Thirteen
“So, you know this baby is going to be like, some type of super-baby, right?”
I looked up from the pregnancy magazine I was pretending to read to raise an eyebrow at Naima, seated beside me. “Uh… what?”
“Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that. Between you and Ramsey – and goodness, your parents – this is going to be one strong, fast baby. You sure you want to breastfeed?”
I couldn’t even form words to respond to that, so I just laughed. I knew Naima’s current silliness was for my benefit – her way of trying to cheer me up. She further confirmed that when she reached over, grabbing and squeezing my hand.
“He’ll be here for the next one,” she said, as if she’d read my mind. And she was right – most likely, Ramsey would be the person by my side at the next prenatal appointment. But this was the first one. Although Naima was one of my favorite people in the world, the only reason she was here, instead of Ramsey, was because of an away game and a delayed flight.
“Is your phone fully charged?” I asked her. “And here’s mine. Make sure you get everything on video, I don’t want him to miss anything.”
“I know, Wil.”
“And make sure your finger isn’t covering the mic, so he can hear.”
“Wil. I know.”
“And make sure—I’m doing a lot right now, aren’t I?”
Naima laughed. “You are, but I’m going to let you have your moment, since I know you’re on edge.”
I frowned. “Me? On edge? I’m not on edge. I’m breezy,” I said, then immediately flinched as the door to the waiting room swung open. I damn near fell out of my chair craning my neck to see who was coming in, and didn’t relax until I saw that it was just another doctor in the practice, who barely looked up before continuing past us to get to the offices.
“Sooo breezy,” Naima teased, shaking her head.
“Well, can you blame me?” I asked. “Can you imagine the headline if the wrong person walks in here, snapping pictures of me at the OB?”
“You’re the one who insisted on doing it this way, like you’re not having a baller’s baby. Don’t you celebrities get private home visits for this?”
I scoffed. “I requested a private time slot, at a pretty exclusive doctor. That’s the best I can do. I’m not that kind of celebrity yet.”
“And yet, you consistently get followed now.”
“Only because of those damn pictures.”
Ugh.
Before that, sure, people knew me, but not like… knew me. I wasn’t doing red carpets, eating at celebrity hot spots to be seen, etc. I was just Wil, the former Olympian turned journalist, and if someone randomly recognized me, fine.
Not so much anymore.
The release of those pictures had made me more recognizable, and it didn’t help that pictures of me out and about ended up on fashion blogs, dissecting my clothes, on hair blogs wondering what products I used, etc – all in addition to the whole “relationship goal” thing, which wasn’t showing signs of slowing down.
On the bright side, my viewership and social media growth for “Wil in the Field” were both doing great. So… maybe I couldn’t complain too much.
“Hey,” Naima said, in a mischievous tone that let me know something crazy was about to come out of her mouth. “What if that was the day you got pregnant? Like, that exact session. Everybody has maternity pictures. You have conception pictures.”
“I cannot stand your ass!” I howled at her, then clapped a hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh, or maybe cry. “Why would you say that!?”
She shrugged. “I’m just saying, the two of you looked like you were trying to make a baby. Your goddamn foot was on his shoulder! Like, you may as well have hung an “insert sperm here” sign off your clit, you know, so it would be in the perfect spot right above the opening.”
“What is wrong with you Mimi!?” I shrieked as she sat back, looking immensely proud of herself. If cheering me up / keeping me occupied was her goal, she was definitely doing a good job at it.
Well… the best she could.
The truth was, even if Ramsey were here, instead of on a plane, I would still be a nervous wreck. Or, trying not to be a nervous wreck, even though my mind was running through all kinds of nightmare scenarios.
What if something was wrong?
What if there was no heartbeat?
What if the test had been a false positive, and my pregnancy symptoms were just in my head?
I wasn’t really sure how I would react to any of those – I was just hoping it wouldn’t be necessary. When Ramsey had called me earlier, letting me know he wouldn’t be back on time to make the appointment with me, he’d taken the time to calm me down, and then prayed with me, which gave me a little more peace than I’d had before.
