Maya’s eyes burned all the way back to Arsen’s apartment. She fought as hard as she could to keep tears from filling her eyes. She wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t, at least not until she got into a private place. At the same time, she could feel anxiety coming off of Arsen, clearly worried about what to do. But Maya didn’t have the energy to reassure him right now. She felt like her insides were coming apart, all of her cells running away from each other in an effort to avoid being touched by anything. She wanted to run away from herself. She wanted to come out of her body, to rip all her flesh off and pretend that she had never been violated. But it wasn’t that easy, she knew. She’d have to stay in her body and force all of her organs to calm down, to stay put, to go on like normal. But not tonight, she knew. For at least one night, she’d give herself permission to let herself fall apart, whatever that meant.
When they got back to Arsen’s apartment building, Maya broke into a brisk walk, wanting to get inside as quickly as possible. She expected Arsen to tell her to slow down, but instead, he just ran after her, getting ahead of her with his keys in his hand. He must have known how she felt, despite their lack of verbal communication on the ride back. Any other time, she would have felt annoyed at Arsen’s ability to understand her better than anyone else. It would have made her angry, even. But for now, she just felt relieved as he quickly unlocked the door and held it open for her, allowing her to step inside before him.
She walked into the living room, clutching her own arms in an attempt to shrink into herself and take up as little space as possible. Arsen closed and locked the door before walking around her to the kitchen. “I’ll make us something to eat,” he said softly, going to the refrigerator.
There was something about him just then. Maybe it was the fact that he was trying to take care of her. Maybe it was that he was trying to distract her. Maybe it was just the way he looked under the dim lighting of the kitchen, the way the light caught his eyes and seemed to make something inside of him shine like moonlight. All Maya knew was that her legs carried her forward of their own volition until she was standing right before Arsen, her hand reaching out to close the refrigerator before he could take anything out. “Maya?” he asked, his forehead wrinkling up in confusion as he looked at her, wordlessly inquiring about her intentions.
“Arsen,” Maya said, stepping forward until there was no space between their bodies, their chests brushing up against each other. “Arsen, I need…I need….” She sighed and melted into him, pressing her head in the crook of his neck. She felt him stiffen next to her, obviously still confused and maybe even a little conflicted, but Maya didn’t care. She needed him right now, even if it made her a bad person, even if she was corrupt and rotten and broken inside. She already knew all those things about herself, but Arsen was the only thing that made her consider the possibility, however small, that maybe she didn’t have to change anything about herself.
“What is it, baby?” Arsen whispered, his hand coming up to brush up against the back of Maya’s head, pressing her deeper into his body.
“I need…to forget,” Maya sighed, wrapping her arms around Arsen’s body, clutching hard at his shoulders with her fingernails. “Please, please, I know it’s bad, but please. Help me forget.”
“What do I—” Arsen started to say, but Maya cut him off with her mouth, pressing their lips together so hard it practically hurt. Arsen was passive beneath her touch for a long moment before she felt his body come roaring to life, turning them around so that he could press Maya against the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator, his hands finding the hem of Maya’s shirt and pressing his burning touch against her bare stomach and back.
“Please,” Maya murmured into the space between their mouths the second they pulled apart an inch. “Please, please, help me, help me, help, I need it,” she begged, but she didn’t have the capacity to feel ashamed of herself right now. She was entirely consumed by the desire to be fucked, to be held down, and to be overtaken and protected by Arsen’s capable hands.
“I’m with you, baby. I’m with you,” Arsen whispered before melding their mouths together again, his tongue slipping in between her lips and massaging her insides gently yet firmly.
Maya felt her hunger grow, bubbling up inside of her like a volcano, her hands pressing harder against his skin, shoving up underneath his shirt to get at his solid abdominal muscles. She scratched at his flesh, relishing the soft little moans that exited his mouth as she dug deeper into his skin. “Yeah, touch me, fuck me, do it,” she grunted as Arsen’s mouth traveled from her own lips down to her jawline, slipping down to the sensitive flesh of her neck.
