“LANEY, HURRY UP would ya?” Gino yelled up the stairs, and I could sense the anger in his voice from having to wait on me.
Ugh, I seriously don’t want to go to this stupid thing, but Trish thinks it will be fun to relive the good ol’ days. I, on the other hand, think it would be much better to be sitting in a bar with my best friend, getting hammered then reminiscing. Besides, what if he is there? How is that gonna go down? My dreamy past slamming into my very real, very evil, present.
“Almost done! Be right there!” I shout back, aggravation laced in my voice, but I don’t push my luck.
There is not a day that passes I don’t think of Luther. He has been embedded in my soul from the moment I saw him all those years ago. I relive every moment we ever shared together all the time in my thoughts. Sometimes I can feel his hands on my body leaving little trails of fire in their wake, or even smell the scent that is him, like he’s standing right next to me.
I try so hard to push it all out because, after all, we are both married, but I can’t. So, I torture myself quietly in the privacy of my thoughts. I can still have him there if not in the flesh. Sometimes, when Gino is away, I even dare to pull out his old shirt that I still have tucked away hidden out of sight, and the letter he wrote me the day I left.
I don’t love Gino. I think I loved him once, but I have only ever been in love with one person. He was a sweet guy in the beginning, but something very dark in him came to the surface almost the minute we were married. It was as if I became his property; a possession that he could have complete control over. He became increasingly distant and cold. I could deal with cold and distant. I could even handle the tramps he has on the side, but I don’t know how much longer I can endure the heavy hands that are launched my way when I’m not pleasing him. I’m thankful that today there is no evidence of it marring my flesh for people to see.
Recently he’s just gone a lot, traveling for work. Meeting clients at lavish hotels, all for the wooing factor. You know, show them a great time and then you’ll get their account type of thing. While I’m happy the bills are being paid, he should be wooing his wife instead of bruising her. I wish I got more of the Gino his clients seem to be the only one’s privy to. Instead, I get the devil version. The abuse and adultery, when he’s not fucking me.
“C’mon Laney!” he shouts again, “Get my sweet ass in gear would ya, before I decide we are staying in instead!” His words instantly making me want to vomit. Hearing him say things like that to me makes me physically ill. I take one last look at my reflection, silently praying to myself I make it through this evening.
“I’m coming!” I call to him as sweetly as possible as I don’t want to upset him.
Taking a deep breath, I flick the bathroom light off and hurry downstairs.
“Well it’s about time you’re ready. I’m being nice and going tonight for you, you know. So you and your slutty college friends can have a grand time. I shouldn’t have been kept waiting. Now let’s go.” Turning on his heel, he walked out the door leaving me behind, without another word.
No, ‘you look pretty,’ nothing. Just nothing. It makes me sad, but I have no more tears to cry for the man I call my husband. Sometimes I pray he tells me he’s fallen in love with one of his side pieces, and that he wants a divorce, just so I can be done with this marriage. Yes, that’s me. Always doing the right thing.
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my shawl from the coat hook, and followed Gino to the limo. Having nothing to say to one another, I get lost in my thoughts the entire way there.
We have moved around a lot in the seven years we have been married. Different states almost yearly. It was getting very tiring. We just recently moved back to my old college area, almost completely against Gino’s will but it was the one thing he’s truly ever given me, and I ran with it. It was so nice being back and I had a feeling of home for some reason even though I grew up in California.
My excitement increases the closer we get to the reunion, about seeing my ‘slutty’ college friend as Gino calls her. The time I spend with Trish always makes me feel so free. Like I’m not married to Satan himself and the weight of the world isn’t crushing me.
If I’m lucky Gino will find some hot bimbo and take off with her. Just thinking about that has a smirk gracing my lips.
“Wanna fill me in?” Gino’s demanding voice pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Oh um, I’m sorry, fill you in on what?” The fuck is wrong with me? I’m sorry? I have nothing in the world to be sorry for! I scold myself.
“What’s with the fucking smile? I know it wasn’t something I said making you laugh, we haven’t said two words to one another since we left the house. So, wanna fill me in?”
“Oh that. It’s nothing really. I was just thinking of how nice it will be to see some of my old college friends that’s all.” As sweet as pie as always.
“No, you mean how nice it’s going to be for you to see your slut of a friend.” Rolling his eyes, he returned his stare out the window as though he couldn’t even be bothered. Anger quickly started to boil through my veins, but careful not to anger him with my next words.
“Gino, Trish is not a slut, at all, she is just very open-minded. A free spirit.” Thinking about her makes me smile and the anger to drop to a simmer.
Other than Luther, she has been the only other person ever to have a calming effect on me.
