Chapter 1—Running

* Riley *

Life-changing moments can be as obvious as a guy holding a gun to your forehead or as subtle as glimpsing a face in a crowd.

That gun and that face haunted my nights and often my days.

I hadn’t laid eyes on Tiffani Vernon since the night of our high school graduation over three years ago. She couldn’t leave Seattle fast enough, while I’d never considered going anywhere else. Seattle was the only real home I’d ever known, and I wanted to stay here and make things better. Face my fears head-on. You know, crap like that.

Our last night together had been epic and unforgettable with feelings so powerful they were scary as shit. Tiff ran from her fears, and hours later she sped out of town and never looked back—especially not at me.

I knew why. It wasn’t personal, but that didn’t make me feel any better.

I reminded her of that horrible, awful day our freshmen year of high school when several lives hung in the balance, the world shifted in a matter of minutes, and nothing would ever be the same again.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Except move on.

And I had.

Or I thought I had, until I saw her standing across that proverbial crowded room. Our eyes met. Her brown ones to my blue ones. Recognition flashed in her eyes, then panic. Her mouth opened as if she were going to say something. Her expression went soft with regret. Shaking her head, she turned and ran, weaving through the crowd faster than a running back angling for the end zone. Her little pink skirt swished back and forth, calling attention to her fine ass and shapely legs. She was so smoking hot, heads swiveled as she passed.

Pain stabbed deep in my gut. Memories flooded back and slammed me to the turf, leaving me stuck to the beer-soaked floor. Graduation night. Her skin glowed in the moonlight as she gave herself to me, body and soul. I lost myself inside her, certain we’d be together forever. She left town the next morning, and I never saw her again.

Squelching that memory, I stood alone in a crowd of people, hearing nothing, sensing nothing, seeing nothing but the place where she’d stood a second ago. People elbowed me in their haste to get to the keg of beer I was blocking.

I shook my head, attempting to clear it.

She couldn’t be here.

She should be at USC starting her senior year, just as I was starting mine at the Ty, what us locals call Tyee University on Lake Union in Seattle.

She’d traded the rain and mud for sun and sand, and she’d traded me for surfer dudes and Hollywood wannabes.

But now she was back.

My feet refused to follow my orders. All I could do was gape open mouthed like some creep with a stalker crush. There’d been other times I’d sworn I’d seen her, only to race after her and embarrass the hell out of myself when I found out the poor girl I’d dogged wasn’t Tiffani.

But we’d locked gazes this time, and there wasn’t any doubt in my mind. She was here. I tried to swallow, clear my throat, gulp in some oxygen. I swear my organs were either shutting down or going into overload. My heart slammed in my chest as if building to detonation, and my head pounded to the beat of the music in the room.

Oblivious to my disinterest, the blonde who’d been hustling me all night leaned in closer and gripped my arm. She slipped her tongue in my ear while her hand migrated to my crotch. I gave her a gentle shove, not giving one shit how rude my behavior was, even though I usually prided myself on being a nice guy.

“Later,” I told her, and pushed through the throng of frat-house partygoers.

Almost frantic, I shoved my way to where I’d last seen her and caught a flash of blond hair as she slipped out the door. I dashed after her down the sidewalk into the street and glanced left and right. She was gone, vanished into thin air as if she’d never existed. I waited five, then ten minutes.

She never reappeared.

With a sigh, I trudged back to the party, ignoring the curious stares of the guys. I sank onto the couch in the living room, next to a couple of teammates, and faked interest in a football game on TV. My heart thudded wildly, and my hand shook as I lifted a pizza slice to my lips.

My eyes met the concerned blue gaze of my best friend, Gage Harmon, the team quarterback, campus man-slut, and proud of both titles. He was chewing slowly and staring at me as if he expected me to strip naked and dance on the table while stone-cold sober.

“You okay, Ry-man?”

“Yeah, fine. Thought I saw someone. I was wrong.”

One brow crept upward, disappearing under his messy blond hair. “Female?”

I nodded, refusing to meet his gaze on the off chance he’d see the pathetic truth and peg me for the idiot I was. What kind of loser pines after a girl this long when he has the world at his feet?

This loser.

Tiff was the only girl I’d ever truly loved.

And I’d never stopped loving her, as fucked up as that was.

