CHAPTER TEN
GUSSIE CAME IN early the next morning to see her daughter, and this time she was alone. It was the first opportunity Bess had really had to talk to her without anyone else present.
“You look a little brighter this morning,” Gussie said, sitting down heavily in the chair beside the bed. “How do you feel, darling?”
“Worn,” Bess said stiffly. Remembering what Cade had said about Gussie made her sick all over. It wasn’t really all that hard to imagine Gussie chasing after a married man, despite the way she’d defended her to Cade. Gussie was a butterfly and she loved male adulation. And while Bess had always believed her mother loved her father, perhaps it was another part of her act. Gussie had been poor and she said herself that she’d tricked Frank Samson into marrying her by getting pregnant. Besides that, she’d ruined things between Bess and Cade and had indirectly caused the wreck. Bess was going to find it difficult to forgive her mother this time.
“You gave me quite a scare,” Gussie said, a little hesitant because Bess didn’t seem very glad to see her. In fact she seemed quite remote.
“I’ll be all right,” the younger woman said brusquely.
Gussie leaned back in her chair. “Why were you driving that late at night, and why in such a hurry? It was Cade, wasn’t it?” she added coldly. “He came to see you, he said so. He caused you to have the wreck.”
“We argued, but it wasn’t anybody’s fault,” Bess said simply. “And don’t start again about Cade,” she added when her mother looked ready to argue. “He’s been kind enough to let you stay at Lariat, and he’s invited us both there while I recuperate. Isn’t there some old saying about not biting the hand that feeds you?” she concluded with a flash of cold brown eyes.
Gussie’s eyebrows went up. “Perhaps you’re having a reaction to the medicine, Bess dear.”
“Perhaps I’m having a reaction to you, Mother dear,” came the terse reply. “Why did you impose on the Hollisters, of all people?”
Gussie grimaced. “Well, I couldn’t find anywhere else to go,” she muttered. “Jamaica went stale.”
“They threw you out,” Bess translated coolly.
Her mother ruffled. “They did not. I left of my own free will. Sort of.” She shifted restlessly. “I told you, Bess, I can’t make my own living. I don’t know how to do anything.”
“That’s no excuse not to learn,” she told her mother. “Living off other people is parasitic. There is no honor in it.”
Gussie stared at Bess intently. “My darling, haven’t you learned yet that money and honor don’t mix? I won’t be poor. I won’t!”
“That’s your affair,” Bess told her. It was easier than she’d ever dreamed to stand up for herself. Now that she had the hang of it, she was almost enjoying it. “But I won’t support you. And neither will Cade. You’re the reason he came to see me, in fact,” she said coolly. “He wanted me to get you away from Lariat because his mother would be hurt if he ordered you off the place.”
The older woman’s face went curiously pale. “Yes, I suspected as much. He wasn’t happy to have me around, and I’m ashamed to admit that I embroidered your relationship with Jordan Ryker. I only wanted to protect you...”
“You don’t have the right to interfere in my life, not even for noble motives,” Bess said firmly. “And you know it.”
Gussie lowered her eyes. “It’s hard to let go,” she said quietly. “Cade would never have let me see you again if you’d married him.”
“Hasn’t it dawned on you that Cade doesn’t want to marry me?” she asked icily. “He never has. He’s spent years chasing me away. Well, I finally got the message! You only brought the inevitable a little closer, so no harm done.” Bess ignored her mother’s stare and lifted herself back against the pillows, grimacing as the stitches caught.
Gussie wanted to tell her how Cade had looked outside in the waiting room while they lived through those first horrible few minutes. But Bess didn’t look receptive, and now she seemed resigned to giving up Cade forever. That should have made Gussie happy, but it didn’t. She put herself in Bess’s place and it hurt. Imagine loving a man beyond reason and having someone fight it tooth and nail, make the relationship impossible. It was the first time in years that she’d looked at anyone’s viewpoint except her own. It made her feel a sense of shame. She’d grieved for the husband she loved, a husband she hadn’t even known how much she loved until it was too late to tell him. She’d put herself first and Bess last, and now she didn’t know how to get back on a motherly footing with her own daughter. Bess seemed to dislike her intensely, and how could she blame her? She’d been nothing but a burden to Bess.
“Cade isn’t so bad,” Gussie said slowly. “You could do worse.”
“I could do better, too,” Bess said, glaring at her mother. “Surely you’d rather I went after Mr. Ryker with no holds barred. After all, he’s got money. He’s rich.”
