Chapter Seventeen

She stood before the mirror after her shower, completely naked.

Until this moment, she had avoided looking in the mirror. Avoided touching her belly. Avoided acceptance. There’s no way, she’d spent all week telling herself. There’s no way I’m pregnant. It has to be a mistake.

Ruby had always been the good girl, the one with the straight As, the one who did everything right, the one who climbed to the top of her field and demanded respect. The one who took birth control even when she didn’t have a boyfriend, for God’s sake. Now that she had one, she’d somehow gotten pregnant anyway. This morning, she’d finally gotten around to calling her Ob-Gyn to confirm what the UC nurse had told her.

That a little life was growing inside of her at this very moment.

How many weeks was she? Five…six? If she’d had her last period the week before Alec’s fight in the locker room with Connors, then that meant she’d ovulated roughly two weeks after that around the time she and Alec had sex at his house.

Sometimes, birth control doesn’t work, the nurse had told her when she felt like the world was crumbling down all around her. Had she started a pack late or missed a pill?

Yes. It happened every month at least once. She’d forget to take the pill then take it as soon as possible. The lapse had to have lowered the probability of it working correctly.

Well, there was no point lamenting it now. The damage was done. Ruby knew in her heart that she was going to go through with it. There was no other way to go. She was old enough, she had a great career, could offer the baby everything in the world, except…what about a father?

Could she marry Alec? Yes, she was crazy about him, found him insanely sexy, and knew in her heart he would make an excellent father, but they only started dating! This was crazy. Ruby shook her head and touched her belly. She wasn’t showing yet, but her boobs looked fuller, felt more tender, a lot like being on her period. Her hips looked different, too, slightly thicker and wider. Ruby had always been well-proportioned in stature, but now she felt a bit more swollen.

A life. A little life growing deep within her.

It was so hard to believe.

As alone as she felt, she knew she wasn’t. Alec knew about it, and he’d been giving her the space she needed and asked for. He’d been checking on her daily, asking how she felt and if she needed anything, but for the most part, he gave her breathing room. Finally, today, they’d talked about something other than how she felt, and she’d given him the go to sign the Sports Armour docs.

Her father had called to congratulate her, but she didn’t feel like celebrating. Her heart tore in two knowing she was keeping a secret from her parents, but she couldn’t figure out how she would break it to them.

Oh, hey, guys, you know my client, Alec, right? Yeah, the one who’s been getting negative press lately. Well, he impregnated me. Pass the pepper?

There was no subtle way to do it. She was just going to have to come clean. Tell them she was pregnant and that she and the father would work it out amicably. She couldn’t marry Alec. At least not now. Deep in her heart, she knew that marrying for a baby was wrong. It was the reason Alec couldn’t marry Colleen and told her so. What would make this any different?

No, she couldn’t ruin his life. They could co-parent and do great. It’d be fine. Marriage wasn’t necessary. Still, it burned her. Always the good girl doing everything right. Well, not this time, apparently.

Ruby dressed and sat at her desk, hoping to focus and get some work done. Contracts needed reading, articles and social media needed perusing, and just because a tiny life was growing inside of her didn’t mean the world had to stop. Staring at a contract on her desk, Ruby felt a wave of emotion rising in her chest.

Of course the world had to stop.

Why was she treating this like she had a tooth cavity or a UTI that would go away?

This was a baby, for God’s sake! A baby! And she should be happy and celebrating right now. The fact it was a surprise shouldn’t steal that happiness away from her. Alec was right—this was a time to feel joy, and she simply wasn’t letting herself. So, the next time he called to ask how she was doing and invited her to come over, this time she didn’t rebuke him.

This time she said yes.

From the moment Ruby walked into Alec’s house, she felt at home. From Alec handing her coffee and giving her a big hug to Henna following her everywhere meowing, Ruby felt like they were her mini family.

“She knows,” Alec said.

“How could she know? She’s a cat, not a sonogram technician.”

He chuckled. “I don’t know, but cats know things, dude.” Alec looked her over carefully once they reached the kitchen, as if he wanted to touch her but was still trying to respect her space. “You look amazing, by the way.”

“Thanks, but I feel like shit.”

