnant again.”

She didn’t see him move. Didn’t hear him. But the next thing she knew, Wes was gathering her up into his strong arms and pulling her onto his lap. He rubbed her back and she cried against his shoulder, his hand shaking as it stroked the top of her head. “I was selfish. Young and stupid. I didn’t know what I had,” he said. “Didn’t know what was important.”

Not since she’d lost the baby, along with her fertility, had the weight she’d carried lifted. Until now, listening to Wes’s soft words. This was what she’d needed. His support. His comfort. God, she had loved this man. A part of her still did.

She slid off his lap, her legs still covering his. He gripped her ankle, not letting her go. “I was angry at myself. At you. There’s more to life than having children, but at the time, I wanted to marry you and have your babies.” She sent him a self-mocking smile. “I felt like my life was over. I couldn’t have stood seeing the same disappointment on your face. I sank into a deep depression and had to leave.”

“I get that,” he said softly. “And you had every right to take time for yourself. But why didn’t you tell me once you felt better? Why did you dump me and never come back?”

She lifted her legs off his lap and eased them over the edge of the couch to the ground. “That’s the thing. I thought you would leave me. I was in self-preservation mode. You’d been distant, and this was huge. I couldn’t have stood you breaking up with me.” Tears ran down her face, and she swiped them away with the back of her hand. “I was broken. Even if you had stayed, you’d never have looked at me the same.”

His expression tightened. “Kaylee, I fucking loved you. Nothing you could have told me would have changed that.”

The sincerity in his voice stole her breath. “I didn’t know. I—I thought I loved you more. That I would tell you what had happened and you’d want a way out.”

He stood abruptly, a slew of curses streaming from his mouth. “All this time.” He shook his head. “I guess we’ll never know what could have been.”

He walked to the door.

“Wes.” Kaylee scrambled to her feet, a horrible, sinking feeling settling in her stomach.

He opened the door and looked back, gaze unfocused. “I’ll see you around.”

The door closed and her legs gave out. She crumpled to the floor, silently crying.

She’d feared years ago that he would leave her if he knew the truth, but from what he said, she’d been wrong.

And if so, she’d lost more than she ever knew.