Chapter 22
He knows! I know he knows, I can see it in his eyes. But I won’t admit it; I won’t until the time is right. I have to play the game, make him believe. It isn’t hard, though, I love him despite everything. I have just come to my senses that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t enough anymore. There’s a line to be drawn and I intend to draw that line and hold onto it. Hold myself back from more heartache. He almost said it, almost said those words I used to crave to hear. Would have done anything to hear. But is it too late now? Can I accept him back fully after he’s hurt me so bad? I don’t know the answers to these questions anymore and I don’t know what to do. I know the right thing to do, but is it right for me?
An hour after Zeke has left for the day, there’s a knock on the door. I don’t know who it is or even why they’re here. No one comes here and knocks, they know when Zeke is here and that’s the only time they’re allowed here at his home. He’s very guarded, only letting certain people into his life. Now I partially understand why.
When I open the door, it’s someone I least expected to see. Jagger smiles brightly showcasing his beautiful white teeth.
“Hi,” I manage to say to him. He looks me over and winks when he notices I’ve caught him.
“Zeke home?” he asks looking behind me. I shake my head, and he reaches in and grabs my hand. I try to pull it back, but he turns around and smiles a sneaky smile. We get to his car, well probably Aria’s car and he opens the door for me. I stand there contemplating and wondering what he’s up to.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask, still standing at the door.
“Aria told me you were back, and I wanted to have some fun while I’m on holiday. Who’d be more perfect to spend some time with than a beautiful woman such as you,” he says waving for me to get in. I do and he closes the door behind me and walks around to the driver’s side.
“Where are we going?” I ask him buckling up, he smiles at me and places his sunnies over his eyes and drives off.
“I thought we could act like tourists for the day,” he says smiling.
Our first stop is in Hollywood. He takes me to the wax museum and we walk around making trivial conversation while taking silly photos with the stars. Once we’re finished, he drives for a while with not much conversation while we eat in the car. I like him; he’s easy to be around. Steady and not over the top. He tells me what he’s thinking, not guarded like Zeke.
“You look lost,” he says as we pull up at the beach. I manage a smile and shake my head. He comes around and takes hold of my hand walking next to me. I wonder if this is a fine line we’re walking. Even though nothing is overstepping the mark, I wonder if I really should be out with him today.
“What are we doing?” I ask as we head to the beach. He stops and points to the two Jet Skis sitting out in the ocean.
“I don’t know how to ride one of those,” I say shaking my head.
“It’s easy,” he says pulling out a wetsuit and explaining to me what to do. When my feet hit the water, it’s cold and I don’t want to walk in the water. Jagger notices my reaction and walks over to me already wet, lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder. I laugh at him until he places me on the Jet Ski and shows me what to do.
It’s fun, I want one. I wonder if I should move closer to the beach so I could do something like this every day. Feel nothing but the wind in my hair and the spray of the ocean. Jagger laughs when I go to fast and get thrown off, my teeth chattering from the frozen ocean. He gives me a hand up and I manage to catch him off guard and pull him down with me. When his head rises from the water, he shakes it off and smiles. I try to swim away as fast as possible, but he catches me by the leg and pulls me back. I laugh, but he holds me in place treading water. His face is mixed, it’s as if he wants to say something but can’t get the words out. My laughter dies down as I look at him.
“Do you love him?” he asks still holding me above water.
“Zeke?” I ask, already knowing who he’s talking about. He nods his head and I do too.
“I don’t want to love him. Actually it’s probably the last thing that I want to do. I just can’t stop,” I tell him, my emotions mixed.
“He isn’t good for you, Bexley.”
“My head knows this, just not my heart,” I tell him. He releases me and we climb back on the Jet Skis. He doesn’t say much, little to nothing as we finish up and drive back to Zeke’s home. When we come to a stop at the front, I turn to see a pained expression on his face, he tries to hide it when he looks at me.
“I want to tell you to go in there and get your things, so I can take you away. Show you something better.” He stops and takes a deep breath. “But I know you won’t when you look at him. I know it’s only him. Just remember, if you can’t do this anymore, call me,” he says and leans over and places a soft kiss on my mouth. I don’t stop him, he’s a beautiful man, no a stunning man. I know he means the words he’s spoken. I break away and get out of his car, waving to him as he drives off. When I turn to go into the house, Zeke is standing there watching me.
I don’t walk toward him at first, staying where I am. Watching him, he’s angry, his face is hard. He opens the door and gestures me to come in. My steps are slow and deliberate, not knowing what’s to come or what he even saw. When I reach him, he doesn’t move, he’s standing in front of me. Hard body and a harder stare.
“Have a nice day?” he asks angrily.
“I had a great day,” I whisper, looking into his eyes.
“I gathered that,” he says nodding his head in the direction where Jagger’s just left. I go to walk past him and he stops me with his hand on my arm.
“You want to fuck him, Bexley?” he asks leaning down so he’s in my face when he asks.
“No,” I say getting angry. He notices and his head tips to the side assessing me.
“Why were his lips on you?” he sneers.
I want to slap him, I did nothing wrong. I didn’t ask for his lips on me. “Fuck you,” I say pulling my arm free and walking inside the house. He follows me. I can hear his heavy footsteps coming closer. I make it to the bedroom and close and lock the door just before he gets there. He tries to unlock with no luck and starts cursing.
“Bexley, open the fucking door. This conversation is not finished,” he says punching the door. I jump from the shock and cover my erratically beating heart with my hands. I manage to calm down, knowing he’d never hurt me and try to even out my breathing.
“Bexley, grow the fuck up and open this door. We’re having a conversation…now! Stop acting like a fucking child and open the fucking door,” he screams the last part. I ignore him, which maybe proves that I am being childish as he suggested.
He stops yelling and I go for a shower, it’s late and I want to go to sleep. When I finish I wonder if I’m actually being childish. But then, I remember I don’t give a fuck if I am and roll over and go to sleep.
I wake sometime later to Zeke crawling into bed with me. I don’t fully wake. He doesn’t say anything when he climbs in bed and wraps me in his arms as he pulls me closer to him. I lay there while pretending I’m still asleep when he kisses my head and holds me tight for a few seconds longer. Then sleep claims me again.