* Tiff *

Running into Riley Black was inevitable. The Tyee campus was big, but obviously not big enough. Even so, I hadn’t expected to see him during my first week of classes. Until now I’d carefully avoided the areas where he might be hanging out, such as Greek Row, and opted for an off-campus apartment. I planned my classes to avoid being near the football field and gym in the afternoons when he’d most likely be practicing. I timed everything with careful attention to detail and avoidance. Lot of good that did me.

Coming to this party had been a lapse in judgment. I should’ve known he’d be here. Maybe I secretly hoped to run into him, just to torture myself. Maybe I was all kinds of screwed up.

Okay, well, that’s stating the obvious. Ask my family. Ask my counselor. Ask my horse. They’d all agree. I, Tiffani Grace Vernon, was one fucked-up girl, and years of therapy had barely put a dent in my tormented past. Through no fault of his own, Riley brought back every traumatic memory of that fateful day when my charmed life became a living nightmare. He was a victim as much as I was.

Now here we were. At the same frat party. I shouldn’t have come.

Our eyes met, and recognition instantly lit up his gaze. Those same cobalt-blue eyes had studied me intently from across the room in our high school biology class. They’d watched me ride my horse in endless circles at the arena near his aunt’s house. Those same eyes had opened wide in horror as my ex-boyfriend, also his teammate, pointed a gun at each of us, aimed, and pulled the trigger. The loud bang had deafened me, and the smell of iron had filled my nostrils, followed by the wrenching pain of being slammed to the ground.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

Seeing him brought it all back as if it had happened six minutes ago instead of almost seven years.

Maybe seeing me did the same for him, too? He’d gaped at me as though he’d seen a ghost. Momentarily frozen in shock, his mouth opened and closed as if he were trying to say something but couldn’t. Not that I would have heard him over the sea of drunken partygoers and the roar in my ears.

My brain clawed at the last shred of sanity as wave after wave of dizziness sucked me deeper into a swirling abyss of darkness. My lungs begged for oxygen until I had to be blue in the face. My legs wobbled, and I stuck out a hand to steady myself. Swaying like a drunken sailor, I accidentally buried my fingers in some sorority girl’s cleavage. She raised her hand to take a swing at me but was too wasted to come close.

“You stupid, perverted bitch.”

Whatever. She was the least of my worries.

The music was so loud, no one paid attention to us. I wasn’t a fighter, and the time had come to get my ass out of here, not so much to run from her—I could handle her—but to get away from him and the demons nipping at my heels.

I abandoned my beer on a windowsill and shoved my way through the crowd, desperate to exit as quickly as possible. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Riley dodging people in the crowd with deft footwork that would do any running back proud. Only he wasn’t a running back. He was a tight end. The starting tight end for Tyee University. A big man on campus with an NHL star uncle.

And I was—

Nobody.

And I planned on keeping it that way. I didn’t have any interest in being in the spotlight or even in a flashlight.

It’d been a mistake to enroll here, but I hadn’t had a choice. My parents’ divorce and the failure of my father’s business had left no money for out-of-state tuition. So here I was. Back in the area I both loved and despised among the best of memories drowned out by the worst of tragedies with the one person who played a part in both.

I ran out the door and down the front steps, knowing he was only seconds behind. Glancing around desperately, I dived into some bushes in front of the apartment building next to the frat house and huddled in the darkness.

After what seemed like hours, I peeked through the branches. Riley stood there, several feet away, gazing down the street with such profound sadness, you’d think he’d lost his best friend. His big hands hung loosely at his sides. He still had that one lock of dark hair that refused to stay in place. He looked the same, but different. A familiar face, yet a stranger.

Shaking his head, Riley trudged back inside, his shoulders slumped and his feet dragging.

I almost ran after him—almost—but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t invite the one person back into my life who could destroy every bit of progress I’d made since high school. Even worse, I couldn’t drag him down with me.

I waited long after he’d gone inside before creeping along the side of the building and around the corner. I ran the several blocks home and collapsed on my bed. Only then did the wrenching sobs shake my body and wring every bit of emotion from my soul until nothing was left but bone-deep weariness.

* * * *

“Okay, Tiff, spill. You tore out of that party last night like you were escaping a serial killer.”

I ignored my best friend, Alisa, and opened my textbook. One advantage of moving back to Washington and attending Tyee was hanging with her. I’d missed her.

“Tiff, what’s going on?” She looked up from painting her nails a deep shade of red. Her perfectly sculpted brows knit together as she scrutinized me.

