Even covered in mud, she’s stunning. This is a side of Reagan I never expected to see, especially not in the middle of a campaign. I watched from the stands as she chased the pig, unable to control my laughter when she fell on her ass.

I wasn’t looking forward to the fair until I heard Reagan would be there too. I had our reunion planned out differently in my head, but this is almost better.

“Jude,” she says with wide eyes like she’s a deer stuck in the beam of headlights as she peers up at me. She smoothes back another clump of muddy hair and clears her throat. “What are you doing here?”

“Same thing as you, but I don’t plan on kissing a pig.”

She shrugs and a small smile creeps across her face. “It wasn’t my first.”

She’s trying to get to me, but I don’t let her. “I’m sure I can find something better for you to kiss.”

She raises a coated eyebrow. The darkness of the mud makes her eyes stand out more and appear larger. “I’m good,” she says with a snarl.

“How have you been?” I feel bad that I haven’t messaged her in days. After running into Jim, everything fell by the wayside except for campaigning and prep. I wasn’t in the mind space to talk to her either. Any playfulness I had vanished until tonight.

Seeing her again caused my stomach to flip and made everything else fall away.

“Fine.” Her answer’s short and abrasive. “I have to go get cleaned up. It was good to see you.” She starts to walk away, but I grab her arm.

I loosen my grip when she glares at my hand around her bicep. “Reagan, don’t go.”

Her narrowed eyes come to mine. “Get your hands off me, Jude.”

My hand drops and is now covered in mud, but I don’t even care. I’m not ready for her to walk away yet. “I’m sorry I haven’t texted you.”

She shrugs at my side and looks straight ahead, avoiding my eyes. “You don’t owe me an apology.”

“I do.” I step backward and into her line of sight again. My fingers find their way to her chin and force her to look at me, forgetting where we are.

“Don’t,” she whispers and closes her eyes. “People will see us.”

I grit my teeth but drop my hand. “I’ve had a bad few days. I wanted to talk to you, but I just couldn’t find the words.”

“Hello isn’t really hard.”

I can see the pain in her eyes, and it guts me. “I know. Will you meet me tonight? I need to talk to you.”

She eyes me with suspicion and twists her muddy hands together in front of her. “I don’t know, Jude.”

“Please, Reagan,” I beg.

Her lips purse when she finally drags her eyes back to mine. “Fine. Where are you staying? I’ll try to sneak out.”

I exhale, relieved she finally agreed. “I’m at the Plaza.”

“Fuck,” she mutters and covers her face with a muddy hand. “Me too.”

My smile is unstoppable. “Serendipity.”

“Poor planning,” she tells me as she shakes her head.

“What’s your room number?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Text me the number after you’re cleaned up, and I’ll come by.”

“No!” Her eyes grow wide. “We’ll have to find somewhere else to meet.”

“Fine, come to my room,” I tell her. “It’s 407.”

“Ugh,” she grunts. “I think I’m in 409.”

I wiggle my eyebrows, and a sly grin creeps across my face. “You know what my room has?”

“What?” She rolls her eyes and sighs.

“A connecting door.”

“Oh fuck,” she groans. “It can’t be.”

“Come on.” I lift my chin and smile wider. “It’s perfect. No one can see us if we don’t even have to leave our rooms to see each other.”

“Fabulous,” she says in a snarky tone.

“Reagan!” Lexi yells and is coming toward us fast and furious. Her eyes are bouncing between us. “Jude.”

“Hey, Lexi. It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s always a pleasure,” Lexi says and touches her neck just over her pulse. “Going to get dirty in there?” She motions toward the arena behind her.

“I’m looking to get dirty later, but not with a pig.” I glance at Reagan, but she doesn’t seem amused.

Lexi’s mouth opens and closes as her eyebrows furrow. “Well… Um…”

“I’ll let you ladies go. Reagan.” I nod to her and then wave good-bye to them as I walk away.

I don’t even have to look to know that Reagan is shooting daggers at me with her eyes. Their whispers are too quiet, but I clearly hear my name. Wandering through the gates of the arena, I wipe the mud from my palm and toss my handkerchief into the nearby trash can.

“Jude. Oh my God, it’s Jude Titan,” a woman yells and catches the attention of a small crowd about ten feet away.

“Hello,” I say and dip my head, preparing myself for the rush of the people as they scurry in my direction.

This is becoming the norm. I can’t move freely without being spotted after appearing on television more and more lately. Carl has my face prominently displayed in every television ad. He said I have a face that shouldn’t be hidden. Someone else might be offended he’s using my looks to gain the female vote, but after getting Kurt’s letter, I don’t care what it takes to win. I’ll do it.

Except for Reagan.

I’d never do anything to ruin her that involved me. Our kiss will never become public knowledge, even if I’m losing in the polls the night before the election. She’s my hardline. I’m honorable in that way… Others, not so much.

