Vance didn’t want to fuck. Fucking was impersonal and selfish. Fucking was what he did when he was on tour, or lonely, or bored. The word had lost its meaning and its importance, and that wasn’t what he wanted to share with someone like Aaron — someone who had revitalized his sense of self-worth, even though it had been through indirect means.

Tonight, he was going to make love to Aaron. He was going to show Aaron what good he’d done him, and how much he appreciated the kick in the pants. Aaron wouldn’t have a clue why he was doing it, or what had brought it about, and Vance intended to never let him know. He wouldn’t tell his muse the effect he’d had on him, for fear it might wear off. If Aaron changed because of this, Vance would never forgive himself. He didn’t want to lose his new source of inspiration now that he’d found it… but he did need to show Aaron how he felt, even if he’d never speak the words.

He moved agonizingly slowly, pushing into Aaron only to take his time pulling out and repeating it all over again. A secret part of him wished that there was no condom between them — that Aaron might feel him raw, and let him come inside so that Vance could leave his mark on him — but Vance respected Aaron’s word too much to do that to him. He still had to apologize for the wrongs he’d done, and whatever Aaron said was law. Vance wouldn’t try to argue. He was the one who had something to prove, and he’d do it by showing Aaron what a gentleman he could be.

The kiss lingered. Whenever it started to die, one of them rekindled it. Aaron moaned into his mouth and moved his hips, matching Vance’s speed. Vance thought he detected a kernel of urgency in some of Aaron’s movements, but he didn’t let it change his mind. As much as he respected Aaron’s word, what they shared right now was too important to turn into mindless fucking.

Aaron would know the depth of Vance’s adoration. If he wouldn’t hear it, he would feel it.

Vance continued with his pace. His hands wrapped around Aaron’s cock, and he pumped Aaron even as he moved inside of him. Aaron moaned into his mouth and shivered from head to foot. They kept moving together, working toward mutual bliss, when Aaron suddenly froze. His passage tightened and his cock throbbed. It was Vance’s turn to gasp into his mouth — Aaron was coming, and the sensation of his body tightening around Vance’s was bliss unlike anything Vance had felt before.

Desperate for release, Vance pumped himself slowly into Aaron’s tightened body as Aaron came. Warm cum seeped over his hand, and Aaron let out a tiny moan of pristine pleasure that shot through Vance and did him in. He moaned in response, coming seconds after Aaron’s orgasm began. Together, they worked their bodies and prolonged their pleasure.

Vance had never had sex so good in his life.

When the bliss had faded, Vance pulled out and threw the condom away. He took a tissue from the box by his bedside and cleaned Aaron up while Aaron lay spent on the bed. Vance couldn’t remember a time he’d been more exhausted after sex, even though he hadn’t moved fast. The effort from restraining himself had worn him down, and it looked like he could say the same for Aaron.

“Vance?” Aaron asked in a shaky voice as Vance threw away the tissue and settled down by Aaron’s side.

“Yeah, babe?”

“What the hell was that?”

Vance chuckled. “I missed having you in bed with me, so I thought I’d show you just how much I wanted you.”

“No, I mean…” Aaron trailed off and shook his head. It looked like he wasn’t going to finish his sentence. “That… was amazing. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You weren’t the only one having a good time.”

For a little while, there was silence. Then Aaron spoke again. “Are you doing okay?”

“Hmm?”

“After this morning,” Aaron said. “You looked pretty upset, even though you were trying to keep it under wraps. Are you okay?”

“Oh.” Vance smiled. He closed his eyes, one arm draped lazily over Aaron. “Yeah. It was a wakeup call, that’s for sure, but I’m okay. I’ll make it work. I always do.”

“That’s good,” Aaron murmured. He shifted around, laying on his side instead. “I didn’t know if you’d be okay for the event or not. We’ve only got a few months to go.”

The words squeezed Vance’s heart like a vice. He opened his eyes and resisted a frown. “Yeah. That wouldn’t be good, would it?”

“No.” Aaron hesitated. There was a look on his face like he wasn’t certain of himself. “Do you want to go out with me sometime?”

“What? To the bar again?”

“No. I mean… just around.” Aaron smiled nervously. “Like, maybe to a restaurant, or to a movie, or… wherever. I’m not picky.”

A poisonous thought infected Vance’s mind, and he wasn’t able to pluck it free fast enough to keep it from taking root inside of him.

He’s asking me that so that he’ll know I’m okay to perform at his event. He’s hesitating because he doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. He doesn’t want to be with me at all.

“Maybe sometime,” Vance said vaguely. It hurt his heart to say it.

Why the fuck am I so messed up over him? It shouldn’t be this hard. Why am I making it this hard?

“Okay,” Aaron murmured. He pulled away from Vance and got up, climbing off the bed to get dressed. “I’ve got some other things I need to get done today, so I could probably go.”