Gussie felt sick at that mercenary statement. It reminded her of the way she’d sounded when she’d thrown Bess at him. But Jordan Ryker didn’t strike her as a man who’d die for love of any woman. Oddly enough, she could picture Cade throwing himself under a bus to save someone he cared about, or even giving up a woman he loved to keep from hurting her. He’d done that for Bess, sacrificing his own need to protect her from being broken in spirit.
“There are things more important than money,” Gussie said suddenly, because she’d only just realized it.
Bess lifted an eyebrow. “Really? You never used to think so.”
The door opened abruptly, and Elise came in carrying two plastic cups of black coffee. “Here I am. I had to wait in line,” she said, smiling at Bess. “Good morning. Are you feeling any better?” she asked, frowning as Bess confined her temper and Gussie took a calming breath. She handed a cup of coffee to Gussie, who looked pale and uneasy.
“Bess, what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting down in the second chair.
“She’s just tired,” Gussie said quietly. “That’s all. She’s had a hard few days.”
“Yes. That’s it,” Bess agreed quietly. She drew in a breath and lay back on the pillows, exhausted and hurting. Gussie was singing a new song, but Bess didn’t trust her. She’d been taken in once too often by her manipulative mother. And she wasn’t about to be owned again, even if Gussie did sound as if she no longer minded about Cade. That was ironic, too, because Bess didn’t dare let Cade near her again. She felt only half a woman now, and he needed a whole one to produce that family he wanted so badly.
“We’ve all been so concerned for you. Especially Cade,” Elise said with a sigh. “He feels responsible.”
“I was responsible,” Bess corrected, and her eyes dared her mother to say a word.
“Anyway, we’ll have you at Lariat by Friday afternoon, and I’m going to enjoy taking care of you. It’s been ages since anyone’s been confined to bed, and I have some marvelous recipes for trays,” she added with a grin.
Bess had to smile at her enthusiasm. “It’s very kind of Cade to let us come,” she said. “I didn’t want to put any more strain on him than he’s already got.”
“Cade doesn’t mind responsibility,” Elise said, smiling dreamily. “I was telling him just yesterday that he needs to marry and have a family of his own. He loves children, you know.”
Bess did know, all too well. She said something polite and then quickly changed the subject. She couldn’t bear to talk about children now. Especially Cade’s children. Even if she could get close to him, he’d never want her the way she was now.
* * *
FRIDAY MORNING BESS was up and dressed in a gray pantsuit Elise and Gussie had brought from her apartment. She was a little thinner than before, and she looked pale and drawn. She wasn’t looking forward to the long drive to the ranch, but being in Cade’s company, whatever the reason, was pure delight.
Cade came along to pick her up, and she didn’t find out why until he’d signed her out and put her into his late-model Ford truck to drive her home.
“It’s hard enough to squeeze three people into this cab,” he murmured as he cranked the engine. “Four is pushing it. Mother and Gussie were able to get a ride with a friend of mine who had a business meeting up here.” He glanced at her. “Put your seat belt on. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable, but if I rolled this thing, you’d be in worse shape without it.”
She hooked it slowly, still weak from days in bed. “Are you planning to roll it?” she asked with graveyard humor.
“If I do, you’ll be the first to know. Better crack a window. I’m having a nicotine fit.”
He lit up and smoked while he drove. Out of the corner of her eye Bess watched him, adoring his strong profile and the way he sat, straight and tall. He had excellent posture, she mused, and the way his jeans and blue-checked Western shirt clung to those hard muscles made her head spin. It was such an unexpected treat to get to be alone with him. She had to bite her tongue to keep from telling him.
“You’re pretty quiet. Feeling okay?” he asked a few miles down the long road toward Coleman Springs. The mesquite trees were green now, their feathery fronds swaying lazily in the soft spring breeze. There were wildflowers everywhere—Indian paintbrush, Mexican hat, Indian blanket, black-eyed Susan, and the state flower, the bluebonnet.
“On a day this beautiful, I’d have to feel okay,” she murmured, her eyes following the land to the horizon.
“Your boss is a nice woman,” he remarked. “She runs the office, you said?”
“Yes. And there’s Nell. She’s a live wire. We go out to lunch together sometimes.” She moved and grimaced. “I’m glad they decided to let me go ahead with my latest project while I recuperate,” she added. “I don’t think I could stand being idle, now that I’ve found work I enjoy.”
He glanced at her curiously. “That may not last when the newness wears off,” he replied.
She smiled at him. “Well, it won’t bother you one way or the other, I know.”