I stick around until I shake every hand and answer the questions of the people who have gathered around. Although I’m trying to keep my mind focused on my responses, all I can think about is Reagan. I smile every time I picture her covered in mud.

“I’m sorry to pull him away, folks,” Carl says from behind me, and I’m thankful for the save. “I hope you’ll be at our rally tomorrow downtown.”

“Oh, yes. We wouldn’t miss it,” a beautiful woman says before she and her friends break into a fit of laughter. “We love Jude.”

“Thank you,” I say and smile. “I look forward to seeing you all again tomorrow.” I try not to talk directly to the women, but to the entire crowd.

Carl’s been very strict about my interaction with female voters. I’m to be kind, smile a lot, but under no circumstances am I to appear to be flirting. I’m definitely not allowed to seem like I’m catering to the women in the crowds either.

* * *

Three hours and a whole lot of carnival food later, I head back to the hotel. After calming Carl down when he realized we were at the same hotel again, I head straight for my room. By the time I’m on the fourth floor, I’m practically skipping down the hallway.

I check the numbers as I pass by, making sure her room is next to mine. I’m impatient and insert the keycard the wrong way, slamming into the door when I try to open it. “Damn it,” I whisper, turning the card in my hand.

When I finally make it inside, I resist the urge to knock on her door immediately. I need a shower. It was more humid than usual for this time of year, and my sweat mingled with greasy fried foods didn’t do me any favors.

I shower quicker than normal, not wanting to linger and worried Reagan will pass out from exhaustion. I slide on my favorite track pants and a tank even though I’d rather go shirtless. If someone were to see us, they’d think something else was going on. I can’t risk it.

I don’t want to give Reagan the wrong idea either. We need to talk tonight and nothing more. She gets me so worked up, but it’s not good for either of our careers.

A few spritzes of cologne later, I drag my hands through my hair and smooth it down. When I’m about to knock, I freeze. It’s only nine, and I wonder if Lexi’s in there, meeting with Reagan.

My ass finds the edge of the bed, and I grab my phone that I tossed there when I undressed.

Me: I’m back.

There’s not a reply right away, but I hear voices through the door. Quickly, I rise from the bed and rest my ear against the wood and hold my breath.

“I’m tired,” Reagan says and does an over-the-top yawn that I can hear.

“It’s late. You better turn in. We’re here for one more day, so you can relax a little bit. I’ll see you at breakfast, yeah?” Lexi asks.

“I’m going to work out in the morning. I’ll be down to breakfast around nine.”

I guess I’ll be up early for my workout too. I wouldn’t miss seeing her in her tight spandex and sports bra, especially if it’s between that and sleep.

“Perfect,” Lexi says, and then I hear Reagan’s door open and close.

I back away in case she opens it, and I sit on the edge of the bed to play it cool. I’m waiting, but nothing happens. Maybe she’s decided not to talk to me tonight. The thought alone has my stomach in knots.

Me: Can we please talk?

When the lock on our connecting door turns, I jump to my feet and tuck my hands in my pockets. I’m trying to play it cool like I haven’t been staring at the door, waiting for her to open it.

“Hey,” I say and smile.

“Hi.” The look on her face doesn’t say she’s as excited as I am, but she opened the door, and that means something.

“Do you want to come in?”

She nods and steps slowly into my room and looks around. “Hmm,” she mumbles with her lips closed.

“What?” I ask and follow her eyes.

“I thought it would be messier in here.”

I laugh and hold my stomach. “The military doesn’t allow for messiness. Some habits die hard.”

I’m mostly being honest. There are nights when I get to a hotel that I toss my clothes on the floor and don’t give a shit if the room is neat. I’m just too tired to care.

“Would you like a drink?” I’m being cordial and feeling her out. Things are tense between us—more tense than the night I kissed her.

“Water would be nice.”

“I have beer or whiskey,” I lie.

She wanders toward the table and chairs near the window and sits with a straight back, folding her hands in her lap. “Whiskey, neat.”

My heart pounds inside my chest, and I’m trying to play it cool as I start to pour her drink and one for myself. She’s casual with her hair in a messy bun on top of her head, still damp from the shower, and colorful leggings with an oversized T-shirt. “I’m sorry for not messaging you,” I say when I sit down across from her and slide her glass across the table.

“We’re both busy.” She shrugs it off and stares into the amber liquor. “You have no loyalty to me, Titan, and you certainly don’t owe me an excuse.”

“But you’re wrong.” I wait until she looks up at me before I speak again. “I know you think I’m toying with your head, Reagan, but I’m not.” I give her a halfhearted smile, but her face is unreadable. “When I kissed you, we were just two people sitting on a bench and in the moment. I wasn’t Jude Titan, your opposition. Just a guy and a girl acting on the attraction we both feel.”

She doesn’t say anything to me, but her eyes drift back to her glass so I continue.

