Ryder
Ryder felt his whole body vibrating, like every single skin cell was standing on edge, waiting to see what would happen next. Staring down into Adriana’s wide, honest eyes, he was so tempted to reach out and touch her, to grab her hand and tug her along to his playroom, to toss her in headfirst and see how she would react. But no, he had to smart about this. He couldn’t afford to fuck this up.
For one thing, he needed Adriana around to show him the ropes of his father’s business. Nobody else knew the ins and outs of all of the drug and gun deals except her, and it also wasn’t like he could trust anybody else in the inner circle either. She was essential. She was irreplaceable.
But if he was being honest with himself, he knew that wasn’t the real reason he was so nervous about showing her the playroom. There was something he could sense under her skin, like her very blood sang to him, telling him what she really wanted. She was a Sub. He just knew it. He could feel it the same way he felt the wind in his hair or the sun on his skin. There was an animal in her that responded to the call of the beast within his chest, and he wasn’t going to rest until he claimed it.
“Come with me,” he said softly to Adriana, careful not to brush up against her body as he walked past her. When he touched her, he wanted it to be deliberate. Calculated. Controlled. He wasn’t going to do it carelessly.
As he led her down the hallway behind the dining room, towards the door of his playroom, he felt a huge lump start to form at the base of his throat, right under his pulse. Was he really doing this? After so many months searching for his Sub, did he finally find the right person? Or was he just so desperate, so goddamn hungry for it that he tricked himself into believing it was safe to share his true self with this person he’d just met? Ryder knew he was being reckless. Idiotic, really. But he just couldn’t stop himself. His body knew what it wanted, and it was going to see this through to the very end, even if it meant destroying his life in the process.
“Here,” Ryder said as he came to a stop in front of the playroom, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. He felt the rush of his blood from inside his veins, going faster and faster as he noticed a glint of intense curiosity in Adriana’s eyes.
“What…” Adriana began to say, but Ryder lifted his hand to gently cut her off. She fell silent immediately, sending a rush of exhilaration down Ryder’s spine that almost caused him to physically shiver. He held himself back though. He couldn’t afford to get too easily excited, even though he felt like his skin was about ready to jump off of his body entirely just as a result of Adriana’s simple, quiet obedience.
“Before I show you this room,” Ryder began, struggling to keep his voice as steady and calm as possible, “I have to get your word on something. Whatever your decision may be about the contents of this room, you cannot divulge what you see here to anybody. And I mean that. Anybody at all. If you do, and I find out, I can’t have you working for me anymore. It’s that serious.”
Adriana’s face paled a little, some of the color that had seeped into her cheeks as a result of the wine faded as she considered Ryder’s words. But when she spoke, her voice was unwavering. “Okay. I understand that. I’ll be discreet.”
“Good,” Ryder replied curtly, even though he felt an almost overwhelming sense of relief crash over him. He had an insurance policy, at least, that would keep Adriana from telling anybody what a freak he was. Some part of him knew that it was unfair for him to keep the job hanging over her head like a dagger, ready to drop at any moment that she did anything wrong. But it wasn’t like he wanted to fire her.
If anything, he needed her much more than she needed him. She could always find another job, even if it didn’t pay quite as well as her current position. But he couldn’t find a replacement for Adriana. There was nobody else that knew the business as well as she did, nobody that knew his father the way she did. Ryder really should have been fighting as hard as he could to keep her on board, especially after offending her so badly earlier in the day, but the playroom’s secrets meant more to him than the business. It meant more than the power he’d inherited from his father, more than his place in his family, and much more than the legacy of his name. He had to protect the playroom above all else.
He blew out his breath, aware that he hadn’t spoken for several seconds, which probably only heightened both of their anxieties. “I’m going to show you something that means very much to me,” Ryder murmured, stepping a little closer to Adriana so he could comfortably drop his voice, even though there was nobody else in the apartment to overhear his words. “It means… everything to me, really. I’m not saying this to scare you or freak you out or anything. I just want you to understand so that when you see it, you’ll realize how much power I’m really giving you here.”
