I paced the length of my bedroom. An old sensation of gnawing need that would never be satisfied made me pace. I felt like a drug addict who’d been locked away from anything that might make the grinding ache go away. There was no substitute that could replace Malcolm, no drug that would make me better and I was afraid I was going to die.

Where was he? I clenched my fingernails, short but long enough to pierce my palms as I paced my small room. I looked out of the window, but my eyes saw what my brain already knew. It was dark, and Malcolm hadn’t come again. I didn’t sense him. I hadn’t sensed him for days.

He’d left me that day after we made love under the trees and I hadn’t seen him since. I chewed at my lip, not in a cute way that would draw the eyes of a man, but in that unmindful way, the way that would leave the flesh bruised and sore. The pain distracted me, but only for a second before the gnawing was back.

I wanted to roll around on the ground and scream for him, I wanted to search the world one step at a time if I had to, but I knew his world would not be found by human eyes, not unless one of the dragons took me to it.

I’d seen ghosts in the forests lately, the shades of settlers and natives that left this world long ago. I’m fairly certain I’d seen a vampire too—a pale creature with jade black eyes that had winked at me as I walked through the mall Mom had sent me to look for some special cream.

That brought my thoughts back round to her. She was trying to prepare some kind of anti-dragon cream and had sent me all over the area looking for a perfect base for the herbs she’d managed to order online. It couldn’t be petroleum based, so we were having a hard time finding it. She came into my room just then and looked at me.

“You’re going to have to tell me the truth at some point you know? You’re getting ill again aren’t you?” She looked at me intently, and I knew she was looking for the dark circles and lines that had plagued me only a couple of weeks ago.

“I’ll be alright, Mom. I promise.” I smiled a dismissive smile, hoping she’d take my words for the truth.

“I’m your mother, Arista. I know when something’s wrong even if you were gone for years.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was thinking about telling her all of it, the whole truth, when my guts twisted, and I pushed around her to get to the bathroom to vomit. Mom, shocked, followed me in and soothed me through the whole ordeal with soft words of love. She even held my hair back for me and gave me a cold washcloth to wipe my face when it seemed to be over.

I was a blubbering mess of tears, snot, and other gross things when another round took over and I held onto the porcelain as my body tried to turn inside out from the stomach up. This time it was over with sooner, and Mom rinsed the cloth to wipe my face again while I rested my head on my arms.

“You are getting ill again, Arista. You didn’t have this before, though, did you?” Her voice was soft, but there was a knowledge there that she wasn’t sharing.

“Sometimes, but not this bad. I was able to control it for the most part. That was like being possessed. I couldn’t stop it.” I had stopped sobbing and took deep breaths through my mouth. My nose was still too plugged up to let me breathe.

“Rinse your mouth out and get to bed, baby. I’ll put some soup on for you. Maybe you can keep that down.” She helped me up and back to bed, her frail body a lie to just how strong she was. Like me, I guess.

I got my strength from her, after all.

Another week passed like that, and I wasn’t even able to leave the bed for most of it. Mom cared for me, bringing buckets, towels, and whatever I needed to keep me warm, dry, and gross free. This was so much worse than what I’d had before.

Malcolm had warned me it would be, but I’d had no idea how right he was. Or that he’d leave me to my fate. I cried a lot, not just because of the physical misery, but because I didn’t know what was wrong, why he hadn’t come back. I knew he cared about me. I knew he felt our bond so I knew he hadn’t just abandoned me.

Something had happened to keep him away, and I knew deep down that only death or his father could do that. His father was a king with a lot of power. Maybe he’d found out about us?

When Malcolm was coming to see me every day, it was possible to laugh off the threat his father posed. I knew he’d never let anything harm me, and I’d felt safe. Now, I jumped at every shadow. I screeched one night when a ghostly woman came into my room, moaning and waving her arms at me. She frightened the life out of me, with her all-white appearance and wide staring eyes.

Her mouth was just a wide hole that could not form words, only moans. Mom had come rushing in and shooed the woman away.

“I don’t know why they’ve chosen now to bother you.” Mom was exasperated and closed the curtains I’d left open to keep an eye out for wandering shifters out to do us harm.

I don’t know why I’d done that, I barely had the strength to leave the bed, much less fight off a magical being. I hadn’t been able to even ward off a ghost, for heaven’s sake!

“Fu…um, well.” I felt my cheeks flame, I’d been about to swear again.

“You and your bad words. I’ll never understand the fascination.” Mom glanced over the room, pulled my covers back up from the foot of the bed where I’d kicked them, and checked the temperature of the ginger ale she’d left for me earlier. There was still ice in it, so she left it alone.

“I guess you won’t be going back to Atlanta for a while.” Mom broached the subject we hadn’t discussed since I’d mentioned it a week ago.

I’d been considering going back home, to have my own place back so Malcolm wouldn’t have to keep taking me to hotels, though I did love the luxury. Now I could barely make it to the bathroom on my own.

“No, I suppose I won’t.”

“Your dad still at his cousin’s place?” She was folding up some clothes she’d brought in earlier and left in a basket, not looking at me.

“As far as I know. He was supposed to come and get me tonight for dinner, but I don’t think I’ll make it out of bed.”

“Do you think… no, probably not.” She’d glanced back at me, a smile on her face before another thought wiped it away.

“What, Mom?” I knew she still loved Dad. Getting them back together was a goal I wasn’t sure how to attain.

She loved him, even after he’d hurt her so badly. And he loved her, I could see it when he came around. He’d stopped getting out of the car when he came to pick me up, but he’d always look for her, and it would take him a long minute to start the car when I got in. He’d take that minute to watch her, his eyes tellingly wet, before he’d swipe at his face and put the car in reverse.