“After I saw you, the day I never replied, I ran into an old Marine buddy. We fought together and were part of the same unit in Anbar that came under attack. He came to give me some news, and I haven’t been able to get beyond what he said to me.” Tears could easily fall if I don’t keep my eyes trained on her.

“Jude,” she whispers, peering up from under her lashes.

I shake my head, clearing my throat and feeling that I need to explain it all to her. “It’s like I’m in a tunnel, helpless to find the light I so badly need. No matter how hard I chase it…it stays out of reach.” My fingers dig into my hair, and I fist it in my hands. “Sometimes I fall into the pattern and let my past dictate the moment, but I’ve grown better at moving beyond the paralysis it causes. Until I saw Jim.”

“What did he say?” she asks softly.

“He brought a letter from a man we both served with—someone who couldn’t make his way to the end of the tunnel. He became trapped and crippled by darkness. Jim delivered a letter Kurt wrote before he took his own life.”

She sits in silence, her chin quivering as she stares up at me. She reaches across the table and sets her hand on top of mine. “It’s not your fault,” she says softly, stroking my skin under her fingertips.

“I’ll always feel I’m partially to blame.” I sigh, but I don’t move my hand away. Her touch calms me. “I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most, Reagan. Everyone failed him.”

Her entire body is motionless except for her fingers still pressed against my skin. “How did you fail him?”

“If I had been there for him, maybe he’d still be alive today,” I admit, and it’s so painful I squeeze my eyes shut. Finally saying the words feels like a dagger is twisting in my gut.

She lays her other hand on my forearm just over my tattoo. “You can’t think like that, Jude.”

My chest aches, and the back of my throat burns when I talk. “How am I wrong, Reagan?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes people can’t be helped. Even if you were there with him, he may have still…” Her voice trails off.

I sigh. “I know, but it doesn’t make it hurt less that I wasn’t even there to try. It’s one of the reasons I’m more determined than ever to win this race.”

“Oh.” Her voice is low, and I almost don’t hear her when she speaks except I see her lips move.

“We don’t do enough for our veterans. Some come back from war broken both mentally and physically, and there aren’t enough services to help. They fight for our freedom, yet they’re so easily forgotten.”

Her head tilts, and her messy bun falls to the side. She grips my arm in her hand. “What was it like?”

“It’s nothing like they show in the movies. It’s so much worse. I don’t even know if I can put it into words. Have you ever seen someone die? I’m not talking about in a hospital pumped full of pain meds either.”

Her brows furrow, and she bites down on her bottom lip. “No.”

I resist the urge to move, because her skin against mine is the only thing that stops me from losing it. “It’s not peaceful. The worst part is when you’re trying to save your life and the lives of those around you while your buddy lies on the ground dying and pleading for you to save him, but no matter what…you can’t.”

She glances down and closes her eyes. “That’s horrible.”

“Death is violent and final. War is more frightening than anything I’ve ever been through. Wondering every day if I’d see the sun set again or watch the color come alive in the morning. There isn’t a moment’s peace. The only thing we have in combat is each other, and when you can’t help the one person that’s counting on you—it’s soul-crushing.”

She peers up at me with tears in her eyes. “But you saved Kurt.”

“I did, but for what? He went through months and months of treatment for them to repair his body the best they could, but they didn’t do enough to chase away his demons. It’s the ones we’re all running from, but some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”

When she lifts her hand from my arm, I reach into the duffle bag behind me and pull out Kurt’s letter. “Here,” I say and hand her the neatly folded paper. “Read what he said. Maybe you’ll understand why this is so important to me.”

She nods but doesn’t say a word, peeking up at me as she unfolds the single sheet. I can’t watch her read it. I’ve read it at least a hundred times since Jim gave it to me. I walk over to the bed and let my body fall backward onto the mattress.

I stare up at the ceiling and wonder which parts she’s on. She’s sniffling, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see her wipe away her tears. The paper crinkles before she’s hovering above me.

“Jude,” she whispers while she sits down next to me. “I don’t know what to say.” She hangs her head, and her hands are twisting in her lap.

She’s feeling only some of what I felt reading the letter. I lived it with him. Thought of him as a brother. Losing someone in this way is devastating. I roll and sit up. My hand curls around the back of her neck, my palm resting against her cheek and my thumb pressing against the corner of her beautiful, pink mouth. “There’s nothing to say, Reagan. There are no words for what I’ve seen and what drove Kurt into oblivion. All that’s left is to feel.”

Before she can respond, I lean forward and crush my mouth to hers. I need to feel and get lost in something other than despair. Reagan is the only person who’s made me feel an ounce of happiness in more years than I care to admit.

Will my decision to run harder and do whatever it takes to win ruin anything that we may have?

I’m living in the moment, not worried about what tomorrow will bring.

Right now, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting lost in the feel of her full, soft lips pressed against mine.

When my tongue sweeps into her mouth and is met by a moan, I’m lost in a different abyss.