Dear Paisley,

Talk to me. I miss the sweet smile I imagine is on your face when I read your letters. I miss the laughter I often felt in your words.

Tommy worries about you. That boy worships the ground you walk on. I wonder if you know that? Does he tell you?

If I were there, you bet your sweet ass I’d make sure he told you.

I’m coming home in two months, Paisley. Less by the time you get this letter. I am coming for you. That’s a promise you can bank.

When I do, you’re going to tell me everything. This thing between us isn’t just in my head. I’ve been around too long not to know the real thing when I get it.

You’re real, Paisley.

We’re real.

Love, Gage

Every time he writes me, I feel his touch. Every word and command feel like the promises he’s making. Trusting it is the hardest part.

I’m terrified, after Jack, that I’ve only built Gage up in my mind. He can’t possibly be as perfect as I’ve dreamt. Can he?

I mean, no man just wants an instant family. They don’t want a little boy that isn’t theirs. Or a woman that has no idea what she’s doing with her life.

“Hey, Mom!” Tommy calls from the driveway. “Watch this!” I got him a new hockey net with all the bells and whistles, and he’s never been happier.

“Great job, honey!” I cheer him on as he slaps the puck through each target in the corners. He loves sports, and he enjoys impressing me with all his tricks knowing I can’t kick a ball in front of my feet.

My eyes stray back to the letter in my hands and the thoughts and feelings this man evokes in me. I wish it were as easy as he makes it seem. With Tommy, I can’t just jump the gun. Dive head first into the potential of failure.

“Will you write him back?” Tommy’s curious question draws me from my thoughts to see him standing in front of me, peeking down at the letter. “I think he’d like if you did.”

“When’d you get to be so smart?” I smile at him, hoping he doesn’t push for more.

“He could make you happy again, Mom.” There’s hurt underlying his words.

Pulling my son into my arms, I whisper, “You’re all I need to be happy.”

I think. I hope. I wish.

* * *

Mom’s good at hiding her feelings. She thinks she’s protecting me. I don’t know what from, though.

Gage would be good for us. Better than Jack the jerk. He hasn’t been around since he hit Mom. I think if he did come, I’d have to take care of him.

Sometimes, I say not so nice things to my mom, and I always feel bad after, but she really is the best. I wish she saw herself the way I do.

After dinner, before I get ready for bed, I get the chance to read Gage’s newest letter.

Riddler,

Alright, kid, I’m stumped. Either you’re missing words in that last riddle, or the answer is really hidden. Cause I’ve got squat.

I’m coming, Tommy, real soon.

When I get there, your mom’s gonna have some explaining to do. She’s also going to learn what it means to have a real man by her side. I won’t let anything happen to her. That’s a promise you can hold me to. I want you both safe. With me around, you’ll never feel like Jack can take you. Not on my watch.

Hang tight, kid.

Soldier man

A deep breath releases from me, and I know things will be okay. Mom will be happy, I’ll have a dad, and Gage will have a home.

We’ll be a family.