Gino replied without even bothering to look at me, “Yeah, yeah, you say free spirit, I say slut. Whatever, she’s your friend not mine.”
Ugh… I just want to scream and bash his fucking face through the window he is staring out. It would be easy, and he wouldn’t even see it coming, but I know I won’t.
Always doing the right thing.
After a few more minutes of complete silence we finally pulled up to my ten-year college reunion. Suddenly I was so nervous my palms were sweating, and I wasn’t sure if I could even walk without spraining my ankle in the heels I was wearing.
The only problem is that I don’t know what I’m more nervous about. People finding out that I haven’t done shit with my life other than working at the local Starbucks, or seeing him.
Taking a calming breath, I brace myself for the show I’m about to put on, with my so-called husband, knowing he wouldn’t dare step out of line in public in fear that there is always a potential client lurking about. I take his proffered hand and step out of the limo. Smiling brightly at each other, I drape my arm through his, and we head for the door pretending to be the happily married couple, we most definitely are not. I should get a fucking Oscar for this.
As soon as we made it through the door, into the beautiful banquet room, I heard a very loud, very familiar screech, barreling my way, and that put a huge smile on my face. This time though it was a real smile not something I had to fake, or that made me want to vomit.
Dropping Gino’s hand, I welcomed my friend with open arms, as she slammed into me grabbing me up in a huge bear hug, almost taking us both to the floor. Laughter erupting from us both.
My mom and Gino would say it’s not ladylike behavior at all, and I’m sure I will get a lecture later about acting so childish, but hopefully later when that time comes I’ll be way too drunk to give a shit and just pass out.
“OMG look at you girl, you look stunning!” Trish squealed, releasing me and looking me up and down. “Stunning but my god you are thin. A little too thin if you ask me. I mean I leave you alone for five minutes and you forget to eat or what?” She said it teasingly, but I knew she meant what she said.
Wow, leave it to her to notice everything. I was just wearing a simple sleeveless midnight blue evening dress, but it was full length to the floor and form fitting with a tasteful V lined with little diamonds for a little something extra. It dipped low but not too low, and a pair of the highest silver sparkly strappy heels.
Trish was wearing the complete opposite like I knew she would. It was a brilliant short, just above the knee, also strapless red dress, that had a daringly low swoop at her chest area. It wouldn’t be Trish if she didn’t push the limits on everything. If she bent over even the slightest bit, she was going to give everyone a show.
“Let me point out that it has been much longer than five minutes, and no I don’t forget to eat, jeez, I just eat healthy that’s all, but thank you. You look fantastically sassy yourself.” The laughter spouted off between us again.
“God, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you.” We obviously forgot all about Gino standing right beside us, and Trish and I must have realized it at same time, because at that very moment she turned to him shooting him a polite smile.
“Hello, Gino.” Her eyes warning him she was just being polite nothing more.
He knew this and had no desire to talk to her either.
“Hello,” he retorted, rolling his eyes.
“So, Laney what do you say we get a drink and catch up a little?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Relief settling in because I needed some alcohol streaming through my system to navigate through this evening. “Gino, honey, that table over there looks perfect.” I pointed to the table in the corner nearest the door in case I need to make a quick getaway. Though I’m not sure if it’s a getaway I’ll need or the need to keep him as far away from people as possible, “How about you go claim our seats and I’ll get us some drinks?” Honey dripping from my words, careful not to ruffle his feathers, and it must be working because his brilliantly fake façade returned, smiling sweetly.
“Sounds good, but instead of my usual get me Walker on the rocks.” He turned and headed for the table without another word.
“Laney, I love you girl, but you seriously need to kick that fucking douchebag to the curb. Just be done with him already. You deserve better than him. You deserve to be happy. You had it once you can have it again. You shouldn’t settle for less.”
I know she only speaks the truth, but I can’t do this with her tonight. Not here. Giving my friend a small defeated smile, I tell her so.
“I know, I know, but can we do this later. I don’t want to go over this for the millionth time tonight, okay? I just want to get drunk and enjoy an evening with my friend. Can we just have some fun?”
“Of course. C’mon let’s see if they have a hot bartender we can flirt with a little.” She grabbed my hand giggling and we were off to the bar.
Trish is still the free spirit she always has been, in fact, her and her now husband, Parker, who happens to be an excellent surgeon, have an open marriage. I guess I should have seen that coming though, given their choices of pleasure at The Classroom. I myself could never do anything like that, but it works for them and they are extremely happy, so that’s all that matters.
We were finally at the bar ordering our drinks, but from a female bartender instead of a hot stud but she was super nice so that made up for it. While we waited we took a few minutes to catch up a little.
“Hey, where’s Parker? Why isn’t he here with you?” The disappointment was written all over my friend’s face.