Voices from down the hall where the exam rooms were caught my attention, and Naima and I both sat up a little straighter. I was a little early for my appointment, but it was still after normal hours – I expected to be the only one here, and the receptionist hadn’t given any warning, even though the whole office was well-apprised of my special situation.
A little feeling of dread swelled in my chest as the voices grew louder, meaning they were coming closer. It was two women – two pairs of heels click-clacking against the polished floor. As soon as they came around the corner, laughing, I realized why I’d felt so uneasy.
One of the women was Dr. Violet Cho, who’d come highly recommended by Ashley. The name had thrown me off a little, since I was in the market for a Black woman doctor, but after a scolding reminder that race and nationality weren’t the same thing, Ashley eased my mind with the addendum that Dr. Cho was her sorority sister.
The other woman was Lena.
Horror-movie music played in the back of my mind as Lena and Dr. Cho looked up, noticing Naima and I in the waiting area. Both women smiled, but Lena’s presence sent my agitation level through the roof. What the hell was she doing here?
“I don’t have to guess which of you is my patient,” Dr. Cho grinned, as Naima and I stood up. “I recognize this face from TV, and you’re even more beautiful in person, Wil,” she said, pulling me into an unexpectedly warm hug. “Maybe your pregnancy will convince Ashley and Naima to come and experience the miracle of science?”
Naima’s eyes went big. “Oh, no thank you,” she laughed, then accepted a hug of her own. “I think we’ll leave that to the real grown ups around here.”
“Oh please,” Dr. Cho laughed. “Wil, Naima, this is my colleague, Dr. Lena McBride. I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but she needed a consult for one of her patients.”
“Yes, my apologies,” Lena said, in that smoky-sweet voice that men seemed to go wild for, as she extended a hand to me, and then Naima. “I start talking about bodies and get a little too enthusiastic. I’ve met Wil before, but not you Naima. It’s a pleasure.”
“You’ve met Wil?” Dr. Cho asked, and Lena smirked.
“Yes, back when I was dating Ramsey Bishop, the two of them were working together.”
Dr. Cho’s light brown skin flushed red as she nodded awkwardly, catching the obvious elephant in the room now that it was right on her toes. “Oh, yes. That makes sense.”
Lena looked from her back to me, her sleek ponytail bobbing behind her as she moved her head. “And now… wow. Women usually only come to the lovely Dr. Cho for one reason, so I hope I’m not premature in offering my congratulations. I remember Ramsey talking about wanting kids,” she sighed. “I had to let him know it wasn’t happening with me. But anyway… he didn’t mention this when I ran into him a few weeks ago.”
“You talked to Ramsey?” I asked, in a sharper tone than I intended.
Lena’s eyebrow cocked up. “Yes, but please don’t let that raise your blood pressure. You must not have seen last night’s episode of the show.” She held up her left hand, showing us a blindingly large ring, that was undoubtedly real. “Finally announced my engagement to the world.”
“I’ve never seen your show,” I lied, and Lena’s smirk grew into a grin.
“Of course you haven’t. But besides that… Ramsey is quite enamored with you. Even if I was the type to chase other people’s men, he made it quite clear that he isn’t available for catching. Congratulations on that too. Much better than corny ass Darius Hayward, ugh,” she said, with a look of disgust that I felt in my chest. “That man did you a favor, because no. Anyway – thanks for the advice, Vi. I’ll follow up with you later. Ladies,” she said, addressing herself to me and Naima, “nice running into you. And don’t worry Wil. Secret’s safe with me.”
With a wink, she was off down the hall, leaving the scent of Tom Ford perfume in her wake. That was my first time ever really interacting with her, and… it felt weird that I somehow… didn’t hate her.
That can’t be right.
“You work… closely, with her?” I asked Dr. Cho. Maybe in another situation, I wouldn’t have been bold enough to speak up about it, but this was something pretty damned important. Before I really knew Ramsey, I’d hate-watched Lena for several seasons, and didn’t trust her, at all.
Dr. Cho nodded. “Yes, I’ve known Dr. McBride for many years. Why?”