Arsen growled a little then, a low possessive noise that sent chills reverberating down Maya’s spine. He pulled back from her body for a second to tear her shirt over her head, doing the same to his own before pressing their heaving chests together as he slammed his mouth against hers. “So fucking hot. So fucking sexy, baby,” he muttered as he began applying a pathway of bites and licks and nibbles down the vein in Maya’s neck, mouthing at her collarbone until Maya squealed and grabbed the back of Arsen’s head with both hands.
“Fuck the shit out of me. Fuck me as hard as you can,” Maya demanded, the words falling out of her before her brain even processed them. Arsen answered her by biting her hard on the shoulder, sucking her flesh between his teeth while she squirmed and moaned and cried out in a delicious mixture of pleasure and pain.
Meanwhile, Arsen’s hands traveled down to her pants, fumbling with the button and zipper for a second before pushing them down to the ground. Maya kicked out of them and brought her own hands down to yank at her underwear until they pooled down to the floor as well. She grinded her naked crotch against Arsen’s clothed one, feeling his distinct hardness even through the fabric of his jeans. She needed him inside of her, as soon as possible, as close to “immediately” as he could.
Arsen seemed to get the message, pushing his pants down the second after he fished a condom out of his pocket. But he put the condom down on the counter, clearly having other plans before he got to the literal fucking. Without warning, with his mouth still attached to Maya’s neck, he reached under her body, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her off the ground, depositing her on top of the counter. “I’m going to fuck you here,” he said before licking a hot stripe of sensation down Maya’s chest, biting at the cleavage that popped out of her bra. “Why the fuck are you still wearing this, huh?” he demanded, pulling her bra straps down.
Maya breathlessly reached behind her back to undo the clasp of her bra, throwing it across the room until it fell somewhere in the adjoining living room. She was now totally naked, totally exposed to Arsen’s gaze, but she didn’t feel scared. She was exhilarated, her breath puffing out of her body so fast she thought she might pass out. But her blood rushed inside her veins like cars on a racetrack, demanding that she do something with her new energy. Goddammit, I’m alive, she thought to herself as she attacked Arsen’s neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. I’m fucking alive. He didn’t get me. He didn’t defeat me. I’m fucking alive.
She wasn’t supposed to enjoy this, let alone feel liberated by it. Sex was supposed to be the thing that ruined her life, the thing that left her broken, forever disgusted by her own body. Instead, her body became the location of her revolution, the exact place where she could tell all the people who’d ever hurt her to go fuck themselves. They hadn’t taken anything away from her. They hadn’t won.
Arsen suddenly dropped to his knees, spreading Maya’s legs apart with his hands, rubbing her knees as he leaned in to drop soft kisses on her exposed cunt. “So fucking tasty and sweet,” he muttered as he began to lick between her legs, soft and delicately at first before applying more pressure to her clit, two of his fingers coming up to trace the outside of her labia.
“Unnnh, ohhh,” Maya moaned, throwing her head back and almost knocking it on the hard surface of the cabinet behind her. “Yeah, baby, just like that. Just like that. You know how I like it. Unngh, you know….you know how I fucking like it.”
Maya’s leg muscles tightened up, going tense—in a good way, in a way that made her feel strong, her thigh muscles feeling powerful as they closed around Arsen’s head, trapping him between her legs. “Yeah, that’s it, baby, that’s it,” Arsen encouraged her in between long, wet kisses, dragging his tongue down the entire length of her pussy from her clit to her dripping hole.
Arsen began nibbling at her lower lips, sucking a little as she moaned and jerked her hips forward, encouraging him to go harder and faster. “Fucking fuck me, yeah,” Maya said before squealing a little as Arsen attached his lips and teeth to her clit, sucking it hard for a long minute before pulling off and shoving two of his fingers inside of her without warning.
“Is that what you want? You want to be fucked?” Arsen asked, his tone so self-confident and secure, so much so that Maya would have yelled at him for his cockiness if she weren’t totally undone by his touch, thrusting her ass forward to get his fingers in as deep as possible.