“Ugh the timing for this thing couldn’t have been worse. I really wanted him to come with me, but there was a big medical conference he wanted to attend; one that he was very excited about. I told him he should go and enjoy himself. Have a good time with his doctor friends and learn a bunch of new ways to save lives. I told him I would think of a way he could make it up to me at a later time.” Trish gave me a wink.
I was so envious of the look of sheer happiness and love in her eyes when she talked about Parker. I wish I had that in my life.
“Aw, I’m sorry sweetie. I wish he were here too, believe me. It would have been nice to see him again, not to mention he would have been a good distraction for Gino. Even though they don’t really like one another, they can sure talk sports for hours.” We were laughing again just thinking about the heated sports-related debates they get into, which lead to mass consumption of alcohol and the two acting like total teenagers.
I find it ironic because Gino’s always scolding me about acting like a teenager especially when I’m around Trish, but when Parker is with her, Gino usually winds up being totally focused on him instead of us teenagers. Which gives us room to be just a couple of girls.
After a few minutes the super nice brunette bartender came with our drinks.
“Here ya go ladies,” she said, placing our drinks on the bar in front of us. “You two on a mission tonight?” she said smiling.
“Why yes, yes we are. We are at our ten-year college reunion so our mission tonight,” pausing briefly smiling at my friend, shots in hand, “is to see how inebriated we can get and still walk out of here alive.” The three of us burst out with laughter.
“Cheers.”
“Bottoms up my friend.”
Clinking our very tiny glasses together before banging back our first tequila shot of the evening. It burned so good all the way down, almost causing me to sputter a little, but I held it in.
We didn’t waste any time, banging back the second shot immediately following the first. I thought the second one would go down smoother, but it didn’t. It burned even more than the first, causing my eyes to water and the sputtering and coughing to begin. Everything burned. My tongue, my throat, and my lungs. I felt like I was breathing fire. It’s been so long since we have done this, and it felt good. I needed the distraction of the burn.
Trish on the other hand pounded them like a champ and took the opportunity to laugh at me and what appeared to be my rookie experience. I’m sure that’s what anyone watching assumed. I’m certain they would have never guessed we used to do this like pros in college.
“Girl you are so way out of practice!”
“I know! However, in my defense, it has been a long time since we had a good tequila night, and I’m sure after a few more I’ll be right back in the saddle like old times. C’mon we better get to the table before Gino sends the search party out for me.”
Just as we reached for the remainder of our drinks I froze. I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed. Butterflies were suddenly born in my stomach; sparks of electricity slowly began to build as if my body was coming to life after a long hibernation, and goosebumps shot up my spine, slowly trickling through the rest of my body causing every hair to stand on end.
I reached out holding on to the bar for support. A million thoughts raced through my head at the speed of sound, always coming back to just one.
He’s here.
“Laney? Laney, what’s wrong? Two shots getting to your head already?”
I just shook my head no, continuing to hold on for dear life, staring at the glasses in front of me.
He’s in the room.
“Then what is it? What’s wrong? You look like you’re going to faint.”
Very slowly I turn to my friend.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered.
He’s so close.
“What? You can’t do what? Shots?” She let out a small giggle, “It’s okay rookie you can stick to your pussy drinks tonight, okay?” She went to grab our drinks, but I gripped her wrist, stopping her, and she looked at me with confusion etched on her face.
“I don’t think I’ll survive.” I choked out, still grasping her wrist as if my life depended on it, begging her with my eyes to get what I am trying to tell her.
“Ouch! What the hell is the matter with you? Survive what? Tonight? I assure you, you will survive. You may have a nasty hangover tomorrow, but you will survive I promise you, now let go of me and let’s get to our table, before the asshole you call your husband comes looking for us.”
Too close.
The butterflies increased tenfold, making me feel slightly nauseous, and what started as little sparks of electricity were now like ginormous bolts of lightning shooting through every atom of my being. My body was on fire, like a volcano that has been sleeping for a hundred years that can’t be contained anymore and finally erupts.
The next two minutes were the longest, slowest moving two minutes of my life.
“Here, take your…” Stopping mid-sentence as something over my shoulder caught her eye, instantly wiping the smile from her face, and I knew all the pieces were coming together in her brain when her mouth formed an O, and she slowly looked back at me.
“This time will break me forever,” I muttered barely a whisper.
Trish just nodded, indicating she knew exactly what I meant.
Dropping my head slightly in defeat, I closed my eyes and took the deepest breath my lungs would allow and let the all too familiar scent invade every inch of me once more.
“Well hello, Trish, Alaina.”