“Do you, Bess?” he asked, and his eyes held hers so intently that she flushed before he looked back at the road.
That look disturbed her greatly. Knowing what she did about her barrenness, she didn’t dare let him get close. It would be easier to keep him at a distance than to have to tell him the truth. She was going to have to walk a fine line while she was at Lariat. She only hoped she could.
He seemed to sense that uneasiness in her. A few miles from Lariat he pulled the truck onto a dirt road and parked it under a mesquite tree.
“What are we doing here?” she asked.
“I want to talk to you,” he said simply. “There hasn’t really been an opportunity since you’ve been in the hospital. At least here we won’t be disturbed by nurses or relatives.”
“What is there to talk about?” she parried, averting her eyes to the window. “I told you, I don’t blame you for what happened.”
He crushed out his cigarette in the ashtray with a heavy sigh. “It’s eating me alive, Bess,” he said finally. “I’ve got to know the truth about you and Ryker. I can’t let it rest.”
Her heartbeat quickened. He sounded odd. Not at all like Cade. She turned in the seat, her eyes wary.
“Mr. Ryker gave me a job,” she said, so sick of the whole subject that she was driven to tell him the truth.
“And?”
She lowered her eyes to his booted feet. “And nothing.”
“You haven’t been out with him?” he persisted, although his expression was already lightening.
“If you can call one long dinner chaperoned by both our mothers going out with someone, I guess I did. Listen, Mr. Ryker isn’t the kind of man who keeps a mistress. He’s very much like you, in fact. He isn’t interested in me. And nobody is keeping me. I make a good salary. That’s why I can afford the new apartment. I told you, one of my ads is being used in a national campaign. I got a bonus. And the fox jacket was one Mama had bought that I was taking back. I threw her out of the apartment because she insisted on spending money I didn’t have.”
“Yes, I know. Gussie told me.” He smiled slowly. “Glory be!” he murmured. “How you’ve changed, Miss Samson.”
“You don’t have to laugh at me,” she said, glaring at him.
He couldn’t help it. It was such a relief to know that all his inner torment had been for naught. He felt reborn.
“Imagine you throwing Gussie out,” he mused. “What did she say?”
“Not a lot. And I guess she got back at me while she was with you and Elise and the boys, because she sure fed you a line of bull.”
“And I fell for it,” he agreed, the smile leaving his dark face. “My mother didn’t. I suppose she knows you better than I do.”
“It’s just as well,” Bess said, averting her eyes. “I appreciate your letting me stay at Lariat while I get better, but you don’t need to worry that I might get ideas about why you’re doing it. I’m not going to start chasing you again—Cade!”
His lean hand was against her cheek and he was suddenly so close that she could feel the warmth of his body, smell the cologne he wore as he stared into her eyes from point-blank range. She pushed at his chest nervously.
“What are you afraid of?” he asked huskily, his lips almost touching hers as he spoke.
“You,” she whispered, her eyes filled with hopeless longing as she looked into his dark ones.
“I won’t let you run this time,” he whispered against her mouth. His eyes closed. His hands held her face steady while his mouth slowly parted her lips, gently expert, lifting her up into the sky.
She moaned. The impact of his kiss was shattering. This was nothing like the last time, when he’d been angry. This was a kind of tenderness she’d never associated with Cade, although she’d suspected sometimes that he was capable of it. She had no defense at all. She wanted him so, and the feel of his mouth and his hands was just heaven.
Her arms started to lift around him, but he caught them, holding them gently at her side while he pulled his lips from hers and stared down into her face. “No,” he whispered. “We can’t make love. You’re still much too fragile.”
Her face colored, and he bent and kissed it with exquisite tenderness, his lips lingering on her closed eyelids, her cheeks, her forehead.
“Cade, you...mustn’t,” she whispered brokenly.
“You can’t fight me,” he said quietly. “You’ll give in every time because you want it as much as I do. You want me.”
Tears of helpless humiliation stained her cheeks. “Of course I want you,” she admitted miserably. “I’ll die wanting you. But it isn’t enough, Cade. There’s no future in it—you said yourself that it was only sex you wanted, that you could only offer me a brief affair!”
“You talk too much,” he murmured, and his mouth found hers again, savoring its soft, silky warmth, its faint trembling as he took it.
She kissed him back, her heart breaking inside her because it was only her body he wanted, not her heart. She couldn’t give him a child, and when he knew, he probably wouldn’t even want her body anymore.
One hand threaded itself through her long, soft hair and eased her head onto his shoulder, while his free hand moved to the buttons of her blouse.