“Unnh, yeah, baby, yeah,” Maya whispered, her throat struggling to speak any louder as a result of her huge panting breaths. “Yeah, get in there deep. Fuck me deep. That’s what I want.”
Arsen moved his fingers around in circles until he found a spot that made Maya’s entire body seize up as her mouth fell open in a silent scream, her eyes screwing shut just to deal with the waves of sensation that rocked through her whole body. Arsen tapped on that special spot with his fingertips while his other hand moved forward to find her clit, slowly teasing it before moving faster and faster over the sensitive nub. “Oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus, fuck,” Maya grunted between gritted teeth, rotating her hips in wide circles as sparks of heat radiated out from her cunt, shooting through her legs and up through her torso.
Arsen’s fingers moved faster, fucking her while jerking her clit up and down at the same time, sending stronger vibrations of heat that had Maya’s legs trembling like she was in a blender, shaking up and down on the counter like an alarm clock. “Yeah, darling, that’s it, that’s it, that’s it, baby,” Arsen said soothingly even as his fingers took her to the next level, the sensation building and building, one vibration on top of another, going up, up, up while her thighs and ass and abs tightened in anticipation.
“Oh, Arsen, oh, Arsen, shit, shit, shit!” Maya screamed, slamming her hands down on Arsen’s shoulders and pushing him forward into her cunt again, shoving his mouth onto her lips while his hands worked her clit and hole.
Her entire vulva was consumed by pleasure, the heat between her legs shooting up her spine and causing her to knock her head on the cabinet, but Maya didn’t feel any pain. She felt like her body was transcending itself, growing into something terrifyingly powerful, something capable of holding sensations that other people could never understand. She dug her nails in hard into Arsen’s shoulders, keeping him still to continue licking her while the feelings in her cunt combined into one massive wave that threatened to overtake her at any second. “Arsen, Arsen, Arsen, baby, Arsen,” Maya sputtered out, pressing hard on Arsen’s back to encourage him as close to her as possible. “It’s going to happen. It’s going to fucking happen, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh!” The wave crashed over her, numbing her whole body for a second before every single molecule of her skin exploded in a glorious, sacred feeling, like a million stars shattering at once into a billion gorgeous universes, all contained within her body.
“That’s my girl. That’s my fucking girl,” Arsen murmured, rubbing her legs as he pulled his fingers out of her, letting her shake herself back to sanity in the aftermath of her tremendous orgasm.
“Jesus fucking Christ, that was…that was fucking amazing,” Maya gasped out, her hands and legs trembling from the aftershocks of her explosion.
Arsen smiled up at her, reaching his hand up to cup the side of her face, soothingly running his fingers over her cheek and the side of her neck. “Good. That’s good. You deserve it,” he murmured before leaning in to drop a sweet, soft kiss on her lips.
His other hand lingered on her knee, slowly dragging his fingers in circles until her leg stopped shaking. Maya sighed deeply and pushed herself forward until she was sitting on the edge of the counter, then reached down to pull Arsen to his feet so she could lean her weight onto his body. Arsen wrapped his arm around her waist, hugging her as close to him as possible, kissing the side of her neck. “Yeah, sweetheart. That’s right, just relax,” he whispered into her ear. Maya exhaled, feeling all her muscles melt in Arsen’s secure grasp.
But a few seconds later, she felt her back tense up again, her body stiffening as the bad thoughts from earlier returned. She swallowed hard to dislodge the lump in her throat and pushed slightly at Arsen’s chest so she could look into his eyes. “I need more,” she whispered, forcing the words out despite the burn of shame that returned to claw at her heart. Weak. Stupid. Needing some man to help you. How fucking pathetic is that? Maya’s inner voices taunted her, but she was too exhausted, too wrung-out, to listen to them for more than a couple of seconds.
“Okay,” Arsen replied softly, moving his hands to her shoulders to rub at the tension that had just collected there. “Okay, I can do that, no problem.”