“Well, that’s understandable, but you look fabulous.” He gave her a soft smile, a sad smile. Was he sorry he’d helped put her through this? It wasn’t his fault, in case that’s what he was thinking. “Can I…” he began, then turned away and poured coffee for himself.

“Can you what?” Ruby asked. “Touch my stomach? I guess.” She’d already accepted that she was pregnant and desperately wanted to begin enjoying this journey, come hell or high water. Married or not, she was ready to start letting Alec have a part of it, too. It was only fair.

He put down his mug and came around the kitchen island, took her hands, and kissed the top of her head. In keeping with her overflow of emotions as of late, tears welled up in her eyes. “I won’t if you don’t want me to,” he said.

“I do,” she said, wiping away the tears. “I do want you to.”

“Ruby, I know this has been hard for you this week, ah, ah, ah…” he said when she put up a finger like she didn’t want to talk about it right now. “I was just going to say I’m excited. Whether or not we get married, I’m excited for this little guy or girl.”

“Are you sure, Alec? You weren’t in that meeting. You weren’t with Colleen.”

“I told you already, I think I was. I have been ready to be a father. It was the idea of having a child with Colleen that freaked me out. But you…” He tipped her face up and kissed away the tears on either side of her face. “You are special. You are amazing, and I hope you’ll give me a chance, Ruby, I really do.” Then, he kneeled and placed both hands on her flat tummy, pressing his cheek against her. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, breathed in the moment, and Ruby nearly erupted into fresh tears again.

“Oh, my God, I’m like waterworks over here.” She wiped at her face with a napkin. “Is this how it’s going to be for nine months?” Yes, her intuition told her. Get ready for a ride.

Alec then kissed her tummy and stood to hug her. No sexy kiss, a good thing, because she didn’t feel sexy at the moment. He seemed to pick up on what she needed right away, and she felt grateful for it.

“Okay, so you ready to see what I’ve been up to all week?” His eyes grew wide and childlike.

Ruby cocked her head. “What? What have you been up to? Alec?”

“It’ll be awesome, I promise. Come upstairs with me,” he said as he took her hand. “I need to show you something.”

Ruby’s intuition was working overdrive lately, and now she knew what he was probably up to. He better not have gotten a baby’s room ready. One, because she still wasn’t sure she wanted to live here with Alec, marry him, or was even ready to see a nursery yet. And two, because if she created a nursery for the baby, she wanted to do it her way.

Guys, they didn’t know how to do a baby’s room. Heading up the stairs, she just knew he’d probably painted it in awful light pink or light blue, perhaps stuck ugly pre-bought stickers on the wall, and gotten one of those terrible plastic-y mobiles for a crib. Ugh, this was going to be bad, she just knew it. Then, she’d be in the awkward position of rejecting whatever idea he’d had.

But when he opened the door to a room a few doors down from his own bedroom, it took her a moment to figure out what she was seeing. Yes, it was a nursery, as she’d expected, but it was insanely gorgeous. The room was filled with light and painted with various shades of green, the walls accented with zoo animals, like giraffes and elephants. There was even a “tree” made of fabric hanging from one corner, and beanbag “rocks” to sit on.

Her hand over her mouth in shock, she stepped inside, her heart pounding like mad. “Alec…”

“I wanted to surprise you. Do you like it?” He sounded unsure. “I know you didn’t want to find out the gender, so I went with gender neutral colors. You said your favorite color was green, so that’s what the designer went with.”

All she could do was stare. It couldn’t have been more perfect had she designed it herself. Something about the room made her want to stay, work it out, raise the baby with Alec, with or without marriage, but at least living together. Possibly.

“Ruby, you aren’t saying anything. It’s freaking me out. Are you okay?”

She wasn’t okay, but not for the reasons he feared. Going to the crib—a beautiful piece of furniture made of walnut, the blankets a plaid with green and blue stripes, she could only touch the soft cotton sheets and choke back tears. When she stepped to the bookshelf filled with all kinds of picture books, a sob finally escaped.

He did all this for me.

Because he loves me, and he loves our baby.

“Ruby?” He peered into her eyes.