“Nothing, honey. I guess it’s too late for things like that. Anyway, Anne’s coming over in the morning, she’s helping to bring Willow over. We thought it might cheer you both up a bit.”

She’d sidestepped the discussion about Dad like an expert, and I knew I got that technique from her. I felt a smile stretch my tired face before I rolled over into the covers. I had a feeling the nausea would be back soon enough and wanted to rest while I could.

“Get some sleep, baby. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” She kissed my forehead and turned the light off.

Dreams plagued me throughout the night, and I woke up the next day feeling as if I hadn’t slept at all. Willow walked in, though she did it slowly, and climbed into the bed with me. As though time and distance hadn’t separated us, we twined together, two little girls seeking comfort in each other.

“I’m so glad you came,” I whispered to her, as the older ladies chatted in the kitchen. “I don’t feel so alone now.”

Her arms were around my waist, her head on my shoulder, and it felt right. Comforting and safe, like home is supposed to feel.

“I can always breathe better around you.” She sighed happily, and I wanted to save her so much it hurt. I had no idea how to find her mate.

“It’s all that vapor rub Mom has in the room. I think she’s boiling it in a pot in the kitchen too.”

She tried to laugh but it turned into a cough that shook her.

She rolled off me and onto the pillow beside mine. Her eyes, so similar to my own, looked hollow and dark. I pushed her hair out of her face, remembering the girl she’d been. She looked like she was in her late forties now, far too old for the young woman beneath all of that sallow skin.

“What are we going to do, Will?” I asked, hoping she might have a family secret stashed away. I knew she didn’t or she’d have used it on both of us.

“You remember how we saved those kittens that time, Ris? The ones somebody had thrown out of a truck by your mom’s house? I wish somebody would come pick us up and save us like we did those kittens.”

Her voice was tired, her accent even thicker with exhaustion. Mine probably wasn’t much better.

“I remember how we gave them all new homes, but it took weeks to make them healthy enough to give away. You reckon we’ll take as much work?” I was trying to make her smile but knew it wasn’t a very good joke.

“I think all the doctoring in the world couldn’t save us now, Ris. I think…” She paused, her eyes going to the door. “I think I’m about done.”

“Don’t give up, Will! You can’t! I’ll be alone then!” I searched for her hand under the covers and found it. I brought it to my face and stroked my cheek with our joined hands. “You’re my favorite cousin. I need you.”

“I won’t, Ris, I’m just tired. I’m always tired.” She tried to roll over but the covers were too heavy for her. I lifted them, and she moved onto her back. “Thanks.”

“I remember those slumber parties we had too. Maybe you can stay the night tonight? We’ll watch movies on my laptop and Mom will feed us from that bottomless pot of soup she has, and we can pretend we’re girls again, without a care in the world.”

“I’d like that.” She looked over at me, her eyes, just a shade lighter than mine, shining with happiness. “I know you’re just trying to distract me, though.”

“I might be, but it’s better than what I’ve been doing on my own. Mom keeps going on about this dragon stuff and I’ve done some research. It’s all myths and fiction, even that stuff from a long time ago when they were supposed to be real. There’s not a shred of evidence they ever really existed.”

“That might be, but I think we’re both sick for a reason. I think it’s something to do with that dragon stuff.”

“Why do you think that?” I tensed then forced myself to relax. What did she know?

“Well, maybe we’re sick because we haven’t killed any dragons,” she started, but soon stopped. “But then, why aren’t our mothers sick, or any of the other women in the clan?”

“There aren’t many of us left. Maybe we’re the last and our dragon huntress abilities are doing something weird to us.” I was trying to throw her off, but that sounded weak even to me.

“I don’t know, it was just an idea I had. It’s something to do with this dragon business, but I don’t know what. I don’t even think there are any dragons left, anyway. And aren’t all the great dragons slayed by men? I never heard a legend about a female dragon slayer!”

“That’s because the men in those days couldn’t admit a woman saved them, Will,” my mother said as she came in with two bowls of oatmeal and some toast, enough for both of us.

“Ah, that’s it, the old male chauvinism trick, eh?” I teased, sitting up and helping Willow do the same.

“Gets us every time,” Mom said with a laugh. She put the tray down over my lap and Anne brought in two glasses of orange juice.

“Hey Anne, how are you?” I asked the older lady. She was big with broad shoulders, and her smile was a pure delight.

“I’m better than you, sprite. A lot better than you. Eat up, I just wanted to see if you wanted something special from town?”

“Chocolate. And popcorn. What else, Will?” I glanced over at my cousin, hoping she’d join the festive mood.

“Guacamole and tacos! And some jalapenos!” She paused as she thought, a grin making her face bright again. “You know what? Some of those nachos and cheese from your store would be sublime!”

“Oh, that crap will kill you, Willow! I only put that machine in for the likes of Jerry Prater and his bunch!”

“It might be crap, Anne, but it’s glorious crap!” Willow’s smile did not dim, and I knew the movie night idea was a good one. It would lift our spirits anyway.

“Well, if that’s what you want!” She sounded like she was angry, but I knew she was pleased to see us both smiling. “I’ll bring you a whole bucket of both later.”

She left then and Willow and I giggled, kids again as we plotted out what to watch first. We might be dying, but we’re going to go down with a bucket list of films checked off, we decided.

Now, if I could just figure out a way to find Malcolm as easily as I’d found a way to make my cousin smile, life would be perfect. I knew that wasn’t going to happen, and decided to make the best of what time I had left. Something had happened to my dragon or he’d be here by my side. I knew that for a fact.