I’m waiting at my gate for my flight and staring at my phone like a pathetic fucking puppy dog waiting for its master to return home. But I’m trying to see if Brynn is going to call me again.
I was going through security when she had finally called. Even though I probably could have answered, it would have hugely annoyed everyone else in line had I stopped and had a phone conversation with the woman who’d just stood me up all day to meet with a billionaire.
That is not the kind of fucking conversation I can have in a quick, hushed voice while being ushered through an X-Ray machine. Plus, I was mad at her and wanted to hear what she had to say for herself before deciding whether or not to talk to her.
And then out of nowhere a security officer approached me and said, “Hello, Mr. Campbell?”
I’d frozen, wondering what I’d done wrong.
Somehow my past had caught up with me. I felt certain I was headed to the slammer.
“Yes?” I’d answered, my defenses up. “What do you want?”
“Only to thank you for your service, sir, and offer you expedited service through this faster line over here.”
He’d gestured to the fast lane, that those with TSA pre- check boarding passes were using. I’d just looked at him, confused.
“How’d you know I served?” I asked him, finally.
“We have a list not only of the bad guys but also of the good guys too,” he’d said, beaming at me as if I was his hero.
Good guy. Hrmph. If he only fucking knew.
“While checking security risks we noticed that we had someone in our midst that had won two Silver Stars,” he’d said. “And we wanted to thank you for that by making your experience here as pleasant as possible. So you’re welcome to switch to the faster line.”
“Thanks,” I’d told him. “But I’m good here.”
I’d already taken off my fucking shoes, for Christ’s sake. It’d be nice if they could have moved a little faster in letting me know that I myself could move a little faster.
“Did you really earn two medals?” a little old lady in line beside me asked, gripping my arm.
“Yes,” I’d told her.
And she’d thrown her arms around me. Little old ladies have fucking horrible boundaries.
“Thank you so much for your service,” she’d said.
Once I was through security and had found my way to my gate, I found out my plane had been delayed. Good thing I hadn’t rushed through the faster lane, only to find myself faced with a longer wait on the other side.
I’d finally sat down in a chair and listened to Brynn’s rather cryptic message. It had just said she’d talk to me soon.
I’ve been waiting since then, and wondering if she’s fucking playing me. It doesn’t sound like something she’d do, but maybe she’s not who I thought she was.
I guess I don’t even know who she is and I never really had. I had just wanted to think I did. She seemed so sweet, sexy, charming and smart. She seemed like no matter how different we were, that she was fucking made for me.
But I guess people can seem like whoever they want to make themselves seem like. And she’d wanted to seem like the perfect girl for me, for whatever reason. When in reality, for whatever probably valid reasons, I guess she’s someone who would rather spend the day schmoozing with a rich client than hanging out with me and her son.
I’m still staring at my phone when the airline worker calls me to the desk.
“Yes?” I ask.
What now?
“Mr. Campbell, we are in the pre- boarding stage, and we are allowing all veterans to board early. You may have your choice of seats.”
“It’s fine,” I protest. “I can wait my turn like everyone else.”
“We insist, Mr. Campbell,” she says, motioning towards the door that will take me to the plane. “We thank you for your service to our country.”
I nod at her.
I don’t want to be rude and not accept her offer. But sometimes these gestures can amount to one big pain in the ass.
I don’t need anyone reminding me that I used to be a fucking American hero and now I’m just some punk outlaw. Sure, I still work for the military, as a private contract civilian, but it’s not the type of job most would consider honorable or decent.
I look around, as if waiting for someone.
How fucking stupid of me.
She’s not coming, of course. This isn’t some asinine chick flick. And she hasn’t even called again, either. Whatever she meant by saying she would talk to me soon, it must not have included the same definition as I have of the word “soon.”
I board the plane and nod at the flight attendants who welcome me on board and keep thanking me for my service. I sit down at my seat and wait for what feels like a very long time until everyone else is on board as well.
Finally the pilot comes on the loudspeaker, to my great relief.
“Dear Passengers, we welcome you aboard flight 209 with service to Albuquerque New Mexico. The weather there is as always sunny and warm compared to here.”
There are some snickers throughout the plane. I appreciate his attempt at humor but I just want to get out of here.
“I’d also like to pay special recognition to a passenger of ours today, Larson Campbell, sitting in seat 7E.”
Fuck. All heads turn towards me, which is not what I was wanting. This pilot obviously doesn’t understand that I try not to attract attention to myself and for good reason.
“Mr. Campbell served in the United States Air Force, Pararescue Unit of the Special Operations division, and was the only member of that division to ever receive two Silver Star medals for his bravery during combat and his rescue of fellow service members. I would like everyone here to give a round of applause to Mr. Campbell and thank him for his service and courage.”
Everyone claps, but I’m rather mortified. I nod my head at passengers near me who say, “Thank you, Sir,” or tell me that they always served or know someone who does.
I wish I could skip the recognition because that was all a very long time ago. I couldn’t save the two people I loved most in the world, so the acts of courage of saving other people seem to pale in comparison when I fucking think about that.
I am not that person any more. I’m no fucking American hero. I am just a person on a plane who needs to get home. Back to where I belong, and away from the woman I thought fucking cared about me.
As the plane takes off, I watch the New York skyline disappear from view. And I wonder if Brynn is disappearing from my life as well.