It’s here, I just know it! We haven’t heard from Gage in two weeks now, so today has got to be the day he’s written us back.

Mom has secret smiles now after she reads a letter from him, and I think my plan is working.

“Sit still, Tommy. You’re like a jumping jelly bean.” Mom’s face lights up from the front seat of the car as we drive home from school.

Cassie doesn’t bug me as much anymore, and I like that. I can talk to her about Gage, and she asks me what kind of plans he’s making when he comes home. Her face scrunches funny when I tell her fishing; she thinks they stink. Mom does, too, so I’m used to it. Girls just don’t understand. Gage says it’s a great way to provide for your family. I kind of like the sound of that.

“I just know our letters will be here today, though!” I bounce excitedly in my seat, and Mom gets this look on her face. She’s trying not to laugh at me while attempting to remain stern. I like when I can do that to her. We always have the best laughs, and Mom soothes me.

“Shit.”

“I heard that! That’s one nickel for the swear jar, Mom.” We have a deal that when she says a bad word, she has to put a nickel in a jar, and when I slam a door or throw a toy, I have to do the same. At the end of the month, whoever has the least nickels in their jar gets all the money. Last month, I won, and we had pizza for dinner.

Mom’s smile is gone now, and I realize we’re home. Sitting on the front step is Jack. I can’t bring myself to call him my dad anymore. I don’t think he deserves it for the amount he’s made Mom and me cry.

“Mom?” I question when she stops in the driveway, and he stands. A stupid smile on his face.

“I love you, Tommy,” she says, and I can hear the tears in her voice.

“I love you, too, Mommy.”

“I want you to know, it’s your choice if you go with him. But if you don’t want to, I won’t make you.” Mom’s so strong. I know I’m young, and most people would say I don’t understand what the wobbling in her voice and the look in her eyes means, but I do.

Mom doesn’t want dad to hurt me no more.

I don’t either.

“I don’t want to go, Mommy.”

* * *

I shouldn’t be so relieved. I’m horrible for wanting to keep my son from his father, but Jack is so damn unreliable and selfish. He hurts Tommy with every broken promise, and I can’t stand it.

“You got it, baby. I want you to go on inside and get your stuff put away, and I’ll be in, in a minute.” I have to mentally build up my walls to face Jack. I know he’s not going to like me saying no about Tommy.

“Can I check the mail first?” he asks. I love that he’s always excited to hear from Gage. It’s sad that a man we haven’t even met is more reliable than his own father.

“Do it real quick.” My son’s out of my Jetta before I’m done talking.

Leaving the car, I watch Tommy run to the sidewalk to check the small mailbox. “Yes!” His cheer makes me smile. When he runs up to the house, he scowls when Jack tries to hug him.

“Tomas!” I scold him.

“Sorry, Mom.” His muttered words hold his reluctance to even look at the man. “Hi, Jack.”

I have to put my hands over my mouth to hold in the laugh at Jack’s shock as my boy runs inside.

“What the hell was that, Paisley?” He sounds different. The usual anger is there, but it’s magnified.

Treading lightly, I walk around him and up the steps before answering. “He’s lost his respect for you, Jack. What did you expect?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Is he for real?

“We haven’t heard from you in months. You stood him up for going fishing. No phone call, text message, smoke signals, nothing. You either need to be in his life or out of it, Jack. There’s no in between.”

“You’ve been filling his head with lies! I call plenty.” When he steps towards me, I step back, and he sneers. It’s the look in his eye that scares me, however.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve given him choices. And whatever you planned to do here today, he wants no part of it.”

His hand shoots out so fast I don’t have time to move out of the way as his palm lands on my cheek. My head whips to the side, and my face instantly stings, bringing tears to my eyes.

“You bastard.” I hiss at him, one hand cradling my face.

“You stupid whore. If you don't let me see him, I’ll just have to go to court and take him.”

The threat could buckle me under, but I force my spine straight. “You could try that, Jack. Haven’t you ever wondered why I haven’t gone after you for child support, more frequent visitations? A single court visit. Anything?” He looks puzzled. “You left me alone with your child at seventeen. How did you think I was going to get back at you? You have no rights where my son is concerned. And frankly, after today, if you come back here, I’ll call the police and have you arrested.”

I rush inside and lock the door before he can do or say anything. Tears stream down my face as he pounds on the wood and calls me obscene names.

“Mom!” Tommy comes rushing down the stairs visibly terrified.

“Back upstairs, honey, it’s fine.” I can’t bring myself to look at him. He’ll see all of my pain, the swelling from Jack’s blow. I’m raw. I can’t let him see me like this.

After I hear his steps retreating, I quickly order pizza for dinner and go up to my room, intent on cleaning myself up before I have to face my son and tell him everything’s all right.

On my bed is an envelope with my name scrawled across it in bold letters. I don’t know if I have the energy to give him what he wants anymore. What they both seem to want so desperately.

As I open the letter, something falls to the ground, and I look down to see dried yellow daisy leaves. I can’t contain the sobs that consume me as I read.

Paisley,

I walk around camp constantly saying your name. I love the way it rolls off my tongue. How delicate and soft it sounds.

Paisley…

I especially love the way I can picture moaning it against your lips for the first time.

Paisley…

As sweet as a Daisy.

I know they’re not as fresh or look as nice as in the store, but I hope you can find comfort in the petals as if I gave them to you myself.

We haven’t met, hell, we haven’t spoken, but I know you, Paisley. Your words speak of everything you want but won’t ask for. Everything I suddenly want to give you.

When I come home, I’m coming for you.

Both of you.

Love, Gage

My fears and dreams. Hopes and failures. They all sweep through me at the speed of light as I soak in his letter. The petals delicate in my hands as I fight back the overwhelming urge to beg him to keep his promise.

Sadly, as I’ve learned, words are simply that. Words.

You can’t trust what you can’t see.