“Do you want to?” Maya asked, staring up into the sweet inviting darkness of Arsen’s eyes. “I don’t want to force you. That’s the worst thing….the worst thing I could ever imagine anyone doing.” She cleared her throat and shook her head, willing herself to stay calm and not be ripped back into despair.
Arsen placed his hands on either side of Maya’s head, staring deeply into her eyes as he spoke. “Maya. Listen to me. No matter what’s happened to you, no matter what’s been done to you, you’re good. You are. I know you think you aren’t, but there’s a light inside of you that’s never gone out. He didn’t touch it. I couldn’t touch it. Nothing could make you bad like him. Nothing.”
Maya had to close her eyes, not wanting Arsen to see the raw emotion that she was sure welled up within. “Thank you,” she murmured, pressing their foreheads together and feeling the warm, reassuring sensation of Arsen’s breath hitting her skin. “Thank you,” she said again, blindly leaning forward to kiss the side of his mouth.
Arsen kept the kiss soft and gentle for a minute, rubbing the sides of her neck until Maya sighed into his mouth, opening herself up to his touch. He eventually deepened the kiss, licking inside her and making her moan out softly, feeling a distinctive tightening sensation between her legs that told her that she was far from finished fucking him. “Please,” Maya whispered, keeping her eyes shut still, even though she was sure he could hear her desperation in her voice. “Please, I need it so badly. Please don’t make me wait. I need it,” she begged, dragging her nails down the skin of Arsen’s back.
He answered her pleas by pressing his mouth harder against hers, scooting her back further on the counter but protecting the back of her head from the cabinets with his hand. Arsen sucked on her bottom lip, pulling at it gently but firmly before nibbling lightly, causing her to cry out. He swallowed her pathetic noises in his mouth, kissing her deeper and deeper as his hands traveled down to her breasts, squeezing playfully at her nipples with his fingers. “Baby,” he murmured as his mouth slipped to her cheek, traveling up to lick the sensitive skin behind her ear. “I’ll give you what you need,” he whispered into her ear before sucking lightly on her lobe, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through her brain.
At this point, Maya was so overwhelmed, so crushed under the weight of her desire that she could only whimper and thrust her hips forward to brush against Arsen’s lower half. Arsen pulled back about an inch to grab the condom off the counter, quickly unwrapping it and sliding it down his cock. He pressed their hips together, brushing his covered cock against her still-wet cunt. “You want it?” he whispered as his hand drifted down to grab her legs, encouraging her to tighten their grip around his waist.
“So bad,” she moaned, shoving her hips forward so that he entered her. “Oh! Oh, God!” she cried out as a result of the thick fullness inside of her, spreading her open, making her aware of spots that she’d never felt before. Somehow, Arsen had only gotten better at this, either that or Maya’s body got better at letting him in, accepting him in deep enough to feel pleasure.
“So goddamn tight,” he grunted above her, slipping inside a little more, hissing as her wet cunt enveloped him. “Baby, fuck.”
“Thank you,” Maya whined in response, clutching hard at his back just to hold on as he began thrusting in and out of her, smacking their legs against the counter as he moved. Maya matched Arsen’s rhythm as best as she could, using his shoulders for leverage, encouraging him to speed up as soon as she adjusted to the feeling of his heavy cock inside of her.
“So good for me. So fucking good,” Arsen murmured, smacking one of his hands on the cabinet above their heads as he pumped his cock into her more firmly, picking up speed as Maya groaned and dragged her nails down his back.
Maya’s cunt was on fire, in the best way imaginable. It was like the entire world was in the hot space between both of their legs, their bodies joined together to make something more beautiful and strong than either one of them individually. Maya felt indestructible, but at the same exact moment, she felt soft and vulnerable, and somehow, neither thing canceled out the other. She was made of iron and steel, yet she was falling apart under Arsen’s hands, voluntarily handing over control and feeling even more powerful because of it.