“No!” she gasped, catching his fingers. Her face flamed.
He smiled slowly. “No?”
She didn’t understand the smile. “You...you can’t touch me like that,” she whispered. “It isn’t right.”
“You little fraud,” he murmured. His eyes had a devilish twinkle in them. “I actually thought Ryker was keeping you, when you’ve never even let a man touch your breasts.”
Her blush deepened. “Cade!”
He smiled gently, and his hand caressed her slowly at her nape while he searched her misty eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want me to touch you like that?” he asked in a slow, sensuous drawl. “You might like it.”
“You’re the one who said we mustn’t start things we can’t finish,” she reminded him nervously.
“Oh, I said a lot of things,” he agreed. His mouth brushed the tip of her nose. “I’ll probably keep saying them, too, but once in a while I get hungry for a soft mouth under mine and the warmth of a woman’s body.”
The way he put it made it sound cheap. She froze, her body arching slightly away from him.
He let her go with obvious reluctance. “I see,” he murmured, watching her retreat. “I put that badly, didn’t I?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, averting her face. “Please stop playing games with me. I’m so green it’s pitiful, and I don’t know enough to laugh it off.”
He watched her silently. “You’re dead wrong about the game part,” he said. “I don’t play that kind of game with virgins. And I’m not laughing.”
“You might as well be.” She clenched her hands in her lap. “I’m a society girl, remember? Decorative but totally useless. And you hate my mother, even if you do believe everything she utters, as long as it’s something bad about me.”
It was going to be like that, was it? Cade thought, studying her set features. Well, he had plenty of time and she wasn’t going anywhere. He could wear her down.
“Okay, honey,” he said softly. “Just keep putting bricks in that wall you’re building. When I’m ready, I’ll knock it down.”
“I won’t be one of your Saturday-night conquests!” she shouted.
His eyebrows arched as he turned the key in the truck’s ignition. “I don’t seduce women on Saturday night,” he pointed out. He smiled slowly. “I like it best in the afternoon, so I don’t have to find an excuse to leave the lights on.”
She wanted to sink through the floorboard. He had the most awful way of making her feel naive. She quickly turned her attention to the landscape, bristling at the low laughter coming from behind the steering wheel.
Gussie and Elise were already at Lariat when Bess and Cade arrived, and Gary and Robert came out to meet them.
“Hi, Bess!” Robert said with enthusiasm. His red hair was almost standing on end as he opened the door and lifted her out before Cade could say a word. “You look great for an accident victim,” he chuckled, turning with her in his arms. He was almost as tall as Cade and wiry. He had the same brown eyes, but he was freckled, as well.
“Show-off,” Gary scoffed, smiling at them. He was the middle son, dark-eyed like the other boys, but his hair was a light brown, and he was shorter than his brothers. He was the serious one. Cade had moods, but he could occasionally be as devilish as any cowboy. Gary never played. He was the bookkeeper and had the intelligent look of his profession.
“She doesn’t weigh as much as a feather,” Robert said with a chuckle.
Cade came around the truck with her suitcase. “Drop her and I’ll beat the hell out of you,” he told his brother, and he didn’t smile when he said it.
Robert sobered up at once. “I won’t drop her,” he said defensively. He turned, grinning at Bess. “How long do we get to keep you? I’m learning chess and I need a new victim.”
“I don’t like chess,” Bess confessed. “It’s too logical.”
“That’s the best excuse I’ve ever heard for not playing it,” Robert agreed.
“There’s nothing wrong with logic,” Gary protested as they went inside.
“Did Jennifer tell you that?” Robert asked, tongue in cheek.
Gary gave him a hard look. “We’re glad to have you with us, Bess,” he told her, smiling. “If Robert gets to be too much of a pest, you just tell me and I’ll find a client in Borneo for him to go and see about our cattle sales.”
“You’re a prince, Gary,” Bess said.
“He’s a—” Robert began.
“Robert!” Cade snapped.
“No need to start taking bites out of me when you’re just home again,” Robert teased. His eyes twinkled as he glanced over Bess’s head at his older brother. “Save your energy for the rodeo Saturday.”
Bess felt her heart stop beating. She stared at Cade, but he wouldn’t look at her. “You’re still on the rodeo circuit?” she asked hesitantly.
“Take her to her room, Robert. You can come back for the luggage,” Cade said. He put the suitcase down in the sprawling living room with its huge rock fireplace and comfortable furniture. It had Elise’s touch, because there were white Priscilla curtains at the windows and coordinating cushions on the chairs and flower arrangements on the end tables. But it was a functional room, too, with chairs big enough for men to sit comfortably in, and there was a huge oak desk in one corner.