“Nothing.” I turned the pages in my book, even though I didn’t comprehend one word.

“You’re a shitty liar. Always have been.”

“I just needed some air. You know I don’t do well in crowds.”

Her eyes narrowed with concern and an astute assessment of my current condition. She had done that a lot lately. “I know what it is. You saw him.”

“That’s not it,” I lied, even as my red face denied my words.

“Yes, yes, you did. He was there. I certainly saw him.”

“You noticed? Last I saw, you were practically doing it on the couch with that blond guy who’d been hustling you all night.”

“Gage. The quarterback. I like a man in charge.” A slow smile spread across Alisa’s face. She didn’t have the hang-ups I had regarding casual sex. In fact, she told me once she considered it another form of exercise and a hell of a lot more fun.

“Yeah, Gage. Are you going to see him again?” I jumped at the opportunity to deflect the conversation from me to her.

Alisa snorted. “Fuck, no. That was nothing more than a hookup.”

“In front of the entire frat house.” I hated how judgmental I sounded, but Alisa took no offense.

“Yeah, so? You should try it sometime.”

I shrugged, but my head was filled with the image of Riley pinning me on the couch and screwing my brains out while his frat brothers cheered us on. Sheesh. Where the hell did that come from? I didn’t think dirty thoughts like that. Well, rarely. At least not anymore. And that damn Riley always starred in my most intimate fantasies all because of one night, one fucking night I couldn’t let go of.

Alisa snapped her fingers in front of my face. “I don’t get it. You two never really dated much in high school, so what’s the big deal?”

“Not for his lack of trying.” I’d never told anyone this, but I’d been crazy about Riley Black from the moment I met him. I hid it well. Even my BFFs and two high school boyfriends never suspected my crush. I’d never owned up to it myself. Riley had the power to bring me to my knees and make me feel out of control, something I avoided as if my very sanity depended on it—which it did.

Once had been enough, or perhaps I should say, had to be enough.

“He hung out at the barn all the time. It was so cute.” Alisa was getting that romantic glow in her eyes. I wanted to barf.

“It was annoying.”

Alisa snorted, not believing me for a second. “So why did you keep it friends all those years?”

Leave it to Alisa to ask the one question I didn’t want to answer. We hadn’t kept it friends. Not graduation night.

“I didn’t feel the same.”

Another snort from Alisa and an eye roll. “Then why run from him last night?”

“I don’t like reminders of that day.” And because I was always running from my emotions. Riley made me feel when I didn’t want to feel.

“Just talk to him and get it over with. If there’s something there, you’ll know it. If not, you have nothing to lose. Don’t be such a fucking coward.” Alisa stared so hard at me, I glanced in a mirror to make sure I didn’t have something coming out of my nose.

I blinked and met her gaze, keeping my emotions tightly bottled.

“Tiff. Avoiding the issue won’t get you anywhere, and this campus isn’t big enough to stay out of his way forever.”

“Are you ready to head to the barn?” I deftly changed the subject to a much safer one.

The barn was where I’d met Alisa when I was a teenager. We worked with the same dressage trainer and being the same age, hung out at horse shows together. After it happened, horses were the only thing that held me together, and Alisa had been a part of that.

I’d thought long and hard about bringing my horse back to the same barn Riley’s aunt Avery worked at, but in the end, it was the right choice. The barn boasted the best dressage trainers in the area, and they got me and my horse, Dex. It was a no-brainer despite the real possibility of running into Riley there.

Avoiding him wasn’t going to work. I could see the flaw in my logic now. I should meet with him and get it over with, make my lack of interest clear, so we could both move on.

Alisa gave me one of those looks, which said way too much, and stood. “Let me change into my barn clothes.” She walked from the small living room to the even tinier bedroom of the small house we’d rented together not too far from campus. We’d agreed to paint the inside in exchange for our damage deposit, but even a fresh coat of paint couldn’t disguise the house’s run-down condition. While it had a tired charm, the old cottage truly needed a good bulldozing. Our tightwad landlord was well aware the value was in the property. This area would make a prime location for an apartment complex and more money in his pockets.

But we had this house for the next year, if we wanted it.

One year during which I’d be subjected to Riley Black, no matter how hard I tried to avoid him.

Alisa was right. I needed to talk to Riley and get past the panic plaguing me every time I was in his presence.