“Oh, it’s just… I don’t know how comfortable I am with that, after seeing her on her show. It doesn’t exactly leave a good impression, and if you work closely with her…”
The doctor’s eyebrows went up, before she nodded. “I believe I understand. But, I’ve never seen a single episode of the show – I didn’t want the magic of television to color my perception of someone I know personally to be funny, smart, and a very good young doctor. But, Dr. McBride isn’t an obstetrician, and she belongs to a different practice, so if your concern is about her having access to any of your personal records, anything like that, I assure you that won’t be the case. Ethics are important, to both of us. You have nothing to be concerned about.”
It wasn’t like I was going to leave the appointment anyway. I was just uncomfortable with the idea of my man’s ex being close colleagues with the woman who was supposed to be helping bring my baby healthily into the world. But Ashley had raved about this woman, and so had the reviews I’d seen of her online. She was knowledgeable, she was discreet, and she dealt with high-risk pregnancies. Even though my pregnancy hadn’t been classified as such, it made me feel better knowing it was something she could handle.
I would just have to push my concerns about Lena to the side.
Five minutes later, Lena was the last thing on my mind.
Dr. Cho listened intently as I detailed my years of trying and failing to get pregnant, the two miscarriages, and my fears now. She took blood, and did a pelvic exam, gave me a whole spiel about raw meat, and soft cheese, and being careful about where I traveled. All things that were familiar – too familiar – and did nothing to lower my anxiety.
And then… the ultrasound.
Naima brushed off my insistence on recording with both cell phones so that one of her hands was free to hold mine, and I was grateful. My stomach twisted in knots as Dr. Cho inserted the ultrasound wand, and a few seconds later, my uterus was in black and white on the screen in front of me.
Inside that gray mass was a black one, and inside that black one was… a baby. Of course, right now, it looked like a gummy bear with a really big head, but… it was a baby.
“Let’s get some sound going here, shall we?” Dr. Cho asked, and a few seconds later, the room filled a loud, whooshing sort of noise. She made a slight adjustment to the position of the wand, and then there it was… the strong, steady thump of the heartbeat.
I was greatly unprepared for the apparently new technology that put a soundwave image on the screen, tracking the heartbeat. As soon as it started up, something in me… snapped. I put my hands over my face, and broke into sobs that I couldn’t articulate a reason for.
Luckily, Naima and Dr. Cho let me have that moment.
It lasted maybe a minute or so, and then I was okay. Just okay.
“Wil, it looks to me like you’re about nine weeks into the gestational period. Does that sound right to you?”
I cleared my throat, and nodded. “Yes. Exactly right.”
“Very good. Everything looks okay here, and we have a nice strong heartbeat for nine weeks, about 182 beats per minute, which is a good number. I don’t see anything here to be concerned about, but I want you to not be afraid to call me, okay? Don’t be worried you’re bugging me, or anything like that. If something feels wrong, go with your gut, but again… I think you’re well on your way to a healthy pregnancy.”
A bit after that, she left for me to get dressed. Naima must have noticed that I wasn’t saying enough – or very much at all – because she caught me by the shoulders to look me in the eyes.
“Willy… are you okay?” she asked. “How are you feeling? I thought you would be… I don’t know. More excited about this.”
I pushed out a sigh. “I really am happy, it’s just… Mimi, you know I love you a lot, right?”
“Uh… right…” she said, raising an eyebrow. “But…?”
“But… all this did was make me even more scared, honestly. Now that I’ve seen it, heard the heartbeat… I can’t deal. All I can think about is “what if?”, and I really, really want Ramsey here,” I said, just before I broke into a fresh round of sobs.
“Aww, sweetie…”
I was so grateful to Naima for the way she wrapped me into a hug, rubbing my back as I cried. Dr. Cho came back in to give me a little tote bag full of information, prenatal vitamins, and printouts from the ultrasound, and as soon as I’d pulled myself together enough to leave, we got out of there.
I was ready to get home, and curl up in my bed.