He paused so Adriana could respond, but she didn’t say anything. Although, a few wrinkles appeared between her eyebrows and on her forehead, as if she was concentrating furiously to commit his words to memory. So Ryder kept talking, forcing the words out as bravely as he could, even though he felt his fingers start to tremble even as he kept them still against his sides. “This is my playroom. This is where I… have fun.”
“Like an arcade?” Adriana asked, a slight smile spreading across her face. Somehow, though, Ryder got the sense that she wasn’t mocking him. Instead, he felt like if he really did have a room full of video games and foosball tables, she would have accepted it as normal without judging him for his immaturity. He almost smiled, just picturing it.
All the same, Ryder shook his head, summoning up all the courage he could find in his entire body to plunge forward into the unknown, spilling the truth out into the air around them. “No. For sex. Specifically, the kind of sex that I have.”
Adriana’s jaw dropped open for a second before she caught herself and closed it. He half-expected her to back away from him, to put some kind of distance between their bodies as a safety precaution. But she didn’t move, and she didn’t look away from him either. Instead, her eyes remained open, unflinching as she stared into his eyes. Ryder took that as a good sign. She’s not scared yet, at least, he told himself as he moved to put a hand on the handle of the playroom’s door.
“I need to be in control during sex,” Ryder said, and even though he managed to get the words out without allowing his voice to shake, he had to drop his eyes from Adriana’s. He just had to. There was no way he could be brave enough to look at her directly when he was spilling the deepest, darkest secret of his heart. “It’s the only way I’m satisfied. This…” He paused, gesturing to the playroom behind them. “… helps me do that. I want to be clear that I never want to hurt my partners. I never want to do anything to them that they don’t want done. But this is the way I am. There’s no changing it.” He smiled sadly at the end, finally lifting his gaze again to see if there was any horror to be found on Adriana’s face. He almost lost his breath when he realized that he couldn’t detect any disapproval or disgust hiding in her eyes. “Do you have any questions?” he asked as soon as the ability to speak returned to him.
Adriana cleared her throat and nodded slowly. “Yes. A lot of them, actually.”
The back of Ryder’s neck flushed. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not.
“Why are you telling me this?” Adriana asked softly, blinking slowly as she continued to stare at Ryder.
“That’s a fair question,” Ryder admitted. He knew he hadn’t been very clear with her, even though he was working as hard as he could to force himself to be honest before things got any more serious between them than they already had. “I’ll be frank with you, Adriana. I’ve been looking to share this room with someone for a very long time, but I haven’t had much luck. Most women I meet are too timid or scared or… boring, quite honestly. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to be honest with anyone. So I’m trying to be up-front with you. If you’re not interested in me, in doing anything with me, then let me know now, and we can forget this conversation ever happened. I don’t want to cross any lines. But…” Ryder paused again, licking his lips. “I think there’s something different about you. Something special. I think you have potential that I haven’t seen in any woman, ever. I want to see if I’m right. I want to explore you, Adriana.”
After a few seconds of silence, Adriana stepped a little closer to Ryder, sending a wave of heat crashing over his head. The trembling in his fingers traveled up his arms as he fought to stay still as she got closer to him. He expected her to say something, maybe even spit in his face, but she just stared up at him wordlessly.
Ryder wasn’t sure what she was telling him, but she wasn’t running away. If she was scared, her courage was apparently stronger than any fear she might have felt. More than anything, her eyes burned with some desire that made Ryder feel like his very bones were shaking under his skin. She wanted to stay. That much was clear. She wanted to know what was in this room. Maybe she even wanted to know Ryder.
Ryder tried not to betray the surprise and the wonderful, practically crushing, relief he felt. He wanted to look like he knew that she was strong enough to take it, like he hadn’t had a single shred of doubt in his mind. “Before I show you this room, I have to set a few ground rules. Just for our safety, okay?”