“You don’t want to stay a little longer?” Vance asked. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“No, it’s… I should go.” Aaron smiled at him, but there was worry in his expression, and Vance feared that Aaron doubted what they’d just shared. “That was really great, and… I hope you take me up on my offer sometime.”

“Yeah,” Vance said. He got out of bed, too, but Aaron was already almost dressed, and he was headed for the bedroom door. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Great. Um. See you later.” Aaron left so quickly that Vance didn’t even have time to say goodbye. The front door opened and shut, and he was gone.

Vance came to stand at the bedroom doorway and looked at the closed front door, his heart sinking. He knew that what they were doing was only casual, but damn, did it hurt when Aaron left like he had. His mind assured him that what they had was casual, but his heart told a different story.

He needed some air. Inspiration had come, but it had come at a cost. Vance had never felt so vulnerable in his life… and all for a man he said he didn’t want, and who said he didn’t want him in return.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, freshly showered and dressed in his old band clothes, Vance took to the streets. The leather he wore made him stand out amongst Prescott’s other pedestrians, and he drew a few looks, but he didn’t care. He needed the comfort and the confidence his old clothes brought.

He wandered through the small downtown strip, wracking his brain to find somewhere to go or something to do that would distract him from his current situation. He wanted and didn’t want Aaron at the same time, and the divide was tearing him in half. If he did choose to pursue him, and if somehow he got Aaron to like him back, could he bring himself to be public about it? He was on the way to rebuilding his career. Would a move like this stunt him and keep him out of the industry? He wasn’t sure.

He was halfway down the block when he heard a high pitched shriek. Several people turned to look, Vance amongst them. Across the street, a young woman, barely old enough to be out of her teens, had stopped in her tracks. She looked frantically up and down the street to check for traffic, then darted out between parked cars and ran over to Vance.

“So the rumors are true?” she asked, eyes sparkling with adoration and excitement. “You’re really Vance Chastain, aren’t you? From Midnight?”

“I… uh, yeah, I am.” Vance grinned, but the expression was uneasy. He hadn’t thought he’d be getting fans out here.

The young woman squealed. “I’m not going to pretend like I’m your biggest fan or anything, because I’m sure there’s a girl somewhere out there whose entire room is wallpapered with your face, and who sleeps with a to-scale Vance body pillow, but I’m such a huge fan of yours! When I was little my mom told me that someone famous was born and raised in Prescott, and she told me all about you and how you went on to achieve great things, and I’m just so excited that I got to meet you in person!”

She was speaking quietly enough that they weren’t drawing many eyes, and Vance was grateful for it. “Thanks. It really means a lot to hear that. You have no idea.”

“Will you sign something for me?” she asked. She opened her purse and took out a permanent marker. “I’ve been carrying around all kinds of pens and stuff just in case I got the chance to meet you. I heard that you moved back here, but I figured you’d be hidden away in your super expensive condo or something, living with like, fifty bodyguards, and that you wouldn’t come out for anything, but… but I’m so glad I was wrong!”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll sign something for you. What do you want me to sign?”

Her eyes were still sparkling as he tugged down the front of her shirt to reveal her cleavage. Vance balked.

“Can you sign my boobs?” she asked, grinning. “Please?”

Vance had signed plenty of chests since hitting it big. He’d signed them without thinking about it and moved on with his life. But here, in Prescott, after what he’d just shared with Aaron, it felt wrong. He uncapped the marker and looked the young woman over. He hated to disappoint a fan, but his gut was telling him not to do it.

“You know, maybe it’s okay in Los Angeles, but here in Prescott, I’m not too sure that’s appropriate for the public. How about I sign your upper arm instead?”

She pouted, but the smoothed her shirt back into place and held her arm out. “I guess that’s okay.”

“You’ll be happier with it here, anyway,” Vance said. He held onto her arm with one hand and signed with the other. “If you decide to get it tattooed, the recovery is going to be a lot less painful, and you’ll regret this placement a lot less down the line.”

“I’d never regret anything if it had to do with you.”

Vance snorted a laugh. He didn’t mean to, but after everything with Aaron, he found it funny. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I needed it.” He capped the marker and gave it back to her. “And thanks for making me feel big in a small town. You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me soon.”

“I hope so!” She grinned. “Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. That’s so cool of you. No one’s going to believe it really happened. Do you think we could get a selfie?”

“Just one.”

She already had her phone out, and Vance indulged her with three photos so she could find her best angle. When she was done, she clasped her phone to her chest and smiled at him. “Thank you so much, Vance. It’s so cool to have met you. I’ll be keeping an eye open for you around town!”

“Yeah. Feel free to say hi whenever,” Vance said.

She squealed again, then waved at him and ran away. Vance watched her go, a tiny smile on his face. Fame, even if it was much smaller than it had been before, still felt good. He wasn’t completely out of the saddle yet. He’d take this summer as his big chance and turn it around. He had to. If it came down to a choice between Aaron and his career, he knew which he had to choose. It hurt, but nothing in life was ever simple… and Vance’s heart would heal with time.