I tried not to read too much into the fact that she wasn’t answering her phone. But I’d been waiting to hear about the doctor’s appointment for the whole flight, wanting to know every detail, good or bad. So once I was finally alone, just me and my security, the first thing I did was make that phone call.
And then at least ten more, because she wasn’t answering.
I bounced on the balls of my feet, impatient, waiting for her to open her front door, if she was home. Not answering calls meant showing up to her place, and if she didn’t answer here, I was going to her parents, then her cousin, but somebody was going to point me in the right direction.
Turns out I didn’t have to go anywhere.
Her cousin, Naima, opened the door.
“Ramsey, hey! How was your flight?” she asked, totally casual as she stepped aside for me to come in.
“It was cool. Where is Wil? She’s not answering her phone…”
“Sleeping,” Naima explained, gesturing upstairs, where the bedrooms were. “It’s been a bit of an emotional day for her.”
My eyes went wide. “What? What happened? Is everything okay?”
Naima shook her head. “I’m not going into any details or anything, I’ll let her tell you all of that, but the baby is fine.”
I pushed out a heavy sigh of relief, and Naima smiled.
“Now that you’re here, I’m going to head out. I just didn’t want her to be alone, and if I’d told my aunt and uncle she was having a rough time, they would have turned it into a big deal. So I figured it was best to just wait on you.”
“Thank you,” I told her, and she nodded.
“You’re welcome. Not a problem at all.” She had her purse and cell phone in her hands, but instead of saying goodbye, or moving to leave, she hesitated, giving me this strange look for a few awkward seconds before she spoke again. “Actually… there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you.”
“Should I be scared?”
“No,” she laughed. “It’s just… thank you,” she started, a statement that lifted my eyebrows. “Wil is… that’s my heart, you know? Like a sister to me. And seeing your relationship grow from honest-to-God friends to more than that… I like what it’s done for her. I watched her whole relationship unfold with Darius, and it’s crazy to me how different this looks. In a good way. I know it’s probably a little hard to see it, with everything that’s been going on, but you’ve really brought out this light in her, that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. And I appreciate it.”
I shook my head. “Thank you for that, but I can’t take credit. Wil has been a great friend, supportive, a good listener, a motivator, a muse… all of that. Without her being who she is, I don’t know that I’d be able to be that person for her, so… that’s all her.”
Naima’s lips parted a little, and then she narrowed her eyes. “See?” she said, wagging a finger in my direction. “This is the kind of thing – you – are the kind of man that makes it make sense that women even like men at all,” she laughed. “Many of your brethren are wild garbage, but you, my brother… You’re alright.”
I frowned, feigning offense. “Just alright? Damn, it’s like that Mimi?”
“Who told you that you could call me Mimi?” she asked, propping her hands on her hips.
I lifted my hands. “My bad. Naima.”
“Oh bye, I’m playing with you fool,” she giggled, then laughed harder when I pulled her into a hug. “I know I don’t have to tell you to take care of my girl, but… take care of my girl.”
With two fingers, I gave her a little salute. “That’s absolutely the plan.”
She headed out, and I headed upstairs, finding Wil in the middle of her bed, curled into a ball underneath the covers. Instead of immediately waking her, I jumped in the shower, then grabbed a pair of my basketball shorts from a previous visit from her clean laundry.
Carefully, I lifted the covers back, smiling when I saw that she’d fallen asleep with her hand pressed to her stomach. I crawled in with her, getting close enough to see her peaceful face, then as lightly as I could, ran a finger from her forehead to the tip of her nose.
She frowned a little, shifting position before she settled again. I repeated my same action, and this time she mumbled something under her breath before her eyelids parted. For a moment, she squinted at me, probably still half-asleep. I could tell the exact moment awareness and recognition hit her, with widened eyes and a smile I felt all the way in the depths of my chest.
“Hey,” she whispered, scooting closer to me. “You made it back.”
I cupped the back of her head, bringing her in to kiss her forehead. “Yeah. Heard you’ve had a rough day.”
“A little bit. Better now that you’re here.”
I grinned.
Damn this woman knows how to make me feel good.