Adriana nodded slowly, still looking up at him with wide, curious eyes.
“You don’t have to enter this room. I want to give you an out if you want it. You can leave right now, and we’ll never talk about this again. You’ll get to keep your job, and I won’t harass you. There will be no repercussions at all if you decide to go.”
He waited, providing a long pause where Adriana could walk away from him if she wanted to. But she didn’t move.
“If, however, you decide to come into the playroom…” Ryder said, dropping his voice down to a whisper. It would have felt profane, almost sacrilegious, for him to speak louder about this. It was like a religious experience, sharing this moment, where the air seemed to crackle around them with the energy generated by both of their bodies. “Then that means that you will be under my power for the rest of the night. I will tell you what to do, and you will have to obey. That is, unless you use the safe word. You can pick out a word to signal to me that you do not feel safe, and I will immediately stop what I’m doing and make sure that you’re okay.”
Adriana grinned suddenly, a mischievous glint appearing in her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip in thought. “If I can use the safe word whenever I want, doesn’t that mean I’m the one really in control?”
Ryder couldn’t fight the smile that forced its way onto his face in response to her statement. “You’re right. Very good. You’re a quick student.”
Adriana shrugged bashfully. “Well, I guess you could say you’re a good teacher.”
Ryder stared at her for a long moment, drinking in every last detail of her face and body before he finally spoke again. “I want to be clear with you, even though I know I’ve probably already hammered this point home enough. What happens in the playroom stays in the playroom. You can’t share this with anybody, and when we’re outside of it, we won’t discuss what happened inside. When we’re in the office, we’ll be totally professional. It has to work that way; otherwise, things can get messy fast.”
“I understand,” Adriana said with confidence, smiling up at him warmly. Her eyes seemed to change again, the glint of mischief from before giving way to something deeper, something less easy to read. But she was excited, Ryder could discern that much at least. Her body seemed to hum with anticipation, her fingers clenching into fists at her sides like she was ready to hit something in impatience.
“Just to be clear,” Ryder said, stepping impossibly closer to Adriana, until their chests almost brushed up against each other. “In there, I’m in control. I’m the boss. But at the office… you are.”
Adriana grinned, her teeth bared like a feral animal while the twinkle in her eyes danced like a newborn star. “That sounds good to me,” she whispered, sticking out the tip of her tongue between her top and bottom teeth. It took all of Ryder’s willpower not to crash into her right then and there, to sweep her up into the most intense kiss of his life, but he held himself back. The playroom. It had to happen in the playroom.
“One last thing,” he added in a hoarse whisper. “We’ll sign a contract stipulating the terms of the agreement. But we can end this at any time. If you ever get tired of it…” He trailed off, not wanting to finish that statement when their relationship hadn’t even begun yet. But he had to be clear with her. She had the power to walk away from him if she wanted to, and he wouldn’t punish her for it. He didn’t want to be the type of man who hurt his partner. He wanted her to have the freedom she needed to feel powerful, too.
He waited for Adriana to respond to his statement, but even after a long pause, no verbal answer came. Instead, the grin fell from her face, replaced by a hard, solid expression that was practically undecipherable. Was she having second thoughts? Was she about to back away from this, setting Ryder’s dreams on fire for the last time?
But in the next second, Adriana’s tongue poked out of the edge of her mouth, staying still for a moment before she slowly licked her lips. Shit, Ryder thought, feeling his eyes go wide as she reached down and placed her hand on top of Ryder’s, right over the doorknob of the playroom.
This is happening, Ryder said to himself, swallowing thickly to clear the lump in his throat. This is really fucking happening.
He pulled his hand away from Adriana’s, wanting the final decision to be hers and hers alone. He expected her to hesitate, to hold back, to consider her options for one last moment.
But without any further ado, she turned the knob and pushed the door open, bravely stepping inside without waiting for Ryder.
Fuck. Ryder breathed deeply before he followed her inside. No turning back now.