“You’re not going to bring the suitcase?” Robert asked, but he was talking to thin air. Cade was out of the room, out of the house, seconds later.
“I shouldn’t have mentioned the rodeo,” Robert winced. He carried her along the hall and into the guest bedroom. It was white clapboard, like the rest of the house, with a handmade quilt at the foot of the bed and a white coverlet between the four towering bedposts. The room was done in dark antique furniture, with familiar white Priscilla curtains at these windows, too. Bess loved it on sight.
“I thought he was through until fall,” Bess said as Robert put her down gently on the bed, noticing that she winced when she moved.
“He was,” he replied. “We got that additional financing we needed, but Cade doesn’t want to grow old paying off the interest. He was always a damned good bronc rider, and he’s great with a rope. We figure he’ll do well.”
“But it’s so dangerous,” Bess protested.
Robert pursed his lips. “Worried about him?”
“It’s our fault that your family is in this trouble,” she hedged. “I don’t want any of you hurt because of us.”
“Cade’s practically indestructible,” he reminded her, smiling. “But if you promise to look that worried, I’ll sign on for the calf wrestling myself. You can come and watch.”
She shook her head. “I won’t go to a rodeo. Besides,” she added, trying to lighten the atmosphere, “I’m still a working girl. I’ve got an ad presentation to deliver.”
“You can’t possibly work all the time,” Robert said.
“No, and I won’t. But I’m not quite up to social events,” she added meaningfully.
He smiled. “Okay. I’ll leave you to get some rest. Mom and Gussie were upstairs talking when you came. I’ll see if they’re through.”
“Thanks.”
He winked at her and went out. She didn’t know Robert or Gary well, and it looked as if Robert might present a problem. He’d already set Cade off with his friendliness. Of course that might be a benefit in the long run. She had to keep Cade at bay, and being friendly to Robert might accomplish that.
Gussie came in minutes later, hesitant and a little unsure of herself. “Hello, darling. Did you make the trip all right?”
“Yes, thank you,” Bess replied.
Her mother sat down in a chair beside the bed. “Don’t you want to lie down?”
Bess was propped up against the pillows, her shoes off, still fully dressed. “I’m all right,” she said.
“Can I do anything for you?” Gussie persisted.
“No, thank you.”
The older woman sighed. She stared at her clasped hands. “You won’t believe it, I know, but I’m sorry for what I tried to do. Cade does care for you in his way.”
“I don’t care for him anymore, in any way,” Bess lied coldly. “So you don’t need to worry.”
Gussie frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I like living alone,” Bess said. “I’m perfectly happy with my life the way it is, and I don’t need anyone to take care of me. If you’ll make an effort to look after yourself, I won’t have any problems.”
Surprisingly her mother nodded. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. When you’re better, and we can go back to San Antonio, I think I might have an idea about some work I can do that I’d like.”
Bess was shocked. That didn’t sound like her mother. “You do?” she asked faintly.
“We can talk about it later,” Gussie said. She got up, looking much younger than usual, with her hair in a ponytail and wearing jeans and a white blouse. “I know you don’t think I’m much of a mother,” she added. “But maybe I can change if I try.” She patted Bess’s hand. “I’m going to give Elise a hand with dinner. She thinks she can teach me to cook,” she said, laughing. “I’ll come back and see you later.”
“Yes.” Bess watched her leave and sat staring at the doorway after she’d gone. That didn’t sound like Gussie at all. But perhaps her accident had had a sobering effect on her mother.
She wanted to ask Gussie about Cade’s accusations. She wanted to hear her mother’s side of it. But that might be disastrous at the moment. She was helpless and couldn’t work, and she didn’t feel right about starting more trouble for Cade.
Cade. Her eyes closed on a silent groan. She hadn’t dreamed that he might go back to the rodeo circuit to make the money he needed to help bail Lariat out. He had his loan, but apparently that wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted to pay it off, and he thought competition was the best way.
He was good, she couldn’t deny that. She’d seen him ride broncs before. But anyone could have an accident. Even Cade.
She ran her fingers through her long honey-brown hair. He was in peak condition, and he didn’t take unnecessary risks, but she had visions of him breaking his back or his neck in the arena. She couldn’t bear to see him hurt.
Her eyes closed wearily. Life had been so simple a few months ago, and now everything had shifted and it was a new world that she had to cope with. She wondered if her life was ever going to straighten out and get on an even keel.