“I have a feeling you understand more than you let on,” Janice continues, when I don’t answer. “I’m going to go with the assumption that you understand to some degree. But just to give a little more explanation. For the longest time, there was no mentorship program at this firm. Associates were expected to just sort of learn as they went.”
She waves her hands around frantically.
“Sink or swim.”
She mimics drowning, her hands pretending to be waves and then pretending that they’re sinking underneath the waves. Then she holds her nose and pretends her head is going underwater. It looks like she’s doing a cheesy 80’s dance.
This lady is weird.
“That’s how it was back when I started,” she finally continues, her hands still now. “But then Asher Marks decided to make a mentorship program. This from the man who never did a thing for anyone but himself. And why should he have to?”
She’s looking at me like she expects me to answer. I nod, encouraging her to continue so that I don’t have to talk.
“He shouldn’t have to,” she says, answering her own question. “The firm exists because of him. He doesn’t have to spend time doing anything but billing very profitable hours for the few clients rich enough to hire him. And then he could go off mountain climbing or trial running or whatever it is that he does in his spare time.”
“Right.”
I’m really not sure what my role in this conversation is supposed to be.
She reaches behind her head and scratches her neck with a pen. Then she tries to tie back some of her dark, unruly hair but it doesn’t exactly cooperate.
“So, you should just take some time and think about why this man who doesn’t have to help anyone— and never had helped anyone— suddenly was interested in starting a mentorship program. And I’m not saying it hasn’t benefited associates,” she adds. “Or that it wasn’t a good thing. A needed thing. But just think about it. And think about how all of his associates are young, attractive women.”
“Oh. Okay.”
I can’t think of anything else to say that wouldn’t give me away.
Jealous, I think.
I’m relieved that she doesn’t seem to know what happened between Asher and me. It turns out there is just obviously bad blood between her and Asher, that she’s unnecessarily involving me in.
If only she knew I had turned him down— kind of— and that’s why I’m sitting here in her office being re-assigned to work under her when I’m not banished to Cubicle Hell. But I’m not about to give away any information.
“I don’t usually get to warn the new mentees,” she tells me, looking as if she wants to pat herself on the back. “By the time Asher Marks gets to them, they’re like little hypnotized zombies. But you— Madilyn— you’re different. I knew there was something different about you, and I have a feeling you might be receptive to what I’m saying. That might be why Mr. Marks doesn’t have the time to work with you right now, in fact. He probably senses it wouldn’t work to try his playboy ways on you.”
“I see,” I say.
It’s hard to keep thinking of things to say that sound short and disinterested, while still being polite.
Just when I think that Janice is finished talking to me, she swivels in her chair and says, “And just be aware of the Old Boys’ Club.”
“The Old Boys’…” I trail off, not wanting to invite her to say more, because listening to her is kind of like trying to make sense of an artsy or foreign film, but also not really knowing what she means.
“Oh, come on, Madilyn, don’t be naive. Everyone knows there’s an old boys club here. Almost all of the partners are men, and they all hang out with each other and do everything together, without ever inviting any women.”
“I see,” I repeat.
“So, you just don’t want to alienate yourself from the few female partners who are here,” she continues. “Females in this profession and this firm get a very bad rap. They lure us in with a great benefits package, including paid maternity leave and time off for family, but if we actually take advantage of those benefits offered to us, we’re looked down upon by the Powers That Be, who are all male, and who judge us for failing to bill our requisite two thousand hours one year because we had a baby that year. Or a sick mother we have to take care of. Et cetera. You get my drift.”
I’m extremely confused as to what this has to do with Asher, but I say nothing except for another “I see.”
I suppose maybe Janice thinks we have female solidarity, in the sense that I’m being forced to be her mentee and she was able to “warn me” about my former mentor.
“I'm glad we had this talk,” she says, swiveling her chair back around to angle towards her computer, which I hope means I get to leave soon.
But she continues, of course, while facing her computer and half turning her head in my direction.
“I just want you to take it to heart. I’m here to help you further your career. And Asher Marks has a lot of enemies. Sure, he also has a lot of clout because he’s a top rainmaker and one of the firm’s founders— he’ll tell you he was the only one or the main one, but believe me, there were others who helped him, most notably Cameron Sanchez— but money isn’t everything. Some people think Mr. Marks is bad news. He’s in it for himself. He’s not a team player. He’s going to get the firm sued for sexual harassment. Et cetera. You don’t want to get wrapped up with someone like that. Not to mention the issue of him being a little bit of a... winer, diner, and never call you backer, if you know what I mean.”
Ah-ha. So here it is.
I would laugh at the funny way she says things, except that I’m relieved to be figuring out her angle. She sounds jealous on a personal level.
“I understand, Ms. Maloney,” I tell her.
“Call me Janice,” she says. “I’m not that much older than you.”
I decide to ignore the obvious hint of bitterness in her voice.
“I just want to work with all the different partners and I hope that all of you will like me,” I continue.
“Asher Marks not liking you is not what I’m concerned about,” Janice replies, spinning her chair back around and looking down at the stack of papers in her lap as if dismissing me from the conversation. “It’s quite the opposite, in fact.”
Well don’t worry about that, I want to tell her. I already fucked that up.
But instead I just tell her, “I'm glad we had this talk. Thanks for the help.”
“Anytime. And on your way out, please tell Alice that she’s needed in here. I can’t find any of the papers I need. I swear I was just working on them right here…”
She disappears under a pile of papers and I say, “Okay, I will. Thanks, Janice.”
I have to pass Asher’s office on my way back down to the paralegals’ floor. When I had walked by on my way to Janice’s office, he wasn’t in there. Now, I see him at his desk, typing at his computer. I want to linger, to give him a chance to say something to me.
Maybe this change is just temporary. He’s just trying to teach me not to disobey him. And maybe he has gotten through to me. I’d do almost anything to be back in his office, rather than listening to Janice’s cryptic lectures and life lessons.
But, I continue on my way. I made my decision, and he clearly made his.
Now I just have to move on and focus on my career the way I’m supposed to. As soon as I can get Asher Marks out of my head.