The thought only made her cry harder, especially when the next thought she had was: I’m in love with him, aren’t I? Yes, I am. Stop being stupid and accept him already.

“Shit, Ruby, don’t cry. Why are you crying? Do you hate it? We can change whatever you want. I told the designer that the mobile was too much, but she insisted—”

Ruby shook her head before shushing him. “It’s perfect, Alec,” she said through tears. “It’s absolutely beautiful. I’m crying because I’m happy. I never could’ve imagined a better nursery for our baby.”

At that, his face transformed into that wide smile she loved so much. He held her close, stroking her back as she cried. When she finally got her emotions somewhat under control, he showed her every nook and cranny of the nursery.

“See the animals on the wall? I did those. Took me forever to get them right, but I think they came out pretty good.”

He’d painted them himself?

He’d actually painted their baby’s wall art?

Then, Alec pointed to a giraffe stuffed animal that looked like it’d seen better days. “And that’s mine from when I was a baby. I asked my mom for it. I told her about the baby. I wasn’t sure how you felt about me telling, but it’s my mom. You know she’s private, Ruby. She won’t tell a soul. What she did say was that I would be the biggest idiot ever if I didn’t marry you.”

She coughed back a laugh, then picked up the giraffe to stroke its soft head. “I love it, Alec,” she murmured. Looking into his dark eyes, she said, “I’m serious. I was worried that you’d done this, worried that it would be all wrong, but…”

“But?”

“But you’ve given me no reason to be afraid of anything,” she said, and he sighed with relief. “If anything, you’ve done everything right.”

“And that’s bad because?”

“Because I keep feeling like I’m in a dream. Like something is going to go wrong. Like life—or you—can’t be this perfect. I don’t know what the future will bring. I don’t even know how I’m going to feel tomorrow, but I can tell you right now that I love you. Thank you for this.” She wrapped her arms around him and melted into his frame.

She loved him. There was no denying it.

“Even though I drive you crazy?”

She nodded, overcome with emotion.

His eyes darkened, and he took an unsteady breath. “God, Ruby, I’m so glad you said that.” He cupped her face in his hands, tenderly stroking her cheeks. “I love you, too. I know we’re going to be so happy with this baby. I know you don’t want to talk about getting married, and this wasn’t a ploy to get you to marry me. I just really wanted you to see how excited I am about this. I’m here for you, Ruby. And for the baby.”

She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, and they stood like that for a while, simply enjoying each other’s warmth. Ruby inhaled Alec’s scent, loving that he smelled so good. She didn’t know what it was—his soap? Some cologne?—but every time she was near him, she couldn’t get enough of that smell. She inhaled his shirt, her body heating.

It was the first time she’d felt anything other than fear, sadness, and desolation. It was also the first time she’d left the loneliness of her townhouse in a week. Being at Alec’s was good for her, she surmised.

She tipped her head back to look at him. His eyes were dark, searching. His nostrils flared, and she felt him breathing harder. Touching his chest, she pressed a hand against his heart and felt it pound beneath her fingertips.

“Ruby,” he said gruffly.

She loved how he said her name. His voice had entranced her the moment she’d first heard it. She stifled a smile, wondering if she loved how he smelled or how his voice sounded more. Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth to his. He didn’t react for a millisecond, but then he took control of the kiss.

I lied, she thought to herself, I love the way he tastes the most out of everything.

When he pulled away, he tipped her chin up the way he loved to do. “You know what made you pregnant, right?” he asked.

“Sex?” She laughed.

He shook his head. “My super sperm. It blasted right through that birth control and made it all the way up there.” He flexed his arms and chest. “You gotta admit, that’s pretty damn impressive. Am I right?”

Ruby slapped his chest and rolled her eyes. “Oh, you would say that.”

That night, he made her dinner, and when he took her to bed, when he thrust inside her, completely bare, completely hers, she reveled in it. The openness. The freedom. The lack of worry, if only for one night. She whispered how much she loved him, and when they came together, Ruby knew they were meant to be. It didn’t mean they needed to get married, though. She’d stick firm with that. But no matter her own reservations, or her fears about her father or her job, or about the future in general—they were destined to love each other. And their little one on the way.