“Ditto, Champ. Tell me how the appointment went?”
“Grab that bag,” she said, pointing to her dresser. I climbed out to get it and then came back as she sat up, motioning for me to hand it to her.
As I sat down beside her, mimicking her position with the headboard against my back, she dug into the bag, then handed me several thin, glossy pages. She turned them right side up in my hands, and then pointed at the photo.
“This is our baby.”
Wow.
I hadn’t expected it to look so… real. I listened intently, seeing it immediately as she pointed out what would become arms and legs. “It looks like a gummy bear with a big ass head,” I chuckled, and her whole demeanor shifted as she turned her head to stare at me, instead of the pictures. “I’m sure it’s going to grow into it though,” I added, trying to clean it up. But then another smile took over her face, and she shook her head.
“No, I see it too,” she said, her eyes shining as she looked at me. “Oooh, here!” She reached beside her, for her cell phone, then frowned at the screen. “Oh damn,” she murmured, then glanced up, looking sheepish. “It’s on silent. I didn’t know you’d been trying to call, sorry.”
I waved her off. “It’s fine. I know you’re okay now, which is what mattered. What were you going to show me?”
“This.” She tapped the screen a few times on her phone, and then handed it to me as a video began to play on the screen. She reached around me to turn the volume up, filling the room with a trippy thumping sound.
My eyebrows went up. “Is that… that’s the heartbeat, right?”
She nodded. “Yeah. That’s the heartbeat.”
I couldn’t help smiling as I continued listening, but then a different sound – the sound of Wil sobbing – permeated through the phone, and real-life Wil quickly snatched the phone away, to shut it off.
“Hold up,” I said, trying to get it back from her. “What was that?”
“Nothing,” she insisted, tucking the phone behind her. “I just… got a little emotional. Hearing the heartbeat, and actually seeing it, after having tried so long before. It was moving. I really wished you were there.”
“Ah, babe.” I pulled her into my arms, and she snuggled in close. “I really wish I could’ve been.”
“It’s okay. You had a game, you can’t help that. It’s not your fault your flight got delayed coming back. Gotta do what you gotta do.”
I know she meant for those words to be comforting, but instead, they hit me with a disconcerting sense of déjà vu, reminding me way too much of when my mother would say the same thing when I missed a doctor’s appointment with her. And maybe that’s why missing Wil’s appointment bothered me so much – it was too reminiscent of the reason’s I’d left football in the first damned place.
“What’s wrong?” Wil asked, making me realize that my uneasiness must have been showing on my face.
Quickly, I schooled my expression into something neutral, but the damage was done. Even when I responded with “Nothing”, Wil’s expression was still uncertain.
“Are you sure? You’re not having second thoughts are you? Because—”
“No,” I said, grabbing her hand. “I am not having second thoughts. Just… hoping that I don’t let you down. Hoping that I’m not letting you down.”
She scoffed. “I’m not even sure you’re capable of such of thing,” she said, sitting up, and then moving to straddle my lap.
“I’m glad to hear you have that kind of faith in me,” I told her, resting my hands on her hips as she draped her arms over my shoulders.
“Only because you’ve earned it.” She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips before she sat back. “We’re due in April. I’m nine weeks along right now.”
My eyebrows lifted. “Damn, really?”
“Yep. It doesn’t even seem like Bali was that long ago, does it?”
“Not at all,” I said, shaking my head. “Bali was amazing though.”
“Wasn’t it?” She moaned a little as she leaned in again, this time resting her head on my shoulder. “Had to be, if we went down there and made a baby.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I would imagine so.”
For a while after that, we just sat in comfortable silence before she lifted her head to look at me.
“Hey, so…” she started, then hesitated for a second. “My parents want us to come to their house. For like a cookout thing.”
I frowned. “Okay… but why do you sound nervous about it?”
“Because… what was actually said was, “Bring that nigga over here, since he suddenly forgot the address. I need to talk to him.” Or… something like that.”
“Oh, damn.”
She nodded. “Right, damn.”