And there it was. The last straw. His deep raspy voice went straight to that sweet spot between my legs and with four little words I was wet, my head threatening to spin out of control.
Trish was the first to respond giving me that extra second to get a fucking grip.
“Well hello yourself. Good to see you Professor Devros.”
She gave him a smile and maneuvered around me to give him a hug.
“Good to see you too, Trish, but I thought we were passed that whole professor thing?”
Now it was my time to chime in. Straightening my spine, holding my head high, I turned to face him. My prim and proper upbringing oozing from my pores.
“Hello, Professor. It’s good to see you; I trust you’ve been well?” My words laced with so much more than just pleasantries.
“Alaina.” My name a small plea falling from his lips. But why? For what? An explanation? No. I don’t want to hear what he has to say.
“Don’t. Don’t Alaina me.” Pausing long enough to turn and grab mine and Gino’s drinks I turned back to him shooting ice daggers from my eyes to his, “My husband is waiting for me at our table so if you don’t mind we need to go. C’mon Trish.”
Then a couple of things happened almost simultaneously as I went to walk away.
Luther gripped my elbow, causing the biggest jolt of electricity I have ever felt to shock my body forcing me to turn and look at him, and Gino’s voice boomed through my ears.
“Actually, I’m right here.”
All heads turned to Gino, who apparently witnessed the entire interaction and I could tell by the look on his face he was seething.
Here it comes. The train wreck I feared would happen, but prayed wouldn’t, is happening right in front of my eyes. My very toxic present is slamming head-on into my very dreamy, very heartbreaking past.
“I thought you may have gotten lost, you took so long, so I decided to come looking for my wife.” Now it is Gino shooting ice daggers, glaring at Luther as those last two words flew from his mouth. “Who’s your friend, Laney?” he demanded, keeping his eyes trained on Luther’s.
Thankfully Luther took his hands off me, because now I could think a little clearer.
“Oh, um this is Professor Devros. Professor this is my husband, Gino.” I was so nervous my hands were shaking.
“Nice to meet you Gino.” He extended his hand for Gino to shake but he didn’t budge. His eyes still trained on Luther’s.
“Professor, huh? If you ask me, the way you two were interacting and looking at one another, I would say you were much more than just professor and student.”
He could see right through us, but I needed to put his suspicions to rest, so I ramped up my game kicking the show up to the best performance I have ever given.
“What? No.” I let out a small giggle as I sidled up next to Gino handing him his drink and snaking my arm around his, “Honey, don’t be silly, you’re letting your imagination get away with you. He was my math professor ten years ago. He was my substitute professor more than halfway through my senior year and not a very good one either, as I recall, because I only got a C in that class.” I stole a second, shooting him a warning glare to go along with my story. My words speaking about much more than just grades.
“Well, as I recall, it wasn’t my teaching that was lacking, but instead your stubbornness that got in the way of your learning, so you can’t put that on me. You got the grade you earned.”
I can feel the anger rolling of my husband as we stand there having this private coded conversation that only the two of us could decipher.
I felt a little guilty but more so angry. No way in hell did I get a C in that class. I got a world class A passing with flying colors and we both knew it. I was a mathematical rockstar and tutored others on the side, making a little of my own money. Money, I earned instead of it being handed to me from mommy and daddy. The one man that should know all of this, know all of me, is the man standing next to me whom I married, yet he knows none of it. He has no clue. I have never told him much of my college years, and I intend to keep it that way.
What I don’t understand is why Luther seems mad? He doesn’t get to be mad. He doesn’t get to push this on me. How dare he insinuate that I was too stubborn! To stubborn for what, exactly? To stubborn to listen to any more of his bullshit? To stubborn not to want to be some homewrecking whore. He’s married for Christ’s sake, what the hell was I supposed to do?
Finally, Trish’s voice interrupted my thoughts, saving me from the personal hell I was in.
“Look I’m sorry to interrupt here, but I’m starving, and dinner is going to be served soon. Can we PLEASE make our way to the table now?” I couldn’t help but laugh at my whiny friend.
“That sounds wonderful! I’m famished myself.” Little do any of them know I wasn’t at all talking about food. I’m famished alright but for the godlike creature in front of me. Damn he ages well; he doesn’t look a day older than he did ten years ago.
“You ladies enjoy your evening. Gino, it was nice meeting you.” He gave Gino a polite smile and again offered his hand to him one last time, and this time Gino took his proffered hand and I could feel his body relax, but only slightly. I could tell he was very skeptical of our story.
“Thank you, Professor; it was good seeing you again.” I gave him a small smile before turning to my friend, “Hey, Trish, I think we have a few shot glasses with our names on it, you want to handle that?”
“You bet I do! You and Gino head to the table I’ll be right behind you.”