Arsen pounded in and out quickly, hitting all those special spots inside of her in such rapid succession that a ridiculously long stream of moans left Maya’s mouth. “Yeah, yeah, fucking…” Arsen trailed off, apparently struggling to come up with the words to describe how he felt at that moment, but Maya felt like she knew what was going on in his body anyway. She could see it on his face, in his voice, and in the movements of his hips. “Yeah, you…you’re mine,” he grunted out, shoving in so deep that Maya screamed like a banshee, triggering Arsen to tangle his hand into her hair and pull her head forward so that he could swallow her noises with his mouth.
Maya felt that telltale tingling start again in her legs, her whole body convulsing from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet, her toes curling in pleasure as Arsen moved his hips in circles while still pulling in and out at a rapid pace. “I’m going to come again,” she warned him, trying to prepare him for the ecstasy that was about to explode inside of her.
“Do it,” Arsen demanded in a hot whisper before biting down hard on the side of her neck. “Please do it, baby. I want to see it.”
Maya’s entire body flushed with heat, her head feeling light and numb as the sensations coiling out from her cunt expanded, going in wide circles that overtook every inch of her skin. “Ahhh, shit,” she moaned, practically growling like an animal as he shoved into her harder, creating big balloons of heat inside her sweet spot that just grew bigger and bigger and bigger with every inward thrust. Their legs pounded painfully against the counter as they moved together, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be destroyed. She wanted to be remade. She wanted to feel him shatter inside of her. She wanted to create something beautiful and new between the two of them.
“It’s happening. It’s happening. Unnnh! Unnh, ohhhh, unngh!” she screamed, biting down on Arsen’s lip and whimpering against his mouth as he began to pound her mercilessly.
“I’m going to come. I’m going to fucking come,” Arsen said in between gasping breaths for air, smacking himself against the counter in his desperate desire to get as deep inside Maya’s passage as possible.
“Oh! Please! Do it! Unngh!” Maya moaned, words abandoning her brain entirely as the big balls of heat between her legs merged into one giant sensation that pressed down on her like a tidal wave, rolling over her from her cunt and up her stomach, smashing over her head until she was dizzy with pleasure, her skin practically singing as every single cell lit itself up like a Christmas tree.
“Baby! Goddammit!” Arsen groaned as he shoved himself in as deep as he could go, staying still for a moment before he broke apart inside of her, pulsing over and over and over again until he finally collapsed in a pile on top of her, the two of them leaning against the cabinet behind them.
They were drenched in sweat, utterly limp and useless. The space between their legs was soaked through. Arsen groaned a little under his breath as his cock slipped out of her. Maya felt utterly wrecked, like a tornado had torn itself through her body, but every inch of her being felt like it was shining, glowing with a light that she’d forgotten she’d ever felt before.
“Jesus, Maya,” Arsen whispered, lazily kissing the side of her face.
Maya reached down and tangled their fingers together, despite the sweat that had collected on their palms. Maya wanted them to be glued together, wishing that she could keep his body inside of her forever. Maybe I can, Maya mused a little distantly, her thoughts still far-off and numbed, as if there was a wall erected between the part of her brain that could feel pleasure and the part of her brain that could think coherently. Maybe I can keep him with me, at least for a little while longer.
With his free hand, Arsen petted the side of her head, smoothing over her mussed-up hair. “Fucking Christ,” he muttered, sighing deeply before pulling her body impossibly closer, nuzzling their necks together.
“Yeah, you can say that again,” Maya said with a laugh, feeling lighter and freer than she had in years.
After a few moments of peaceful silence, Arsen whispered into her ear, “Come on, baby. Let’s go to bed.”
Maya nodded and began to untangle herself from Arsen’s limbs, but he surprised her by stepping off the counter and pulling her into his arms, encouraging her to wrap her hands around his neck. Maya laughed again, feeling her heart expand in her chest as Arsen carried her into the bedroom, gently placing her down on the bed before curling up beside her. Maya felt a bubble of warmth grow inside her chest, spreading throughout her whole body. This is what she wanted. This is what she needed. How could I ever give this up? Maya asked herself as she ran her hand over Arsen’s solidly defined chest. But even though she had an amazing orgasm, she still hungered for more.