I chuckled a little. “Okay, well… I guess I can’t really refuse an invitation like that. When are we supposed to go?”
“This week. Since you guys have a home game. Yeah – he checked the schedule.”
“He must really have something on his mind,” I laughed. “But that’s cool, set it up. I’m sure it’s a “what are your intentions with my daughter” kind of thing, which I can handle.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You sound mighty confident about that… like you know what your intentions are.”
“Do you really want to have that conversation, Champ?” I asked teasingly, already knowing the answer. “Because we can definitely have that conversation.”
“No, I’m good,” she laughed. “Keep it. I’m perfectly content to let you and Jackie Cunningham have your sexist conversation among yourselves.”
“Oh, it’s like that?”
“It’s absolutely like that,” she said, giggling. But then she cupped a hand over her mouth, and suddenly launched herself out of my lap, bolting to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, but I cringed as the sound of her retching carried into the bedroom anyway.
At the bathroom door, I knocked and then waited for her to respond. A few seconds later, the toilet flushed, and then the door swung open. The look on her face before she went to the sink and turned it on made my chest hurt.
“I’m sorry you’re feeling bad, babe,” I said, stepping up to rub her back as she rinsed her mouth out.
Once she was done, she shook her head as she turned to face me. “Don’t be. I will gladly pay this price to have our baby.”
“Damn.” I wrapped my arms around her waist, pushing her back against the vanity. “If you weren’t already pregnant…”
She smirked. “Yeah, but… we could definitely practice for next time… after you go grab me some wings or something. I’m starving.”
“Come on back here to the grill.”
I followed Jack out of the back door, leaving Wil in the kitchen with her mother in favor of facing whatever it was he wanted to talk to me about head on. I’d been expecting this conversation since the whole picture scandal, and had been dreading it since the discovery of Wil’s pregnancy.
Wil’s parents liked me – I was sure about that. And on more occasion than one, especially after she and Darius broke up, they hadn’t made it a secret that they would like to see us together. But with that said… it was a little different now, with me being the man the whole world quite possibly saw getting their daughter pregnant.
Their reception of me lately had been cordial, sure, but not quite as warm as usual. And though I’d been legitimately busy for the last two and a half months, it was time to stop putting it off.
The conversation was going to have to happen sooner or later.
“What you know about that, young man?” Jack asked me, lifting the cover on the grill to show off two slabs of ribs on one level, and countless chicken wings on the other.
I whistled. “Man, looking good. Smelling good too,” I told him, and nodded.
“You going to be able to eat? Or do they have you on a restricted diet?”
I grinned. “Protein is always on the menu, so I don’t see a problem.”
“There you go,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder. “That needs a few more minutes though. Come on out here, let me show you around Carla’s garden.”
Although I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d taken me around the deck to show me a shallow grave he’d dug for me, as an attempted intimidation tactic, he did lead me to a large, neatly cultivated garden. Stopping in front of several huge tomato plants, he turned to me, crossing his arms.
“So… gonna be a father, huh?”
Squinting my eyes against the glare of the late summer sun, I nodded. “God willing.”
“That’s always the determining factor there, isn’t it?” he asked, then turned his gaze out toward the garden. “Learn from it. Grow closer to him. Even when it hurts, it always comes down to that. That’s a valuable lesson to remember – especially when it comes to the people you love. You want to protect, and shield, and intervene… even when you’re supposed to be letting them do their learning, their growing, their hurting.”
I mimicked his stance, turning out to the garden. “Is that what happened with the show?” I asked, remembering something that, even though she hadn’t mentioned it in a while, Wil had been bothered by. “You wanted to protect her from the chance of failure, or rejection?”
“I sure as hell did. Wouldn’t take it back either. That not-so-little-anymore girl is my heart. My legacy. Anything I could do to give her a leg up, I absolutely did. That’s what these white folks do for their kids, that’s what I did for mine. You tell me what you would’ve done?”
“Wil isn’t my child,” I chuckled.
“But she’s going to be having your child, and that should mean something to you. For eighteen years and beyond, I have nurtured, loved, protected, and that won’t ever change. But someone is going to have to do the providing, the supporting, the taking care of, the writing the TV network a check to make a point. I need to know if you’re going to do that, son.”
I pushed out a deep breath, and cross my arms. “All due respect, sir… Wil is a grown woman. She can take care of herself.” I glanced over to find him giving me a hard stare, and I met his gaze as I continued. “Wil isn’t particularly interested in having a check written on her behalf. She can write her own checks. Create her own opportunities, to pay her own bills. Do I plan to support my family? Absolutely. But it would be foolish of me to think that holds any weight with her, romantically.”
“You said all of that, and still haven’t answered my question. What would you have done?”
“I wouldn’t have written a check,” I answered, firmly. “And that’s not knocking the fact that you did. I’m just saying… you and I have different roles in Wil’s life. You did what you felt was right, to help your daughter. I would have done something different.”
He nodded. “And what exactly would that something have been?”
“Supporting her efforts to pitch her show. Listening to her pitch, giving her feedback, helping her craft it. Gassing her up, making her believe there wasn’t a damn thing she couldn’t do. Keeping her distracted while she waited to hear back, holding her while she cried if the answer was no. Motivating her not to let that “no” be the end. Dragging her out of bed to try the next thing, to build her own thing if that’s what she had to do. Investing in her directly. Not going behind her back, infantilizing her and giving anybody room to say she hadn’t worked for it. And… I mean… I don’t know that I could write a check big enough,” I chuckled. “But if she did want that… then I would make that happen.”
For a long moment, the only sound was the chittering of a pair of squirrels playing in a nearby tree. But then Jack nodded, raising an arm to hook around my shoulder as he led me back up to the deck.
“Grab those tongs, young blood. Let’s get this meat off the grill, and then I’m going to take you out to the garage. Carla’s mad, but I got me a little micro-brewery out there. These bearded hipsters with their “man buns” and plaid shirts ain’t got nothing on Jackhammer’s Ale.”
I chuckled, and grabbed the tongs, listening as he told me about his beer. Even once we were done unloading the grill, and he was opening a refrigerator in the garage to hand me a home-brewed beer, the conversation didn’t swing back to where it was before.
But the fact that he didn’t seem to have a need to say anything more about it… said everything.
“Your daddy isn’t going to do anything to that boy,” my mother called across the counter as I watched him and Ramsey walk off the deck, and disappear from view. Yeah, I heard what she was saying, but hearing and believing were a little different from each other. I’d said I was fine with whatever they needed to talk about, but honestly I was a little worried.
Ramsey was a pretty laid back guy, but he was nobody’s pushover. He wasn’t even a little afraid to get… firm, if necessary. And my father was the kind of man it may be necessary to get firm with. But if those two butted heads…
“Bring your behind away from that window and come stir this lemonade,” my mother scolded. I couldn’t see them anymore without going outside anyway, so I did as she asked. On the other side of the counter, she was putting together the salad that would finish off our meal.
“Stress isn’t good for the baby,” she warned, and I tried not to roll my eyes. They were the ones who invited us over here for this ominous ass dinner, and now she wanted to tell me not to stress about it?
“Well, it’s hard to help when two men nicknamed “Hammer” may or may not be fighting to the death over your “honor” in the backyard,” I said, picking up the peeled lemon slices and dropping them into the dispenser of fresh lemonade.
My mother laughed. “I already told Jack to act like he has some sense. He just wants to make sure everything is on the up and up, since you two snuck this relationship past us like a couple of teenagers.”
“We weren’t sneaking. I mean… not from you guys, at least. And it’s not as if we were doing anything much different than what we’d done the whole time we were friends before.”
My mother looked up from slicing a cucumber, staring pointedly at the place where, in a few months, I would hopefully have a baby bump. “You were obviously doing something different, girl.” I blushed, reflexively placing my hands on my stomach, and she chuckled. “No sense in trying to be shamed about it now. You’re an adult. Having sex usually comes with the territory.”
“Yeah, but still.”
“Still what?” She slid the finished cucumber into the bowl with the other vegetables, to toss. “You think your mama hasn’t lived long enough to not be scandalized by you sleeping around with your “friend”? Or better yet – do you think I haven’t been rooting for this outcome in the first place?”
My eyes widened. “Mama! I thought you liked Darius!”
“Oh, I did, honey. He was a perfectly fine young man… until he wasn’t anymore. But he was always just that – fine. Ramsey, on the other hand – that’s a man. Reminds me of your father.”
I took a seat at the counter, wiping my lemon scented fingers off with a towel before I propped my chin in my hands. “So… there was a point when you didn’t think Darius was the one either?”
“I think that it was something that was for you to decide.”
I snorted. “And we see how that turned out. Just the first thing in a long trail of everything going wrong, for everybody to see. Can you imagine what the press is going to do with this pregnancy news? It hasn’t even been six months since the wedding that wasn’t, and I’ve been fired, had a sex picture scandal, and now a pregnancy.”
My mother shook her head. “I could knock you upside the head, girl. Do you really look at your life and only see the things that aren’t as you planned, instead of the things that are as you wanted? You wanted your own show – you have it. You wanted a man that really loved you – you have it. You wanted a baby – you’re going to have it. You are blessed, my dear. Focus on that.”
I stayed quiet for a moment to absorb her words, watching as she used a pair of tongs to mix the salad.
“You really think he loves me, mama?” I asked, and when she looked up, eyes narrowed, mouth set in a frown – the classic “have you lost your mind” expression – I raised my hands, speaking quickly to clarify. “I mean, I know that he cares about me, a lot. That’s clear, I’m not blind, it’s just… the way this thing happened between us, isn’t conventional. I just don’t want it to be a thing where pressure from the media, or pressure from the news of my pregnancy, pushes us too far, too fast. I don’t ever want to feel like an obligation to him.”
My mother smirked. “Well, it’s too late for that, sweetheart. But from what I’ve seen with Ramsey, I don’t think it’s something you should stress yourself with. Nor do I think that feelings have a time limit. I mean, there was no meter I had to press to start when I met your father,” she chuckled, putting the salad bowl down to come and sit beside me at the counter. “And I want you to remember, it’s not as if the two of you are starting from scratch – you’ve been friends for years, which is a beautiful foundation to start a relationship on. The idea that you’ve “rushed” things between you two is unfounded, in my opinion. If anything, the fact that you were with Darius delayed the inevitable.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, I do. Once you got past your little tantrum about having to work with him, I’ve always seen… this light in you, whenever he was around. And it’s only grown brighter now that the two of you are in love. Pregnancy isn’t the only thing making you glow.”
“But we’re not…” I stopped, and let out a sigh.
My mother laughed, putting a hand on my knee. “You can’t even tell that lie, can you? That you don’t love him.”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do,” she countered. “And it’s okay, nobody is pressuring you – I don’t think?”
I shook my head. “No. Neither of us have said those words.”
“When it’s time, you will. Saying the words is about the least potent expression of it anyway. Of course we want to hear it too, but always remember – let his actions speak louder than his words. A man can say anything, but his actions tell the real story.”
Yeah.
So far, Ramsey’s actions had painted a narrative so enthralling it made my teeth hurt just thinking about it.
“And,” she added, squeezing my knee. “Don’t ever think that ignoring or denying your feelings makes them go away. If you love him… sweetheart, you just do. There’s nothing wrong with it. And nothing wrong with you for feeling that way. You could’ve left Darius last week, and that would still be true. Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay. Thank you mama,” I said, then wrapped my arms around her waist. I let out a deep, gratified moan as she returned the gesture, giving me a hug that filled a little void that only a hug from her could fill.
“You’re welcome baby,” she said, glancing back toward the window that looked out to the backyard. We could see Ramsey and my father heading back up to the patio, and my mother stood. “Okay, enough of that. They’re probably about to get the meat off the grill, and then your daddy is going to make Ramsey drink one of those nasty beers he’s been working on. Come on upstairs. Let me show you my spoils from the trip to the Ase Garb store that he doesn’t know about yet.”